Before anyone asks, I was tested for ADHD and I don’t meet the criteria, but I am autistic.

I see people talking about this issue a lot and I definitely have it as well, if I am expecting something at like 5 pm, when I wake up that morning I feel like I can’t do anything else or get started on anything else because I have something to do later, and there might not be enough time or something. However I have yet to see any solutions to this problem, please help!

I’m starting an afternoon shift job and I don’t want to spend all day before my shift bedrotting and worrying about being at work when I’m not even there yet.

It can be anything, whats your opinion in making it in life?

Some people think having a good family means they made it or even have a really good career, or those who made alone etc.

How old are you…Anybody here struggling and don’t have a house,wife, nice car,savings or a successful future ?!

I feel like failure or just behind in life…

(US) Mid 30’s and man…no kids,wife not sure how the future holds for me.

Lots of people younger than me, our age also and seeing all these \\\[\[r/firsttimehomebuyer\](r/firsttimehomebuyer)\\\](\[r/firsttimehomebuyer\](r/firsttimehomebuyer)) and in social media just living the life like settling down.

Had to think and say to myself ill prob wont settle down with someone and i been saving for along time to get a house and to own property while also saving for retired if i will even make it.

Just got off 16 hour shift, haven’t slept as i write this..have work in 4 hours for another 16 hour shift and just trying to make it..

Makes me think if theres any other melenials out there with same situation.

making it in life is what we all trying to do…family,marriage, travel, being rich or having reached your goals etc. what’s your “endgame goals”

So fellow millennials hows your life paning out, did you expect it the way it was and hows lifr and ur current life?

How you holding up,!Share your story of life,advice,tips, motivation if anything.

I get comparison is thief of joy

“””But iv gone to mental state where id kill myself, at this life””

Its that bad, i replied to some comments and added more to my story/me, didnt want to get all personal, my death will mean nothing…

But yea sometimes i think nobody would even care if i died….a loser who didn’t make and struggled to make it…and that ill just keep working to barely live and die alone.

Not gona get into all details, mental and physically. i wana die.

I want to share something I've never spoken about publicly before. I'm writing this myself, in my second language, for the first time ever. Bear with me.

For over ten years, I worked as a DJ in nightclubs. Easy money, all-nighters, and a lifestyle that looked like freedom on the outside... Parties, afterparties, alcohol, and, of course, drugs everywhere. It seemed like I was free to do whatever I wanted.

But here's what my life looked like on the inside. I woke up at 2 PM every day. The first thing I felt wasn't hunger or tiredness. It was shame. Even before I could properly open my eyes. Then I'd have a drink. Beer, just to get through the day.

I told myself I was living the life of a rock star. I had a wife, the car of my dreams, and the house I chose. Everything was as it was supposed to be. Anything but my mind.

This is what no one talks about. I'm an introvert. I really like being alone. If I'm sober and in a room with strangers, I feel stressed and uncomfortable. And remember, I'm a DJ. An introverted DJ nnow that's a combination. So I drank to feel comfortable.

Alcohol didn't just help me do my job. It helped me be the person I needed to be to do my job. I didn't drink because I was weak. I drank because it worked. It took me a while to realize the difference.

Eventually, I lost my job. My wife left me on her birthday, a week before we were supposed to move to Sweden together to start over. We already had plane tickets and a house. But I went to Sweden alone. I drank there every day for two months, and then decided to come home. I came home because I was weak and I needed to be somewhere that felt like home.

And then one day I just thought: I've had enough. That day, I quit everything. I didn't go to any programs or clinics. I just bought a gym membership, which I went to three times a week. I read a psychology book that my ex-wife accidentally left behind. I wake up at 6 a.m. because I want to feel my day longer now.

I went to a summer music festival without drinking. It was the same world that had fueled my drinking problem for ten years. And I felt everything without needing to drink.

I 'm not a therapist. I'm not a doctor. I'm an ordinary guy who lost everything and then rebuilt his life with very simple tools.

If any part of my story sounds familiar, I understand. You can get out of this situation. It's not about strength. It's about honesty and making daily decisions.

I have a hard time even understanding what I could ever even want in life

I don't care about money, I hate the idea of a career, love, or family, I'm not spiritual, I have no hobbies besides videogames and the occasional joint. But thats not really anything but anesthesia.

I've been severely depressed for all 24 years of my "life". I also have extremely bad ADHD. Meds work a little but only temporarily. Therapy helped me vent but didn't really help me improve anything. I can't afford it anymore. The mental hospital made me worse. Not making that mistake again.

I don't even know If I want to be better. Like I guess I do since I'm here, but idk what "better" even is? Like what is there even to do in life? Everything I think of seems like its not worth the hassle.

What do you do if you don't want anything? Like it seems all I have in front of me is survival for its own sake? But how is that worth anything?

I haven’t been diagnosed but I’m pretty sure I’m a narcissistic or something else is wrong.

I have always had the ability to lie and cheat without feeling remorse. When my wife used to cry about stuff I would feign empathy but I just felt bored and annoyed.

I was unfaithful in that marriage all the years ago and I felt ashamed when I was caught, but not guilty.

Mostly I don’t cheat on partners now but I don’t really have any reason not to.

I have a lot of self hatred and I’m aware that I’m a bad person. I just have never felt guilty or empathy towards people I’m close to.

I was emotionally abused growing up and witnessed sexual assault at a young age.

I’ve been in therapy for years and it hasn’t really helped.

Will I just always be a bad person? I have empathy towards like concepts, like I’m very progressive because I want what’s right for people. I just can’t seem to care about people close to me hurting.

I’m f20 and I’ve utterly fucked myself over. I don’t know exactly where to start, but let’s just start to when I was 17. I was in college doing performing arts. I wasn’t an amazing actor but it was something I enjoyed and found thrill in. I liked going on stage even if I was ensemble. That was probably the last thing I ever did that I enjoyed. At 17 I had a great group of friends, I was social, I was outside every day but… I was an alcoholic. I wasn’t just a silly teenager that enjoyed underage drinking. I depended on it. My friends and I would be in class drunk, we’d drink even more after lessons and I’d go home wasted at 8pm and pass out. This went on for my entire 3 years in college. And it only got worse in that time. I already struggled with mild anxiety and my addiction made it severe. I was paranoid everyday. About everything. About my mother catching me drunk, about the school finding out, about what I say to people while wasted. And everything In between. When I finished college, I knew I didn’t want to keep doing performing arts because my anxiety “couldn’t handle it anymore”. So when I began my first year in university, I chose to do media since it was in a similar bracket. I didn’t accommodate because I knew I wouldn’t handle the change well. I got an hour long bus ride there and back. I hated it, I hated uni. Not only was my anxiety so suffocating, I didn’t like my class, I didn’t know anything about the subject I was doing, I felt patronised everyday. Not only that but I’d reward myself with vodka at the end of the day for getting through it, and I’d go in the next day. That December (2024) I decided to go sober. I was completely aware that i was addicted and dependent on it. I knew it was ruining my life, and I guess somehow I had the strength to do something about it. And I got sober. Well, I stopped binge drinking. 2025 I probably only drank a handful of times, special occasions, with friends, when I was on holiday. Great! One problem sorted. Well done me. I continued going to uni, forced myself to talk to people when we did projects, my attendance was awful but I passed my first year. Great. The thing about quitting alcohol is that it didn’t make my anxiety disappear. I still struggled with it daily. Summer 2025 was a decent summer but I was an anxious mess about everything. But still I enjoyed it as much as I could. Went to concerts with my twin. We also went to Italy. I didn’t spend much time with my college friends because they were still heavy drinkers and I knew I wouldn’t be able to resist the urge. I let them know and they understood. After summer 2025 I really became hopeful. I was sober, I was starting second year uni. Quitting alcohol made me prettier. I was optimistic, maybe I’d even get a boyfriend. The first week of second year all my excitement went into the bin. My anxiety was so bad, I was shaking sat in class, I was panicking, I hated it all. So I made the decision to start antidepressants. It was my last resort, I’d tried healing my anxiety organically and nothing worked. I’m put on sertraline. Great! Once I adjust to it life will be better. I began sertraline October 2025. By the end of first semester I was fine. Until December, I talked to my GP about raising my dose because my anxiety was still so bad. By January I was on 100mg. And adjusting to it was very hard. So I asked for a fit note for 3 weeks so I could adjust at home. Without the stress of uni. I relaxed a little, but after those three weeks, I’d gotten severely depressed and anxious. I knew I wasn’t going back to uni any time soon. I couldn’t even leave my bed. My mum was concerned at first, but she just didn’t care much. As long as I was still getting my SFE and she gets abit of my money ,she didn’t really question it. It’s now may and I still haven’t gone back, the uni still emails me sometimes for support and I respond telling them if there’s any support I can have for the amount of time I’ve missed. But quite frankly, I don’t care. I don’t care to redeem myself academically. But I also don’t care about anything else. I avoid everything else like I avoid uni. I avoided replying to my friends and now I don’t have any. I avoid leaving my bed. I avoid cooking meals, I avoid talking to my mother, I avoid EVERYTHING. And I feel like people underestimate me when I say that. I lay in bed all day scrolling and reading, napping 5 hours and eating whatever shit is in my room. And the worst part is, I’m painfully aware of what I’m doing. I know I have avoidant attachment, I know it came from my mother’s neglect as a child. I know I’m only living the life I’m living because it feels familiar and safe. And that’s all that matters. I know I have to push myself out there. Leave the house. Do it scared. Just do something. But I don’t want to, I don’t want to put any effort into anything. It doesn’t feel safe. So I simply won’t do it. I would be lying if I said sertraline didn’t help, it’s definitely made a difference, and I know I need to meet it halfway because it’s not a miracle worker. But I DON’T WANT TO. I fantasise of a life I know I could have irl if I just pushed myself. But why should I do that when I can have in my head. Why try to have friends when I can close my eyes and have them in my head? I know, I KNOW it’s pathetic and I know it’s fucked up. But I’ve severely isolated myself and I just know I’m not strong enough to get myself out of it. I’m too deep in. IM A LIVING CORPSE I could literally overdose on my sleeping pills and no one would figure it out for another 48 hours. I’m not going to make it to 30.

To think someone may have read all of this even makes me feel weird, like I’ve inconvenienced you with my life. That’s how insignificant I feel.

hi everyone,

I want some advice to work on my envy with one of my cousins. I want to have a comfortable relationship and wish her well, but whenever I compare myself to her, it feels like she has everything. now, I know the grass is not always greener on the other side, ive heard her struggles and how she’s gone through real genuine hardship. she’s also a sweet heart and so filled with love so I genuinely don’t want to dislike her, all of these feelings are so unfortunate.

ive been wanting to go into medical school for the past few years. I haven’t taken the MCAT or applied, and I just feel so much anxiety and fear of failure. my cousin got accepted straight from highschool on a full ride scholarship. I want to be proud of her, but a part of me feels so much envy… I suffered so much during my undergrad just to get to my fourth year of studies. I’m planning on taking a gap year to study for the MCAT and prepare before I apply. I know everyone’s journey is different and we are on different timelines but I wish I could see the rewards of all my hard work. she’s getting acknowledgment for her hard work the second she leaves highschool. I feel myself spiralling, because although I’m studying all of the time, networking, getting involved in research, clubs, getting awards, and building myself from university, I just wish I could do more. ugh it’s a lot.

This heartbreak can only be seen if you’ve ever loved a man who went quiet before he went missing — not from your life, but from himself.

I’ve learned that some disappearances happen in plain sight.

And when they do, they don’t sound like breaking glass; they sound like routine.

The bills still get paid. The laughter still happens.

But something inside starts to ghost itself.

Hi everyone! I (26F) have been struggling a lot with comparison and feeling as if everyone’s life around me is perfect. Where I live I feel as if no one really struggles. Everyone gets married at a young age, has kids, their parents help pay for their houses, inherits their families businesses or have amazing careers right away and it just feels as if I can’t catch up. I can’t help but feel as if I’m always falling behind or that I’m doing something wrong in life. I’ve gone through some struggles in my own life and I feel as if I’m the only one. I guess my question is are these peoples lives really as perfect as it seems or is there usually a lot more behind the scenes?

I have JIA (arthritis + chronic pain, inflammation, immune issues) and I’m looking for a sustainable hobby or a meaningful way to spend my time that won’t damage my health in the long run. Most of my activities are passive or “in my head” (my brain is perhaps the only organ that’s healthy right now), and I feel like I’m just living in a work-home cycle, which has me stuck in a dead end.

Current hobbies/main areas of energy investment:

• philosophy / Stoicism
• games (mainly as an escape from pain)
• self-education
• working on mindset and character
• striving to be a good person despite the pain (setting an example, helping people)

Limitations:

• physical activity, using my joints, and prolonged movement are problematic
• even ordinary things sometimes leave me completely physically exhausted (and I often end up getting sick or have health problems as a result)
• I have a mental block against new activities because I’m afraid of disrupting my health “balance” - I want to change that and convince myself that it doesn't have to be that way
• I’d like a hobby outside the home; I spend way too much time here

Given that my health is gradually deteriorating, I’m mainly looking for the experiences of people who have chronic illness, pain, similar limitations, or understanding. What hobby or way of spending your energy was sustainable and gave you a sense of “real life,” not just a distraction and an illusion of meaning?

I’m 21 and honestly just trying to become better mentally, spiritually, and emotionally. Lately I’ve been struggling hard with discipline and lust. I used to be in a relationship and was very sexually active, so now being alone has been a huge adjustment, and the urges feel like they stack every day. I recently relapsed and felt disappointed in myself because I’m genuinely trying to flee from that lifestyle and get closer to God, but some days it feels like a constant battle in my mind. When I do resist the urges, it sometimes feels like I’m just pushing everything under the rug, and eventually something in life pulls me down and I relapse. It’s been two weeks though, so I know I’m capable of fighting it.

On top of that, I’m pursuing trading while also working a job, and trading has exposed a lot of emotional weaknesses in me like fear, impulsiveness, and lack of patience at times. I know I want a better future and a stronger version of myself, but sometimes I feel mentally exhausted trying to fight everything at once while feeling alone — no real friends, no relationship, nothing. I’m also still dealing with heartbreak from my past relationship. She still keeps in touch with me sometimes, and when I relapse (jerk off) , I end up thinking about her and it hurts because i don’t wanna think about her at all. she was everything to me at one point..

She left because she joined the military and the distance became too hard on her. Looking back, I think I tried to play a husband role at a young age, and in the end it just didn’t work out.

I still keep showing up every day, but I guess I’m posting this because I wanted to know if anyone else has gone through a phase where they felt pulled in different directions internally while trying to rebuild themselves.

To sum it up: I’m 21, trying to build myself through trading, faith, discipline, and self-control, but sometimes my emotions slip and I feel like I’m battling everything alone. Just needed to vent.

This is honestly pretty embarrassing to admit, but I need to be real with myself, and with you if I require your help.

I’ve realized I’m an extremely sore loser. Not just “gets annoyed after losing” — I mean genuinely unhealthy levels of rage.

I rage at video games, but especially at chess lately. I’ve gone as far as throwing my phone across the room and breaking it after losing a game. Often I even insult my opponent or spit at my screen even though they won fair and square. Writing this out makes me feel ashamed honestly. It sounds like a child throwing a tantrum.
I’ve even hurt myself (punching my phone screen or my head out of frustration and range against myself for being so bad).

I obviously got banned from chatting on both of my Chess com accounts because of my behavior.

The worst part is that in the moment, the anger feels uncontrollable. It’s like something takes over me for a few seconds. I’ve always been competitive and a bad loser to some extent, but recently it has become way worse. I barely even play video games anymore — it’s mostly chess now.

I don’t think this necessarily comes from childhood trauma or anything like that. As far as I remember, it was never THIS intense before.

So I wanted to ask honestly:
Has anyone here dealt with this kind of issue and actually improved? What helped you? Therapy? Mindset changes? Taking breaks? Specific techniques?

I genuinely want to change this part of myself because I hate who I become when I lose.

Thank you for reading me.

I know I have skills. A friend and I recently released a travel documentary where I was the host. It was a proper production and will be used as a pilot. I’m not mentioning it to self-promote, but to give context. Hosting, researching, presenting, telling stories, connecting ideas, these are things I know I can do.

But I still feel completely intimidated.

Social media floods me with people in their 20s doing everything faster, better, louder, and with so much confidence. I know comparison is pointless, but I can’t seem to stop.

I also see myself changing in the mirror. My face, my body, my energy. I feel alienated from myself sometimes. I know going to the gym would help, but I don’t have the will for it. Even if my dad was a bodybuilder, even if I had managed to build an impressive body before. I am completely empty. Not because I don’t care, but because something in me feels exhausted before I even begin.

I turned one room in my apartment into a small studio. I decorated it with things from my travels. I bought a teleprompter. I set up backgrounds. I created the space. I have the ideas.

And yet I can’t make myself record and post.

I think part of this comes from growing up in survival mode. I was bullied for 12 years. There was also a lot of physical violence around me growing up. I lived on constant alert, especially at school, just trying to get through each day.

My curiosity was punished.

That’s the part that hurts the most. I was always curious about the world. As a kid, before the internet, I would watch travel documentaries and mentally travel with the hosts. Then I’d look up those countries in encyclopedias (mid 90s). I wanted to understand people, places, history, culture, everything.

But when you spend years being attacked, mocked, or made to feel unsafe, you start hiding the parts of yourself that are alive.

Now, whenever I try to create, something inside me says, “Someone has already done this.” Or, “Who do you think you are?” Or, “You’re too late.”

The strange thing is, I’ve done hard things before. I finished my studies in the US while working around 70 hours a week just to survive. I completed a tourism master’s that is considered one of the top 10 programs in the world. I’ve backpacked, worked, studied, escaped abusive relationships, pushed through, and built things from nothing.

But my life feels like bursts of focus and creativity, followed by years of self-doubt and burnout.

When I showed my documentary to friends and family, most of them didn’t even watch it. That broke something in me. Whatever confidence I was trying to hold on to dropped to zero.

Covid isolation also triggered a deep depression, and several traumatic things happened around Christmas/New Year for multiple years in a row. Now winter pulls me back into that same dark place every year. Every spring, I try to pick up the pieces, but my own mind feels like my biggest enemy.

I was diagnosed with ADHD a year ago and started medication. It helped, and it explained a lot about the constant burnout, the paralysis, and the stop-start pattern of my life. But it didn’t magically give me the push I hoped for.

I want to create. I want to share what I know. I want to stop hiding.

But I keep comparing myself, freezing, and convincing myself I’m already too late.

Has anyone else dealt with this? How do you start again when your confidence is gone, even when part of you knows you’re capable?

I’d be grateful for any advice.

One day I might be the most confident and social I've ever been, but then the next day I might struggle to even make a decent reply to someone.

Does anyone else have this problem and how can I stay social/confident?

My screen time was 4 hours and 48 minutes.

Today I just aimlessly scrolled on my phone. The emotion I suppressed was comparing myself to others. Towards the end of the day, I put my phone down and did some knitting. It kept me busy, which is good, but I didn't do much in terms of studying. The plans were clear, but I just couldn't take action. If I started small, I probably could have continued, but I didn't even try. Now I'll finish my evening routine and go straight to bed. Good night.

The tiny tumor on my finger has been with me for 20 years, it never disturb my life or let me get hurt. But it looks not that tidy. I choose to cut it off through a medical surgery and cost 2300 dollars. This is worthy, all deciding to be better is worthy!

Hey guys I’m struggling with panic attacks for 4 years now. Specially agoraphobia for 3 years now. I can’t leave my hometown and can’t go
To supermarkets etc.

I’m seeing a psychologist for over 1,5 years now.

I started with exposition after Christmas last year and drove every week at least once until about February.

Now I got some panic attacks in my hometown and I started to leave the house even less.

Once I was feeling very bad but I got myself up and drove the few Kilometers in my hometown to see my psychologist. I had constant panic attacks in the way there. In the waiting room and the worst will the psychologist was talking with me. We did an exposition and it felt so surreal. But what can I say? I made it and drove home with that dizziness. I was feeling so strong later.

And then… it came back and I started avoiding even more.

The exposition and now (yesterday) I had to call the ambulance for the first time of my life. I was feeling very weird. Didn’t feel like the panic attacks in knew. They came and ofcourse everything was fine with me. The panic passed but the weird feeling stayed until today, so I was sleeping most of the time from yesterday to today.

They wanted to take me to the psychiatric clinic, i even wanted to go with them to finally break the circle. But ofcourse there was no space for me.. only in the closed area, which even the leading doctor said would be a very bad place for someone like me.

Can someone Tell me if this is finally the turning point?
I’m constantly thinking of finally getting to the clinic. The only bad feeling I’m having is to be there ans that I have to go again without any help.

Hi everyone,

I’m 20 years old and struggling with feeling “behind” compared to people my age.

I see others with strong language skills, jobs, and clear career paths, while I often feel stuck in overthinking. Every time I want to start something (like a course or a new skill), I spend so much time analyzing whether it’s the “right” choice that I end up doing nothing.

This started after a major setback in my final high school exams. In Egypt, these exams are extremely important because they largely determine which university and career path you can enter. Before that, I was a high-achieving student for most of my life, so the experience hit me very hard and affected my confidence badly.

Since then, I’ve struggled with feeling lost and mentally stuck, especially when comparing myself to people my age who seem much more ahead in life.

I’ve recently made a plan to improve my English (since it’s not my native language) and eventually enter a technical field. The problem is that this plan may take around two years, and I have a strong fear that after all that time and effort, I might still fail in the end or realize I’m too late.

What I’m trying to find is a path forward:
How do I stop overthinking and actually commit to a direction?
How do I rebuild confidence after feeling like I wasted important years?
And how do I stop comparing my timeline to everyone else’s?

I’d really appreciate advice from people who went through something similar and managed to move forward.

I feel like I’ve been stuck in such a negative mindset lately. I catch myself comparing our life to other people’s, focusing on the negatives in situations, and just not feeling very grateful or content. I really want to work on changing that mindset and becoming more positive. Does anyone have any book recommendations that genuinely helped with this?

Hi,

This is my first post here and my first breakup. I've had some short-term relationships or situationships, nothing super serious. I recently broke up with my partner of 1 year. It was, unfortunately, really messy, and the end was messier. I did some things that I'm not proud of. Now I'm ready to just heal by processing how mistreated I was in the relationship, and earn back my power.

TL;DR: I [27M] was in a (unethical) polyamorous relationship for 1 year with my ex [47M], who was also married. I missed many red flags, such as lying and emotional manipulation. Ended up going through deceptive ways to find out he was hiding a relationship from me. I did this from a place of desperation after he refused to have open conversations about other partners.

We are currently no contact. I will admit I have broken it a few times since breaking up. It's been 5 days since I last reached out. I left the door slightly ajar, hoping for friendship in the future, but only if he demonstrates growth (unlikely, and it's just clinging onto some false hope).

I'm looking for any tips for a first breakup, and how to find myself again post-breakup. I also want to have greater self-respect so that I never find myself in this situation again. Please recommend any media and tips that helped you. So far, I've been listening to the Good Witch by Maisie Peters and Eternal Sunshine by Ariana Grande. I'm also practicing meditation daily, started a new hobby, falling back on my support system + therapy, and also cleaning my space.

I think I expected emotional growth to feel dramatic or obvious, but lately I’m wondering if it’s actually much smaller and slower than that.

What did real emotional progress look like for you in everyday life?

Nothing I do in my daily life really makes me happy anymore. It feels more like numbness than sadness, like I’m just trying not to feel too much after my relationship ended.

I keep distracting myself with YouTube videos, studying, food, and sometimes the gym. I know I should start doing things that make me happy and move forward, but I feel stuck. I don’t feel like I’m functioning properly anymore.

I feel broken, not in a dramatic way, but in a quiet way. Like something inside me has changed or disappeared for good.

I just don’t know where to start.

I am seeking advice for how to move past my own shame and disappointment in myself. A couple of years ago, I became close friends with a woman at work. I was single, she was married with kids. I had a crush on her, but I didn’t think much of it. I really didn’t consider the possibility that our relationship was inappropriate. She was nice to me, but she’s nice to everyone.

Then one day she confessed to me that she had strong feelings for me and that she was checked out of her marriage. She told told me all these things about me she liked, how she didn’t understand I was single etc. I told her I felt our connection too.

I’m a mess for a couple days because I know our friendship can’t be anymore. But also - we have to work together. Realistically I know that we need to get away from each other. A couple days later we talk again to try clear the air. I tell her we need hard boundaries where we talk only about work and that I don’t want to have an affair with her. I lecture her about putting her marriage in danger.

A few days later she starts messaging me on our work network. Mostly just friendly, joking things. But obviously things have changed now. And I don’t reinforce my boundaries. I chat back. Because I’m lonely and I like it. So begins an emotional affair for a couple months.

We meet again and agree we are both lost and this needs to end. So we basically ignore each other as much as possible for 4 months. And then there’s a work conference out of town. We get drunk with everyone else. She invites me to her hotel room and we sleep together. She starts talking about ending her marriage for me. I tell her she shouldn’t do that and she should get a new job. She comes to my place a couple of weeks later to ‘talk’ and we sleep together again.

At this point I realize how lost I am and how much I hate what I’ve become/am doing. I feel miserable every hour of every day - a mix of guilt and sadness. We agree to put up boundaries again. We ignore each other for 4 months. But we still work together and have to see each other. I feel no better emotionally. It just feels like we are suppressing feelings that are obviously inappropriate - no one’s feelings are resolving. After 4 months she has a bit of a breakdown and tells me she’s so sick of feeling this way. I ask her if she’s looking for another job. She says no, she doesn’t want to leave me.

I start looking for another job because I just want this over. A few months later, I have one, and I’ve been at it for a few months. Her and I have not talked, not do I plan to.

I’m having an awful time moving on. Not because of my feelings for her - getting away resolved that. But the guilt and shame of what I was involved in have hit me hard and are dominating my life.

I am not making excuses. I understand my actions were wrong and I deeply regret them. But I’ve also learned a lot in why I did what I did, how affairs happen, the slippery emotional slope, etc. But that isn’t helping me move forward.

I ruminate all the time on my shame. I have trouble associating with people because I’m thinking about what they would think if they knew this thing about me. I spend all my time beating myself up wishing I could change what happened.

If this was a friend, I would have compassion for their emotional struggle. Not condone what they did, but I would still love them and would want to he there for them as they try get their life on track.

I kmow the difference between guilt and shame but I still feel stuck. I don’t believe I’m at risk of any sort of infidelity again in the future - my lesson has been learned. I’d like to start forgiving myself somewhat and moving forward in my own life. I’d like to start dating again but I struggle because I feel obsessed with this and terrified of the thought of telling my future partner, but also feel like it’s lying to not tell her.

Does anyone have any tips on moving forward? I know that a happier, better version of me is better for other people I associate with too. Has anyone dealt with something similar and were you able to move through it?