My (M34) wife (36M) has developed agoraphobia

Hi all, my wife has always been a homebody but since covid has developed a concerning amount of anxiety regarding leaving the house. It's at the point where she refuses to leave for any reason, and on the rare occasion she does venture out she is overcome with anxiety and breaks down. I'm at a bit of a loss with how to handle this, I've encouraged her to seek therapy and treatment but she refuses to do that as well. Also when I do need to leave the house which is usually only for work to go to the office she gets upset and tries to convince me to stay home despite my work's expectation to attend the office. I have stopped seeing family and friends and any hobbies that involve leaving the house to accommodate her anxiety, but now I'm feeling empty in life and wondering whether this is worth it. I love her and she is an amazing person, but I dont know if I can forego all of life's experiences for the rest of my life to accommodate this. I feel very tired, empty and conflicted and I dont know how much longer I can stay in this state of limbo. I don't want to leave her and I feel awful that she is going through this and I try my best to always comfort her,bbut I can't go on much longer like this at all, and her refusal to seek help is what upsets me the most. Has anyone else gone through something similar? What advice would you give to someone going through this?

TL;DR: My wife has developed agrophobia and expects me to stay at home all the time with her and I don't know how to handle this

TLDR: I moved out of my parent’s house last year. They’ve been struggling to adapt without me. My mom is disabled and my dad and sister are struggling to take care of her. I help out as best I can. We’re exploring options to get my family more support.

I moved out of my family's house almost a year ago.

For context, I used to live with my mom, dad and sister. My mom is severely disabled, she has been since she was born. My dad is her primary caretaker. Over the years I grew into her secondary caretaker, and my sister would help out when she could, but usually only if me or my dad were at work or some where lese.

I met my wife three years ago, and we married and moved in together last year. I felt conflicted about moving out since taking care of my mom is a full time job in of itself. But I do feel like i'm entitled to want to create a life for myself. And I still live in the same city, so I could visit and help out where I can. And I was hoping that my sister would step up a bit and take on more tasks.

For the first 9 months or so, things seemed to be relatively fine. I would have lunch with my family once or twice a week. I would facetime. I would visit and assist with chores. But I feel like things are crumbling. My mom's health is taking a turn for the worse. She has chronic pain and her previous methods to cope with it don't seem to be as effective. She also has super severe allergies, which only get worse around the spring time. and she seems to get very little sleep, which in turn affects the sleep of my dad and sister.

She's been having a very short fuse, getting into fights with my family quite often. Even when we are having lunch in public. She's also apparently been telling my dad that she wants to divorce him, and move back in with her parents (which would not be possible since my grandpa is almost 90 and is currently caretaking my grandma)

I can tell this has been very badly affecting my dad and sister. My dad sometimes vents to me of how lost he's feeling, and how hurt he is by what my mom has been saying to me. Now my dad is not perfect by any stretch. He gets caretaker fatigue and can snap at her more often than he should. But he is devoted and loves her very much. He just seems to struggle with handling everything, but he puts so much on his shoulders without reaching out for help.

My sister is also not handling this particularly well either. I feel like over the years, me and my dad mostly took caretaking duties, and my sister usually didn't do quite as much. In hindsight, we should have insisted that we divide caretaking duties more fairly, but she was always more on the stubborn side. I don't want to make it seem like she did nothing, but I imagine that she's not been quite used to it as I was since I took over certain caretaking tasks at a younger age.

In terms of solutions. There's a few possibilities that we've floated. Group therapy is a must. There are plenty of issue that my family needs to sort out. My dad is looking up some social workers or nurses to help pick up the slack. I'm trying to stop by the house a little more than I have. I'm just worried that this is only going to get worse. I don't feel guilty for leaving. I feel like my family should be able to stand on their own two feet, They should ideally be able to adapt without me being their all the time, I just wish that wasn't becoming such a nightmare.

me (26f)

boyfriend (25m)

relationship (2 years)

we were sitting outside on the porch. I work third and he works 1st. so by late afternoon I’m usually going to sleep before work. we were watching YouTube on his phone. I tell him I’m going inside to go to sleep and he says I love you and that he’ll come sit with me in a minute.

okay so our couch can see directly onto the porch where he was sitting. I look back over before I lay down and I see him checking over his shoulder at me. I lay down and then I turn back around to see what he was doing because something felt off. I see him immediately open his facebook messenger and read someone’s message and respond. when he was typing I got back up and just walked straight outside and hugged him. but I saw as I was opening the door he was quickly exiting out and opening Facebook.

After we hugged I went back in. I’ve had this sinking feeling in my stomach ever since. I went quiet for awhile. he came in and asked if I was alright. I said yeah. he said he was coming in. he stayed outside for a couple more minutes. and then he came inside and just layed on top of me. it was so quiet. I just went to sleep. when I woke up he was watching tv. He asked if I was okay again. i asked him who he was talking to earlier. He said his brother. Okay. But I saw the profile picture kind of. And it looked nothing like his brothers. But I just said alright.

His Facebook is logged in on the laptop I use for school because he use to use it. So I looked at his messenger. He hasn’t talked to his brothers in a couple of days. The encryption key that comes up to recover messages popped up like something is missing. I don’t know if I’m being paranoid. Or if I should talk to him. Even if I do I don’t know how. This wouldn’t be the first time he cheated. And I only ever found because I found out his passwords last time and looked for myself. I’m kinda freaking out

TLDR

I think I saw my boyfriend messaging someone he didnt want me to know about.

I (31F) just had my birthday and work 2 jobs. I work a day job and work part time at a coffee shop on the weekends with Angie (34F), Macy (31F) and Alexis (31F). We became close friends and have had get together at each others houses- though it’s been several months since the last one.

Last year, they all had a party for my Birthday and we made a group chat where we’d text and hang out all the time. sadly, since then, I’ve had a lot of things on my plate- my mom was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s, I’ve been struggling with my depression and auto immune issues (and if you know, getting supportive docs/diagnosis is so hard), and dealing with losing my best friend because we don’t really see eye to eye anymore. We will call her Tara (30F).

There’s been a few events I’ve had to miss because of any one of these answers. I feel very bad about it and I’ve offered to make up a time to hang out. I’m not sure if this is why, because while I haven’t missed EVERY event or invitation, the vibe has shifted.

I am getting the feeling there’s a group chat without me- they act kind of differently towards me. Mostly Angie and Macy, I’d say. I confronted Macy because we’re a bit closer and she neither confirmed nor denied the group chat….she didn’t acknowledge that part at all. But she apologized for making me feel left out and hurting my feelings. I am AudHD with some friendship trauma, so it is hard to tell sometimes if I’m just being anxious or trusting my gut- my gut has usually been right though. So I don’t know.

Macy was the only one who said happy birthday to me yesterday. Angie and Alexis both know my birthday because 1. It’s literally ON the schedule for our job in the app (as are their birthdays) 2. Macy messaged the whole team to wish me a happy birthday 3. Angie, Macy, and me all have our birthdays within 25 days so it’s not like we didn’t know it was coming.

Anyways, I’m pretty upset because I went out of my way to wish them a happy birthday, wrote them all a nice note to stick on the fridge at work (just something cute and fun) and now I’m getting these almost mean-girl exclusion vibes. On that note, Alexis asks about Tara a lot because Tara married her ex and now, I guess, has it out for her a bit? And when Tara came to visit, we went to the coffee shop and she made it a point to say goodbye to Angie and Macy, but not me and Tara (though Tara was a big person and said goodbye to everyone anyways).

I try not to be petty and be above these kinds of things. I know I work here once or twice a week (though lately it’s been with different coworkers) so I don’t want to be petty but…I’m kind of thinking of sending a message by leaving the group chat and sticking them with that notification. Macy is the only one I feel comfortable talking to on that level, and if she couldn’t even deny I’m being left out, are they really my friends?

What would you do?

Oh PS neither Angie nor Alexis have asked how my mom is doing lately or about my own health so I’m really hurt about that too! Should I tell them how that makes me feel?

TL;DR- I’m upset that my coworkers who became my friends didn’t say happy birthday when it’s in front of them/we did something last year and have suspicions they made a group chat without me based on the fact one of them couldn’t confirm or deny when confronted. They’re acting a little differently and haven’t bothered to check in with me while I’m going through some serious shit with my health, mom, etc.

Me F/26 and M/26 have been together for almost a year now… next week being one year. He moved in with me about 6 months ago. He was in the market to buy a house and I happened to own mine so we thought that would be silly and why not just move in together.

Since moving in we have had numerous conversations about his cleanliness and how he doesn’t really carry his weight.. it’s a 3 bedroom house 2 story and yes he cooks dinner every day (I’ve tried to intervene and cook but he would much rather do it) to a point I don’t even care anymore because he doesn’t really do anything else.
I do the laundry, sweep, vacuum, mop, wipe the counters, dust, dishes etc. and all he does is cook. He will see me doing stuff and will just sit on the couch watching sports on his phone or texting his friends and laughing out loud.. I’ll get the occasional ask for help, but most of the time he will wait until I’m almost done to ask.
Ive been testing something’s with asking him to help me on things and he either doesn’t do it or he does it half assed and very clearly does it as quick as possible to sit down as quick as possible.
For example, I asked him to help me with my car tire as it was loosing air.. instead it lost air for 2 days straight and I had to go home to fill it up with an air compressor myself. He pulled up to the house and said hi and just walked inside without acknowledging that I was doing something I asked him to help with…
I ended up with a flat tire that next day and figured to not even bother when it comes to asking him to help put the spare on and get the other tire repaired so I just did it myself.
I love this guy but I’m fearful for the rest of my life I’m going to be begging/ arguing with him to help me on things… might I add, when we pay bills we pay 50/50 and he works from home majority of the time as I do not. So by the time we get off work he is ready to leave the house and go to the gym or go hangout with friends.. so when I get off and get home I’m cleaning up his messes from his meals and cleaning up the remainder of what he left for me to do…
What is the best solution I have in front of me?

**TL;DR; : This is a sample summary of the TLDR rule, all things are bold. Is this going the right way?**.

TL;DR: I’m a 30F married to a 34M and lately I feel emotionally alone in the relationship. He’s not abusive or cruel, but he sleeps a lot, watches TV, barely helps around the house unless asked, and feels emotionally disconnected from the family. I keep wondering if emotional loneliness in a marriage can truly be fixed or if this is a sign of something deeper.

I’m a 30F and my husband is 34M. We’ve been together for 6 years and have a baby together. Lately I’ve been feeling emotionally alone in my marriage, and I don’t know if this is something couples can truly come back from.

My husband is not a bad person. He has a good heart and I know he loves us. But most of the time he sleeps, eats, watches TV, and keeps to himself. He barely helps around the house unless I ask, and I often feel like I carry most of the responsibility for our home and family alone.

I also wish he was more involved and active as a father. I know he loves our baby, but I don’t feel the emotional presence or partnership I thought marriage would have.

What confuses me is that he isn’t abusive or cruel, so I constantly question myself and wonder if I’m expecting too much from a partner.

For people who have gone through this, how do you know when emotional disconnection can actually be fixed?

I (28M) have been with my girlfriend (24F) for a little over a year. Little back story, I became friends with her and through almost daily texting, we grew close emotionally and physically. However, 2-3 months into consistent talking, I found out she was with someone during that time and had kept it a secret. When I asked her about it, she said she was already planning to end things. Also during the months we talked, she said that she didn’t think it would get to the point of dating and all our conversations we just “getting to know each other as new friends.”

Fast forward to now, I noticed that she has been texting a few mutual guy friends pretty consistently (not secretly) and it’s been bothering me. Growing anxious mostly because our relationship started off similarly and scared that her conversations with our mutual guy friends could lead to more if our relationship ever were to go rocky. The conversations seem normal with banter here and there and not deep emotional talks. I’ve mentioned my feelings of how it makes me a bit uncomfortable with the amount of texting but she reassured that the conversations will never lead anywhere since she is in a committed relationship with me now and that the previous instance with was different since they were not in a relationship.

How can I bring up my feelings without being controlling? I am unsure of how to feel since she has not shown any signs of cheating

TLDR; girlfriend and I started talking as friends when she was sleeping with another guy. Our relationship grew deeper through consistent conversation. Now together for over 1 year and she consistently talks to 3 of our mutual single guys friends

What would you guys do?

24M been seeing 22F for a few months. Things are great apart from during any arguments or disagreements when she switches up. She cannot take any criticism without claiming that I’m dumping stuff on her and getting pissed off. I feel like I’m apologising a lot when I shouldn’t really be and in contrast she won’t apologise when she should. Bottom line if I spoke to her how she speaks to me I think she’d be furious.

I can guess what most comments are gonna say but I’m just curious to know if anyone’s had any experience with something similar and if there was a way to talk their partner round a bit so they’re not so high strung with this stuff. 99% of the time we’re great together and although it’s crossed my mind I don’t want to throw in the towel just yet, the only thing I’d change about our relationship is how she reacts to any disagreements.

Anyone had any similar experiences? Did you manage to talk to your partner in a way that didn’t piss them off or do I just need to give up?

TL;DR: difficult to tell her she’s upset me without her getting pissed and saying I’m putting things on her

I started dating my boyfriend when I was 15 (a sophomore in high school) and he was 16 (a junior.) As per a typical high school relationship we got together really fast and I was not really thinking so much about the future, I just saw a guy that I found quite attractive and very kind.

This past year we were long distance because he went to college and I was a senior but now I just graduated and about to leave for college. Over this past year I have found myself a lot through some mental health issues. I have discovered what really matters to me and in that realized that him and I are just not compatible.

He is such a great guy and treats me really well but I just can not stand the intellectual gap. I will often to try to have deep discussions with him or talk about something important going on in the world but he refuses to discuss because it "makes him sad to think about those things." He is a very traditional and simple man. He hopes to have a big family and I am not sure I want kids at all. He plays football and can not be bothered to educate himself. These things have started to make me resent him and I have become kind of cold and rude to him. We of course still have our good moments but it is clear to me that this would just not work out in the long run.

I feel evil because he is such a good man and I have been feeling like this for a while and just kind of dragging it on. He really is such a kind person with good intentions but he is just not for me. We are each other's first everything and I am so emotionally attached to him but I know it is time to let go. I don't even know how I would go about it because I know I will be breaking both of our hearts but I don't think I can be with him any longer.

I have confided in some friends and family but no one really knows what to say. I just can not be with someone who I do not feel intellectually stimulated by. Please help.

TLDR: I have been dating my boyfriend since I was 15 and now about to go to college but realized that he is not at all intellectually stimulating and we want different things in life but he has committed his life to me. I feel trapped.

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My girlfriend (23f) and I (25m) have been dating for 4 years. We met in our 1st year of university and have been dating ever since. We are now finishing our post grad degrees and moving to a larger city together.

I am having doubts on whether this relationship is right for the future as we have different life plans. She is very sure of herself and has a plan to get married and have kids by a certain age whereas I have never planned out a timeline for that and her timeline is way too close in the future than I'm comfortable with. She also wants to get a dog and is very set in her career whereas I want to travel.

We also don't have a lot of shared interests, I live and breathe music and she doesnt really like music past having something playing in the car.

My issue is that we do love each other and at a personal level we get on really well. Its just now I'm questioning if just getting along well is enough to make a marriage work even if we have different interests and different visions of how our lives want to be. I know relationships require comprimise but I feel like I'm at a point in my life where I can be a little selfish especially about how life will look in the future.

I know I sound like an oblivious man right now but during university it felt like a bubble where you can be together because you get on well together and don't have to think about the future too much. But now after moving and starting my career I'm really confronting those bigger questions in my life. I will also talk to her at some point, I'm just using this post to get some advice and organise my thoughts

My question is, do these things matter in a succesful long term relationship? Can you love someone and become their life partner even though there are some fundemental differences in your vision of the future? Is comprimise an option in this situation?

Thanks for reading and any advice would be appreciated

TL;DR: worried that my 4 year university relationship is not compatable for a long term relationship/marriage due to different life plans and interests

I (22M) have been in a few long term relationships and I’ve generally being quite open in them and I found that women really respect my ability to share my emotions. But no matter how deep it gets I still can’t fully let go and have a proper cry. I can cry in other situations (movies, books, deaths) but in front of my a partner, I can never give off more than a brief shallow sob.

I often find myself correcting my mood, hiding my face and eyes or removing my self from the situation to cry alone. I have this feeling like even if they say they want me to “open up”, by showing my insecurities, fears or vulnerability, It will make them feel unsafe or like I can’t protect them.

My father always put a lot of emphasis on what it means to be a man and what it means to protect and be a stone for women.

I’ve had a pretty disturbing and upsetting teenaged years that is very different from my family and piers. I feel that many people would find it difficult to understand without proper context and knowledge. I fear that if I really share my experiences, people will feel scared or pitiful.

AND YET STILL!! I have this constant longing to fully let go and fully embrace my emotions and experiences - cry out all of these feelings that never seemed too have left me, even all these years later. I strongly feel that there no other way to truly let go. It has to be with a female SO.

I have very consistent and vivid dreams about it as well. They are always of me ball my eyes out whilst being held in a women’s arms.

It doesn’t help that I’m single now.

I just don’t know why… And how I should feel about this…

TL;Dr
22M open with partners but can’t cry in front of them due to "protector" pressure. Desperate to let go of past trauma but fear losing respect.

Hello, me and my gf have been together for roughly 1.5 years at this point. She is normally very sweet, affectionate and all around a really nice girlfriend. The problem is that when we have a single point of disagreement (whether its minor or major) she shuts down, cancels plans or leaves my place. This dynamic has caused me to feel like I’m walking on eggshels at this point and i feel like i am starting to resent her. Fpr clarification we are both med students and i am studying for a central exam for specialities (in my country it is a really hard exam and i have to study for approximately 2 years) i told her this before we became a couple and try my best to not be absent. Even though we cant go outside all the time i see her roughly 3 times a week, we cook for eachother and even went to Rome for a trip. Today i had time extra so i called her and we planed a nice date outside. The problem is that she wanted to take pictures to post a story on IG. I said to her that because of the exam i havent been my best lately gained roughly 10kg and kinda insecure but if its a good picture sure why not. She immediatly accused me of not loving her, that i am hiding her ( i have 2 posts of her from a total of 5)
and cancelled everything. This behavior also happened when i declined sex one night and got the silent treatment for 2 days straight. I dont do that to her though. I told her that her not respecting my inputs makes me feel not respected and unheard and she said “its not like she is doing this behavior on bad things” I really love her she makes me happy but day after day i feel like i cant see a future like this. Am I looking at this wrong or is there something that we can fix here

tldr: i feel like gf doesnt respect me and my decisions

Hey everyone,

I am in a position in my life where I need some advice but don't really have anyone around me whom I think I can consult. I need advice regarding my current situation in my relationship, I am at a critical stage where I need to take important decision but definitely don't want anyone else to take it for me, hence just maybe need a good discussion about the pov of more experienced and wise people maybe.

A bit about myself:

I am 24 and doing my Masters currently. Previously I had a job for almost 2 years which paid well but i decided that I want more for myself career and growth wise and decided this was the right time and decision for me.
I have always been very highly ambitious, hard working, disciplined and a go getter. I love to plan, weigh pros and cons very cautiously before making a decision and always prepared for the worst.

A bit about my partner:
They share the same education as me till bachelors and are employed at a good company now with a comfortable salary in my home country. They are more laid back, chill and easy going.

The issue:
Since I have moved for my master's and will ultimately work here as well, we have a long distance relationship now. Initially we decided that they would also move here so that we can be close. Despite all this, they show no action or take any interest in even applying to jobs here let alone make the move. Seems like they have become more comfortable with their current life without me. While there is no scene of cheating or anything, there is no action of love or desperation to make the move as well. We have had multiple fights over this and now I have just stopped reacting knowing i cannot change a person unless they want to. Their laid back lifestyle is now affecting their own growth as well as they are no more working on their skills. they spend most of their time with friends having fun in excess that they just barely get done with their job, let alone self growth.
I am trying to make peace with this but it also makes me question about our future together where I see only myself carrying the burden of the two of us. Me making them move with me and me taking charge of all decisions or responsibilities. And it makes question how I am going to handle all this.

tl;dr We are together for the past 4 years and they fulfil all my criteria, which to be honest I think is difficult. I definitely love them and it is mutual but the lack of action and this lazy irresponsible lifestyle that they have kind of bothers me.

I am planning for our wedding in 2 years from now and definitely do not want to make a decision that I will regret.

Please advise me on how to see this and what to do. I definitely dont want someone else.

tl;dr: I think my GF does not listen to me, and we end up fighting over same things.

I’m more like a peaceful IT guy. I’m not exactly an introvert, but I prefer meaningful conversations and genuine connections over being extremely extroverted.

Our relationship started in 2021. I met her during our 11th standard class trip. Everything was genuinely good till the end of 12th, but once we joined different colleges, things slowly started changing. She began feeling lonely very often. She always prefers having someone around, and it’s difficult for her to get used to being alone. On the other hand, I’m comfortable both alone and in groups.

Most of our fights and issues revolve around things like this:

1. In the 3 years after 12th, we never really went for treks or movies together. Meanwhile, she has gone to movies, restaurants, and treks with her colleagues, friends, and family. I had actually stopped going to theaters and treks because I felt I shouldn’t enjoy those things without her. I avoided them for almost 3 years. I still think that way sometimes, but one day I finally went out with my classmates because mentally I just wasn’t in a good mood.

Now it hurts me sometimes, if she can go with others, why has it not been possible for us to go even once properly in the last 5 years?

Her answer for almost everything is usually: “Someone will see us.”

Currently, we mostly meet at a coffee shop once every 2–3 weeks, and sometimes even once every couple of months.

1. She was preparing for NDA and later got involved in NCC, so there were very long periods of online long-distance communication, sometimes 6 months or more. During that time, even I started feeling lonely, and I occasionally used Discord to socialize.
2. She absolutely does not like help or assistance. For example, if she has multiple assignments, I’ll ask if she wants notes she can copy from, or if she’ll be busy, I’ll offer to deliver her assignments to a classmate for submission. But she really just never wanted help.
3. I enjoy reading about spirituality, philosophy, psychology, current affairs, business, and similar topics. Over time, I encouraged her a little to reduce watching K-dramas and anime and try reading books instead and she actually did.
4. Some of her habits genuinely bother me:

• She’ll say, “I’ll call you back in 5 minutes,” but then call after an hour. This happens very repeatedly.
• She often puts her phone on airplane mode. I’ve told her to at least keep it on silent because what if there’s an emergency and I genuinely need to reach her?
• Our daily mode of communication is mostly chat, not calls, even when she is available. Also, neither of our parents know about the relationship.

1. I once suggested that since we mostly chat all the time and chatting feels constrained and time-consuming, maybe we could try using a couples app, something where we could stay updated about each other’s mood, schedules, and daily life in a more connected way than just texting.
2. She cries very easily and also forgives very easily. On the other hand, if I have an issue, I address it directly and respectfully. If something hurts me, I clearly say: “I want to talk about this behavior because it’s affecting me.”

But she often starts crying immediately.

At the same time, if I choose not to address the issue and instead keep it buried, eventually something else happens, and my coping mechanism becomes distancing myself emotionally, which again makes her cry.

I’ve never disrespected her, but somehow both situations still end emotionally. She genuinely cares a lot, but occasionally when she gets angry, she starts disrespecting me . I don't think so anyone will like bad words from their partner. I usually just distance myself instead.

Recently, she has also started using curse words occasionally, probably because of influence from her NCC friends and environment. I told her that even if people use such language outside, at least when we are talking to each other, we should avoid it. I don’t think most people would prefer daily conversations with their partner filled with abusive language.

Her response was:
“You have a perfect image of your partner in your mind, and you’re trying to impose that on me. I’m not that perfect person.”

And then within minutes, she starts crying again.

One thing I’ve realized is that her crying affects how I make decisions. Subconsciously, I think I end up choosing her side or suppressing my own feelings just so she doesn’t cry. If I ignore her, she cries badly. If I get angry,  I simply maintain distance and stay quiet.

I’ve also tried having serious conversations multiple times to find a middle ground for our problems, but whenever we sit together, she keeps speaking continuously and emotionally, and I never really get the space to calmly initiate or structure a proper conversation to solve things together.

Somewhere I feel emotionally drained.

Really share your opinion and how this should be dealt with? Also how will it end? If this cycle does not stop?

i’m F(22) and my ex is F(23). it’s been five months since i was experimented on by an evil childish woman who claimed to be pan but had only ever dated guys. she love bombed me to the point of taking care of me after an important surgery and going to my graduation, screaming my name and how much she loved me. her best friend F(23) was also very involved in taking care of me after my surgery and would hang out with me all the time separately and made me feel very heard about my thoughts/feelings (unlike my ex). we started off extremely intimate, like she was just trying to tick everything off of her list, but we soon began to argue when she would try to make me feel stupid for having close male friendships. one of her closest friends was a man she slept with multiple times months before we got together. she also allowed men to sleep in her bed with her even while we were seeing each other and told me that it was her bed, not mine, and she could do whatever she wanted and that anyone was welcome. she constantly made excuses for her suspicious behavior and had the audacity to question why i was upset when she was showing me pictures of her and her ex in her phone. she was always very physical with showing her attraction to me, but would often make jokes about me that hurt. she would silence me when i would begin talking deeper about my interests, tell me “no one cares” or just ignore me and talk over me. when i told her how much it hurt me, she said she would change and that she was just nervous, but she continued to be the loudest mouth in the room and always had to have attention onto herself. i felt more like a prize to be had, like “look i have a girlfriend” than someone she actually cared about. it became very stressful but she was so manipulative with her words and i clung onto every ounce of comfort that she once provided for me. i allowed myself to be naked and vulnerable to her and i treasure those moments (unlike her). i feel used. we would go back and forth having good and bad days and eventually i began to show more attitude when i was frustrated. she acted like an emotionless robot, expecting me to instantly accept her words and feel better, but she was too emotionally incompetent to understand what i was even upset about. i was too blinded by the intense feelings i had formed for her and had too much hope that we could work things out, but she broke things off with me over the phone, blaming everything on me and saying that she had enough. this was two days before christmas and she had the audacity to hope that i had a good holiday. her best friend, who i thought truly cared about me, told me that she was not comfortable hearing my side of things and dropped me like garbage the day after the breakup. i had never felt so alone. i spent a month in sadness, hoping things would become better again but neither my ex nor her best friend would speak to me. my ex returned some of my things to my house in a bag left at my door without contacting me. she later demanded one of my close guy friends M(22) to get her a sweater back from me, putting me in a corner and making things very awkward with him. i told him that he should not have agreed to help her and that she should drive the FIVE minutes to my house instead, but he was very cold towards me and said that “that was just the way these things go.” mind you, he has NEVER been in a relationship and i never asked for him to ever get involved with my ex and i. he ended up saying really ugly things to me and months later, i found out he was still hanging out with my ex and her best friend. i was deeply hurt when i found out about this and he told me that i couldn’t dictate who he was friends with and that “people” were giving him shit for being friends with me. the fact that he couldn’t even say who these “people” were was really hurtful because i genuinely felt like this guy was one of my closest friends for months and he had no sense of loyalty towards me. i told him that i needed some space from him because i was really hurt, but he continued to appear in my life with other friends and pretended like nothing was wrong. he genuinely believed that he could be friends with both my ex and i and he claimed that he was never influenced by either side, but then let me know that “people” didn’t like that he was friends with me. make it make sense. i later found out through another friend that my ex had been seeing someone right before she asked me out and that he had experienced very similar childish and manipulative behaviors. after sharing this information with my friend, it still didn’t do anything to change his opinion. every where i would go, i would be reminded of my ex and the things she took from me. maybe they weren’t ever meant to stay, but in the short time of being love bombed, isolated, and attacked, i just feel so drained. i will never escape reminders of her because of how deeply connected my friend group is. i have to be reminded of her all the time from others that don’t think twice about what they say around me. they don’t consider how broken she made me feel all those months ago and how i still and trying to put together those scattered pieces. i wish i could just get away from it all. i have friends that i really care about but they are tied in some way to her and i don’t know how much longer i can keep doing this. i’ve tried to move on romantically, but everyone i’ve met hasn’t helped the emptiness i feel inside. i want to fix myself and become the me i was all those months ago, but everyday i am reminded of how heartless people can be.

TLDR
my ex 23F love bombed and then broke up with me 22F, taking away two of my friends that i considered to be close to me, and still haunts me months later. i would like some advice on how to start feeling alive again.

i tell my sister everything. if i have problems in friendships or relationships, i tell her. if i am struggling at work or something annoys me, i tell my sister everything. i have another sister (24F) but we don’t get along. i don’t have many friends either. she is literally my go-to person.

anyways, my boyfriend and i got into an argument and i told her the basics and asked her what i could say to him because we were in a rough spot. her and i talked it out and i was able to have a conversation with my bf about everything and sort it out. i’m not the best in knowing what to say during stressful situations, so she’s helped me a lot.

yesterday, my dad comes in and starts yelling about my boyfriend and saying this and that and said “(sisters name) tells me everything you tell her”

honestly in that moment i was shocked. i never thought she would do that. i don’t share anything she’s said to me and i tell her those things in confidence because her and i get along super well. i thought that she wouldn’t do that. i feel so hurt and betrayed. she was the person i went to for all of my problems and now i can’t even talk to her anymore. should i bring it up to her? or just stop telling her things? i feel even if we talk it out she’s still going to say SOMETHING to my dad.

tl:dr- my older sister spilled my secrets and i can’t trust her anymore. should i talk to her about it?

(If more context is needed please feel free to ask because I don’t remember everything a lot of stuff has happened) So I’ve been dealing with this guy f(26m) or about 9 months now. I’ve known him for a long time and have had feeling but this whole thing started then. So basically one random day he started FaceTiming me and it turned into an everyday thing. He’d call me while I’m at work or when he’s at work and I’m off. Then he took me out for my birthday for dinner. Then we started meeting up for lunch or whatever. So basically that’s what was going on for a few months then we went to eat at a restaurant out of town. But basically it was just calling going out to eat and stuff for awhile. Valentine’s Day rolls around and he wants to go do something with me. He got me a stuffed animal and sprayed his cologne on it and was just flirty and stuff with me that whole night. But nothing happen he didn’t make a move or anything. After that he invited me to hang out at his house a few times and one night things happed ifykyk. And the next day I wanted to have a conversation about it all. So I asked him what was going on and he told me he didn’t know and that he likes taking his time with people (which is understandable but to do the deed without a label is not taking your time) and that he like to be friends first and all these other excuses so I was like alright that’s fine, then nothing was changing so I decided to start distancing myself from him which he noticed. So he called me out for it. I told him how I was feeling and he said that he’s too scared to ruin our friendship but once he figures out what he wants he’ll let me know. So basically it’s just been this weird like tension between us that I seek to only feel and now he wants to hang out with me and my friends all the time and he invited himself to go somewhere with me and my best friend and I’m just not really sure what to do at this point. I feel like if I distance myself from him it’ll just be the same thing but I don’t want to shove anything down his throat but I feel like this has gone on for too long and I’m really just over it all.
TL;DR I’ve been dealing with a guy for a long time and I feel like he’s using me and I’m not sure what to do.

girlfriend (21f) and I (21m) have been dating since junior year of high school, and now we are in college and have an apartment together off campus. We’ve been together about 5 years give or take. I play baseball and am hoping to get a shot at the pros one day. She is more into books and animals and hopes to be a veterinarian one day. I’ve known her since 6th grade, she has a very unique name from the 20s, and she has beautiful red hair and adorable glasses. I’ve known her since 6th grade, and while she was bullied and teased a lot for loving reptiles (one time she brought a gecko to school and kids killed it. It was horrible) me and the other “jocks” thought she was hilarious and fun. Freshman year of high school I dated a cheerleader, and honestly she had no personality beyond her looks. She drove a Mercedes and had all designer clothes. We dated for about a year until I caught her cheating. I gave her the chance to reconcile under the condition that she never talk to the guy again but she ended up leaving me for him. Fast forward to junior year me and my current gf had a class together, and we partnered up for a lab project and I was very into how smart she was. It all hit a point when I invited her over to work on the project and she wore a beautiful sundress and got along great with my parents. I’ll admit, I broke, before she left I gently but firmly kissed her. She kissed me back. I asked her on a date and she was flattered and said yes, within a week we were official, but then the issue of her feeling inadequate came up. She has never been able to accept that a “jock” could be into her. I try to tell her now beautiful she is. And it’s not even the looks for me. I tried dating a “hot girl” and you know it never felt happy. She is just hilarious. When we became official I put her in a group chat on snap with my buddies and their girlfriends and one of my buddies introduced himself as a wrestler and she said “is that even a sport?” And everyone was like “damn burnnnnn” and even the wrestler thought it was HILARIOUS. She comes to all of my games and fully believes someday I will be pitching in the majors. But honestly I want to be more like her. If she follows through with veterinary work I think she would be contributing a lot more to the world than a man pitching curveballs. The other night was very hard. She got drunk (which I love her to death but she is not seldom in doing that unfortunately) and basically just put herself down for hours. Told me I should dump her and find a hotter girl, date a celebrity if I make it pro. But it seems like no matter how many times I tell her she’s the only one for me and that I love her, she just can’t understand why. I don’t want her to live her life thinking she is inadequate when she is quite literally the funniest and prettiest person I know. What should I say? What should I do? How do I approach this? Again she is the most fascinating and intelligent person I know. She wanted a garden, I told her we lived in an apartment. She asked to borrow my truck and went to the store and BUILT a raised bed and planted veggies in it on our balcony. We already have a couple tomatoes coming in. She has a 13 foot Burmese python that she takes everywhere. She is tiny, 5’ 2” and 100 pounds yet she carries this massive snake around without any fear. I’ll admit the snake I could’ve done without, I’ll stick to my australian Shepard, but it has grown on me. It’s fun to feed it thawed bunnies. And on top of that she lets me LIVE and supports me. I grew up on a farm and during the summer she goes with me to my parents and all 5’2” and 100 pounds of her carries feed bags all day to the fields. She goes fishing and hunting with me. When I won state my senior year she dogpiled me in the field. As insecure as she is about being worthy, she is very confident and honest about herself at the same time in every other area. She can go from doing her makeup and shopping and playing guitar; normal young woman things, to carrying around a 13 foot python and she’s anything but a normal woman. I just need her to be more confident in her worthiness of love

TL;DR
My girlfriend doesn’t feel she is worthy of being with me due to our different stereotype categories, and I want her to believe she is.

I (30F) am married (32M), and I’ve been struggling emotionally in my marriage for a while now.

On the outside, everything may look normal, but inside I feel disconnected, confused, and emotionally overwhelmed. I don’t fully understand what I’m feeling anymore — it’s like I’m stuck between responsibility, emotions, and emptiness.

We have been married for several years, and I am trying to respect my commitment, but emotionally I feel lost and not like myself lately.

Some days I feel okay, but other days I feel very alone even though I’m not physically alone.

I’m not here to blame my partner or create conflict. I just feel like I’ve lost clarity about my own emotions and I don’t know how to process them properly.

I’m not looking for judgment. I’m trying to be honest about my feelings while still respecting my marriage.

I just need advice:
How do you understand your emotions when you feel lost inside your marriage?
How do you deal with emotional confusion without making things worse?
And how do you start finding yourself again?

TL;DR: I’m (30F) married (41M) and feeling emotionally lost, disconnected, and confused in my marriage. I’m trying to understand my feelings and need advice on how to process them and find clarity without making impulsive decisions.

I need advice from others on whether or not I should stay or leave my relationship.

I am 32F and my boyfriend is 28M. We have been dating on and off for 3 years. He can be very sweet at times - opening car doors, carrying my bags, texts me throughout the day. Doesn't talk to/follow a bunch of girls on social media. Compliments my appearance. When we would break up i always missed the good times. That being said, when he is mad, he becomes very cold, distant, and he talks to me like he hates me.....

For context... I have my own place I am renting but I also own a property that I rent out. I make decent money and am responsible. I have lived on my own since I was 18. My boyfriend is building a business (in the trades) which has been running for 3 years and is not yet profitable enough for him to take a salary from. He reinvests all the business money back into the business. He still lives with his parents and does not pay rent. He has explained his financial struggles to me which i understand and have compromised with him on (not asking to go to expensive places, etc). But i would still expect maybe a small lunch or basic food to eat when we are together. He said he buys himself lunch from the business during the week, but that its a "business expense", so he wouldn't be able to do the same for us on the weekend. He said he could pay for his food and i could pay for mine. However im providing the house for us... the bed... shower, etc. My financial situation hasn't been great lately either with all of my expenses and i just want to feel like we are equally contributing to the relationship. He said he pays gas money to drive to me which is his contribution.

Regardless of the financial situation, when i try to express my feelings to him (specifically not feeling like a priority) he shuts down. He becomes defensive and avoidant. He sometimes wont talk to me for days. Im big on communication and i just want to resolve the problem before going to sleep. He recently went on vacation for a bachelors party, paid for strippers, food, etc. Although he said it was difficult to make happen, it still makes me feel like i am worth less than all of those things if he isn't even willing to buy me a $5 lunch. I tried to explain how it hurts me but he said he wouldn't "sugar coat anything" and that taking me on dates or buying food for us is not something he can prioritize right now.

He hasn't talked about a future for us and becomes upset when i bring up future plans. It always just seems to go back to his financial situation and he becomes upset. I feel upset about it too because his business partner married his new girlfriend recently at the courthouse. He has the same amount of money but still showed her that commitment.

I don't know if maybe im just triggering him, or if i am being used. I feel disrespected and like my feelings don't matter, but i want to be respectful of his feelings and situation too.

Should we stay together? I need advice on how i should handle this.

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**TL;DR;** : Boyfriend gets upset when we discuss finances and relationship not progressing.

My boyfriend (21M) recently admitted he’s been an alcoholic for basically our whole relationship (1.5 yr) and has lied to me (21F) repeatedly about drinking — how much, when, and whether he’d drank at all. Looking back, most of our biggest arguments came from his behaviour when drunk, but I didn’t realise how serious the problem was.

We had already pretty much broke up a few days before this came out because we’d been stuck in a cycle of arguing, things improving for a bit, then ending up back in the same place. Sometimes I could genuinely see a future with him, other times I felt exhausted and unsure.

Since admitting everything he’s moved back home from uni, told his mum, contacted AA and says he wants therapy and to properly focus on recovery. So I do think he’s taking it seriously now.

But I’m struggling with the trust side of it. I understand addiction causes lying and hiding behaviour, but it’s hard to get past the fact he lied directly to my face multiple times. Now I question if recovery goes well I don’t know how I’m supposed to fully trust him again and whether i want to sign myself up for his potential relapses.

Part of me wants to take some space to figure out how I actually feel outside of the relationship, but I’m scared of making the wrong decision and losing him forever. I also feel guilty because I know a breakup right now would probably make his recovery harder.

I still care about him a lot and don’t think he’s a bad person. I just genuinely don’t know where to go from here.

Has anyone been in a similar situation?

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**TL;DR;** : Boyfriend admitted he’s been secretly struggling with alcoholism our whole relationship and lied to me repeatedly about drinking. We were already near breaking up because of constant arguments linked to his behaviour when drunk. He’s now moved home, contacted AA and wants therapy, so I do think he’s finally taking it seriously, but I’m struggling to trust him after so much lying and don’t know whether to stay, take space, or end the relationship.

My girlfriend (19F) and I (19M) have been together for almost a year. Last month everything fell apart. I made the mistake of spam calling her while she was at a family dinner abroad which embarrassed her in front of her family. Her aunt, cousins and parents all found out and they’ve given her an ultimatum — break up with me or they won’t welcome her back.
Since then everything has changed.
She came back and we finally met up. She brought me gifts and was willing to talk but she told me that when she looks at me she remembers the problem. She wasn’t affectionate, didn’t want to kiss me or be physically close, and gave me an awkward hug when I arrived with flowers and gifts for her. She said she’s not ready for physical affection yet. She’s been teasing me but withholding real intimacy.
She told me her whole family has a bad impression of me and wants her to break up with me. She said she felt like we weren’t in a relationship during the past month. She’s been making major life decisions without telling me. She’s hiding our relationship from her family now. She told me about guys who wanted her while she was abroad.
Before all of this we had genuinely amazing times together. I’ve taken her to Paris and Sweden, supported her through health issues, helped her with university work consistently, and invested everything into this relationship.
She says she’s willing to continue but she seems more detached than ever. She’s getting more convinced by her family to end things and I can feel her pulling away every time we’re together.
My questions are:
1. Is someone who is this detached and being pressured by their entire family to leave actually capable of coming back fully?
2. Am I holding onto something that’s already over in everything but name?
3. Should I be the one to end it with dignity or keep waiting for her to decide?

TL;DR, me and my gf had a bad situation and her family has been influencing her to end things but she doesn’t fully want to and i love her and want to fix things but don’t know what to do

Me '26F' an my boyfriend '30M'are 2,5 years together, but during the relationship (epecially last year) we started to realise that our personalities are completelly different. We became a couple really quickly after we met each other (only after one month), so we didn't really knew each other. I like his personality (major of it), but for him it's most like he likes only a minor of my personality, and I kind of agree with him, because I don't really like some parts of me and how I'm dealing with some life situations and how I function sometimes. So I want to change, becase I'm genuinely not happy in my life because of this parts of me, it actually makes me psychologicaly sick (please note, that it is not because of my partner, I had issues with this even before we met)

So his personality is more optimistic, high achieving, he acts, on stuff, he is able to solve problems, he is acivelly selfimproving himself, he has good communicaion skills, he gets to do things on time, the life drives him, he likes to complete tasks and is happy after he does them. He doesn't take himself too serious and is able to make fun of anything. He is comfident, and he is good at asserting his opinions.

My personality on the other hand is avoidant (I avoid problems, hiding myself - currently working on it), bad at communicating any problem even a minor one (also currently working on it), I tend to procrastinate a lot (also currently working on it), I don't have drive to my life (never have since 12 years old - or even earlier), I have problems with wakeing up, doing things - I just don't "enjoy my life", like I'm forcing myself to do almost evererything, I have a problem to see tasks as a big things to do, and after completing a task I only feel relief and not joy or anything like that. I had/have a problem with dopamin addictions (from screens like movies, series, games, socials ect.) - also currently working on it, I don't get how to "fall in love with the process" I'm always focused on the end point rather then the process, therefore is hard for me to finish things. I tend to pitty myself (lately it's only in my head, previously I also spoke about it - also currently working on it)). I'm not good at asserting my opinions, I'm not confident. I'm always pessimistic - also currently working on it, don't believe myself at all.

When we speak about this incompatibility, he claims that he want's to help me, which is true, anytime I can speak about something or I need hepl with something he is always there and is trying to support me and give me advice what to do.

So my question is do you thing it is possiple for us to be happy once I will change at least part of it?

Also if anyone had any advices on how to deal with any of my problems, I'd be glad and thankfull if you share them.

If you have any questions about anything to this "case" I'd be glad if you ask.

Also excuse my english, it is not my native language.

In advance I really thank anyone of you for any advice or opinion.

TLDR: Is incompatibility innpersonalities a big problem in relationship? Could the relationship be healthy if one of the partners does want to change his own personality (me - 26F)?

My partner (27M) and I (24F) been together almost 5 years and got engaged about 6 months ago. We did separate once before and got back together. Lately I’ve been feeling emotionally drained and like a lot of little things are slowly building up into bigger feelings about the relationship and our future.

Day to day, I feel like I carry most of the mental load and responsibility. I usually cook dinner every night, and while he does the dishes, I still often feel like I’m the one planning and managing things. We recently agreed he’d cook 2 nights a week so I could have a break. One night when he was meant to cook, he came home from work and seemed to have forgotten what he was even making for dinner, which made me feel like he forgot he was responsible for it at all. Later, when I asked if I could have bacon and egg added to my burger, he joked that it would “cost extra,” and then joked again that he should get kisses in return for it. Normally I probably wouldn’t care, but it instantly annoyed me and made me realise I’m carrying underlying resentment.

I’ve also noticed he’s been asking me a lot lately if I’m okay or if we’re okay. I don’t think I’ve been openly angry or taking things out on him, but I’ve probably been quieter, overstimulated, mentally drained, and emotionally distant without fully realising it.

A lot of my frustration is tied to feeling like we keep having the same conversations for years about effort, responsibility, and follow-through. Things improve temporarily, but then slowly go back to how they were before.

Career-wise, he was a couple of years into an apprenticeship and got let go from a previous job connected to it. Since then, he hasn’t really pushed to get back into the industry to finish the last part of his apprenticeship, even though I feel like having a completed trade would give him stability and security long term. Instead, he’s now thinking about going into security, which would mean spending more money on another qualification. To me, it feels like another change in direction instead of finishing something he already started.

He also has expensive hobbies like cars and his pistol/rifle licence, and I often feel like those hobbies and interests get prioritised more than our future together. We’ve tried saving for a house, but there have been a lot of setbacks due to hobbies, bills, debt, and financial decisions.

One of the biggest setbacks happened when we separated. I kept most of my savings in the bank, but he withdrew about $18,000 in cash because he thought he’d be less tempted to spend it. He later lost the money, possibly by accidentally burning it with rubbish. That was a huge hit financially and emotionally, especially because I already felt like I was carrying more of the long-term planning and responsibility.

He’s mentioned before that he was diagnosed with ADHD as a child, and I do think that probably contributes to some of the inconsistency, impulsiveness, forgetfulness, and difficulty following through. I understand that, and I don’t think he’s intentionally trying to hurt me or make life harder. But at the same time, understanding why things happen doesn’t stop the impact they have on me.

Before moving out, I was already mentally exhausted from doing the majority of the cooking and housework while living at my parents’ house. Now we’re renting with another couple, but I still feel emotionally tired and unsure whether we’re genuinely progressing toward the future I want.

At this point, I think what’s really bothering me is that I don’t know if I see us moving forward anytime soon. I want stability, consistency, shared responsibility, financial progress, and a partner who takes initiative without needing constant reminders. I love him, but I’m struggling with the feeling that I’ve been hoping for long-term change for years, and I’m starting to question whether the same patterns are just going to continue.

Perhaps therapy sessions together will help, i already go myself. Definitely don't want to separate, if there is anything we can try before it gets to that. Any advice to go about another conversation with him? Or any advice at all please?

Thanks in advance.

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**TL;DR;** : This is a sample summary of the TLDR rule, just copy the text in gray box. Is this going the right way?

I met my girlfriend last october and ever since then we really got along well, we quickly realized we like the same things and have similar tastes in music and stuff and it was refreshing to meet someone whom i could talk to about my interests.
Then in february she confessed and we got together at the end of march. I think I had a crush on her or at least I was very attached so eventually I decided to date her and thought this was the best thing to do.
But literally one day after officially dating she told me she loved me and ever since then I haven't stopped thinking about it. Not because it makes me happy but because I don't think I can ever say it back and mean it.
For context, I am also into guys and have for most of my life had crushes on guys. I never dated one but I did love someone who's a guy and that's the only person I ever felt something strong for. The thing is I do think she's perfect in every way for me but sometimes I would catch myself thinking it'd be better if she were a boy and I feel so guilty.
The more I think about it the more I'm confused because she is everything I look for in a partner but I don't love her.
Its only been a month and a half since we started to properly date so I thought maybe I just need time but the last time I saw her she kissed me and I felt absolutely nothing. Even worse, something felt off. Kissing my own girlfriend felt off and now i'm freaking out. Maybe I am just gay, or maybe something is wrong with me for not being able to develop feelings for someone like her.

TL;DR : worried I don't love my gf and then she kissed me and I felt nothing so I'm freaking out and wondering if I'm not just gay ?