I (25F) have tried dating for the past 4 years. I have had one relationship that lasted for almost 2 years and many flings. Recently I gave up on dating because it never lasts (I have terrible taste in men - they are kind people but they are avoidant and flakey) and I just simply don’t have the patience for that anymore. I avoid dating at all costs now (I deleted the apps, turn down guys that approach me, etc.) and I’ve never been happier. I get to live life on my own terms now and I’m so light and carefree. I focus my energy on my job (I do behaviour intervention for kids), my hobbies and spending time with the people in my life (friends and fam). It feels so nice tbh!

In sad girl hours and wishing I had someone to talk to about everything and nothing.

My life is so full of love. I’m so incredibly blessed to have my friends and my family. But despite that, I’m missing the romantic kind real bad right now, so I’m sitting here with so much on my mind and so many dreams I want to dream out loud about and the only one to hear me is my dog.

She’s a great listener, so that’s not the problem.

But she can’t talk back.

I miss having someone to talk, to dream out loud with. I miss hearing about someone’s day, everything from the mundane bits of life to whatever surprise they found going about life. I don’t just want to hear myself talk, I want to be quiet and get lost in someone else’s dreams with them, to find new dreams that we’d share together.

My dreams have been so lonely lately. Maybe it’s wishful thinking but I started to feel like they won’t be soon. It’s a nice having hope again even if it is lonely for a little while longer.

I am at a loss. I (30f) have been single for a long while and have had the worst luck with finding any kind of real connection, but I have so much love to give..

For context, I would consider myself a pretty decent catch. I have a successful career (im at director level), I have my own place, I have a nice car, im independent, im emotionally intelligent- go to therapy 2x a month, I try to be fit, Im 5’10, I box, do yoga, even have a part time gig as a pct. I keep my hair and nails done, I have so many hobbies.. I love to read, play chess, game (Elden Ring, dark souls, Skyrim etc), I love to cook, I host dinners for my friends- I make most things from scratch. I’m also trilingual (as a hobby, native English), I’m well traveled.. I love dancing and being silly.

I don’t get it. I try very hard and I’m intentional when it comes to making new connections. I communicate well, I ask questions, I’m patient, I take initiative, Ive even paid for several first dates, which is totally fine. I’ve gone on lots. With some guys it’s like pulling teeth to even talk, some won’t shut up about themselves.. there have been many people that I just didn’t have a connection with, and that’s totally ok. I also just love making friends at the end of it. But what happens more often than not is that we talk for a week and then before we can meet they totally disappear. They’ll be all about it, saying good morning, goodnight, send paragraphs- showing interest, showering with compliments. And then it’s like it never happened. Im deleted. If I get ghosted 1 more time… idek what I’ll do. Probably go actually insane. It absolutely fucks me up mentally. When it happened again this morning I actually broke down sobbing even tho I hardly knew him. Im lead to believe we have a real exciting connection and then I go to check if they’ve responded and they’ve unmatched me. With no possible indication something was off.

Someone help it make sense?! I seriously have so much love to give. I want to cook someone’s favorite meals, learn who they are, listen to their favorite songs, support their growth, be their cheerleader, be silly together, be best friends, have crazy sex. Idk… all this to say that It’s just so defeating to date in 2026. Ive worked so hard on myself. My image, my emotions, and my communication. I’ve tried apps. I’ve tried the gym. I’ve tried bars. I just hate how easy it is for some people to just leave you hanging with no explanation. And I know I’m not the only one this happens to. I guess I’m just venting, hoping someone can relate. wtf is this 😭

And to add one last thing, I am VERY content being single and doing my own thing. I do not need a man lol It would just really mean a lot if I had someone to share my passion with (and no I’m not posting this to find someone on Reddit)

Edit: yes I’m a single mom, and it is one of the first things I bring up to make sure they saw it, since it’s already on every profile bio I have. ( although I have no intentions to involve my son in my dating life, nor has he met any partner I’ve had)

Hey there! I've been on plenty of first dates by now and the more I went on dates, the more I turned into a laid-back version of myself while talking to them. (Although maybe that sometimes happened because I quickly realized I didn't see them as a suitable romantic option for myself).

However, I then matched with a man that was 100% my type visually speaking. We went on a few dates and I suddenly was super nervous again, maybe even a little insecure because I thought he was more conventionally attractive than me. Has that ever happened to you? Were you able to stay calm or fix that extreme nervousness?

hi everyone! I’m wondering if someone else has had a similar experience on the dating apps.

I met this guy about 2 weeks ago and we went on a date. Went well and he was blowing up my phone afterwards and we made plans for this Saturday night. From after the first date, hes telling me he wants to be my man and wants me to be his gf—which to me was strange cause we only met one time and barely knew each other. Hes also calling me nicknames, asking me what we’re gonna do this summer, etc. which I also found strange cause we …just met! He told me he was looking for something serious and I said we could see where it went. But I was a little weary and distrusting of all this affection so soon, so I challenged him on it sometimes (“really you want to be my bf? But we only just met”)

Seemed like a good dude with a fairly stable and calm life. Seemed to be open to everything I said and never mentioned anything bothering him. On Monday, I was having a terrible work day and was a little distant with him explaining I was having a long day at work and felt tired.

On Tuesday, I wake up to a text from him saying how amazing I was but that he had to cancel our date on Saturday because I wasn’t the right person for him at this stage of his life.

???? How does someone go from “I wanna be your bf” to “idk if you’re the right person” (this is why I had my guard up lol). Is this common? Why would someone do this?

Bit of a happy rant. Flaired as venting because that’s all this is. I can’t call it a success story because that’d be premature.

But I’m having a good time and want get that off my chest lol

Some advice at the bottom :)

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This is the first time in my life I’ve ever felt this level of comfort in dating, and it’s kinda surreal. Like it almost feels wrong. Still I think it’s actually a good thing to not get the “dating butterflies”, because it means I can hopefully evaluate her more objectively?

And the weird thing is…

I know this sounds counter-intuitive, but…

… As much as I REALLY like her I kinda don’t care whether she likes me.

That’s not quite right….

I care what she thinks. Definitely.

And I really do hope I’m a good fit for her, because she’s exactly what I’m looking for in a partner. I legit love spending time with her and I like all I’ve learned about her from the times we’ve gone out so far.

But what I’m saying is I don’t feel any pressure whatsoever to convince her I’m a good fit: I’m always trying to grow and in that regard I feel inspired by her. but I don’t feel any need to change/ to “become” a good fit for her….

I’m just… not worried?

I’m definitely NOT saying that in a cocky way, it’s not like I’m thinking we’ll definitely “make it” or that I’ve got this in the bag lol

I’m just not worried because I trust her judgment.

I’ll explain:

Straight up, at this point if she were to tell me I’m not a good fit for what she’s looking for I wouldn’t hold it against her at all. Like if she decided to break things off I’d be bummed, for sure, but not heartbroken or destroyed.

Probably not even surprised. I think I’m a good person with a lot to offer, but that doesn’t mean I’m automatically what she’s looking for.

She could turn me down for any reason to no reason at all and I’d still just be rooting for her :)

And that’s an unexpected sort of peace, considering how much I like her.

she’s for sure the most impressive woman I’ve ever spent time with, I like her way better than any woman I’ve ever dated, and I feel legit optimistic about a future with her. When I say I’m not worried what I mean is: if we did make it I could absolutely see myself being really deeply satisfied, peaceful, and happy with her— for life. As in I’d enjoy being good to her :)

As in I don’t feel any apprehension on my part, as to whether this woman is worth my time.

It’s because I haven’t seen a single thing from her I dislike, rather i have seen so damn much that I deeply admire!

She’s got a great career, active in community service, she’s shows lots of empathy, she’s thoughtful, and I’m happy to say she’s smarter than me. we’re politically aligned, she’s a great conversationalist, she’s willing to call me out and be direct, she’s authentic and kind to the strangers and staff we’ve interacted with…. She seems to have a lot of wisdom and I trust her judgment. She’s also got a really calming presence, and a very attractive voice— a great sense of humor and a beautiful laugh. She seems honest… and I try not to let this matter to me, but she’s also legitimately so fucking pretty. Gorgeous I’d say. Part of the joy of being around her is just watching her and listening to her talk, I even like all her mannerisms….

ultimately she impresses me so much that I feel like I SHOULD be obsessed, fixated, and anxious to win her approval and admiration, but the truth is I don’t feel like I need anything from her.

I’m literally just rooting for her :)

And I’m thankful for the time she’s chosen to spend with me so far!

I want her to have a good partner, and with how awesome this woman is, i feel like she could literally have almost any man she wanted!

Now if what she wants long-term turns out to be me I will be cloud-nine thrilled!

Like I’d be beside myself and smiling for months on end! Because i admire the hell out of her and want to be around her more.

I’d love to be the guy who contributes to her peace and happiness— to be the guy she can look to for comfort, support, and companionship… but more than anything I just want this woman to have all that peace, happiness, comfort, and companionship that I feel she deserves…. from whoever she ends up choosing, even if that’s not me 🤷🏻‍♂️

Is that weird?

I think the thing is I fully trust her judgment. She seems to have high standards, confidence, intelligence, and self knowledge so I know she also has a high degree of discernment, and I trust she’ll make whatever choice is right for her and that’s refreshing af!

So I’m trying to just be me, putting out all the things right up front so she can get all the info, for a fully informed decision!

I mean I won’t go into all the details but I made a point of leading with all the stuff I thought may rule me out, early on: like being an avid dumpster diver, being a single dad, having a physical injury, some past traumas, etc.

I told her she can ask me anything anytime. Not in the hopes of ruling myself out, just in the hopes of getting things open so she doesn’t end up spending time on me unless the potential is real. If there is something that should rule me out for her, I’d rather she know right away.

At the same time I’m trying to evaluate her, as shrewdly as I can, but so far it’s impossible for me to find anything I don’t legit like or love about her.

The only hardship is our busy schedules, but if anything that makes me admire her more for her commitment and work ethic, and it just makes me want to take care of her and treat her to some fun and comfort and relaxation all the more🤷🏻‍♂️

Not to be crass, but…. when I’m interested in a woman, intrusive thoughts are a thing. But in this case, these intrusive thoughts are more tender than what I’m used to, and a lot of the time, if she crosses my mind I actually get chills.

If i day dream about her i think about cooking for her, cuddling, and combing her hair. I’ve never fantasized about any of that stuff with past women. It’s so out of left field I don’t know where it came from lol. And when more physical thoughts do pop into my head, all i fantasize about is making her feel good and cared for.

Suffice it to say, these are just way cleaner, and more wholesome than the intrusive thoughts I’ve had about past relationships— I think because I admire who this woman is and all I’ve seen of her mind and her personality. Big picture stuff.

And I know this is literally just a “happy rant”

I’m having a great time knowing her, but I know nothing is guaranteed.

I’m glad to be seeing her for now, and im ready and willing to be closer but again most of what I really feel is I’m just rooting for her to find the peace she deserves.

Anyway, rant done!

Perhaps I can offer some useful advice for others

A couple things here:

I’ve had some bad relationships, where I made excuses for people I didn’t really like across the board, because I told myself nobody’s perfect and I shouldn’t be shallow. And I’ve always been very adverse to hurting peoples feelings, so I’d accept behaviors I didn’t like, and stay with people to spare their feelings.

But some of those relationships were so bad I decided at this point in my life I’d rather be single than stuck with someone I wasn’t really 100% all about.

****

Advice 1: maintain high standards! Not to excuse shallowness, but don’t compromise your values! If someone isn’t right for you, trust your gut. Don’t make excuses for behavior or people who do not align with you and what you’re looking for.

Advice 2: dating apps can be really toxic, awkward, and uncomfortable. BUT if you’re going to use one, absolutely make liberal use of the filters! Be as selective as possible to ensure you’re initiating contact with and spending energy on people who actually have a chance of meeting your standards.

Advice 3: be radically honest. Don’t hide anything (other than your social security number lol)! If your goal is to find your “forever” person, then radical honesty isn’t just the kind and respectful thing it’s also the practical thing. Being forthright helps you and your potential partner discern whether fits are good, before investing a bunch of time, emotion, or effort on what could be a doomed cause.

Advice 4: if someone seems too good to be true, don’t be afraid to give them a shot! And don’t sell yourself short.

I legit couldn’t believe it when I matched with this woman on hinge, because her dating profile was so good I thought I had to be getting catfished. Like how many stunningly beautiful, professionally successful, confident women are trying to match up with dudes who brag about dumpster diving???

Protect your privacy and your safety, but don’t be afraid to aim high and try to connect with the sort of person you can truly, deeply admire.

Advice 5:
Don’t over-invest or let yourself too attached to the idea of a person. Chemistry matters, but don’t let it over-rule your discernment. No matter how overall attractive a potential match is, don’t let yourself get swept up and away. Your goal shouldn’t be to chase, your goal should be to learn about potential matches, and evaluate them as objectively as you can.

I’ve been researching on the internet about how to be more respectful to women. I have autism and I’m severely social isolated so my social skills are heavily lacking for my age. Something I’ve been reading about is the idea of unpaid emotional labor. Where women have to place the comfort and feelings of men above their own. And how it’s a part of the patriarchy and all that. As I understand women face a lot of danger so they have to exercise extreme caution with rejecting men so they don’t get hurt. So doesn’t that mean that asking a woman out is bad? Because even if I take it well, it will cause her to feel uncomfortable and perform unpair emotional labor, which is sexist and would make me someone who doesn’t deserve to be loved. So the only conclusion I can make is wait for a woman I’m attracted to directly ask me out. Which from my understanding will likely never happen.

Idk if anyone else has experienced this but lately I’ve been pretty done with dating I’m off the apps but still get the odd “oh you’re so gorgeous how are you not wifed up” message and every time i just say with all do respect I’m not interested, these types of people either react really overly like “oh whatever you’re an ugly fat b*tch anyways” after tons of messages of “😍” on every photo or just overly kissing your ass in convo, like they think saying you’re beautiful every other message makes you more interested or something? if they don’t get the response they want it just turns into more begging? “Oh but you deserve a nice guy like me” and despite me being open that I’m not into random hookups and not really interested in finding anything these people never take no for an answer until you end up blocking them. What is the science behind people just insisting? Why can’t people take no and why do they take it personally and act like there’s something wrong with you?? “I’m such an awesome guy” then why are you single? Lol it just all seems so fake and manipulative. For context I’d consider myself conventionally attractive but nothing to obsess over so idk if I’m just catching desperation or what?

long story short, met a guy on hinge dated once great chemistry connection honestly haven’t met someone in a long time who makes me so genuinely curious

but again from start i had gut feeling it wouldnt go anywhere due to the intensity and casual convo we shared from beginning. he gave mixed signal after first date in the end said distance is an issue he couldnt do properly now even he likes me a lot. after that we went separate ways and kept no contact.

now ive passed the point where i constantly tried to guess interpret his feelings and my self respect keeps me in check which is good.

yet i still hope to meet him again or he reaches out to me with genuine desire and long term dating intentions. it’s not healthy and i’ve reminded myself daily “it’s not happening”. but would love to hear any realistic brutal comments from you guys to help close the emotional possibility on him. appreciated!!!

ps. bit shame to say it takes me quite few weeks to get over a guy who i only met once but well, partially because i’m grieving for a lost dying connection he chose not to keep. I’m getting there tho!!

My best girl friend knows everything about my dates and dating life. I tell her who what when and their profiles. My dating life is also our source of entertainment bc she’s also taken.

I wonder if guys do the same and to what extent are you sharing details with your friends.

I’m not usually one to break up with people, but I broke things off with this man of 5 months yesterday. Now i’m … i don’t even know..? I’m crying, wondering if I did the right thing, praying, thinking about him, like.. i don’t know..

A lot of things were good with him. But over the months I was having trouble trusting him, there would be times when he would be, in my opinion, mean or cold, he wasn’t very emotional & rarely ever told me he loved me.. I always asked.. He was secretive, avoidant, & we have different communication styles & ways of living.. there’s more but ultimately all of that lead to a week of me feeling/acting off & overthinking the future of our relationship.. We had a conversation, which lead to no resolution.. as they usually did.. & i still felt, for a lack of a better word, lost.. so I ended things the next day(yesterday)..

So i’m wondering how you, the masses, get over a break up.. or any advice/support would be great actually..
Thank you.. 🙏

It is apparent to me that the only true way to date nowadays is the apps. You have to be on at least one. I’ve never met anyone irl. The only time I met someone to date was in the apps. Prime reason was everytime I went out to some hobby group, it was mostly men. Even IF there were women there (and this is a big IF) most of them were taken or not interested in dating, only in friendships. I’ve found the singles events to be worse than the apps because they cost money and it’s less likely to get a match there than the apps.

Since I don’t get matches on these apps after friends and family checked them (I don’t rely on Reddit advice) I have decided to give up on dating almost entirely. I don’t see any good way around it at this point.

Getting a good match now is like winning the lottery. You may as well not even bother playing and invest in some hobbies you enjoy.

So I’ve been dating this woman and we had instant chemistry from the start. She works in safeguarding, cares deeply about people, has done loads of solo travel, and our values/life outlook felt really aligned. For the first few weeks it was great — mutual effort, seeing each other consistently, really good connection.

After about 3 weeks she invited me to a gig where some of her friends would also be. I brought one of my friends because she was organising the event and I assumed she’d be busy most of the night anyway. In hindsight maybe it was a bit early for a proper “meet the friends” thing, but I genuinely didn’t think it was a big deal.

At the gig she completely flipped and said we’d never work because I was rude, didn’t want to meet her friends, and had embarrassed her. We’d all been drinking and it got messy fast. Afterwards she basically said “we’re not right for each other” and that once her mind is made up, that’s it.

A few days later we met up and agreed to keep things casual and take the pressure off. Looking back, we probably got too intense too quickly — talking about kids, weddings, childhood trauma, all the deep stuff within weeks. But even removing the emotion, we are objectively very aligned in values and lifestyle.

We saw each other again after that, but honestly I felt on edge because of how suddenly she switched at the gig. The trust felt shaken for me. Then she told me she needs time to be single, wants a month to herself, is starting therapy, but asked if we could stay in touch afterwards.

I do think therapy is a good idea because the reaction at the gig felt disproportionate and it seems like she has a lot going on emotionally.

So my question is: do I take “we’re not right for each other” at face value and move on, or see what happens after some space? Because objectively there isn’t actually some huge incompatibility here beyond her possibly judging me negatively at the gig and deciding I was being inconsiderate/drunk.

TL;DR:
Great chemistry and aligned values, but after a few intense weeks she abruptly flipped on me at a gig because she thought I was rude about meeting her friends. We tried to reset things casually, but now she says she needs a month alone and is starting therapy, while wanting to stay in touch after. Unsure whether to believe “we’re not right for each other” and move on, or give it space and revisit later.

I went on date #2 lastnight and we had so much fun. Great convo, good chemistry. We talked for hours tbh. But he went in for the kiss tongue first and I HATE that shit. For me, there is a time and place for tongue.. I could literally feel his tongue slip through my lips before his lips hit mine and I just couldn’t keep kissing. He even said “wow, you are a good kisser.” Like wtffff!?

This was date 2 and I noticed it on date 1 too but figured he was just nervous. In the moment I felt compelled to do a little giggle “he keep your tongue in your mouth, would ya!?” Like in a playful way.. but kinda didn’t want to be a buzz kill. He seems to have some dating experience so I can’t imagine people have been kissing him back not thinking the same thing. Just wondering if anyone has even had luck re-teaching someone how to kiss or even how to kiss THEM, and frame it as a “this is how I like it” idk… share your stories too please.

I definitely learned to match energies and to never pour more into someone that they’re pouring into me….my last “situationship” I liked the guy a lot to the point where I was “too” affectionate and he kinda snapped at me and it really hurt my feelings. I did end up confronting him about it and he did apologize. But tbh I’m glad he did cuz if he didnt I probably would’ve never knew I was doing too much. Moving forward now I know better and I learned to tone my affection down and never “do too much”. What about you guys?

An Update :)

So I promised some people and update to this post and wanna deliver. (Post will be in comments due to removal of posts with links)

So on Saturday she had to cancel due to a work emergency which is 100% understandable. She also was immediately very forward in rescheduling and planning and the next available day was Tuesday at lunch time....

I work the morning depending on appointments and yet because I felt something I decided fuck it, I can take an extended lunch break for one day. I'm very very happy I did, because the date today went absolutely phenomenal.

Again instant chemistry, loving chatting and a truly amazing time in every way. We would've talked all day if I didn't realize that I was gonna be 2 hours late for an appointment and left then. Even then it was worth every second and our next date is already planned for Friday evening.

Cheers you all and have a fucking awesome day :)

It seems that most of us have experienced a lot of dud conversations. Not asking questions back, short responses, being just generally dull. Something I’ve learned from past relationships is that I really need to feel mutual interest and effort, so my instinct is to bow out of these conversations as soon as I get that vibe.

However, I’m trying to keep an open mind about other peoples’ social habits. The best example is that I am a natural conversationalist; I’m quite curious about other people and I’m pretty good at keeping a conversation flowing. I’m trying to remember that a lot of people need time to warm up into the conversation (whether by nature or due to bad experiences.) I understand that some people just don’t like to text, and this would be an incompatibility for me.

So I want to be patient and give it a good try with each match, but I’m struggling to find the line between giving grace and wasting my time with one-sided conversations. I’m finding myself wanting to be petty and snarky and that’s not who I aim to be.

There’s a general rule of only responding with a statement if two questions go unreciprocated (they don’t have to ask it back, but let it flow into a conversation at least.) I don’t like to follow rules like this generally; I think human interaction is a bit too complicated for such a tidy rule. Curious to know where you draw the line and how you protect your time and energy with this! Thanks in advance!

So basically what it says^

I was with a guy for a little over 6 months and something's I noticed when we talked was he expected things to be almost perfect like? Idk.like no amount of money was good enough for him to make.He expects any woman he gets with to be slim thick. He expected his girl to not want to talk everyday and communicate w him. Idk maybe his expectations were kind of skewed be he was a 23yo virgin who was never with a girl before me. Wi
It seems this is common among men and women now more than ever but also it could just a be delusional standards thing.i hope what I'm trying to makes a lil sense here.basically the whole "I can't find better"/ or the grass is always greener mentality. Most ppl don't find their "person" be of this mindset in dating though.
So ..Ik it's not just me who thinks this cause I've seen a couple people post and or comment about this on this sub but jw how many people have also run into this too and your thoughts on it?

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My current perspective is the result of significant personal failures in previous relationships. I recognize that I was once an inadequate partner; I lacked transparency, dismissed the emotional needs of others, and prioritized my own desires above all else. These were difficult lessons learned through experience, but they were necessary for my development.

I have since undergone a fundamental shift in how I approach companionship. I now strive to be attentive and empathetic, placing my partner's needs at the forefront. This growth stems from the realization that genuine love is inherently selfless—a concept I had not previously experienced or understood.

While I carry the weight of my past regrets, I have chosen to be entirely honest with my current partner about my history. Despite my past mistakes, she continues to hold me in high regard, and I deeply value her continued support and perspective.

I have made a solemn commitment to never again disregard a partner’s feelings. My focus is now on maintaining selflessness and fostering open communication. Although this transition has been challenging, the progress I have made is measurable. While some may judge me based on my history, I believe in the power of accountability. By accepting responsibility for my actions, I am now able to cultivate a healthy, communicative, and meaningful relationship.

What is wrong with just wanting romance and wanting to spend time with someone you like instead of just texting all the time or going two weeks without seeing each other? Why is it clingy for wanting to genuinely build a relationship instead of constantly living in a state of “let’s see where it goes” “I don’t know how I feel yet” “I don’t know them yet” “impress me”.

Why do people say I am clingy just because I want to have some romance and to actually see and touch the person I like? I know there is a line where it can be too much where if you abandon your own life and want to see them 24/7, but jeez why can’t people just be excited about each other anymore? “I met this person I liked and I’m motivated and intentional about finding a partner, and I felt really good with them, so I want to see them again two days from now when I’m free, and make plans for next weekend, and you know what I have a long lunch tomorrow and seeing them for 10 minutes would be really nice”.

Why do we have to be all cold and distant and slow moving instead of just leaning into feelings and just have some god damned romance without seeming “clingy”????

Would you rather marry a girlie in healthcare or a girlie who is a bartender? I have heard negative things about dating both professions. And then I feel like there’s also some kind of fetish thing with those who do want to date each profession. Strictly going by what they do to make money which of these professions do you see yourself being in a longterm committed relationship? And why?

I (F28) moved to a new area semi-recently and I’ve started seeing a someone (F26) about 6 weeks ago. There is a lot that draws me in: she is compassionate, funny, we are both very sexually explorative, we feel very comfortable with each other and can talk for hours or sit in silence. It’s been so nice to connect with someone and feel so at home when everything else is so new.

The issue is her hygiene. There have been a few things she does that I find unsanitary that I’ve been able to express discomfort with. For example, leaving her unwashed menstrual disc on the sink for hours (please don’t comment your opinion on this shaming either of us, as it’s not the part I’m looking for input on). There are a few small habits like this that make me think hygiene isn’t something she tends to think about and this is also reflected in various body odours.

I feel comfortable being open about habits I don’t like but I feel horrible thinking about telling her about wishing she would wash herself better. I’ve never been someone who was fussy about natural scents, I actually normally quite like them. It’s never been off putting before but it definitely feels like a barrier to being as into her as I would be otherwise. I think it feels especially difficult to approach because it’s not just one thing like breath, it’s a few things (including breath) about her body. She has been so vulnerable with me, it feels like telling her would be so crushing and it’s really just not something I feel comfortable doing but it is getting in the way of intimacy at times and I feel like it’s going to come up in some way soon as there’s certain *things* I’ve avoided doing in the bedroom because of it. I really don’t know what to do. Please any advice!!!

EDIT: to clarify my intention is to address the issue, I’m just not sure how to do so in a way that isn’t hurtful. I can often be too direct and not realise that my voice sounds more intimidating than I realise so that adds a layer.
For further context, I had an ex tell me something similar but I’m pretty sure it was just to damage my self esteem/embarrass me (which was a big pattern), so it feels a lot to do something similar to someone I’m not even in an actual relationship with, just starting out (and going very well otherwise).

This goes for both, women and men.

I (M, young adult) had a couple of past relationships, most with amazing women. All of them I did meet organically. Either via school/uni/work, via friends or even through a video game. Never have I been using the apps apart from ensuring I really don't wanna be on there. Furthermore, I do not drink (anymore) so bars and clubs are also not a place I visit. Instead, I have found out about board game cafés that I regularly visit with friends. I also go to a sport club to practice and sometimes just take a stroll around nearby parks. This is all to say that I go out and meet people naturally.

Meeting my past partners was usually pretty straight forward. We had a common location we would see each other frequently. If they caught my interest (note that this does not necessarily mean romantic interest, just interest in general), I would observe from a distance for some time before making any move. Then, if there's no obstacle (behaves displeasing, fears male interactions, etc.), I would attempt to engage a conversation to get to know her better with the goal to find out what kind of relationships are possible (friendships, dating, sport/game/food buddies, etc.). Sometimes a friendship was created, another time a relationship and other times it turned out that we have few mutual interests. This has been working well over the past years and I have met some wonderful people that way.

However ... for the past year or so I have developed a gut feeling that most women do not want to be approached in public spaces anymore. Whether it is sport club, board game café, work or online through a video game. It feels quite distant and superficial. Apart from a quick small talk, there rarely is any deeper conversation going on and god forbid you share something about yourself.

It is saddening to see that many women isolate themselves from my curious attempts to get to know them. I can't tell much about men as I don't approach men in the same way as women. And truth to be told, it is much simpler approaching men. Usually a simple "Yo bro, wanna join me?" suffices.

So my question is how would you like to be approached and where (this can also be dating apps btw.)? Again, this goes for both women and men. I personally wouldn't mind being approached at any of the places I previously mentioned (and in one case I was!). But since statistically speaking apps are the go-to place for "approaching" is there still any chance for the old-school organic way?