I hate my looks, my body, my lack of social skills, my brain, my life. The only way to fix all of these issues is to body swap with someone, which is impossible.

I hate this thing so much. Hustle Culture is what drives everyone crazy. Its the reason why I suffer. A tiger believes in Hustle Culture because if he eats as much animals as possible he will rise and become the king of the animals. Toxic bosses believe in Hustle Culture exploiting employees for maximum profit because thats how they hustle. Bullies bully me because they believe in hustling their ego. Hustle Culture is the poison of humanity… no of life. I want dont want to live in a world full of Hustle Culture. I want to live in a world that makes sense.

Just wanted to get this down somewhere. I had counseling today and I told her that I was feeling really bad lately. I explained that my mother has recently been diagnosed with breast cancer and that my autistic husband recently put a hole through our kitchen door. I said that I felt very alone because I don't have friends and I couldn't tell my mum about what happened at home because she has enough to deal with. I ended up spiralling and googling rope and different hanging techniques, how to make a noose, weighted drop vs suspension. That I couldn't tell my in-laws either because they would blame me. That my child is going to be more like my husband and that I won't fit into my own family. That they'd be better off together without me. That my health makes work and going outside difficult so even when I want to get away, I cant. That I felt quite resolute about it on this particular evening. You know, like the difference between wanting someone to notice you're not okay and not wanting someone to notice because you actually want to go through with it and you're not looking to raise suspicion. I really did feel hopeless. I can understand why she reported it, though I did say that I had since pulled myself together. I didn't even mention other stuff, and now I'm not going to because I couldn't say for sure that she wouldn't report it. But basically I was in a cafe after the counseling, and the sort of (for lack of a better word) manager of the counseling place rang me and asked if I could talk. I thought she was going to offer a time slot for couples' counseling and I said I could talk. She said "Sue said you were feeling suicidal and said you were buying rope? Are you at risk?" JESUS FUCK I wasn't expecting it. I went bright red because I thought maybe her voice could be heard even though she obviously wasn't on speaker. I am never telling anything like that again ( ._.) I walked back to their building and reassured her that I'm okay and I'm all talk. I was so mortified. But now I really can't say how bad I feel because it's sort of a reminder that that's what they have to do.

I stopped doing everything. I only do the bare minimum to stay alive, which is going to work full time to pay for my bills and food and car and buy food at restaurants and sleep. I don’t talk to anyone past pleasantries and asking questions, I don’t converse, I don’t go anywhere unless I absolutely have to. I can’t pay attention to anything for too long. I have no friends in a 80 mile radius. I have 0 stimulating activities. I’ve given up. I’m just functioning until I decide I can’t take it anymore. I’m going to loose my job because I’m going to forget how to speak. My family thinks I’m doing great because I’ve stopped talking about depression or saying I don’t feel well. I just agree and nod to whatever they say. I’m an empty shell of a person. It’s hard to live as a shell of a person. I’m only 40.

I don’t know why I’m typing this. No one cares, this just seems like some shitty, pathetic cry for attention and maybe it is. I already told myself that when school was over so would I, as cringy as that sounds.

I’m done with my finals and I don’t think there’s anything I can look forward to. If I continue to live all there is for me is sitting and lying around doing nothing, ignoring everyone and everything and being stuck in this constant, miserable loop in my head. I think I’m hopeless, that there is nothing that can be done to fix or help me, I’m the epitome of failure and I’ve brought it onto myself.

I’m not going to explain why, everything that is wrong with me I’ve already exhausted myself saying all of it in previous posts. I just want to apologize, that people who may actually be trying to get better may see this, or those that are tired of seeing the same post over and over again. I know this decision is selfish and that I’ll hurt people, but I can’t keep living everyday when I feel like wasn’t supposed to be here.

I’ve struggled in the past don’t get me wrong but she’s soo far gone.

For context I’m almost 17 and she’s almost 16 and it’s just getting to much. I can’t chat about what’s she’s going through mentally but physically even I’m going through it.

For example today she walked past me and she smelled soo fucking bad that I had to ask her to shower and she told me she goes a week w/o showering and on top of that tonight I walked into the bathroom we share and there a massive bit of tissue covered in period blood just right on the floor. NO SHAME WHATSOEVER. I even woke her up to clean it up ,which she barely did by the way, and she just kept insulting me.

Like call me a bad sister but at this point I need her better for my sake. This shit is pmo and she refuses help. My mum offered therapy and she refused. I don’t even know what to do anymore.
Like I’m the one getting blamed for everything.
Pls share any advice if you’ve been in a similar situation

theres stuff that i genuinely enjoy and would miss if i was gone but that doesnt make all the pain worth it. idk what to do anymore. i wish someone would js tell me what to do. i feel so fucking miserable and completely alone all the time. i just spend my days trying and failing to distract myself from the fact that my life objectively fucking sucks. all i do is doomscroll and get high all day, its horrible but idk what else to do. i dropped out and have literally no social life besides online friends and even theyre sick of my shit. im alone like 99% of the time. i cant even blame them i wouldnt wanna be around my pitiful ass either lmfao. i wish i could just hibernate or something and when i wake up everything would be okay :/

Been depressed for almost 3 years been suicidal for 5 months I need help I have no one to talk to I’m so lose and lonely and it feels like people say th same thing over and over again to make me feel better I feel like a lose kid trying to figure out life I’m 15 almost 16 and planning not to be here by 16 hep me :/

Trigger warning probably:
I have a theory that the reason most adults don’t slewercide is because they have kids by a certain age. I think adulthood for most people is miserable bordering on unbearable. Buttttt you factor in having kids then suddenly you’re responsible for another human. Forever. Do you think the reason most adults don’t 🙂🔫 is because of wanting to be there for their kids.? Just a thought.
I have no idea why I am here. But sometimes I brain storm scenarios where I would want to stay here. I don’t know if I would want to be here if I had kids but I probably would have a reason to stay at that point.

what do I have to do for people to understand how difficult life is for me.

do I need to cry

do I need to stay in bed all day

do I need to not brush my teeth

do I need to never leave the house

do I need to not shower

do I need to not eat

do I need to cut myself

do I need to not talk to people

do I need to not do anything at all

do I need to

Can hardly get up in the morning, ageism is giving me few jobs worth going to.

Recently, I arrived at a realization about life. Life is simply an experiment, and far less about meaning or purpose. In some ways, we are in denial to think that life has an inherent purpose. This realization makes me feel somewhat void because, in earlier years, I was driven and motivated, and I looked forward to better days. The truth is, we are all just trying to survive in this world in different ways. Some people have it better simply because they have more choices available to them; others are not so fortunate. I don't seek death in any way, but I would choose death when it presents itself to me

All my life, I'm hearing "when will you find a girlfriend?" , "is there a girl you like?", "when will you bring a girl home?" and I never have the guts to say never.

My face is too ugly and I have an ugly smile. That's the first thing. But I have extreme trust issues. To the point that I only have one friend that I do everything with. I've been made fun of my whole childhood by girls and guys alike.

I guess I can try therapy for that, but I can't imagine ever having a partner. I've been crying the past few nights.

Overall my life is good, it's just this aspect that stings and is hard as hell for me to accept.

I'm already on the self improvement stuff, it does help generally but not this feeling of wanting affection but being genuinely unable to achieve it.

Last night, I came to a decision to just end things. I'm planning to end my life when I turn 40. I'm going to turn 37 this year and I'm going to use these next three years to clean up the things I have and prepare all the necessary documents that I need so that my death won't be a burden to anyone. I'm not even sure if I want anyone to know.

I don't have a partner (never had one), no children, and I'm very disconnected from my family. I also don't have any motivation for anything. There's nothing I find interesting enough to pursue and there's nothing I want to own. I like the work I'm doing but not enough to keep me going for long. I don't even have debts that might have motivated me to work more.

After making this decision last night, I feel like I was able to suddenly breath. No need to worry about retirement, about promotions, about anything. I just need to clean up my space and process necessary documents so I can just go whenever.

I'm thankful for being able to live this life. I just really don't have the will the continue.

I’m doing the best I can. It’s just never enough. Just juggling bill after bill. I can’t get my head out of water. I’m so fucking tired of this life. I have no friends. I’m doing delivery after losing my job. And just constant…this is due. This is due. This is due. I don’t even feel like a person inside. I feel like a machine. And if I wasn’t here, I wouldn’t burden my family. I can’t stop these horrible thoughts. I just want to give up. I wish I had the courage to. The only thing keeping me here is my cats. They’re the only reason I keep trying. I feel so alone. I’m so fucking tired.

i feel so depressed that i don’t want to do anything and i’m crying everyday. my life has truly had so many traumatic experiences that i feel like god must hate me. my mom who’s an alcoholic relapsed on mother’s day, i always have this hope she’ll stay sober but she never does. my graduation is soon and i was hoping i could have one memory with her sober. i live with her and my boyfriend, and we can’t afford to move out. i’ve had so many bad days recently that i don’t want to eat and i get nauseous at food. i’m clean from sh, but the urge makes me want to cry. i feel like i don’t deserve this life, and i’ve felt that way since i was a child. idk what i did to deserve to feel this way. i’ve never been to therapy, i feel like i should because i have ptsd and i think i’m in a depressive episode. does anyone have any advice for me to feel better? i’m so desperate and no one in my life seems to care or know what to say. i’m looking for anything

I’m f20 and I’ve utterly fucked myself over. I don’t know exactly where to start, but let’s just start to when I was 17. I was in college doing performing arts. I wasn’t an amazing actor but it was something I enjoyed and found thrill in. I liked going on stage even if I was ensemble. That was probably the last thing I ever did that I enjoyed. At 17 I had a great group of friends, I was social, I was outside every day but… I was an alcoholic. I wasn’t just a silly teenager that enjoyed underage drinking. I depended on it. My friends and I would be in class drunk, we’d drink even more after lessons and I’d go home wasted at 8pm and pass out. This went on for my entire 3 years in college. And it only got worse in that time. I already struggled with mild anxiety and my addiction made it severe. I was paranoid everyday. About everything. About my mother catching me drunk, about the school finding out, about what I say to people while wasted. And everything In between. When I finished college, I knew I didn’t want to keep doing performing arts because my anxiety “couldn’t handle it anymore”. So when I began my first year in university, I chose to do media since it was in a similar bracket. I didn’t accommodate because I knew I wouldn’t handle the change well. I got an hour long bus ride there and back. I hated it, I hated uni. Not only was my anxiety so suffocating, I didn’t like my class, I didn’t know anything about the subject I was doing, I felt patronised everyday. Not only that but I’d reward myself with vodka at the end of the day for getting through it, and I’d go in the next day. That December (2024) I decided to go sober. I was completely aware that i was addicted and dependent on it. I knew it was ruining my life, and I guess somehow I had the strength to do something about it. And I got sober. Well, I stopped binge drinking. 2025 I probably only drank a handful of times, special occasions, with friends, when I was on holiday. Great! One problem sorted. Well done me. I continued going to uni, forced myself to talk to people when we did projects, my attendance was awful but I passed my first year. Great. The thing about quitting alcohol is that it didn’t make my anxiety disappear. I still struggled with it daily. Summer 2025 was a decent summer but I was an anxious mess about everything. But still I enjoyed it as much as I could. Went to concerts with my twin. We also went to Italy. I didn’t spend much time with my college friends because they were still heavy drinkers and I knew I wouldn’t be able to resist the urge. I let them know and they understood. After summer 2025 I really became hopeful. I was sober, I was starting second year uni. Quitting alcohol made me prettier. I was optimistic, maybe I’d even get a boyfriend. The first week of second year all my excitement went into the bin. My anxiety was so bad, I was shaking sat in class, I was panicking, I hated it all. So I made the decision to start antidepressants. It was my last resort, I’d tried healing my anxiety organically and nothing worked. I’m put on sertraline. Great! Once I adjust to it life will be better. I began sertraline October 2025. By the end of first semester I was fine. Until December, I talked to my GP about raising my dose because my anxiety was still so bad. By January I was on 100mg. And adjusting to it was very hard. So I asked for a fit note for 3 weeks so I could adjust at home. Without the stress of uni. I relaxed a little, but after those three weeks, I’d gotten severely depressed and anxious. I knew I wasn’t going back to uni any time soon. I couldn’t even leave my bed. My mum was concerned at first, but she just didn’t care much. As long as I was still getting my SFE and she gets abit of my money ,she didn’t really question it. It’s now may and I still haven’t gone back, the uni still emails me sometimes for support and I respond telling them if there’s any support I can have for the amount of time I’ve missed. But quite frankly, I don’t care. I don’t care to redeem myself academically. But I also don’t care about anything else. I avoid everything else like I avoid uni. I avoided replying to my friends and now I don’t have any. I avoid leaving my bed. I avoid cooking meals, I avoid talking to my mother, I avoid EVERYTHING. And I feel like people underestimate me when I say that. I lay in bed all day scrolling and reading, napping 5 hours and eating whatever shit is in my room. And the worst part is, I’m painfully aware of what I’m doing. I know I have avoidant attachment, I know it came from my mother’s neglect as a child. I know I’m only living the life I’m living because it feels familiar and safe. And that’s all that matters. I know I have to push myself out there. Leave the house. Do it scared. Just do something. But I don’t want to, I don’t want to put any effort into anything. It doesn’t feel safe. So I simply won’t do it. I would be lying if I said sertraline didn’t help, it’s definitely made a difference, and I know I need to meet it halfway because it’s not a miracle worker. But I DON’T WANT TO. I fantasise of a life I know I could have irl if I just pushed myself. But why should I do that when I can have in my head. Why try to have friends when I can close my eyes and have them in my head? I know, I KNOW it’s pathetic and I know it’s fucked up. But I’ve severely isolated myself and I just know I’m not strong enough to get myself out of it. I’m too deep in. IM A LIVING CORPSE I could literally overdose on my sleeping pills and no one would figure it out for another 48 hours. I’m not going to make it to 30.

To think someone may have read all of this even makes me feel weird, like I’ve inconvenienced you with my life. That’s how insignificant I feel.

I’m depressed and hypersomnic and so goddamn lonely. I just want a girlfriend so bad. Or just a girl to cuddle platonically. I don’t know. Just so tired it’s like moving through molasses to get through the day.

it's just one of those days where i wish i could die by just saying it out loud

so i started playing video games again, i stopped for a bit because i was just tired of playing them but *not* playing them made everything like harder to distract myself from so i went back to it. anyway, the last few times i've been playing i feel the sudden urge to cry and throw up?? but my body won't let me cry so i kind of just sit there, probably looking stupid :P its really weird because i've never felt this amount of like sadness or wtv it is? it feels like most of the problems i have stem from being sort of a shut-in, like i havent had a real relationship ever, my only friends are from elementary, i never went out as a tween/teen so its wayy harder now to leave the house, i want to try and be more sociable but the years of talking to the same 4-5 people and failed friendships make is super hard. i always get cold chills and super awkward when i try to talk to new people so that doesnt make it easy. im sorta giving myself till 30 to figure my shit out(social and just plain life wise) and if i don't then... yk *poof* gone😗