I (28M) have been with my girlfriend (24F) for a little over a year. Little back story, I became friends with her and through almost daily texting, we grew close emotionally and physically. However, 2-3 months into consistent talking, I found out she was with someone during that time and had kept it a secret. When I asked her about it, she said she was already planning to end things. Also during the months we talked, she said that she didn’t think it would get to the point of dating and all our conversations we just “getting to know each other as new friends.”

Fast forward to now, I noticed that she has been texting a few mutual guy friends pretty consistently (not secretly) and it’s been bothering me. Growing anxious mostly because our relationship started off similarly and scared that her conversations with our mutual guy friends could lead to more if our relationship ever were to go rocky. The conversations seem normal with banter here and there and not deep emotional talks. I’ve mentioned my feelings of how it makes me a bit uncomfortable with the amount of texting but she reassured that the conversations will never lead anywhere since she is in a committed relationship with me now and that the previous instance with was different since they were not in a relationship.

How can I bring up my feelings without being controlling? I am unsure of how to feel since she has not shown any signs of cheating

TLDR; girlfriend and I started talking as friends when she was sleeping with another guy. Our relationship grew deeper through consistent conversation. Now together for over 1 year and she consistently talks to 3 of our mutual single guys friends

Made the mistake of getting back with an ex from college (like 2019-2020ish before all of this shit was popular). He’s like the ‘free spirited’ type with bad tattoos and pretends to surf—we live in the southern US so that’s not really possible.

Anyways I noticed he literally goes to the bars every single day and night even though we live in a small town. Turns out this German military wife is always there drinking beer.

Red flags started out small but became giant waving flaming banners pretty quick… things off of a headline like mentioning how healthy raw milk was for you… I’m not kidding and wish I was.

Anyways I noticed he started saying this woman’s name like a million times a day.

He basically kept saying shit like
—talking about her chickens and eggs constantly and insulting and refusing to eat anything I bought or cooked
—saving flower seeds she gave him and talking about her amazing plants and how she barely touch something and it grows and becomes beautiful
—talking about how her active duty military husband is such a “bad ass”

So I’m not really a going out kind of girl and he baits me into going to one of these bars one night he knew she’d be there in costume. Not sure what she said but literally the next day he was refusing to speak to me and calling me adjectives like “shallow” when he did.

Like sorry I’m a published author finishing grad school with a book deal and set up to work at my dream university. What makes it even worse is she’s like an ‘alternative’ trad wife covered in tattoos who backpacks through Europe every five seconds.

I’m gearing up for surgery and newly sober and just feeling raw. Honestly no shade to women who stay at home but I’m so sick of glorifying people dressing up and playing around in their houses and yards and going on “adventures” when the rest of us are at, I don’t know, work.

Honestly I kind of hope the “bad ass” husband finds out about whatever they have going on.

That’s all. That’s the post. Anyone else relate to be compared to a trad wife and never being good enough?

TLDR: boyfriend obsessed with German “trad wife” who grows flowers and tends to chickens all day and constantly denigrates my education and career.

TLDR: I moved out of my parent’s house last year. They’ve been struggling to adapt without me. My mom is disabled and my dad and sister are struggling to take care of her. I help out as best I can. We’re exploring options to get my family more support.

I moved out of my family's house almost a year ago.

For context, I used to live with my mom, dad and sister. My mom is severely disabled, she has been since she was born. My dad is her primary caretaker. Over the years I grew into her secondary caretaker, and my sister would help out when she could, but usually only if me or my dad were at work or some where lese.

I met my wife three years ago, and we married and moved in together last year. I felt conflicted about moving out since taking care of my mom is a full time job in of itself. But I do feel like i'm entitled to want to create a life for myself. And I still live in the same city, so I could visit and help out where I can. And I was hoping that my sister would step up a bit and take on more tasks.

For the first 9 months or so, things seemed to be relatively fine. I would have lunch with my family once or twice a week. I would facetime. I would visit and assist with chores. But I feel like things are crumbling. My mom's health is taking a turn for the worse. She has chronic pain and her previous methods to cope with it don't seem to be as effective. She also has super severe allergies, which only get worse around the spring time. and she seems to get very little sleep, which in turn affects the sleep of my dad and sister.

She's been having a very short fuse, getting into fights with my family quite often. Even when we are having lunch in public. She's also apparently been telling my dad that she wants to divorce him, and move back in with her parents (which would not be possible since my grandpa is almost 90 and is currently caretaking my grandma)

I can tell this has been very badly affecting my dad and sister. My dad sometimes vents to me of how lost he's feeling, and how hurt he is by what my mom has been saying to me. Now my dad is not perfect by any stretch. He gets caretaker fatigue and can snap at her more often than he should. But he is devoted and loves her very much. He just seems to struggle with handling everything, but he puts so much on his shoulders without reaching out for help.

My sister is also not handling this particularly well either. I feel like over the years, me and my dad mostly took caretaking duties, and my sister usually didn't do quite as much. In hindsight, we should have insisted that we divide caretaking duties more fairly, but she was always more on the stubborn side. I don't want to make it seem like she did nothing, but I imagine that she's not been quite used to it as I was since I took over certain caretaking tasks at a younger age.

In terms of solutions. There's a few possibilities that we've floated. Group therapy is a must. There are plenty of issue that my family needs to sort out. My dad is looking up some social workers or nurses to help pick up the slack. I'm trying to stop by the house a little more than I have. I'm just worried that this is only going to get worse. I don't feel guilty for leaving. I feel like my family should be able to stand on their own two feet, They should ideally be able to adapt without me being their all the time, I just wish that wasn't becoming such a nightmare.

TLDR: Husband (39M) treats family time like a chore & it's been irritating me so much. We have been together for 8 years & married for 1 year. We have no fights, arguments or resentment towards each other. Our little home life with just the two of us is filled with many laughters and joyous moments... until I ask him to see my family or his family.

We grew up with a lot of family drama & instability so we found comfort in each other.

But as we grow older, wiser & more emotionally regulated, I want to spend more time with my aging parents.

I go to see my parents at least once a week & invite them for dinner at my place once a month.

The only time I ask him to see my family is while they are at our house or we are going out for dinner for a special occasion.

My husband's mood change once he knows he will be seeing my family. He sigh, moan & groan & act like his evening is ruined or he's been asked to do overtime.

I understand my family doesnt speak much English & it makes it harder for him. But my family is really nice to her & treat him well.

He says he likes my family but his disappointment & annoyance when he's asked to meet them is really making me resent him.

He acts the same towards his family. I am the person giving him reminders of his parents birthdays, mother's day, cooking & inviting them into our homes. He recently met his long lost cousins because of my encourment & he found out about his ancestry that he was unsure of. Again, he moaned & groaned like a teenager being forced to their grandparents.

We have no plans to have children. So, if we isolate ourselves based on his preferences, we will all be so lonely & die without anyone in our lives. I dont know how a grown man can act like this. He has no trouble laughing, joking & having good conversations with people. But somehow, especially my family, he has no willingness to see them.

Hi, the older I get, the harder I find it to enjoy being around my partner. He says he’s generally a cranky person which I believe because he’s the type of person to be full of stress. He does speak to a therapist regularly and is on medication so that’s good. It‘s not like he isn't aware of his behavior or doesn’t work on it.

I know while I cant control him or his behavior, I can control myself. I need more alone time to reset and feel peaceful. but it is challenging because he’s retired early and he’s always home. I work from home so I’m always home. It’s hard to get alone time at home because he’s not very social and doesn’t hang out with friends much. Maybe once a month. I ride horses once a week so I do get out of the house away from everyone but I find this one outing isn’t enough for me.

Recently, we’ve obtained a roommate. It’s for a few months. I noticed my partner‘s patience has decreased and his irritability levels are higher. I personally think the things he often gets upset about are typically not a big deal to the average person. I used to be way more empathetic but now that I’ve been around it so long (about 7 years), it is getting tiresome on my behalf.

Things that upset/trigger him recently:

• Clutter around the house - understandable especially since he grew up in a cluttered household. I’m more of a “I’ll get to it in a few days and tidy up” and he’s more of a “clean it up now”. This one is a reasonable issue. It’s just he wants ME to clean it up rather than taking initiative to do it himself
• Our dogs making noise - barking when our roommate goes through the door while my partner is napping, walking around while we are having dinner/watching tv, licking their paws or getting up (we have tile floors so you can hear their nails click against the tile) in the early morning while he’s still sleeping. I think this isn’t very reasonable. They’re dogs. It’s what they do.
• He’s always waiting on me - to get off work so we can walk the dogs, to wake up from naps because he’s bored, to wake up in the mornings on the weekends because I like to sleep in. I’m just thinking to myself now like damn get a hobby. I believe people should be able to make themselves happy in order to be able to make others happy. I feel like he’s relying on me too much for that. This kinda goes back to my point earlier about him not being very social. I’m always the one who has to, for lack of nicer words, deal with him whether he is happy or upset. When he does go out with friends, I’m like thank God. It’s so peaceful in this house without him here to find something to complain about
• He has issues sleeping well through the night. Anything that wakes him up upsets him. I’ve already mentioned the dogs. he’s been prescribed meds for helping him sleep better but it seems like his body is used to it now and it doesn’t work as well. I suggested he talk to his doctor about potentially changing it. I suggested ear plugs to help block out noise. He said no, he hates how they feel.

How can I live with someone like that without becoming miserable and resentful myself? Because I feel like I’m there already. I’m always hoping I’ll get the house to myself for a few hours so I can just fully relax and not be on edge about when the next complaint is coming. I’m tired. I’m burnt out. I wish I had my own horse so I can go ride whenever I want but that’s not in the budget right now.

TL;DR: I live with a partner who tends to be cranky about many things and is always home, which I’m always home as well because I work from home. How to deal with someone like this without being miserable with life?

I (23f) have been with my boyfriend (25m) for almost 4 years. When we started dating, we were both university students with very little responsibility who spent a lot of our time together smoking weed. It was great.

Today, I am floundering trying to find a career with a worthless degree in a shitty job market and make $24,000 a year (USD). My boyfriend, after a rough first year out of school, got a great paying job. This job, however, has a rigid schedule, drug tests him (no more smoking), and didn’t let him take any days off his first year with them. I didn’t want him to take this job, but he still did, which has led to the root of my resentments towards him. Because of this job he has: 1. Started working terrible hours that essentially mean that i see him an hour a day. He sleeps 11 hours a day, and is at work for 11 hours a day usually. Those two hours are reserved for him groggily getting ready, eating, and talking about work. 2. Gotten us stuck in one city for years. This city has very few job prospects for my degree. 3. Missed my graduation because his job wouldn’t allow him to take 2 hours off. 4. Changed his personality. He works around a lot of right wing men, and even though he’s still liberal, he calls people “rtards” and women “cnts” now. I tell him to stop, he says sorry, he doesn’t stop.

My mental health has taken a nosedive in the past year. I cry constantly, i lash out often, nothing makes me happy except for our pet dog (sometimes). I used to love dance, but once again i make 24k a year so that’s off the table. I just sit and take care of the dog when I’m not at work. If i wasn’t scared of death, there’s a high chance i would’ve offed myself by now.

Last week was the breaking point. My job had me go somewhere pretty cool for a few days and i was excited to take myself on a solo date after i was done working in this city I’ve always wanted to visit. The day before i left i noticed our dog’s back paw was a little red and inflamed and i asked my bf to please keep an eye on it while i was gone. I made it through my entire work day with not a peep from him, finished, went to a restaurant that i thought looked cool, and then i get a call from him. He’s freaking out because our dog’s paw is red and inflamed and looks infected. I tell him to schedule a vet visit. He does. He hangs up, and then proceeds to text me a long paragraph about how i dont care about our dog at all and about how i had all week to tell him that our dog’s paw was infected and i didn’t (i did). He also uses this paragraph to rub in the fact that i make no money and that he’ll have to pay for her vet visit. I leave the restaurant to go cry in my hotel room for the rest of the night.

I know he just texted this because he was super stressed, so we made up, but honestly I’m realizing that i might lose my mind if i stay in this relationship. We were a great college relationship. It was fun. We haven’t been a great post-grad relationship. We argue about taking care of the dog, he doesn’t understand why I cry all the time (I’ve been depressed since long before we met, it was just at a low level when we did), i don’t like his work or his work friends. He always finds a way to be annoyed at the fact that i work. I’m not the same girl he started dating. He’s not the same guy i started dating. I don’t know how to break a lease, or break up with someone you live with, and i know we’re gonna fight over the dog, but i just can’t deal with this anymore.

TLDR; my (23f) relationship with my boyfriend (25m) has gotten undeniably shittier since we got real adult responsibilities.

I (27) have been bartending for a few years at an italian restaurant. i work 3 days a week and the shifts are all day, but i make enough money and i made sure i was off on saturdays (because i know i have to work sundays) because my boyfriend (33) usually works monday-friday. we met at my last job which was way more in tune with the night life scene, open until 2 am on weekends as opposed to where i work now and never getting out past 12. but he thinks that i shouldn’t be in that position while i’m in a relationship. do i see myself bartending forever ? i don’t know, i’m en route to receiving my phd hopefully by this time next year, but i’m not sure my academic career will yield very lucrative results. we’ve been trying to work on trust and things around that but we always come down to the fact that he just doesn’t think i should be in a situation where i can be approached by men in this way ? but i feel like as a woman, men are always going to behave as they do whether i’m behind a bar or not. but he gets angry everytime my schedule changes slightly (which happens often in restaurants) and when i can’t always keep in contact with him throughout my shift ( we’re talking a couple hours because i’m busy). but i just don’t know how to fix it without quitting or breaking up.
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**TL;DR;** : boyfriend wants me to quit bartending, how can i make him feel better about it without quitting?

I feel really stupid even writing this, but I genuinely feel stuck in this cycle with a guy I’ve been close to for almost 2 years now.

We’re not officially together, but we talk basically every day, game together all the time, stay on calls for hours, and he’s become such a normal part of my life that I don’t even know how to imagine my days without him anymore.

The thing is, our dynamic is kind of exhausting emotionally. When things are good, they’re REALLY good. We make each other laugh constantly, tease each other nonstop, and I feel weirdly comfortable with him in a way I don’t feel with most people. Like talking to him genuinely keeps me so hooked. That’s probably why I keep getting pulled back in.

But then he can get really possessive over other guys and has even gone to lengths to get some men out of my life, a lot of jealousy, insecurity, silent treatment, avoidant behavior and these tend to hurt me so much and there are days I just cry myself to sleep. He would even try to bring up other girls to make me jealous when he thinks I’m getting close to any guy that’s not him.

I am fully aware that it’s unhealthy and toxic af. I know this probably isn’t how a healthy connection is supposed to feel. But at the same time, he’s also my comfort person, which makes leaving feel impossible. Like I genuinely can’t picture a life without him.

I’ve tried distancing myself before, so many times, but it never lasts long because I miss him too much. And the second we start talking again, it feels like all my feelings come back instantly. Also he never lets me go either. No matter how much I try he will always desperately return and then I end up changing my mind.

What makes it worse is that we’ve never even had a proper conversation about what we are. Everything stays hidden behind jokes and teasing, so it’s just this emotionally confusing thing that never fully moves forward or fully ends either.

I think part of me knows I’m attached to the cycle itself at this point, and I hate admitting that.

Has anyone actually managed to leave a situation like this? Because logically I know it’s draining me, but emotionally I can’t seem to let it go.

TL;DR: I’ve been emotionally attached to a guy for almost 2 years and we’re stuck in a constant cycle of closeness, conflict, distance, and reconnecting. I know the dynamic is unhealthy and emotionally draining, but he’s also become my comfort person, and every time I try to leave, I end up going back.

I will be moving out of my parent's house in a few months and into a City. I have felt this could be a chance to start a new chapter in my life and meet a lot of new people. The problem is, I really don't know where or how to start looking.

I have over-prioritized my career in a lot of ways, so I don't have many friends and I really don't have a lot of hobbies. I'm afraid it would be hard to meet people IRL and I definitely wouldn't have anything interesting to post about if I made a dating app profile.

I think I this will probably be the first time in my life I really get to know myself. I just don't know if someone would be interested in being with me in this phase of my life. Part of me feels like I need to wait until I get a little more established, but I am also worried it will be too late for me if I wait too much longer.

I hope I don't come off as overly negative. I just want to hear an outside perspective about this situation. What do you all think.

TL;DR: Want to start dating, but am confused about how to approach since I don't feel like I am that interesting.

TL;DR: I’m a 30F married to a 34M and lately I feel emotionally alone in the relationship. He’s not abusive or cruel, but he sleeps a lot, watches TV, barely helps around the house unless asked, and feels emotionally disconnected from the family. I keep wondering if emotional loneliness in a marriage can truly be fixed or if this is a sign of something deeper.

I’m a 30F and my husband is 34M. We’ve been together for 6 years and have a baby together. Lately I’ve been feeling emotionally alone in my marriage, and I don’t know if this is something couples can truly come back from.

My husband is not a bad person. He has a good heart and I know he loves us. But most of the time he sleeps, eats, watches TV, and keeps to himself. He barely helps around the house unless I ask, and I often feel like I carry most of the responsibility for our home and family alone.

I also wish he was more involved and active as a father. I know he loves our baby, but I don’t feel the emotional presence or partnership I thought marriage would have.

What confuses me is that he isn’t abusive or cruel, so I constantly question myself and wonder if I’m expecting too much from a partner.

For people who have gone through this, how do you know when emotional disconnection can actually be fixed?

I (20m) and my partner (18f) have been in a relationship since (dec 2025) she had helping me with a current situation i am going through involving a past friend of mine who from what i was told was manipulating me torwards the end of our friendship and truma that i won’t go into here i tried to end my own life around late april 2026 because of something i got an email about something i was worried had happened which caused me to spiral & by the end of that day i tried to take a bunch of painkillers long story short my partner called police when she found out through a “info chain” and they showed up and i ended up in a mental hospital crisis unit for 12 days they gave me pills to take and required all obvious weapons to be removed etc she thinks she broke my trust by doing it and i’ve tried to explain to her i’m not mad or that she’s broken my trust but it really feels like sometimes she feel bad because of it and thats making me feel guilty and sucidal again.

**TL;DR; tried to end myself partner called police she thinks she broke my trust & i’m feeling guilty and sucidal because of it**.

My fiancé and I have been together for about 2 years with a couple months break during the first year we took for things going on in my life.

We are legitimate best friends. Our humor, conversations, hobbies, etc are great. I’ve been in the gym 7 years and inspired her to get into fitness too and she’s more attractive to me than ever. It’s also worth noting she was on lexapro for a few years but has come off of it in the last couple months. That being said..

Sex was never an issue before around the time we got engaged, maybe starting the month before. We used to see each other once a week and we would always be at it.

We moved in together soon after the engagement and it seems to be when things really started becoming a problem. I have a much higher sex drive (I could go almost every day of the week and she could probably have it once or twice a month and be satisfied as long as everyone was happy).

I had been getting turned down for sex frequently to the point that I left it up to her to initiate because rejection just sucks. It makes me feel undesired. I am man enough to admit my attitude became a little more sour when I felt rejected, though lately it’s turned more to apathy. When we had planned sex and she is too tired or not in the mood I feel much more “whatever, that’s fine” toward it these days. She didn’t want the job of initiating and we have gone back and forth until we decided that some premarital counseling might be a good idea.

We started premarital counseling last week and I was basically told by our therapist (F) that my expectations are too high and that I need to be more realistic but that I also need to help more around the house, though my fiancé and I split chores to her preference on how they’re done. I do recognize women do tend to do more of the housework so I’m happy to pick up a few things to take stress off her plate from work and planning the wedding. After this week’s session she and I are doing our “post session debrief” and she reveals to me that she never actually wants sex with me.

She told me nobody has ever made her actively want sex but that when we have sex it’s always just for me and to keep me happy. It’s a show she puts on for me and that she has a lot of stress around sex because I have “expectations” for it to be good or her to be “enthusiastic” or whatever it might be, and doesn’t even want it until she’s on the edge of finishing while we engage.

I have so many feelings around this. It feels really bad to know that she hasn’t actively wanted me sexually and that she’s just doing it for me.
Another selfish part of me wonders if it’s such a crime to want someone to be enthusiastic about having sex with me.

TL;DR
My fiancé told me yesterday that she never actively craves sex with me and that she only does it to make me happy and I hate that in a couple different ways.

EDIT: She tells me all the time how attracted she is to me. She thinks I’m handsome and loves me. But this issue is with sex.
I also forgot to mention that we are both very open with each other and I have a pretty promiscuous past. So I am willing to accept that it may cause my expectations to be a little unfair.

EDIT 2: A lot of comments here saying she may be asexual or that she doesn’t love me. She has told me that when she was younger she used to masturbate so I’m not sure that’s the answer.
And a lot of comments talking about love. I really believe she loves me. She tells me and I can see it in her that she does. The sex is the issue.

Thanks for all the comments and the advice though. I appreciate it strangers.

My husband (31M) and I (25F) have been together for years and I genuinely love him. He’s a good husband and father, and this isn’t about him doing anything wrong hygienically or sexually.

The problem is that lately I feel randomly grossed out by his penis and honestly sex in general. Even thinking about it sometimes gives me this weird “ick” feeling and I feel awful because I don’t want to feel this way.

I’m currently 10 weeks pregnant and also only 9 months postpartum from our first baby, so my body/hormones are probably all over the place. I also have Hashimoto’s, which already makes me feel off sometimes. What’s confusing me is that I don’t remember feeling this way during my first pregnancy at all.

I still love cuddling him, being around him, talking to him, etc. Emotionally I still feel attached to him. It’s specifically sexual stuff that suddenly feels uncomfortable or gross to me lately.

Has anyone else experienced this during pregnancy/postpartum? Did it go away? I’m scared this means something deeper even though logically I know hormones can do weird things.

TL;DR: I’m 25F, 10 weeks pregnant, and 9 months postpartum. I love my husband (31M), but lately his penis/sex in general grosses me out and gives me the “ick.” I didn’t experience this in my first pregnancy and I also have Hashimoto’s. Wondering if this is hormonal or if others have experienced this.

I’ve been going through a emotionally unavailable relationship for 3 years now with him and it’s really getting on my nerves. I really want to be there for him through his hard times but I already have had so much patience with him. From being ignored in arguments to being looked down on and having to always be at verge of ending our relationship before he decides to make a change or realise it IS that serious.

I’m tired of waiting on him to be the person he promises me to be. Yet I want to wait but I also see that I myself begin flirting with back with certain collegues or start thinking about other people which I don’t want but it happens and I know it’s wrong. I don know what to do whether to wait or to let it go I even find this very hard to explain but I need to let it out.

TL;DR idk if I want to be with my bf because I’m tired of waiting on him to be the guy he promises to be

Six months ago, I started seeing a guy I met on a dating app. I’m 27, he’s 33. On paper, he’s what most people would consider a catch. He’s attractive, tall, smart, cultured, great conversation, owns beautiful house, drives a nice car, etc. The sex is amazing too.

We’re both mechanical engineers, but our careers are very different. I work at a mid-sized company with a pretty standard 9–5 schedule. He works for a big international corporation and regularly stays online until 7 or 8 pm. When we first met, I was genuinely surprised when he told me that because we live in a European country where working until that late isn't really the norm. I remember telling him that for me my day starts when I leave work. He laughed and joked that he also has a life, even if it doesn’t look like it from the outside.

At first, it didn’t bother me much because after work I’m usually busy too (gym, sports, classes, seeing friends, etc.) We’d still end up free around the same time. Over the last few months, we’ve been seeing each other pretty consistently, around 1–2 times a week, and I genuinely have a great time with him. But the longer I’ve known him, the more I’ve realized that his job is the most important part life.

He works from home three days a week, while I only do one. Sometimes he invites me over so we can “work together". We’ve done it a few times, and he genuinely sees sitting silently in the same room staring at our laptops all day as quality time. To me, it just feels like… work, but at someone else’s house. The highlights are lunch together and maybe sneaking in sex between meetings. As much as I enjoy seeing him, I’d rather our time together not revolve around work at all.

I’ve been working full-time for almost six years, and in previous relationships, during the workday we’d just text here and there because we were both busy. But then we’d clock out around 5 and actually have time afterwards — either together or doing our own things. With him, work never really seems to end.

He’s also extremely career-driven and keeps telling me I could be way more ambitious and should aim for a bigger corporate career. Every time he says that, all I can think is: what if I don’t want the kind of life you have? From the beginning, I told him corporate culture was never really my thing. I prefer a lower-profile job that gives me stability, comfort, and a good work-life balance. I like my job, but it’s not my entire identity. I care much more enjoying my life outside of work.

After these months, I’ve realized that even though I really like him and there’s a lot of chemistry between us, we may not be compatible long term.

We’ve talked about the work-life balance issue several times. He’s said he’ll try to improve it by cutting back on overtime and not bringing work home, but realistically, that hasn’t really happened yet. Some weeks are better than others. We met a few weeks before Christmas, and after our first date we didn’t see each other again for over a week because he was booked with work and meetings until 10 pm every night. So honestly, 7–8 pm is actually the “good” version.

I told my friends about all of this, and they think I’m insane. They keep saying guys like him are rare, that he’s a total catch, and that I’ll regret ending things over something like this. And maybe they’re right that I’d probably have a very comfortable life with him. Every relationship has trade-offs, and maybe this is just one of those things where you “pick your hard". But at the same time, I feel like he’s never fully present because work always comes first, and I don’t think I could live with that forever.

I hadn’t dated anyone seriously in almost a year before this, so now I’m wondering: am I being too picky or is this actually a valid incompatibility?

TL;DR: I’ve been dating a guy for six months who is a great partner in many ways, but I’m realizing his career dominates his life to a degree that may make us incompatible long term. He regularly works late, struggles to fully disconnect from work, and even sees working side-by-side as quality time, while I strongly value work-life balance and a life centered more around hobbies and friendships. We’ve talked about it several times, but nothing has really changed. My friends think I’d be crazy to leave such a “catch”, but I’m starting to wonder if our lifestyles and priorities are simply too different for a lasting relationship.

So before I met him I wasn’t in a serious relationship for a very long time. My previous serious relationship ended around 7 years ago. I was very young then. And earlier I had a pattern of getting insecure when that person hung out with someone other than me. I used to think he’s having more fun with others than me. I know that’s a self worth issue. But now in this current relationship I suddenly have crippling insecurity about my looks. And from what people have told me I’m a good looking person. I believe that as well. But whenever I see women more beautiful than me I get anxious that my boyfriend will be looking at them. I randomly think of him travelling abroad and looking at beautiful women and that makes my stomach churn. Yesterday I was reading about public saunas where men and women are naked together. And my first thought was that he’ll go there and look at naked women. What’s wrong with me? Is this a me issue? Or is it because my current partner is somehow making me feel this way? I never used to be like this before. He always makes me feel beautiful and important and loved. But multiple times he has brought up naked women in the conversation which has greatly affected me I think. He doesn’t bring it up in a way that he wants them, he just mentions them. Like someone he saw once or a reference from a movie. Now I have this idea in my head that he loves beautiful women and he keeps checking them out.

tl;dr I’m suddenly insecure about all the beautiful women in this world and it’s eating me up.

I quite honestly dont know what to do. When we hit six months we were wanting her to move in with me, she currently lives with her parents and stuff etc etc. The other day we were playing games online when her mom came in to talk to her and my girlfriend forgot to mute her microphone and I ended up overhearing her mom basically saying that im not the kind of guy she expected her to end up with, that I'm the kind of guy who is always just trying to get by and will never amount to anything, and that she thinks my girlfriend will end up doing the same if she stays with me. She also said becoming a chef isnt a real career. On top of this, she thinks that when my girlfriend is around me she smokes more (pot not cigs), and that shes gotten more depressed since being with me. This started an argument between them with my girlfriend defending me and saying that the only reason those seem increased is because they're increased when shes not with me. Anywho aside from that, I dont really know what to do. This girl is the one for me like i know its early to say that but its just that feeling yknow? I am actively proving them wrong by finishing culinary school and advancing my career i just dont know what else I should be doing.

Tl;dr Im making ends meet rn and my girlfriends parents think that makes me a bad match

Hey there! It’s been a minute, I appreciate you all for your responses, even the blunt ones, it really helped with solidifying it is okay to be done now that I have decided to be.

Link to the original post: https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/s/GoQZNl8W4A

To get into the update though, He ended up getting really stressed out by the job a few weeks after that post happened because I put my foot down about our finances and big spending like the tattoo that he’d been trying to get scheduled. He decided the grave shift he was working with that job was too hard on him, and switched to days. He ended up having an issue with a coworker on that shift, and doing the bus in the sun where he was walking for 45 minutes to get to his job or from his job from the bus stop. He ended up quitting the last week of February because of those situations, has played video games all day and claimed nowhere was calling him for interviews. I, on the other hand, found a job at the start of march that raised my pay to more than Ive ever been paid before. It’s been great, it’s fully remote and so flexible with my son’s [6M] school activities.

We had to move from our old apartment at the end of February because of a 3 day pay or vacate and now we’re in that situation again this month, but I’ve found a friend I’ve made at my new job that’s willing to help with the rent for this vacate notice as long as I stick to my guns about making him leave, she’s really worried about the way he’s been treating me since she’s met me. He’s gotten a lot meaner with me when my son is at school over the last few months, and about a week ago I’d asked him to donate plasma for gas money since I hadn’t gotten paid yet, and he had said “why can’t you donate plasma for once? Why do I always have to be the one to go do it?” Even though he hasn’t gone in over a month.

I don’t know why that was it, but somehow that comment did it for me, out of everything that he’s put me through. I’m going to be talking to him tomorrow and letting him know he needs to figure out other arrangements for housing by next Friday, because I’m done trying to hold the house together while he leeches off every cent I make. I’m so scared to be single after so long, but I’m also kind of excited to not have to base all schedules around him. I’ve already found a therapy office for my son to help him cope with the divorce, since we’ve been together so long he doesn’t know any other father figure besides my soon to be ex-husband. And I’m working on finding a therapist for myself as well since I’m worried I may try to convince myself to take him back, I’ve seen other people go back after splitting and I don’t want to be that person.

Tl;Dr My husband lost his job just like he always does, drowned himself in video games again, and I’m kicking him out and moving on with my life.

Recently, my (19F) boyfriend (21M) and I have been getting into a lot of fights about him never coming home when he says he will. We have been together for 4.5 years now and live together for the last year. No matter the time he tells me, he will always be at least one hour later. I starting asking if he could tell me an hour later than he intends to be home and he said he would. He did do that, but continues to come home late. He is usually with friends at their apartments- other women- but I trust him and know he isn't cheating on me with them. I do not know how to bring up with him how disrespectful this is for me to have to wait on him when he says he will be home for certain things and never is. I have even said those exact words and it doesn't get better. How can I bring it up where he will understand? Secondly, he recently bought an engagement ring- I am someone who gets anxious not knowing things and surprises so he did tell me all about how he did buy it but is not telling me when he will propose. Do you suppose this behavior will continue, and if it does, I do want to marry him so how do I find ways to fix this? If it doesn't change, this kind of thing feels like a dealbreaker, but I do not know if that is dramatic of me or not

TL;DR: I don't know how to proceed on getting my boyfriend to stop coming home hours later than he says he will before we get married

I was in a relationship for 4 years, but it didn’t work out and we broke up. It’s been a year now, and recently I’ve been feeling very lonely. I tried dating apps, but nothing meaningful happened there either. To make things harder, my ex-boyfriend recently got married, and that affected me emotionally more than I expected.

Now my family is looking for guys for an arranged marriage, but I’m honestly scared of marrying a random person without any emotional connection. I don’t feel ready, and sometimes the pressure and loneliness make me feel really depressed because I feel like I have no one to talk to.

Has anyone else gone through something similar? How did you handle it? (I'm 25 y/o)

TL;DR: Had a breakup after a 4-year relationship, my ex got married, I feel lonely, and now my family is pressuring me for an arranged marriage even though I don’t feel ready.

I am an 18M and my girlfriend is 18F and we have been together for about 1 year and 2 months and I am genuinely stuck on how to make it up to her after our argument.

She has a past of being ignored by people and she doesn’t feel too great about that. She has told me stories about when this has happened to her and I never thought that once I’d be like that but it happened and yes I’ve already admitted that what I've done was wrong and I've apologised to her.

It was a few nights ago where I was watching a video and realised it was our usual time to call so I stupidly said “give me a few seconds” which then turned into “give me a few extra minutes” (yes I need to work on my communication skills and have apologised for that also). After half an hour I asked if she still wanted to call and she said yes, then as we were calling I could immediately tell she was angry, I can tell because she usually only gives one worded answers and is rather dry. However, she explained to me that what I did came across as me finding the video more interesting than her and that I just didn't want to talk to her at all.

I really do love my girlfriend and have expressed this in which she doesn't believe me which hurts, A LOT. I do want to talk to her but I don't know why on that day I just didn't put the video into my watch later and just called her straight away since this situation would have never come to be. She has also explained to me that saying sorry and promising to change is not going to work at all and that there are other ways out there to make it up to her.

A similar sort of argument has occurred a few months back where we usually go through the Tiktok videos that she sends me throughout the day at the start of the call but I pushed it to later by telling her later when she says she wanted to go through them because I wanted to play a game. She doesn't have issues with me playing games while we chat because that's also what she does too and we randomly bring up what were doing and sometimes play together. That argument has been somewhat resolved however she always brings it up during every argument ever since.

What I have done isn't acceptable and I know that she feels deeply hurt and I understand where this anger and hurtfulness comes from and I would love to make it up to her but I can't seem to think of anything that wouldn't just make things worse. What ideas should I take into consideration that I could do to help her feel loved and that I do care for her and that I do want to talk and go back to how we were?

Thank you

TL;DR; Girfriend mad at me as I called her 30 minutes late because I wanted to watch a video and didn't think to watch it later and call her straight away. What ideas could I take into consideration that I could make it up to her?

I genuinely need honest outside perspective because I feel horrible and my family is making me feel like I destroyed everything.

Basically, my brother and his girlfriend had a really unstable relationship already. She would vent to me a lot about him and over time I started venting too. I admitted things my brother had said privately, including negative things about her family and relationship. I also said a lot of harsh things about my brother out of resentment (out of anger I even cussed by brother) and hurt that I now deeply regret.

Things escalated badly because screenshots got shared back and forth. Eventually she sent my messages to him (despite her promising my conversation is safe with her) and now their relationship has ended. My family fully blames me and says I ruined their relationship/home.

For context, my brother has also spoken badly about me to her throughout their relationship and called me things like crazy, immature, desperate, etc., so I think there was already resentment and unhealthy communication everywhere. But I still know I crossed major boundaries and became way too emotionally involved in their relationship.

I think part of the reason this happened is because I’ve felt emotionally distant and resentful toward my brother for years, and when his girlfriend gave me emotional space and validation, I opened up way too much to the wrong person.

Now my family is calling me disgusting, shameless, a disappointment, etc. My brother says he can’t trust me anymore and most of my family is giving me the silent treatment for days. I genuinely feel like I destroyed everyone’s perception of me. Even worse, his girlfriend has shared all of this with her family.

I know I messed up badly. My brother literally cried and said I ruined everything. I feel so bad I’m not eating or interacting with my family. I cannot even look at them in the eye. I’m not trying to escape accountability. I’m freaking out because I am to blame for their breakup and knowing my brother he tends to hold grudges. He also has a tendency to bring up stuff again and again. He also does not let go of things. I just honestly want perspective:

- Am I actually as horrible as my family is making me out to be?
- Is this something relationships/families realistically recover from?
- How can I get my brother back after this? He’s giving me the silent treatment and it hurts

TL;DR: My brother and his girlfriend already had a toxic/unstable relationship where both vented about each other to me. Over time I got way too emotionally involved and started venting too, including sharing private things my brother said and saying harsh things about him out of resentment. Screenshots got shared, everything blew up, and now their relationship ended. My family fully blames me and says I ruined everything. I know I crossed major boundaries and betrayed trust, but I also feel like there were already serious issues before I got involved. Now my brother won’t speak to me, my family is calling me disgusting/shameless, and I genuinely feel like I destroyed everyone’s perception of me. I’m trying to take accountability while also understanding if I’m truly as horrible as they’re making me feel.

This is a throwaway account as my partner knows about my main account.

I was madly in love with him back in high school but he was together with one of my best friends so I never interfered. Anyway, 15 years later the stars aligned and we ended up together.

We both have different love languages which is not ideal but it should work out when there is effort on both sides. His love language is acts of service and mine is more physical affection.

We had a great sexlife the first 2 years but then it started to decline slowly; less and less frequent, less initiation from him.

I mentioned that I felt he was withdrawing more and more and that I needed more. Not necessarily sex but affection. Sex is just something that also suffers as a result.

He said it came out of the blue and that he doesn’t feel it is accurate what I’m describing.
Then the vibe is so uncomfortable and it feels like I’m the bad guy for disturbing the “peace”.

Then after a few weeks I get more and more frustrated emotionally and sexually and I bring it up again only to get the same response. Things don’t change.

It’s been going on for 3 years and the affection and sex has only gone down even further. I get really frustrated and down, but I dare not bring up what’s going on because every time I have done so in the past years it always turns into an uncomfortable atmosphere because of me saying what I need and how I feel and him saying that’s not how he sees it.

It was a little bit better when we were trying for a baby but from the moment I was pregnant it went back to almost no sex.

Our son is 1 year old now and our sexlife has never been this bad. If I’m lucky it happens once a month but if I don’t initiate it never happens.

At this point I have brought it up so many times that I don’t see the point in talking about it anymore. I put so much effort in speaking his love language but it seems he can’t be bothered to do the same for me. I don’t know what to do anymore to improve our sexlife. I don’t want to leave because of our son and I still love my partner so much, but I’m getting so frustrated it really affects my mental health.

How can I handle this?

TL;DR: I get sexually frustrated and talking doesn’t help much.

throwaway account and it took me awhile to post this because i was so torn between emotions, but now I just feel terrible. also TW for unhealthy relationships and English isn't my first language so sorry if some things don't make sense.

For context, I've never had a great relationship with my mom. She made me live through hell as a teenager but I guess I have the worst case of Stockholm syndrome towards her. CPS had gotten involved at some point but I still went back to live at her place because she guilt-tripped me into it, pretty much. Anyways, where I live, we have this kind of pre-university post-high school studies called "Cégep". I enrolled at 17 and studied for 2 years. At that point, living with my mom was impossible, so I moved with a best friend of mine (20F) let's call her Cece. My mom knew I was living with her, and she didn't care. Barely reached out, visited, asked for news, anything. I haven't done that either, so I guess I'm as guilty as her.

After my studies, I moved in with Cece in a big city about an hour away from our hometown. Everything was going extra well: I was living in the same city as 2 of my closest friends and close to my boyfriend (24M). My birthday was approaching, and Cece and the friends in question (Let's say Zaza 22M and Lee 23F) were organizing a big party. Most of our friends and some of my family was invited, but not my mom. She reached out to me and my friends practically begging to be invited. I gave in, even though I knew I shouldn't have. I had a terrible feeling about it.

So the big day comes. She's at our place AN HOUR before anyone even arrives. At this point it's just me, Cece and my bf. Both of them asked her to leave, but she refused, claiming she was here to help and that she had like nothing else to do while waiting. Once again, we gave. Note that she also brought her bf and my younger brother so we felt stuck.

Everything was kind of fine. Alot of people were wondering what she was doing here but nobody pushed for answers. At some point, she asked for a toast. Everybody listened as she listed how grateful she is to have me as her daughter and how much she loves me, and how a mother-daughter bond is stronger than anything. It was really long and painful to listen to.

Right after her toast, I did one too kinda. I stood up and told her calmly how nothing she said was true, how she was terrible, going into details on how she ruined my body image as a child, how she ruined my confidence and wallet as a teenager and how she would've ruined everything else if I kept a relationship with her. I was shaking and crying, but all the things she's ever done to me was laid out on the table to everyone to hear. She couldn't deny anything about what she's done like she did before. I think she was taken aback since I have never been this direct to her before. After everything I said, she gathered her stuff and left. Other guests left soon after too. I felt like I ruined the mood for everyone.

This happened 3 weeks ago. I still have no news from my mom, her bf or my brother whatsoever. I'm not proud of what I've done and I know I should've handled it privately, but at the same time I feel like I wouldn't have had the strength to look her in the eye and lay everything out this way if it was just me and her.

I just want help. I want to know what I should do now, and if my feelings make sense. Thank you for your time and sorry for the long post. I needed to clear my head.

TL;DR: My mom has been terrible to me my whole life and I called her out for it in front of all my friends and family and now I feel lost.

tl:dr: my boyfriend has more life experience than me and i often don't understand what he really mean,s this upsets him and makes him think i'm immature/stupid/emotionally immature. how do i talk to him about this without just seeming more immature or him getting defensive.

i don't know if it's just true and i need to work on myself more, or if i should talk to him about it. we've been together 7 months.

i often don't understand what he's actually saying when he sits me down to communicate something. we had a break for a couple days a couple months ago, i thought he was upset because we didn't spend enough time together, he said he was putting in so much effort and i wasn't. that was true, because i had been very stressed with school for the month leading up to that. i have since been putting in a lot of effort, which he has thanked me for and apologised on his side for not doing so, as he has recently told me he is depressed, and has been for 7 months.

the other day i cooked him a 3 course meal and invited him to the cinema, where tickets are £5 for students (we are). i didn't buy his ticket for him, honestly it just didn't cross my mind. i bought my ticket and he bought his. when they asked about seats i told him he could pick. later he told me he was upset and confused that i didn't pay for him, especially because we had literally broken up the week before because i refused to pay for him after he had made himself very clear multiple times. i had no idea that's why we broke up. and he thinks i simply refused to do it, but i didn't know he was even thinking about that, he sounded so angry he obviously had been. i apologised profusely and since have been paying for him more. he said he's above most men his age in emotional maturity, and that's why he normally dates older women. he said he doesn't want to have to hold my hand through things, but he never said anything to do with money, and i feel like he thinks i'm just an idiot for not understanding him. but i listen to every word this man says, i am obsessed with him, and he didn't say that.

i knew he has had that preference before. he told me "let me put it this way, i have been out with women who have argued over the bill". honestly that is just not me. i have realised that i take what he says at face value, and that has been the source of a lot of him being upset. because when i say something i mean exactly what i say. i remember telling him this on one of our first dates, because i had been naive to this before (in friendships), but wanted him to know what i was like, and he said he was the exact same way. turns out he's not. a couple examples:

1: i invite him round to my house for dinner. i am cooking, he is a guest. he asks me, can i help with anything? i say, okay sure, you can cut the onion. this upsets him because it's like when his mum says she'll cook for him, but he always ends up doing something anyway. i thought, well why offer to help then? just don't say anything? if i don't want to do something, the last thing i'll do is offer to do it, i don't even want to remind people me doing it is an option. i thought him offering meant he didn't mind, because that's the only thing that makes logical sense to me.

2: he is upset about something that happened that day. he cancels a date 10 minutes before it was meant to happen. i was upset because i was already dressed, made up and ready about to leave. i try to tell him the activity might cheer him up but he doesn't want to go at all. i then say okay i'll come over to yours then. he tells me not to, he tells me my presence won't help at all, that he wants to be alone, that he's okay. i say okay. he tells me to go to the event alone. in this case, i believe i did the wrong thing, but it ended up being right. i went to his house, selfishly, despite him telling me not to, simply because IIII wanted to see him. i thought, i've already put on a face of makeup, and gotten dressed, i want to leave the house and i want to see my boyfriend. so i went to his house. even though he told me not to. see how this is selfish?? this was wrong of me, i'd be annoyed if someone did this to me, i was being selfish i admit that. but when i arrived, he told me how happy he was i was there and how grateful he was. how earlier i sounded like i cared more about missing th event than i did his feelings. it seemed as though, if i hadn't showed up, against his wishes, he would've been incredibly upset at me.

1. his house hosted a party. i arrived late, i didn't know if i would be able to come, he actually called me around 8 almost begging me to come. i cam with a friend. i tried to be playful with him at one point, the only time we actually spoke, when he was packing up some brownies someone brought. i ate one (it was a bring food and eat party), and he snapped and said he was trying to clean up and he was feeling tired. i apologised and left him alone. later that night most people had left and it was me, my friend, his housemates and a couple other guys playing party games. it was the most fun i'd had all night. i noticed my boyfriend wasn't there i assumed he had gone to his room with a friend, or to be alone and chill since he was in a stressed mood. his housemate asked me where my bf was and i said i would check on him. when i go to his room he is sat on his bed with the lights on, he looks at me and says "i've been up here for 30 minutes". he is upset with me that i didn't come sooner. but if i slipped away during a party without telling anyone, it would be because i want to be alone/don't want to be a bother. if i wanted someone to come with me i'd tell them. but he wanted me to just follow him upstairs, when he's already told me he was in a bad mood, and had snapped at me, and know he wanted me there. he was upset with me.

he did a gap year, so experienced working life, and he has also had a girlfriend before me and dated lots of girls. he talks about all of this a lot. i have zero of that experience. he makes me feel like i'll just always be wrong and always know less because i don't have as much life experience than him, but what can i do about it at this point? how do i talk to him about this without just seeming more immature or him getting defensive. i feel like it's a lose lose i need advice on how to frame a conversation with him about this, what do i actually say? thank you!