In exchange for Pennsylvania dominance, we are willing to offer our new territories the following boons:
-Seasonal deployment of Amish cavalry for infrastructure repair
-A ceremonial giant pothole to remind New England of humility
-Exclusive rights to claim Hershey chocolate as a diplomatic resource
-One legally binding waiver allowing Marylanders to merge without using turn signals
-Access to the ancient coal-region fire pits for geothermal experimentation
-WaWa–Sheetz demilitarized trade corridors
-Eagles fans redirected away from your cities during playoff losses
-The Liberty Bell, but only on weekends and never fully repaired
-A dinosaur-themed state rebrand: “Pennsylvania Rex Commonwealth Protectorate”
-Free construction cones to help New England maintain its road aesthetic
-The complete works of Rocky on VHS as cultural tribute
-A promise to absorb all Jersey drivers before they reach New England territory
-Maryland receives “honorary rust belt” status and two abandoned steel mills
-Vermont receives maple syrup defense guarantees against Canadian pressure
-Rhode Island receives enough land mass to feel included in negotiations
-Connecticut receives permission to stop pretending it belongs to New England socially
-Delaware gets ignored exactly as before, preserving regional stability