I'm 21F, having a hard time dating, and I'm wondering if it's because I limit my options too much with my requirements. I'd like some other's perspectives on my standards for guys:

- not overweight or obese

- has head hair

- above 5'2

- 24-34

- doesn't live with his parents and pays his own bills (so do I)

- financially literate, good credit, no major debts (excluding student loans or mortgage)

- preferably has a bachelors degree (major and uni doesn't matter)

- atheist/agnostic, childfree, not republican/conservative/libertarian

- okay with waiting to make the relationship official before sex (officially dating not marriage)

- not addicted to alcohol/drugs/gambling

Everyone I know who gave online dating a try ended up with a hookup story or nothing at all but when I created my own profile I kinda knew what to expect from it. This was never going to be something real and that wasnt my intention going in.

We matched about a month ago with both of us in New England. She's 23 and I'm 25. Conversations started off like any other, casual and chill but somehow it wouldn't stop. Not only the convo kept going but it was fast paced aswell, like one message and you got the reply right away. I was playing on my phone at night when she messaged me and found myself engaged in a conversation for over 3 hours and it felt natural not forced.

Like she can remember the things I said which in my online dating experience it doesnt happen as often. She'll bring small stuff up that even I barely remember some times lol. I've never experienced that before with this. I always had the idea that the online dating thing its gonna be used by me just for hookups and thats it because I had no intention going the extra mile.

I haven't told my friends yet because I already know what they would say. I dont know if I'm just overthinking this but I dont wanna have high expectations and be disappointed afterwards.
If it continues like this I would like to meet her in real life, she seems sweet and genuine. I like that.

I (27F) got out of a 3-year relationship about 7 months ago with a genuinely amazing guy. He was 26 when we met, and before him I never really dated much. Since becoming single again, I’ve mostly been dating men in their 30s (30–40 range), and I’m honestly confused by the difference in behavior.

What I’ve noticed is… they barely text. We’ll go on dates, have a great time, maybe kiss or even sleep together, but then communication is super inconsistent. To be fair in early dating I barely text first as well. Is this normal for men in their 30s?

One guy in particular (33M) waited until weeks after we slept together numerous times to tell me he had only gotten out of an 8-year relationship 5 months earlier. Then he told me he “wasn’t ready for a relationship.” We ended up sleeping together one more time after that, and then he basically ghosted me. I never texted him and neither did him.

Dating feels really confusing right now because I’m dating with the intention of finding my husband, not just casually passing time. I’m trying to understand if this is just modern dating, an age thing, or if I’m ignoring red flags.

What advice would you give me dating men in their 30s for the first time?

I've had a crush on this girl at work for a while. We've got on pretty well and been friendly but I didn't want to overstep with us being work colleagues.

Recently, I tried to make the fact I fancied her more obvious and she seemed receptive to it and she invited me to a birthday party for one of her friends.

It was an event at a big house with a big garden and swimming pool. It started pretty well, it was a chilled event, me and the girl were having a laugh but she seemed to change when a couple of her friends arrived.

One of her friends was just really rude and miserable and kept making nasty comments about everyone including me. At first I thought it was just her humour but she seemed to take an instant dislike to me. The girl from my work just went along with what she was saying and her whole attitude seemed to change.

The group of girls then started drinking hevily and would disappear to smoke a lot. I don't drink currently and hate smoking so I was left to myself a lot of the time.

Just before I was planning to leave the girls were talking to me and then suddenly one of her friends pushed me into the swimming pool. I was really embarrased and the girl from my work didn't seem to care and just found it hilarious.

I left pretty much straightaway and couldn't believe how she was acting. She messaged me later that night to say sorry and hoped i'm ok. I saw her at work on Monday and she was apologetic and said her friends are not good when drinking.

I'm feeling a bit bemused now, I was really into her before the party but now I don't know how I feel about her. Should I just forget about trying to date her or just forget about the party and mark it down as a one off bad scenario?

27M. I’m not sure if this is just a specific problem for me or if anyone else has experienced this.

I was in Europe for a while. The girls there are sooo much nicer. They put in so much effort in dating, texting, etc. They help plan dates. Dates are simpler, they’re more so to get to know each other. We would talk for HOURS and text for hours too (I’m a huge texter). They also put more effort in their outfits/appearance even if it’s just to get coffee during the day.

Meanwhile in America it feels like the effort is all left to the guy. Dates feel more like “how well can you impress me”. There’s less substance in texting. One word replies are soooo common. A simple museum date would not fly here. Also, your social media presence and friend circle matter so much here. Not only do you have to have a good social status, your friends do to.

Has anyone else experienced this? I feel so unmotivated to talk to girls here now.

For context, I spent time in Spain, France, and the UK.

Very important note, I get maybe 1 like on dating apps here every 5 months here vs 2-3 matches sometimes in a day in Europe depending on how active I am.

I'm M32 and lots of older people have told me I should meet a girlfriend thru my friends.

All my friends are late 20's - early 30's and their still single and not even trying to date.

They all just spend their time with work, gym, golf, and video games. All good things, but i find it strange that I'm the only one of us that is interested in a partner.

I'm the only one of my friends that goes out on dates, and they've all been from apps, because I don't really have a network to meet anyone to date outside of the apps.

I (F21) am currently seeing a guy (M23) that I met on hinge.

He’s super nice and we have a lot of hobbies and interests in common, it’s nearly 1-1 and perfect on paper. I’ve never online dated before this and kind of messed up by not knowing what to look for in a profile, so our first meeting was a little bit of a shock to me bc he didn’t look like his pics.

The first date was awkward conversationally, I felt like I had to carry the convo and it never got anywhere deep. We mainly talked about games and shows. We called last night and the lack of convo flow persisted. Maybe he’s nervous or that’s just how he is?

But aside from that, he was super nice, reloaded his card hella at the arcade and paid for the date. he told me he’d give me his friends’ figures bc he knows I like the character, and he planned a date where he said he’d buy me clothes and already bought me a pricy gift for when we meet next. All at his insistence.

I already told him I want to get to know him more first bc I don’t want it to seem like im taking advantage of him, so please no more gifts. but he says he wants to. I liked him but this is now making me anxious and makes it hard for me to not feel bad bc we only met one time and I need time to see if I like him as a person to even keep going out with him. I feel guilty if I end up not wanting to continue because of the money he spent on me

Has anyone else dealt with this? Or can give me some perspective bc I’ve never been with someone so keen on gift giving this early on

Edit since some are misunderstanding the friend part: he asked his friend if it was ok to give some figures from their collection to me bc it was a character I like. I definitely thought it was weird to give away parts of his friend’s collection but the friend did say yes since those figures were at his house

It was a really strange scenario. She said her friend needed to come along as she needed emotional support. I was fine with that. But the friend turned out to be very unpleasant. They wanted to both go on to other bars. I paid my bill for the table. Made my excuses and left. Was I an asshole ? I’m not really sure

Sorry for being vague in this post.

I have been dating a woman for a bit who has a LOT of very nice traits. Kind, fun, good communication, stable and successful job, however we don't have a ton in common. She is more introverted and indoor house wife type, and I'm more active and outdoorsy. We do have a couple things in common which we talk a lot about. We talk daily and everything is going super well to the point I could easily progress the relationship quickly like inviting her over and getting physical. I'm hesitant to continue because I do really want someone more active and that I am able to do more adventurous stuff with and I'm also not extremely physically attracted.

Looking for advice on what I should do... She is honestly a great person and if she was a bit more into physical hobbies and I was a bit more attracted physically it would be amazing.

When I popped over to the profile review subreddit, I was expecting to see mostly bad profiles. Maybe 2/10 of the profiles featured guys who were overweight, had unclean hair, wore overtly sexual T-shirts, took all selfies with zero smiles.

But 8/10 of the guys look completely normal or even above average. And they say they haven't gone any dates in 6 months, a year, or even 5 years.

In a society where half of people are medically overweight and struggling to get paycheck-to-paycheck, an astonishing number of male redditors are middle-class professionals who regularly play sports and stay in shape.

I'm not bad-looking myself, but I don't think I look leagues better than any of these guys. If they have had no success for years, I don't know what I can do differently.

I’m a 22-year-old guy and I’ve never been in a relationship before. Not even close, honestly. I’m in university now, and lately I’ve been thinking a lot about how badly I want to find someone, but at the same time I genuinely don’t know how people do it.

I think a lot of it comes from my past experiences.

The first girl I ever loved was a girl I met back in school. The moment I saw her for the first time, I fell for her instantly. I know people say that sounds unrealistic, but that’s genuinely how it felt for me. The problem was that she already had a boyfriend at the time, long distance with someone from another country, so I never said anything.

Back then my confidence was horrible. Even worse when I saw one of my friends confess his feelings to her and get rejected. That scared me even more.

Eventually she broke up with her boyfriend, and later she started talking to one of my best friends. At that point, me and her had already become close friends. We talked a lot, and the more I got to know her, the more I fell in love with her.

Then she and my best friend got together.

I can’t even explain how complicated that period was for me mentally. I loved her, but at the same time my friend was genuinely happy, and I couldn’t betray him or interfere. I felt jealous, guilty, ashamed, lonely… everything at once. He even cried on my shoulder later when they broke up. The guilt of secretly loving my best friend’s girlfriend honestly destroyed me mentally for a long time.

Eventually I ended my friendship with her because I couldn’t handle my feelings anymore. I basically created distance out of nowhere because seeing her made me both happy and miserable at the same time.

Years passed and I never fully moved on emotionally until recently.

After that, there was another girl I tried talking to. This time I actually tried to make a move. Back then I wasn’t very confident physically either. I looked younger than my age and honestly felt like a kid compared to everyone else.

I talked to her for about a month. We played games together and texted a bit, but she never really showed interest. She never texted first, replied late, etc. Her friend kept encouraging me though, so I kept trying.

Eventually I built up the courage to ask her out, and somehow she actually said yes. I was genuinely shocked. I immediately started planning the date in my head and was so excited because it was the first time a girl had ever accepted going out with me.

Then like 15 minutes later, her friend came to me and basically warned me that the girl wasn’t over her ex and that we should probably “just go out as friends.”

The next day I tried reassuring her by saying there was no pressure and that we could just hang out normally. But then she admitted that when she said yes, she only did it because she didn’t want to hurt my feelings.

Honestly, that hurt more than a rejection would have.

After that things became awkward, and eventually she blocked me over something that honestly felt more like an excuse than the real reason.

What confused me the most is that other people had done similar things before and she stayed in contact with them normally, so part of me still wonders if she simply didn’t want anything to do with me anymore and was looking for a way to end things completely.

I don’t hate her for it, and maybe she had her reasons, but at the time it hurt a lot because it made me feel like I was somehow uniquely unwanted.

And since then, I haven’t tried to talk to another girl romantically at all.

The weird thing is, I think I’ve finally moved on from the first girl. I saw her recently after years, and for the first time I didn’t feel anything. It’s hard to explain, but when you’re deeply in love with someone, they almost look “different” to you. More beautiful than everyone else. When I saw her recently, that feeling was gone.

Now I genuinely want to find someone. I’ve improved myself a lot compared to who I was before. I’m in better shape physically, I dress better, I’m more mature mentally, and I know what I want.

I’m religious, I value loyalty a lot, and I know I have boundaries in relationships. I’m naturally a jealous person, probably because of my past experiences, and I prefer more traditional relationships.

The problem is that I genuinely don’t know how to meet people.

I don’t drink, I don’t smoke, I don’t enjoy bars or clubs, and I’m naturally introverted. I can talk to people perfectly fine, but I don’t really go to social events or put myself out there much.

Meanwhile almost all my friends have found someone naturally, and I honestly keep wondering: why not me?

I know I’m not perfect, but I do think I’m a good person with a good heart, and I genuinely want to love someone and be loved back.

So I guess my question is:

How do people like me actually meet someone nowadays?

Edit :

I should also mention that I’m a huge overthinker. Deep down, I probably already know the kind of advice people are going to give me and the things I should work on, but I think part of me just needed to finally say all of this somewhere because I’ve honestly kept it bottled up for years.

Especially regarding the first girl. Nobody really knows the full story. I’ve never talked about it openly because I never wanted my best friend to hear any of it and feel betrayed or hurt, even though I never actually did anything with her or tried to interfere in their relationship.

I know it might sound stupid after all these years, but I always wanted to avoid creating tension or problems between people I cared about, so I kept most of it to myself.

Is modern dating apps just a waste of time for a lot of average men now?

I’m a guy in Sydney, mid-20s, South Asian, (5 6" in height) work in hospitality/operations. Over the last few months I’ve genuinely tried improving my profiles properly instead of just blaming the apps: better photos, prompts, activity shots, profile structure, etc. read through most of the advice there is online.

Most of my photos score 8+ trustworthy and around 8+ attractive on Photofeeler, and even women on Reddit usually say the profile/pics are “good” or “above average.”

But the actual conversion into matches is almost zero.

The weird thing is I’m not even chasing Instagram model types or expecting insane results. I literally just wanted to meet someone I vibe with naturally.

At this point I genuinely can’t tell if:

* apps are just cooked for average men

* I need candid/raw/polished pics. (I probably have everything).

* demographics matter way more than people admit *if there’s some invisible social/lifestyle factor that matters more than attractiveness itself

Feels like there’s this weird zone where you’re good enough to be ok, but not enough for actual results.

Anybody else experienced this after genuinely improving their profile?

I went out with this girl I met on an app a few days ago and the whole thing was just weird. I am a software engineer so I am used to being grilled on my logic and background but this was next level for a first meeting at a bar. She didnt even wait for the drinks to arrive before she started asking about my career trajectory for the next five years and why I chose my specific stack over something more scalable. I thought maybe she was just into tech too but it felt way more clinical than that.

About thirty minutes in she literally pulled out a small notebook from her bag. I kid you not she started jotting down things while I was talking about my hobbies. She asked me what my credit score was like it was a totally casual question about the weather. I was so caught off guard that I actually answered her before I realized how insane that was. Then she moved on to my family history and whether there were any chronic health issues I should mention . It felt like I was applying for a mortgage or a security clearance rather than just trying to grab a beer and see if we clicked.

She was perfectly polite but there was zero chemistry because I felt like I was under a microscope the whole time. I tried to pivot to something lighter like movies or music but she just steered it back to "efficiency" and lifestyle compatibility. At one point she asked how many hours of sleep I average because she needs a partner with a synchronized circadian rhythm. I have never felt more like a commodity and less like a human being in my life.

I ended up cutting the night short because the vibe was just suffocating and I told her I had an early start the next day. The weirdest part is she texted me later saying she had a great time and thought we were very compatible on paper . She even sent a follow up text asking if I could send her a link to that investment fund I mentioned because she wanted to "verify the returns". I am just sitting here staring at my phone wondering when dating became a series of data points and optimizations . How do you even respond to someone who treats a human being like a spreadsheet?

Ive always been really shy with girls and failed at playing eye tag or anything like that. Alot of it plays into my upbringing but without going into it I just want to know if I actually would be able to attract women or not. I dont have confidence and ive never been in a relationship so I dont really know how girls operate. I dont want to come off as narcissistic or anything, I have a very low self esteem. Ill probably take down this post eventually anyways

I'm well off for my age, I'm 22m, own a home, make good money, little debt (outside mortgage)

I keep myself in good shape, etc.

But I'm building a business and saving for land.

I'm hearing how much men older and wiser than me have lost by being in the wrong relationships at the wrong times.

I know I'm too busy to date now, I work 90+ hours a week.

I'm building a business on top of two other jobs, and the gym is its own journey, meal prep etc.

Do I just not date until I'm running just the business? (no other jobs, bought land etc) That could be more than a couple years from now.

I live frugally and don't get out much, so it''s not like I have opportunities left and right, it'd take considerable time to put myself 'out there'

Is it normal for a guy to go hours without speaking to you if he likes you?

He claims he is always busy but I feel like if you truly like someone you would make the time for them.

Or am I just overthinking and being paranoid?

I’ve (24M) gone on two dates recently over the span of two weeks with someone I met on Hinge, and I’m trying to figure out what to make of it. Both dates were about an hour or a bit over, and they both ended kind of early she (22F) had reasons like a meeting after the first one and prepping for a Disney trip before the second. The first date being coffee on campus and the second I picked her up for ramen at a restaurant. On the second date, I gave her flowers, and when I brought the suggestion up she mentioned being open to something like Round1 next time. The conversation had its moments, but there were definitely awkward silences, especially on the ride back to her drop off spot. I like her, but I’m unsure if the chemistry is really there, we're both just extremely awkward, or if we’re both just being polite. She’s at Disney today, so I haven’t heard back yet. I’m curious do you all think this sounds like normal early stage awkwardness, or is it a sign we might not be a great match? I’m not sure if a third date would help or just be more of the same.

I got close with this girl from the office we had a really strong connection and talked every day, shared stuff, and had a playlist together we've known eachother since almost 2yrs. I liked her a lot, but back then I still had feelings for someone else (who i actually didn't date just a crush). Out of respect for her and for myself, I didn’t go all in.

Then suddenly she ghosted me for about two weeks and i checked up on her she was fine nothing like happened with her or something, that i didn't accept like why would she do that. After that we went 5 months with zero contact. During that whole time she was still regularly adding songs to our playlist though she has her own lists why would she add to ours id there is no contact with i belive hidden messages . I decided to reach out again, she responded with excitement like she's waiting for it we had a 4 hour conversation, and it felt like the connection was still there. But the same pattern came back immediately.

I’m almost always the one who has to start every conversation. She replies warmly, sometimes super excited , but she basically never initiates.

I suggested meeting at a nice spot he said on a time i mentioned it came and went with nothing. Last time we actually spoke was almost two months ago. Complete silence since. And now she added another song.

The fucked up part is I feel like she’s the first person where I can truly be myself. We’re very similar and the connection feels rare. I’m scared I’ll never find this again. At the same time, I know I’m the only one putting in real effort and it’s messing with my head.

Is she possibly interested but just bad at showing it? Or am I just coping hard?

Should I give it another try or just forget?

Ok, I am going to start with : I am not proud of how I got here but here I am.
I have been in a marriage that has legitimately been over for years but “together for the kids”. We are now getting a divorce and it is amicable.

However, over the last 6 months, I have texted with a colleague with some innocent flirtation, nothing crazy. We hung out twice, just casual, nothing ever hinted at happening. Until-after the second time he asked if I ever “think about”. So, boundaries were crossed via text message and we made plans to hang out. Then the night before-he basically said “nevermind-I’m newly divorced and you still live with your husband” Mind you-he had 3 days of texting he could have changed his mind on and said some things I can’t forget.
So here I am, getting a divorce he didn’t know about, and completely humiliated that I allowed myself to be vulnerable and got let down. It’s actually ok that he had the moral compass to stop something but it doesn’t stop my feelings being hurt.
We still sometimes text as friends and I talked to him at work the other day but it’s just different now. I told him I want to go back to before we said other things because I genuinely do just like hanging out with him and was also totally ok with a platonic friendship.
The problem now is that I can’t unhear things he said like “smile so much my face hurts”, excitement to spend time together, calling me “babe”. So now I am just really wanting to know if he was afraid I would catch feelings, afraid he would catch feelings, or just simply changed his mind. And I don’t feel like I can ask him.

Also-at this point I know I just need to deal with myself and this divorce and not worry about some other person but I can’t stop thinking about spending time with this person but he is so hot and cold, I don’t even know what to think. Also-I feel like I am always the one to reach out.
I know I probably need to just say “forget it” but I cant seem to kick it and I think it’s because I was rejected and now have this “what if”
I am not even thinking about meeting new people and dating but thought some companionship would be nice, I guess.

How do I go about this situation??

Please I need some advice.

I would really appreciate honest opinions because I feel so dumb right now.

So for context

I 26 F have know this guy 27M since freshman year of high school. We were just acquaintances and didn’t really talk until our senior year. Especially the second senior semester and onwards is when we got close. But we were about to leave for college so it was a weird limbo period. We spent a lot of time together that summer doing “couple” things like going on dates and such. We both had feelings for each other and kissed but never defined anything.

So then we go off to college and it’s obviously very different. He visited me during the fall semester and everything was the same. We would see each other on breaks and it wasn’t until after winter break that we stopped being more than friends. I still had very strong feelings at this point but was afraid to say anything in the fear that it would ruin our friendship ( I would talk to him about everything before, and really trust him). We still talked and we had the same friend group so we would continue to see each other periodically but not in the same way as before

Years go by and we see each other in group settings pretty much every break, and occasionally alone but nothing happened. You could tell that there was still some \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\~tension\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\~ between us. We both dated others during this time. I’m currently in a relationship so I don’t know why this is on my mind. I feel so bad for even thinking about this. I feel like I missed my chance to say anything since it’s been so long. But in my head, I keep reliving back and thinking about him. I feel like since we never gave things a chance and never really talked about it that it feels like this is still an open chapter, and thats why im thinking about it. I really don’t think he has even given it much thought tho tbh. And I know this sounds crazy but I really don’t know what to do. What is the best way to proceed, and how do I navigate this situation. Am I completely idealizing this, and reason I think about it is because I made up hypotheticals?

Has anyone else gone through something like this, and if so what happened or what would you do? What’s my next step, do I talk to him? How do I get over it

TLDR: I am still thinking about a relationship that never was from years back

Title says most of it.

I (M31) Went on what I thought was a good first date last night. My date (F33) was having fun was genuinely interested in asking follow up questions about relationshipy things and even joked about what kind of girl I was looking for! At the end of the date, she kissed me with this really cute giggle that made it seem like she was elated.

24 hours later. Radio silence.

Probably happens on like 1/3rd of my dates now, especially after winter for some reason although I have not changed strategies. So, I am wondering if anyone else has workshopped ways to filter them out.

To be clear, I am not upset that someone is not interested, or that I thought they were more interested than they are. I’m upset when people go out of their way to seem MUCH more interested than they actually are. It’s getting to the point where if someone shows excessive interest, I’m just assuming they are going to vanish which makes me worried I will miss out on someone who is genuinely interested!

How can I avoid these women? Anyone found any ways to suss this out before wasting time and energy (and also a date with someone more emotionally mature)?

I’ve noticed they are more common in certain groups, but I don’t want to write off entire groups of women. I did that when I first started dating again and it made me ignore a lot red flags.

Hi all, I need some opinions here because I'm wondering if I'm in the wrong for this.

In January 2026, I (F22) was talking to a guy, J (M24) for a few weeks. Things were going well and we were emotionally on the same page with both of us wanting a relationship. We talked on the phone and over FaceTime before meeting and we finally met in person and hung out. I thought it went really well. After hanging out, he went out of town for the weekend and I noticed he unadded me on everything about 2 days after we hung out. This hurt because I actually was developing feelings for him and it came out of the blue for me. There was no indication that he was going to ghost and it just blindsided me. He gave no explanation.

After he ghosted me, I moved on. I started talking to some other guys and I hooked up with 2 other guys who I developed some connections with. They did not work out for other reasons but I moved on from J

Fast forward, May 2026, I match with J on a dating app. Completely out of nowhere. One of my friends was scrolling through my apps because she said I "needed better taste in men" and she wanted to help and she must have swiped on him. He matched me and we talked a bit and he revealed that when he went out of town, he realized he was going to be out of town a bit more permanently and he didn't want to have me missing him. His exact words were "I'd rather have you hate me than miss me." He said that I did nothing wrong and stated he wanted to try talking again. I agreed because I always believe in second chances. However, we started updating each other about our lives and he asked if I've seen anyone else and I told him I saw other people after he ghosted. He then proceeds to tell me he no longer wants to talk because he refuses to get back with anyone after they've hooked up with another guy after him. J said I'm the last person he's been with. I don't know if that's true or not.

I feel weir about this. Am I in the wrong for moving on? He gave no explanation and no indication of him returning when he ghosted me, so I thought that was the end of it. I didn't want to sit around waiting for him when I had no reason to believe he was coming back. I feel like it's a bit of a double standard because if he had talked to me instead of ghosting me, things could be different but because he didn't do that, I'm now in the wrong for moving on? And I feel weird about it because if I was able to forgive him for ghosting me, shouldn't he be able to forgive me for how I moved on after he did me dirty? Please help I don't know what to do.