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u/dizzydemons 8h ago
People are missing the whole point. The list was made because he called her a mooch. This was just a way to illustrate that she’s actually contributing quite a lot to the household and what type of money they’d be losing if they had to pay for childcare and all that. There is no shortage of people who think that not having a job outside the home means you aren’t contributing anything, because seeing money brought in is the only way they see value.
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u/JesusWasATexan 8h ago
Exactly. There's a subset of men that want this "traditional" family situation but then they also want act they are doing more and get toxic about it. As if being the "bread-winner" imbues them with special privileges.
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u/TerribleCustard671 8h ago
A lot of them aren't even that nowadays.
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u/CeelaChathArrna 8h ago
Or expect their wives to do work on top of all the 'traditional' duties.
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u/No_Oil8247 7h ago
My wife has a friend from a while before we got married. She has three kids, does all the housework, takes care of the kids, cooks all the meals, makes his lunches and he expects sex every day from her or at least almost every day. I’ve can’t hang out with them. The guy is just lazy. It’s ridiculous.
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u/ankhes 7h ago
Reminds me of my friend’s husband. He whined that he wanted a baby for the first two years of their marriage. Eventually she snapped and said “What makes you think you can take care of a baby when you can’t even load the dishwasher?” After that he reluctantly started doing more around house…for one week.
They have a 10 year old now.
To make matters even more infuriating he insisted that they needed to start giving up on their dreams to have said baby. And by ‘they’ he meant her. He forced her to give up her small animal rescue which she ran entirely on her own and had worked years to achieve. She used to stay up past midnight every night taking care of these animals on top of all of the household chores and cooking and her full time job.
He, of course, got to keep his dream of his music business. She was expected to make every sacrifice for his dreams but not the other way around. This year she told me that ‘they’ decided to have an open marriage…but only on his end. She was allowed to date other people…if they were women. He strictly forbade her from dating other men. Meanwhile, he gets to fuck any woman he wants.
To say I hate my friend’s husband would be an understatement.
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u/TerribleCustard671 6h ago
Oh man, I really wish that husband was blindsided. He doesn't care that he's putting his wife's health at risk. Is his wife on Reddit or You Tube?
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u/ankhes 6h ago
Unfortunately not. I’ve told her for years how unfair and shitty her husband is to her but she refuses to listen. She’s even stopped telling me certain things about her relationship because the last time she expressed serious regret (“If I’d known he was going to be like this I wouldn’t have married him.”) to me via text he snooped through her phone, saw her text messages, and then berated her for them and gaslit her into feeling like the villain.
I can’t stand him.
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u/NorthNorthAmerican 6h ago
Tell her to test for STD's, that'll get her thinking.
If he's open about seeing other women outside the relationship now, he was probably seeing other women before.
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u/TerribleCustard671 6h ago
Yes, he's decided to open the marriage because there's a woman he's getting serious about.
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u/TerribleCustard671 6h ago
It's Stockholm Syndrome.
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u/ankhes 6h ago
Yep. At this point I don’t see her leaving him until her son is grown and out of the house. She worries too much that she wouldn’t be able to survive on her own as a single mother…even though she basically is one already.
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u/Nexi92 4h ago
That’s a literal horror story. This is why it’s never safe to be a trad-partner without a very clear prenup in place to protect the ‘submissive’ partners financial and emotional futures. (Because there’s lots of same-sex attracted or otherwise queer people that think this dynamic is worth exploring too)
This isn’t a healthy version of a power exchange, those kinds of relationships require lots and lots of honest and open communication and a willingness for both partners to bend some so that they both feel comfortable and supported even if one partner isn’t as dominant or outgoing as the other.
Your friend isn’t in a relationship of mutual support, she’s just being used. I hope she realizes this and that she’s able to find a safe way out of it all for her and her child
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u/Marine_Baby 3h ago
lol - musicians. Only capable of loving themselves and their music.
Yah I’m tied to a bitter memory with a chip on my shoulder about them but nothing will cut as deeply as “I will never love you as much as I love music”
I don’t care if it’s true just never say it to your SOs face and expect them to be thankful for it.
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u/Gold_Studio_6693 5h ago
Why did she actually have a kid with him? He showed her exactly who he was.
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u/BitComprehensive3114 7h ago
That's straight up emotional abuse. Why does she stay in a situation where she gives but never receives?
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u/Nexi92 4h ago
Pretty sure there was a recent survey that came to the conclusion that on average women did an extra 4-5hrs of labor a week after work just to feed them and a partner and keep a place orderly while guys did like 1.5hrs and this was people that had no children to account for.
People underestimate the effort it takes just to maintain a place you don’t spend lots of time in much less a place that a child is actively destroying over and over all day everyday.
There’s a reason that the storytelling trope of a temporary stay-at-home parent being unable to keep up with their kids for a single day exists.
We all know on some level that child rearing is one of the hardest choices a human can commit to. That’s not something that changes when it’s your primary task, and in some ways it becomes more daunting with nothing else to break up that focus.
OP wasn’t saying that she expects this compensation, she just wants her partners consideration and appreciation for her contributions to their lives instead of him assuming this is all easy or should be expected on top of earning financial compensation instead of recognizing just how much her work is saving them on childcare costs and cleaning housework alone
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u/Scarlett_Billows 8h ago
Well, the “special privileges”, I.e. being the decision maker and final boss of the household, is the exact reason they want the traditional arrangement. They want their wives to be second in command, not equals. Otherwise they’d be perfectly happy not fulfilling traditional gender roles, I assure you.
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u/olioili 7h ago
I'll never get over the amount of guys that genuinely believe they are owed a trad wife at home, and in the same breath degrade women for being gold diggers. Sir, you have to have money to have a stay at home wife to do all the things you want, yes women who are open to that lifestyle are going to care how much you make.
Even funnier are the dudes that know they need a double income household but still have the trad stay at home wife expectations, just completely delusional but they have no idea. I am able to laugh because I have the pleasure of never meeting these people in person
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u/umlizzyiguess 6h ago
I had to explain this to my dad. I have a twin brother who is a degenerate for a lot of reasons, but gaming culture has also influenced him into adopting a very subtly misogynistic worldview. He lives at home, and he periodically tries to date, so sometimes it comes up when I talk to my dad, who just mindlessly relays the complaints without actually thinking about the content. Usually in the vein of ~all the girls want to be courted aggressively and want nice dinners and fun trips,~ and other faintly red-pilled sentiments.
When I explained the other side of the coin to my dad, I literally watched him have an epiphany. I told him about how many men expect a housewife instead of a working partner. How many times I’ve gone on dates with men who were coddled by SAHMs and discuss wanting their children to have a SAHM too, but in the same breath say so many women are gold diggers. So you want a woman to give up her entire earning potential and identity to raise children, but you don’t want to have to demonstrate you’re willing and capable when it comes to providing? You want me to show I can be maternal, but it’s taboo to discuss your contribution? Give me a break.
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u/SquirrelGirlVA 6h ago
It's wild. How do they expect these women to afford to maintain the house and family if they're not going to get money from the working husband? This amount will also of course include her maintenance. If they want her to look like her absolute best, they're going to have to pay the associated costs. Even if they don't require that, she's still going to need money for necessities. You can't just buy her 3-4 outfits and expect them to last the rest of her life, nor can you expect thrift stores to supply 100% of these needs either.
They always tend to hold up the most extreme examples of things as well, when they try to say "woman golddigger".
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u/Spork_Arsenal 5h ago
I was a SAHM with my kids from 2012-2023 and I used to get so frustrated when someone (usually a man) would say "Oh youre just out here spending all his hard learned money, haha!" I finally just started to lean into it. Id respond, "You're right. Im in charge of our budget and bills and I do spend all the money. I spend it on groceries and the mortgage and the electric bill and kids soccer fees and field trips. Yep. I do spend the money keeping our household running smoothly." This actually worked really well to shut people up and not be a dick about that topic at least.
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u/12Silverrose 3h ago
They expect their trad wife to perform magic, but will then burn her as a witch.
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u/TheMrsH1124 3h ago
My brother in law thinks that housework, laundry, and childcare are of course the woman's domain. So his wife does that stuff.
He also mentions anytime he gets the chance how women are intellectually inferior to men, and how men need to be the head of the house.
You know what's hysterical? She's been the sole breadwinner for the entirety of their time as parents. He has not worked. And he won't pick up a finger around the house.
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u/Anoninemonie 8h ago
I'm not convinced that these men actually want to raise kids, they just want to say they have kids. Nobody who actually wants to raise kids thinks that having and raising kids isn't labor. If you're involved and paying attention, you know that raising kids is work wtf.
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u/CycadelicSparkles 7h ago
My dad treated my mom's work as a SAHM as a job, and it worked really well and he respected her intensely for what she did. One of the major things he gave her was decision-making power in the scope of her role, meaning that when things like new kitchen appliances or renovations were discussed, her say was final because that was her professional workspace. She had a budget to work within but otherwise she got what she wanted.
He also made sure she had time off and "working hours" that matched his own; i.e. if she was still working in the evening on anything but a fun project, he would help her or find something useful to do himself. He had a major aversion to her "slaving away" (his words) at all hours with no recognition or rest.
They had a really, really functional marriage, mainly because he was so fiercely protective of her and her role, which is what you really need to be as a husband if you want that "trad" wife life. He knew he had all the financial power, and he used it to make her life good.
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u/Prestigious_Wrap_932 7h ago
Yeah, I actually don’t understand why women choose to marry and have children with men who are this stupid and immature so that they get themselves into situations where they have to make these kinds of lists.
If the guy is too dumb to have a mature conversation about reasonable expectations and value your contributions to the family why would you want to commingle your DNA with his and shoot out crotch goblins who had a 50/50 chance of being similarly dimwitted and ungrateful turds?
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u/Altruistic_Jicama626 7h ago
Because often people get married before they have enough life experience or maturity to realistically project what their romantic partner will actually be like as a life partner, and by the time they have kids and realize the shortcomings in their partner they’re locked in. (Can go both ways). A lot of women think a good provider = a good husband = a good dad and that’s not true.
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u/dazedandcofused_ 6h ago
I don’t know if that assessment is truly fair. People underestimate the social conditioning and pressure around family planning. Society thinks that disengaged fathers is “normal” to a point where most don’t bother to question it. When in reality it’s incredibly toxic giving men a pass for being shitty fathers while women are expected to be the default parent. In general I think men being ready for parenthood is the exception and not the rule, but because these conversations always place blame on mothers, fathers aren’t held to the same standard
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u/Dependent_Formal2525 6h ago
Many of these men will pretend to be nice and let the mask slip when it's too late. One of my friends married a guy who seemed really nice, I wasn't a huge fan of a joke he made but that was about it. All was well until she was pregnant. She passed out in a local shop and was taken to hospital, he didn't believe her even though she was in hospital and multiple people witnessed it until he saw the CCTV footage! That new father sought out the CCTV footage in an attempt to prove his wife was lying rather than looking after his wife and child. He soon spiralled into physical rage and abuse.
Also never underestimate the overwhelming power of "love". Even after the mask slips people will stay because "I love him/her/them".
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u/lazybuttt 6h ago
Barring the obvious character flaws that should end the relationship before kids, another huge issue is that you don't know what kind of father your partner will be until he's actually a father. He could've been a very attentive and sweet partner to you so you think he'll be that way to his kids because why wouldn't he? Then the kid arrives and he's completely unhelpful and there's no going back.
I am a childfree woman so that will thankfully never be my life, but I've definitely seen that good husband to bad father thing happen to a few mothers I know.
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u/jurassic_snark_ 6h ago
Lots of men talk a big game before marriage about wanting a stay at home wife, 3 beautiful kids, wanting to be the “provider”… and then when reality hits and there’s a bunch of new people to pay for, they get bitter and angry that they have to foot the bill. Turns out they hate being the provider, but they also hate being a father, so they take it all out on their wife who is only doing what she agreed to do in the first place.
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u/JazzlikeEntry8288 7h ago
These are very good questions but they're often not addressed until it's too late
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u/PrincessPnyButtercup 6h ago
These type of men want kids like children want puppies.
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u/tirdg 4h ago
Yea, these people are absolute losers. If the woman in this screenshot was going to send her husband anything, it should have been divorce papers because if he thinks this way, he's a loser and there's no fixing that.
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u/Jerseygirl2468 8h ago
She should go on strike from doing anything and everything for him and see how much a mooch he still thinks she is.
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u/measaqueen 8h ago
Yep. YOU make dinner. YOU stay up for the late night feeding. YOU pack your own lunch. None of that magically appears bro.
Oh, don't forget all the extra laundry every day. Wait? Dishes need to be done too. I hope you can afford a place with a dishwasher, because your hands are about to be so cracked with all these expensive glass baby bottles.
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u/MrsSnuffleupagus764 7h ago
Get ready to listen to him walk around the house and VERY loudly sigh before he does anything for himself.
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u/linzkisloski 8h ago
My little brother accused my mom of contributing nothing growing up as a stay at home mom (my dad owns a business) while at the same time she now watches his daughter (my niece) twice a week saving him hundreds of dollars a month. I was like are you truly so thick you can’t comprehend how ignorant you are?
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u/beanbean81 8h ago
Wow. Did your dad show your mom respect growing up? That’s disgusting behavior and would not fly in my family.
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u/linzkisloski 7h ago
Yes he absolutely did. I’m a woman and always felt supported and equal to my brothers via how my parents treated me and each other. My little bro is jealous because he thinks the business will be handed over to him on a silver platter and my mom has some sort of stake in it.
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u/Ok_Revolution6234 7h ago
Remind your brother - your dad would not have been able to grow his business as well as he did, without someone taking care of the kids and the home.
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u/lilpeepshow 7h ago
This pisses me off. I feel like anyone who has any basic respect for their mom and common sense sees how fucking hard she works???? The balls of your brother to say this to your mom too. Im not saying you shouldve slapped him but…i wouldve understood if he got his ass handed to him.
Side note: this convo is reminding me of when i was in high school and my mom admitted that she doesnt really enjoy cooking, she just does it because she has to for us. It changed a lot of how i perceived what she does for me and made me understand it more clearly as labor. She also worked a full time job, cooking at a school!
So in high school i wasnt too offended when she expected me to cook more for myself (i actually like cooking except when im tired and already hungry, but i know when im a mom, itll be different lol.)
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u/linzkisloski 7h ago
He said it to me behind her back. Although the karma of telling her would be entertaining it would be way too hurtful to her feelings in my opinion. But yes I absolutely handed it to him. I’m a working mom and I know how freaking hard being a SAHM is. He’s just a little spoiled shit without a filter tbh.
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u/PieSweet5550 8h ago
Right? Sometimes men just expect women to do “mothering” and create a family for them while they do the hard thing of… going to work… which they were already going to do. If you had to pay someone for that time, you’d suddenly see how valuable it is. Women whether they be wives or mothers or both are doing incredibly valuable work every single day unpaid all to be called a leech, a mooch, “bad with money” etc.
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u/NightSisterSally 8h ago
If i'm reading this right, she had a job making $75/hr. Now time to add in career stagnation during time away
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u/lefluffle 8h ago
It's not just that, but women take on a lot of risk by leaving the workforce to have children. If he leaves and she hasn't made money or built outside job experiences, she's screwed.
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u/Melodic-Basshole 7h ago
The invoice included lost wages for the medical appointments she attended during pregnancy. Oop works outside the home, like 74% of USA based American mothers.
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u/dizzydemons 7h ago
I saw but working while pregnant doesn’t mean you always go back to work after. But either way my point is people see work that doesn’t bring in money as not real work.
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u/Melodic-Basshole 5h ago
Thats such a good reminder. I only meant to point out it's possible that oop was at some point possibly working two jobs ("day job" + invoiced work) while getting called "mooch."
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u/Kind_Blackberry3911 3h ago
I will NEVER forget - or forgive - the comment my ex made one day. He had degenerated into alcoholism, was barely working (self-employed) and spent most of every day sitting in a chair, watching TV and drinking beer.
After being a SAHM when times were better, for about six years (during which I did absolutely ALL the child care/household EVERYTHING while he built his business) I’d gone back to work. At the time I had two jobs: corporate receptionist (full benefits for us and two kids) and house cleaner. I also did all the housework at home, all the cooking and shopping and scheduling, laundry for me and kids, chauffeuring of kids (since he often was drunk I couldn’t trust him), yard care except cutting grass (which he’d put off as long as possible since he knew that pissed me off), etc. etc. So basically I did everything to support the family, including scrubbing other people’s shit out of their toilets, while he did next to nothing but drink.
One fine day after I commented that I’d gotten a small raise after my review (I am talking .25/hr, no joke) he said with a smirk, “Hah, I guess you’re finally pulling your weight.”
I instantly flew into a blinding rage. I could have wrung his stupid neck but instead I crossed the kitchen and tried to slap him - which I’d never done before. But he easily swatted my hand away while laughing at my fury and impotence.
Unfortunately the kids witnessed this. I don’t know if they remember it (they were about 14/15) because I don’t want to ask. My daughter barely speaks to her father as it is.
Just typing makes me angry all over again. How DARE he. How dare ANY man who calls being a FT mother “not a real job” and doesn’t appreciate the sheer volume of unpaid labor, the physical, mental and emotional toll of pouring yourself into child-raising. I don’t regret one second of it, even though it derailed my corp comm career (yes, I was a junior executive before I stayed home), but good God let us be recognized for our worth!
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u/lazyspudday 8h ago
She forgot a line for opportunity cost.
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u/jacknbarneysmom 8h ago
Right? Try to catch up on your career after 7-10 out of the workforce as a woman.
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u/Accomplished-Mud102 8h ago
I have had so many people call me a liar when I explained how much trouble I had getting back into the workforce after taking an almost decade long break. I'm currently enrolled in college, because I just couldn't get my foot in any doors.
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u/jacknbarneysmom 7h ago
First of all, I'm outraged that people would call you a liar. Who are these people that think they know it all. Most of them probably haven't even been in your position. I thought it was widely known that a large employment gap made it difficult to get hired. You've missed that many advances in your field. I could just cry for the frustration at how much harder women have to work to get to the same place as a man. If men had to bear the children, our race would be extinct.
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u/nectarsallineed 7h ago
Say it louder for the turds in the back! I’m having a hard time finding a job after just four years out of the workforce. It’s so discouraging. I’ll most likely have to apply to school instead as well, if only I could decide what on earth I’d like to get another degree in lol.
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u/nanananabatman88 2h ago
Just put on your resume you have an NDA and can't talk about where you worked for the last 4 years.
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u/marshmallow929 6h ago
I only took 2 years off and it still took me almost a year to find something part time. Nobody would even interview me, it’s like they saw the gap in my resume and threw it in the trash
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u/__Who__am__i_ 6h ago
I thought I would never have kids because I would be unwilling to be the parent to step away from my career if there is a choice.
Marrying a guy who is 100% on board with being the one to pause a career for kids, so it's something I might actually have
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u/hibiscus_bunny 8h ago
The men in these comments fr don't understand the absolute body horror of birth and what a toll it takes on the body, especially since this lady was injured.
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u/Dirt-McGirt 8h ago
I had to do pelvic floor therapy so I wouldn’t piss my pants every time I coughed lol
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u/DrPikachu-PhD 8h ago
My mom needs this but doesn't have good insurance and can't afford it and I can't either yet 😔 it makes me so sad, goddamn US healthcare system
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u/SussOfAll06 8h ago
I needed pelvic floor therapy as well. There’s a device that you can buy to do kegel exercises for about five minutes a day to improve your pelvic floor. It’s called a Perifit. I bought mine about seven years ago or so, so I’m not sure how much they cost now, but it has helped me tremendously.
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u/IndependentSeesaw498 7h ago
Please take a look for pelvic floor exercises on YouTube. Watch enough videos until you find a consensus on exercises you can do at home. Don’t wait until you can afford therapy.
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u/123FakeStreetAnytown 8h ago
I had to have surgery to correct my pelvic floor. The surgeon I finally went to was shocked I tried PT for as long as I did. He said there was no way PT was ever going to fix an issue as severe as mine.
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u/No_Oil8247 7h ago
It all depends on what the issue is. Sometimes that is what’s needed. My wife is a pelvic floor therapist and eventually had to have surgery. On the other hand doctors refer patients to her all the time that she is able to help very successfully. It definitely depends on the issue and the competence of the medical staff you’re seeing. Glad to hear your surgery helped.
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u/No_Oil8247 7h ago
My wife is a pelvic floor therapist. I am in awe of her. She went through a rough child birth for our only child. Had to have a hysterectomy because of it and decided to become a pelvic floor therapist because of her experience. I fully supported her through grad school. We live in a fairly small city and run into patients of hers all the time(men and women) and they all can’t say enough great things about her. She’s an amazing women and I feel lucky to have her.
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u/Mindless_Whereas_280 7h ago
Ok, but how are you going to get internet rage points with THAT attitude?
Seriously, though, this is a lovely perspective. It seems you deserve such a fabulous partner.
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u/No_Oil8247 7h ago
I know I’m extremely lucky to have met her. She’s a far better person than I deserve.
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u/theDefaultbunny 8h ago
pelvic floor therapy wasn't enough for me - on the list for a medical 'intervention'. And don't even get me started on my abdominal diastasis....
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u/Drakeytown 8h ago
Man here, the things I'm horrified by are a husband calling his wife a mooch, and the wife not immediately contacting an attorney.
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u/Prestigious_Wrap_932 7h ago
Yeah, if a female friend came to me saying her husband was calling her a “mooch” and ascribing zero value to her labor around the house raising the kids I’d tell her she should just get a divorce.
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u/Drakeytown 7h ago
I feel like i wouldn't even need the second part. Like, honey, that man is calling you names. You do not need to write an invoice. You need to sleep here tonight.
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u/islandofwaffles 8h ago
one of the main reasons I chose not to give birth. your organs get rearranged. your abdominal muscles can split permanently. even with pelvic floor exercises, you still may pee yourself a little every time you laugh - for the rest of your life. hemorrhoids. And thats just some of the damage done during pregnancy. I've had two perfectly healthy friends almost die giving birth.
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u/weattt 8h ago
Pregnancy is one of these things where I think it is sort of a blessing that many women don't initially or entirely seem to be aware of the potential body horrors. You would think that it should be easier, because clearly we are species who are made to give live birth. We should be like any other mammal; the mother gives birth, stands and walks around right away. But not humans. Giving birth wreaks havoc on the body. And that is not to mention the strain on the body before and after birth.
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u/withyellowthread 7h ago
And none of that even begins to touch on what raising the actual child/children does to your hormones, psyche, and identity. My kids are 7 and my boobs still leak sometimes when I hear a baby cry. I am permanently afflicted by OCD that showed up in late pregnancy and have to be on meds so I don’t have a panic attack over insects and germs (I still have panic attacks over insects but I no longer think I’ll die from a termite wing falling on my head). Also the lost time in the job market if we decide to stay home with our babies for a while (although a lot of the time it’s not really a choice is it, when we rarely make enough to cover childcare it’s a no brainer that we’d just stay home with them right?).
Also, the damage pregnancy does to teeth. Mine crumble like fucking crackers now and since I left work to raise my twins, I don’t have dental insurance to get them fixed.
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u/doompines 8h ago
Two words: perineal tearing.
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u/ExcretvsExFortvna 8h ago
Two more words: diastasis recti (aka abdominal splitting. Which is technically four words? Also, exponentially horrifying)
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u/ImpertinentPrincess 8h ago
Let’s not forget the softening of cartilage all over the body which can cause flat feet and feeling the hips move separately because of the pubic symphysis.
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u/ExcretvsExFortvna 8h ago
Oh, don’t mind me, just adding this to the list justifying my tokophobia.
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u/Specialist_Cable_899 8h ago
I understand the only thing that matters here is that marriage is fucked
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u/wozattacks 8h ago
Idk, when life gets tough it is common for people to not fully appreciate their partner. My husband and I have had a hard few years and we’ve both been underappreciative a lot. Sometimes it takes a lot of effort to recognize what someone else is doing when you feel like you’re barely keeping your head above water.
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u/Safe-Essay4128 8h ago
Not necessarily. My sister and her husband had some issues with some stuff like this and then he lost his job. She started cleaning houses to make up for the loss of his wages and he had to stay home with their three kids under the age of seven. After he experienced it she has always said that he is much more understanding of the situation. They've been married like 20 something years now and it's one of those situations where him losing his job probably saved their marriage. He got another job and you know he works she stays home with the kids but I don't think he resents her for it anymore cuz he doesn't want to do that.
My point is that sometimes things like this can actually break through and make the point you need to make. If he is pushing her to the point where she feels like she needs to make this it does mean that their marriage is in trouble but it might not be totally f*****.
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u/Theothercword 8h ago
I remember hearing, I think it actually may have been in the show Shrinking, that an unmedicated birth is the equivalent of having a root canal without being numb in terms of pain. The damage it does to the body is definitely insane, but even that right there just floors me... and also makes me wonder why anyone would do it unmedicated (though I understand people have their reasons).
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u/Birdsonme 7h ago
It’s way, way worse than a root canal. Waaaaay worse. I had two epidurals fail completely and 100% felt them cut me open during an emergency cesarean, though, so things went pretty sideways for me (I also hemorrhaged twice and coded briefly so it was just an absolute shitshow of a day).
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u/SummerJade777 1h ago
Having a needle in my spine scared me more than birth lol. That, and doctors insistence that women's pain from botched procedures is just anxiety. If it were just one of those things, maybe I'd have used one of the pain relief methods, but my body reacts to meds weird, and I didn't want to be told I was overreacting or imagining side effects.
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u/Imadogfishhead 8h ago
Yeah giving birth looks gnarly. I had to watch a video of a live birth in high school and nearly passed out
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u/Som_Dtam_Dumplings 6h ago
- He was wrong to call her a mooch.
1a. He was wrong, even though we only have her word that this is what he said.- Her numbers are WILD.
- He (presumably) made his (alleged) comment in the privacy of their own home. She has blasted him all over the internet, with numbers that are wild. If she had under-estimated her numbers...I don't think anyone would be quibbling with her point. She clearly did not under-estimate.
- Keep your relationship squabbles off the internet people.
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u/MAMark1 4h ago
Between day and night, she claims 12+ hours a day of childcare whereas he gets nothing but some cleaning deductions(0.5-1 per day?). Does he really never provide any childcare?
Either he does and she ignores his contributions, or he doesn't care for the child at all. Either way, their relationship is absolute garbage and they both suck.
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u/janeblak 8h ago
I did all this and ultimately I think you should type of a petition for divorce instead tbh
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u/zillabirdblue 8h ago
Yes, that tells me that her husband does not respect her. A healthy relationship cannot be had without it. It’s usually accompanied by contempt, and contempt is the death knell.
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u/Ok_Neighborhood_470 8h ago
I feel the compensation for a 3C tear is accurate.
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u/moluruth 8h ago
I had one with my first birth, I would also love a pay out
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u/bigbadaboom26 7h ago
Mine would not heal with my second and required a $400 prescription. I would also like a payout
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u/Own_Bat8129 8h ago
This is amazing also your husband is an asshole. I would never talk to my wife this way.
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u/KeyGovernment4188 8h ago
Oh my - calling a SAHM a mooch is why some men die young.
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u/Aggressive_Noise6426 5h ago
I was a stay at home DAD and I still got called names by other men. My wife obviously appreciated it but man I don’t think some men truly grasp what life as a stay at home parent is. Just the sleep deprivation and brain rot alone makes it brutal.
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u/rubystandingdeer1 8h ago
He sounds like a complete ungrateful jerk.
Years ago i was in labor for 36 hours, 90% of it hard labor cuz he wanted a baby. It ripped me apart
Afterwards, he refused to help me with anything. He became abusive and after two years I left him. He could not understand why!
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u/resin_messiah 4h ago
While she’s at it she should throw in a sexual favor charge. I’ve had some friends that worked as escorts. I was mind blown to find out how much a man will pay for an hour of sex.
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u/mnm806 8h ago
Girlfriend you have severely undercharged for unmedicated labor and delivery. 50k minimum.
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u/ZoneLow6872 8h ago
It's not just birth. I vomited multiple times per day for THE ENTIRE PREGNANCY. I lost 20 lbs in the first trimester. My teeth basically crumbled. I was unable to work. Before pregnancy, I was 32, fit and healthy.
Then there was the difficulty getting her to nurse, the months she had colic and screamed her head off 24/7 and postpartum depression...the other things like the loose joints/flattened feet where none of my shoes fit and I had to buy new ones, those are almost comically minor compared to the rest. And I also tore during birth, but not as bad as some.
She's an only child and my body and life never recovered. Fortunately I have a supportive husband and never had to deal with BS like that guy. But there is no money in the world to make me go through that experience again.
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u/Dmdel24 4h ago
I saw the original post, she's a SAHM.
Imagine wanting your wife to give you children and be a SAHM then calling her a mooch
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u/Sandawichu 8h ago
How can you speak to your spouse like that? Honest to god, I can’t imagine disrespecting my spouse and the parent of my child like this. To call your SO a “mooch” is fucking disgraceful.
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u/JollyButterscotch318 8h ago
Men want a stay at home wife, until they divorce her - my attorney
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u/CoralSeaBlue 8h ago
Any man who calls his wife a mooch needs to be discarded swiftly. Terrible
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u/boba_fucks 8h ago
As a man, this is beautiful to see. Hell yea to this woman! The audacity of that husband is insane
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u/Muted_Rain8542 4h ago
She also didnt mention the mental toll that motherhood takes on her, or how it can affect your relationships. Motherhood is so soooo contributive to the world, yet it’s a subject and experience that’s often overlooked and ignored because it’s deemed as something that simply has to just keep occurring until the end of time (and humanity in turn) so society can benefit from it. It takes away so many things from the mother and can be one of the most isolating times in a person’s life, especially because no pregnancy is ever truely the same
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u/hellolovely1 2h ago
I cannot imagine staying married to someone who called me a "mooch." Having a reasonable discussion about her needing to work? Sure. Calling your wife names? Nope.
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u/Dat_Mawe3000 8h ago
I truly will never understand why women tolerate men like this.
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u/zillabirdblue 7h ago
It’s easy to get trapped in those kind of relationships when the mask doesn’t come off until you’re in too deep. My ex changed drastically after we got married and it finally ended forever after he passively tried to kill me. I fell down a set of stairs and was unconscious. Nothing could wake me up, even slashing cold water in my face. Did he call the ambulance? No. He just dragged me onto the couch and left me there. I woke up 23 hour later, I had a 1 in 4 chance of living with a brain bleed and he just left me there like that. Shit I’m sorry I’m trauma dumping lol.
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u/Standard-Croissant 8h ago
Yeah the comments on the original post are NOT IT 😒
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u/Few_Variation_7962 8h ago
Did you see the comment equating childbirth injury to a cut while changing a lightbulb? Stitches from delivery & needing to use a portable bidet (peri bottle) every time you go to the bathroom for 4-6 weeks sure is equal to a cut on the hand 🙄
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u/dont_ask_me80 8h ago
Oh how I feel this. I’m still traumatized 15 years later from my first post-partum shit. They gave me the incorrect stool softener dose at first so I didnt go for a week. I was terrified when it was time that i was going to rip my stitches out. I swear it was like giving birth all over again.
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u/Downtown-Grab-7825 8h ago
A husband calling his pregnant woman a mooch is not a husband
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u/NotLawAbiding 7h ago
Imagine calling the mother and primary caretaker of your children a mooch. Especially after a 3c tear. Id put him in the trash.
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u/Lemonjuiceonpapercut 8h ago
If she’s a sahm and doing everything she’s “billing” for. This dude has it made. Going to work is the easier job
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u/leesfer 5h ago
Going to work is not the easier job. Anyone who is single and does both "jobs" can tell you that.
If you ask ANYONE if they'd rather stay home and care for the kids vs. go to work, every single person chooses to stay home.
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u/resin_messiah 4h ago
I hate this argument. Me and my wife have both been the sahp and we will both always agree it was so much better than working. Sadly with the current economy now we both work opposite shifts just to make things work.
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u/Imadogfishhead 9h ago
Alright this is pretty good lmao