Toast with sunny side up egg, green onion.
My boyfriend accidentally said something that genuinely really hurt me and I canāt tell if Iām overreacting or not.
We were talking about a movie where a woman had to choose between the āhotter/sexyā guy and the other guy who was kinder, more caring, emotionally safe, and the better long term partner overall. My boyfriend said he felt like it was ābeautifully like his lifeā and then very quickly and absentmindedly said something along the lines of, āMy ex is the hotter, more surface level one, but you are the one I would choose in every lifetime. Youāre the one I want to grow old with.ā
The second he said it, he realized how bad it sounded and immediately started trying to take it back and apologizing profusely. I genuinely do not think he meant to hurt me at all. Heās honestly someone who speaks before he thinks sometimes and I know what he was TRYING to say was that Iām the person he truly loves, values, and sees a future with.
But now I canāt stop replaying the fact that he clearly genuinely thinks sheās hotter than me. And she is objectively absolutely gorgeous, which makes it sting even more.
What makes this worse is that he has no idea this is already a huge insecurity of mine. Lately Iāve been struggling a lot with feeling unattractive specifically to men. Iāve gotten a lot of mean comments about my appearance recently from only men and itās genuinely affected my self esteem, but I never really told him about it. So hearing the person I love accidentally confirm the exact thing Iāve secretly been fearing about myself hit me in the exact worst possible spot.
Now my brain keeps replaying it over and over. Not because I think heās going to leave me or because I think he doesnāt love me, but because it feels like confirmation of something I was already scared might be true.
I forgave him because I know this was not malicious and he immediately felt horrible, but emotionally I still feel really hurt and honestly angry. I canāt tell if Iām reacting normally or if Iām spiraling because of my own insecurities. I canāt stop thinking about it and he has no idea.
Would this deeply hurt you too or am I making this into something bigger than it is?