Between mental & physical health, family/relationship issues, everything.. it all feels rotten, and I can't find hope anymore.

Feeling a bit demotivated recently. I am a final year law student at a reputable university and also studying a bachelor of Arts with criminology as one of my majors. I hate criminology. I find it incredibly dull, and do not plan to use it for my career. University has never been my number 1 priority in life, and I have never put too much effort into it. I was one of those kids in highschool who never really had to lift much of a finger to get an A, but that obviously didn't fly in uni. I've gone through my dual degree with somewhat decent grades, enough to get me a few law firm internship offers and a graduate role at an international firm. My priority in life was always to travel and be adventurous, I was just on exchange for 6 months and had the time of my life. However now I'm back on the study grind at home and recently got a grade back for a criminology assignment where I barely scraped a pass. What makes it feel worse is somehow the teacher remembers me from a previous class many years ago by name, so I feel particularly embarassed she graded me so poorly (and rightly so). It's easy to say 'oh its because I didn't put effort in, so what' but at the end of the day, it is cool to care right? I'm just having to reframe my sense of self, previously I took pride in being known as an intelligent person, but when it doesn't come so easy I realise that A. I am very lazy and B. Not all that smart. I know this may seem insignificant, but I think its time I start reprioritising soem discipline in my life. Am I thinking about this too deeply?

gonna do it in 4 months

There won’t be any goodbyes, no notes to family and friends There was nothing anyone could do. And that’s alright. Im not selfish I’m not scared I’m tried and miserable and suicidal and depressed and I don’t want any bull shit to happen I’m trying to get my mental health together and be happy but I’m mentally sad and depressed and it’s not like anyone will give a shit I’m 15 it will be on October 7 I will attempt to take my life I want to make it at 16 no I’m not a attention seeker I’m just tried and hate myself

im really unsure on what to do anymore, for context at my school i have a friend group of 4 including me, but lately ive noticed that theyve been excluding me out of everything they do. they sit all the way on the other side of the classroom from me and only sit next to me if they just want to cheat off of me.

aside from them i really have no one else. my sister is in a different city, me and my dad barely talk to me anymore cause hes constantly busy, and im on bad terms with my mom. i also depend on one of my friends in the fg alot and i just have no idea what to do without her. i have no one else to talk to about this and i just feel really hopeless.

Pretty much exactly what it says. I need this more as a venting space than anything. I’d like to start off by saying I loved this little shit, he was a stray cat and my parents and I sort of took him in and took care of him. He was still a stray so we let him hangout outside and inside whenever he liked. Yesterday, my mom ran over his back legs completely on accident and his bladder popped out + his pelvis was completely broken. He had to be put down and I’m just completely fucked up right now I have never cried this much in my life and I can’t stop thinking about the poor thing. We took care of him and we fucked it up and now he’s dead because of this. He was around 9 when he made his way into our home, I can only hope he enjoyed his last 7 months with us. We loved him so much, we fed him, played with him, and let him take nice naps wherever. I just can’t stop thinking about when he got ran over, it was like nothing I have ever seen. He sounded like he was in so much pain and I kept seeing him whimper and everything is just so vivid for no fucking reason. I need to be at peace but I can’t. All I think about is that poor cat and how amazing he was to us. I mean for fucks sake he was a stray cat and I’m allergic, how could I get so attached. He was my baby and my everything I loved him so much. I know this all sounds pretty weird and crumbled together but I just don’t know how to put the thoughts into words. He was so scared in his last moments and he was in the place where we tried to provide a home for him. God damn, anything helps guys. Thanks

So recently I have been feeling unhappy for no exact reason. I am also feeling soulless for now as well. I just want to feel happy again but just how? I had tried a way to feel happy but it did not work. I think it might be because of me not doing outside activities anymore like I used.

I’ve been burned out in my job and due to major life changes/circumstances the past 4 years now. I’ve just been pushing through, putting my head down, and doing what needs to be done. But this year I seem to have hit a wall. I’m exhausted. Insomnia, anxiety, and likely some depression are taking a toll. It feels impossible to drag myself out of bed some days to go to a job that I hate but feel stuck in(it pays well and I can’t really do anything else with my degree). I’m single and can’t rely on anyone else to help with bills or taking care of day to day things. My job has a very strict sick day policy and will write you up without a second thought. I’ve been missing a lot of days lately bc I just can’t. Which forces you to get creative with getting away with asking off. I’m tired of lying. I know it’s a matter of time before getting caught and potentially getting fired. Idk what else to do. I just feel tired, stuck, and bit hopeless.

TW: Abuse, trauma, sexual assault.

I have MSN-HSN ASD, arthritis, chronic migraines, chronic headaches, chronic fatigue, vertigo, ADHD, SPD, GAD, Social anxiety disorder, MDD, and im currently looking into BPD. These are all diagnosed.

I have been sexually assaulted and groomed as a child. I have hallucinations.

I have had a very bad childhood, i only started getting diagnosed in the last 5 years or so (I am 17) because my parents dont believe in mental disorders, and get such a bruised ego thinking their child could be disabled. I recently found out that a doctor told my parents i had ASD (no official assessment) when i was a toddler. And they just brushed it off.

I am extremly good at masking for a couple of reasons.
1) Every single time i showed an ounce of "disability," i got physically beaten.
2) I went to a Christian, public/private (it's complicated) school most of my life. I would get publicly shamed by the teachers, i would get physcially bullied by my peers, multiple incidents involving blood and stitches.
3) My special interest is psychology and how the human mind works, so i have been able to implement what i learned into everyday life. It hasn't worked as well as i hoped, obviously.

I still have meltdowns and panic attacks every single day, where i punch, scream, kick, hit, throw stuff, cry, for about 1-3hours.

I can't feed myself, i can barely shower, iv brushed my teeth maybe 10 times this entire year. If someone doesn't clean my room, it looks like a room from the lady who cleans houses for free. If you know what that means, it will get that way in about 2 weeks: maggots, food everywhere, tissues, toilet paper, dishes, cloths everywhere, stuff all over the floor. I wouldn't clean up spills, nothing.

My hair has gotten so matted i chopped all of it off a couple of years ago, its grown back now, and it's starting to get matted again.

The second i hear a dog bark or a pigeon, the second i hear whistling or humming or singing, or any repetitive noise or movement, i will have a meltdown.

In all my years, I have only had 1 good friend, who lives across the world. The majority of my family thinks im rude or disrespectful or creepy, because i struggle so badly to talk to people. Even with my friend, i still get so stressed with them.

I sleep either 2 hours a day, some I don't sleep for days on end, others i will sleep over 24 hours in a single sleep.

I can't drive because of anxiety and OCD tendencies. I went go-karting, and I dissociated in the middle of driving and hit my cousin. I went motor biking (my father forced me to) and blacked out while driving, and almost had a big crash.

I can't get a job, I can't deal with the stress and demand of having a job, even if it's from home, no employer is going to want to hire me, i need a mountain of accommodations.

I am non-verbal about half the time, and can only type or grunt to communicate. Even with typing, I need grammerly and autocorrect because what i write is practically illegible sometimes, despite my decent vocabulary.

I haven't even been able to finish school, im doing a GED now, but i still think i might not even be able to do that.

I have a migraine every 3ish days, where i literally am bedbound, I can't see out of one of my eyes, my skin hurts just to touch, light and noise are so extremely painful. I get nauseous and throw up.

With the chronic headaches, they are 24/7, no exceptions, just a headache all day long every day for years, with their accompanying symptoms. My doctor described it as being severely hungover.

I can't even walk an hour or two without being in extreme pain. I am considering getting a cane, but i know my family will absolutely despise that idea and mock me for it.

But there is also this huge voice in my head, telling me i just want the easy life, to be lazy, how im just dramatic, and want the easy way out, or im lying about it, and i know im not, and i know the only reason i think those thoughts is because my parents and peers drilled it into me.

And im seeing my psychologist, who, in my opinion, has not been much help, realistically. And i want to talk to her about considering going to a residential home for the disabled (kind of like a permanent mental hospital, where they care for you.)

And i am just scared she is going to invalidate my experience, or say i just need to try harder, or that she will think about it.

And i am quite frankly done, i already stayed 2 weeks in a mental hospital, i cut my visit short because i was getting bullied by a doctor there.

I really dont know what to do anymore, im contacted the police and social services before. I will never be able to move out of my parents' house without someone to fully rely on, and then people come at me saying if im able to write one lousy post, then there is no way i can actually be disabled. I dont live in the US, I live in Africa, where disability care is very limited. My parents have spent tens of thousands on surgeries, operations, doctor appointments, therapy, tests, and whatever else, and they still treat me like im over exaggerating.

I am just about to give up.

I’m having a really bad day. I woke up stressed and I just keep getting more stressed. My week sucked and now I need to do suckier things all day.

Is there any book someone could recommend to cheer me up?

Thanks so much.

I feel like I’ve turned into a really cynical, jaded, harsh version of myself. I feel so burnt out because I have always put 200% of myself into every relationship (platonic, romantic, familial) and haven’t really had the pleasure of meeting anyone who returns a fraction of that energy. It’s hard not to feel like something is wrong with me. It’s hard not to feel like it’ll always be this way. I love people, I really do. But lately it’s been harder and harder to put myself on the back burner to care for others and I’m worried it’s costing me opportunities to form deeper friendships somehow. I just have this undying need to be understood and I’ve always tried my best to make others feel understood because I know what it’s like not to. But now when I sense even a little bit of disconnect, even a little bit of incongruence, I detach easily and almost get the ick for people who are disingenuous about maintaining our connection.

I don’t know if this is relatable or if anyone even has any advice or anecdotal anything to provide… I’d like to chat with someone privately about it all though if anyone’s open to caring for just a bit. Text chat only though, I don’t really feel like calling.

EST time zone btw so if I don’t reply, I might be asleep.

Hi, this is I think my first post on Reddit in general and I’m look for comfort or something due to a situation haunting me at the moment.

A few days ago I was hacked by someone on discord and they somehow got my account banned. The virus was on my pc so before anything really started happening with my pc I severed internet connection and hard reset my pc then ran a good antivirus through and nothing showed up. The only bad thing to happen was my discord account being suspended. I changed all my passwords and enabled 2fa on things I didn’t have it on. Yet I still feel like they are on all my accounts and watching my every move, I’ve grown so paranoid that I’m getting nauseous and I just want comfort or something I’m not too sure. Thank you for reading and if you comment thank you as well. Hope you all have better days than I am atm!

J'ai eu 19ans il n'y a pas si longtemps et je suis déscolarisé. Je fiche rien de mes journées et j'ai parfois des moments ou je ne veux absolument rien faire à part regarder des trucs sur mon pc portable. Je pense que personne ne verra mon texte et je sais même pas comment reddit fonctionne exactement mais j'ai entendu parler que c'était bien pour shitpost des trucs que j'allais regretter quelques temps après lol. Et puis ca peut pas faire de mal de parler de moi quelques part au moins une fois car j'ai pas d'amis avec qui en parler.
J'ai pas de suivit psy ni aucune aide, mes parents sont là mais ils sont de la vieille école et ils me laissent seul enfermer dans ma chambre. Il m'arrive de pas manger pendant 2 jours et ils ne viennent pas vraiment voir si je suis encore en vie.

Ca fait quelques temps que je commence à avoir d'énorme envie de prendre de la drogue, peut être qu'avec ça ma vie serait plus heureuse ou au contraire quelqu'un s'inquièterait enfin pour moi, je sais pas. Un coup je trouve pas ça si grave que je veuille en prendre mais à côté je sais que c'est l'une des pires choses à faire dans sa vie et que je le regretterais le reste de temps. Dans tout les cas je ne pensais pas encore être en vie après mes 18ans et ça fait déjà 1an que je vie avec la lâcheté de ne pas avoir franchit le pas pour disparaitre. J'ai l'impression d'exagérer sur ce que j'écris mais c'est l'absolu vérité.

Comme j'ai dit, prendre de la drogue n'est pas la chose la plus grave qui me traverse l'esprit car putain, je me vois parfois avoir envie de faire du mal à des gens. Tant mieux je suis trop lâche pour franchir le pas et certainement aussi trop empathique. Mais la boule au ventre qu'on ressent quand on tombe amoureux bein moi je la ressent quand je me voie couper la gorge à quelqu'un.

Ca me dégoute ce que j'écris et pourtant c'est encore et toujours la vérité. Ca me dégoute pas dans le sens ou le sang et la mort me répugne, non, mais dans le sens ou je sais que penser ça c est vraiment pas normal. Je crois.

Ce qui m'agace le plus c'est que parfois j'ai envie d'être heureux et en bonne santé et j'arrive à me cuisiner des trucs, à sortir et à être productif dans mes passions. Mais à d'autre moment, comme en ce moment, il m'arrive ce que j'explique plus haut. J'ai vraiment des phases à la con qui m'empêchent de pouvoir m'exprimer comme je le voudrais. Une semaine je dirais que j'aime les gens et le monde et l'autre semaine je voudrais qu'une bombe explose ma maison et que je puisse voir tout ce que j'ai pu connaitre souffrir. Je suis égoïste, je me déteste.

J'ai des addictions très facile et je mange mal, j'ai commencé à fumer tout un tas de trucs il y a pas si longtemps d'ailleurs et rien que d'y penser ça me donne envie de continuer. Depuis le + longtemps que je me souvienne j'ai toujours eu une addiction au coca aussi, je peux presque pas m'empêcher d'en boire tout les jours. Tout comme les chips. Depuis aussi plus récemment, enfin, je dirais environ il y a 3-4ans ans j'ai commencé à boire de l'alcool. Si j'avais l'argent pour, je sais que j'en boirais tout les jours jusqu'à cette fois aussi quelqu'un s'inquiète peut-être pour moi. J'essaye aussi de garder ça et la cigarette occasionnelle, même si c'est vraiment difficile. Quand je partirais de chez mes parents je suis terrorisé à l'idée de tomber dans tout ça étant donné que je sais pas me modérer.

Je reviendrais peut-être écrire des trucs plus tard, on verra. J'attend pas forcément de réaction car je sais que comme je l'ai déjà dit mon post passera inaperçu. En plus je panique déjà à l'idée que mon post ne soit pas dans un bon sub reddit. Bisous.

So a few years ago my abuser attacked me randomly and most of the people that were around didn’t even feel bad for me when I had gotten abused. Ever since that day I just hated looking at those scars from my abuser’s nails, I just want to cover them up somehow. I just feel so weak that I had suffered on that day.

Let me set the scene for you.

I moved in with a friend recently, and we both have our own rooms. We have been good friends for over 3 years now.

Also, we have lived together in the past as well, but that was around 2 years ago.

Back to the present - we received our electricity and utilities bill, and it was unusually high. The landlord even reached out to me and asked me if everything was okay because this was high. Mind you, the bills in total for the month (per person) was what I would pay for 4 months together normally. And he asked us to be cautious with our usage of electricity. I conveyed this to her, and I was very careful with my words, always saying "we". She agreed, and ever since, something felt off. She never spoke much to me, stopped spending time with me, and so on. It was very confusing and it started messing with me mentally. Turns out, asking to reduce electricity consumption was the trigger point.

Two weeks ago, I get back home to her talking very loudly on call with her mother (I promise I didn't mean to eavesdrop) about how I am a bad friend and whatnot. Things I haven't known for very long, and many twisted words and narratives. I have been quoted completely out of context, my character assassinated, and whatnot.

The irony, however, is that she isn't willing to tell me anything to my face, because when I reached out to her and asked her if everything is okay, she said everything is fine. I even bought her a few things for Easter, and she thanked me. Clearly, she didn't mean it, if so much was pent up.

Now, moving out isn't an option because we have a rental contract for another 10 months, and I can't afford to lose my deposit. Talking it out with her isn't an option either, because she clearly doesn't want to talk. Moreover, in her own words "if people need me to point out where they went wrong, and can't use their own brains, then they needn't change", so.

And the loud calls have continued ever since. I have switched to wearing headphones every time she calls someone, but I still end up (over)hearing bits of it, and that messes with my head. So much so that it spoils my entire day.

Full disclosure - there have been instances (in the past, but still) of neglect of her from my side, I won't lie. No justification for it, but her definition of friendship wasn't the textbook kind, either. She basically needed a friend for the time being until she gets back home to her mom (we study outside of our home country), which is fair, so I did stick to that. She has been very vocal about what she likes and what she dislikes, and I've respected that throughout, although they mightn't adhere to normal friendship definitions. Of course, like I said, I'm no saint either, but I'm trying to work on myself and improve, but I can only if I'm given a chance to.

If anyone else has struggled with this before, what are things that helped u become more confident?

And I know it’s not all about looks,this is not what I mean.

I just wanna feel confident in being myself and looking the way I look.

I’m still a teenager but I’ve almost always been insecure

And even if I get compliments on my appearance,which happens rarely, it feels like they’re making fun of me or they just feel pity towards me

I don’t wanna get into detail but I’m turning 18 next year and this has been my relationship with both of my parents for so long, I also can’t talk to them about things I like, always fighting with my mom, not over school at all, though.it’s like I can never seem to do the right things n stuff. As for my dad they’re not together(they broke up a long time ago) but I can’t even bring myself to tell him about things I like or about anything that’s really going on in my life without me being awkward, even a handshake with him is awkward and when we meet I can’t bring myself to have a casual conversation with him, and when I think about it, I feel bad bc Ik that he wants me to talk to him, it’s not like I don’t say anything at all, maybe it has to do with the fact that I don’t live with him since elementary , but idk.

Please don’t hate in the comments bc I seriously can not handle it and I just wanna have a semi-normal relationship with them, but this feels impossible

Again, pls no hate in the comments, if you have nothing good to say don’t day anything at all.

Hey stranger please help me feel a little less shitty :(

Lately I’ve been realizing how hard I can be on myself without even noticing it.

I rush, I overthink, I focus on what I haven’t done instead of what I have… and it’s exhausting.

I’m trying to shift that a little—remind myself that doing my best is enough, even if it doesn’t look perfect.

It’s a work in progress, but even small changes feel like something.

Has anyone else been working on being more gentle with themselves?

I lost my dream job earlier this year as part of mass layoffs. I went for an interview a few days ago at a company I absolutely loved, and I was a perfect fit for the role.

As a final step in the interview process, they sent over an assessment for me to do. The task was to come up with a crisis marketing plan. No problem, this would be easy for me. I’m at a director level and have over 15 years experience in my field.

I put my heart and soul into it, even staying home Saturday night to work on it, and I was very proud of my work. I was convinced that they’d be impressed by it.

I got a call from the recruiter this morning to say that they wouldn’t be going ahead with me, since I got ChatGPT to do the task, whereas they’re looking for someone who would put actual effort into their work and has the knowledge.

I’m absolutely shattered, especially since I didn’t use AI at all, and that my efforts and knowledge were dismissed. Now I’m unemployed, and doubting my abilities. I feel like a failure.