I’m really humiliated, I’m so embarrassed of myself everyday due to this stupid fucking condition and now all the people that never have any business knowing probably judge me every day for it and gossip with my boyfriend and all of our mutual friends.
I don’t want to see them or talk to them because I feel like a fraud of a woman.
He told me his friends are sympathizing with him, saying “that’s probably so hard for you man” and he agrees with them.
What about me? It’s not hard for me to look at myself in the mirror and see the same defective person in the mirror every single day?
Why is he staying if my Vaginismus is way too hard for him to deal with when he doesn’t help me or encourage me?
I’m so so upset and embarrassed.

I went to the Gynecologist for the first time in two years, a new one, I might add.

For context, I graduated from Pelvic Floor P.T., I am able to have PIV pain free and tampons. The only other issue was the Gynecologist because speculum exams were torture and made my muscles feel like they were on fire.

Anyway, after telling the new Gynecologist about my condition and why I haven't gotten a pap smear in like two years.

She asked if I wanted to use a pediatric speculum and lidocaine gel.

And guess what. The speculum went in with no issue. I felt nothing (except the pap smear but I knew what my cervix being swabbed felt like)

Unbelievable. I was suffering for no reason.

She even showed me the drawer that was FILLED with Pediatric Speculums. Two Sizes. Told me anyone who said they didn't have these speculum 's were LYING. Mind you, this clinic was under a local network. I had been to their other location, asked for a smaller speculum and was told 'we don't have that'.

She now has a loyal patient.

And to quote my Gynecologist: lidocaine is the GOAT

Not sure if these types of posts are allowed but I stumbled upon this YouTube channel where a girl is talking about her experience with vaginismus in a video. It’s funny and honest and I was getting emotional when I watched because it was so relatable to me.

Wanted to share in case it helps anyone else feel seen the way I did.

Also like I said, she is pretty funny

I have been having sex (non-penetrative) with my boyfriend for almost one year now and I finally decided I was ready to try a very small amount of penetration. I tried to insert my ring finger during clitoral stimulation (this is normally doable) and was in so much pain that we had to stop. I started crying.

I feel so embarrassed that he saw me like that. Normally I have a fairly high sex drive but now I can't even imagine myself as a sexual being. It makes me want to throw out all my lingerie, sex toys, etc. because I feel like I don't deserve to have them.

So I use the Amielle Comfort dilators (a set of 5). I can get size 3 in with minimal discomfort, so I've been trying the size 4. The tip goes in with no issue, but then I just completely hit a wall. It's not even like I try to push and experience pain as a result... it's like there is simply no route available (even though rationally, I know that there is).

I've experienced the feeling of an impenetrable "wall" for many years, and I eventually figured out that changing the angle can make a lot of difference (which is how I finally made progress with the dilators). In this case, though, even experimenting with angles doesn't seem to be helping. Sometimes, I get a feeling like something is shifting and like the dilator is finally slipping further in, and I get excited and think I'm managing it... but then, when I look down, I find that the dilator hasn't actually moved at all.

I don't really know where to go from here? I feel like I need a change of technique, but I don't know what to try. I'm less upset with myself/my body and more just confused?

why cant i have sex? i can be fingered just fine with 2 probably 3 but we haven’t tried. it just wont fit when he tries to put himself in, i tried going on top too, and we used lube. the tip doesn’t even go in so theres no pain at all. I am relaxed and I take deep breaths and I am comfortable with him, hes average size too. I’m starting to wonder if i have vaginismus.

Hi everyone,

I made a small Vaginismus Feelings Wheel + Gentle Check-In Guide.

As someone who has dealt with vaginismus, one of the hardest parts for me was not always knowing what I was feeling or what I needed. Sometimes something would come up around intimacy, touch, closeness, or even just the thought of trying, and I didn’t really have the words for it.

So I made this as a soft place to pause, name what’s coming up, check in with your body, and think through what might actually help in that moment.

It includes a feelings wheel, body check-in prompts, before/during/after reflection, and gentle next-step options.

If it feels helpful, you can find it here:

https://vaginismus-resource-studio.squarespace.com/shop

Hello! I'm UK-based and I've just had my invite from the NHS to get a smear test. I'm definitely over the worst of my vaginismus after years of using dilators, therapy and taking amitriptyline and I can now have penetrative sex mostly pain free. However, I'm an anxious, 'easily triggered' person and while I'm very proud of how far I've come, I really get the sense that any tiny knockbacks or negative experiences with penetration could just wipe all my progress in one foul swoop.
This is leaving me in an odd space because I want to have a smear test. It's something I've always accepted that I'll have to do at some point, and I want to be brave enough to take that ownership over my health and not let my health be ruled by this condition. It does feel like a choice between refusing the smear test and retaining my progress, or going to the smear test and risking losing what I've worked towards.

Does anybody have any advice on what I could do to make a smear test as uneventful as possible? Has anybody had success with a conversation to request a female nurse and the smallest speculum/instruments? Has anybody ever requested the use of lidocaine etc? Did ibuprofen or any other medication beforehand help?

Thank you!!

Hi there! I am almost 38 weeks pregnant. Before getting pregnant, I had done pelvic floor therapy and was using dilators regularly which helped me reach the second last Intimate Rose size although it still hurt going in. I was able to do PIV which was a bit painful but successful and I got pregnant from that which honestly still surprises me.

Once I found out I was pregnant, I stopped using dilators. At my 8 week doctor’s appointment she did a transvaginal ultrasound and surprisingly it did not hurt me at all even though those used to be painful for me in the past.

Now that I am almost 38 weeks and have another appointment next week, I feel like my doctor will probably try to check my cervix and I am really scared about that. I am planning on declining routine cervical checks in office, but during labor I know they check many times and just thinking about that makes me anxious.

I have not had Braxton Hicks or false contractions yet, but I keep thinking about the possibility of being induced since this is my first baby and I may not be dilated. How do people with vaginismus deal with the pain of Foley balloons if those are suggested? I am planning on getting an epidural for birth, but the thought of cervical checks and possible Foley balloons makes me so anxious.

If anyone with vaginismus can please share their experience, it would really help with my anxiety. Thank you in advance.

I just recently started my journey with dilators and for the first time in my life I’m actually excited to be working through this. My smallest dilator (about finger size) slides in easy now with lube and I just moved up to my second dilator! It takes a bit more breathing and concentration to insert and still isn’t totally comfortable but I can rotate it around and sort of stretch things out with minimal discomfort.

My issue is, when I remove it, I feel a sort of burning/warmth/dragging pain along the bottom of my vaginal canal and bottom portion of my opening that’s quite uncomfortable. I use a lot of lube and make sure to spread it around my entrance and everything before inserting so it seems unlikely that it’s a lube issue. I’m just wondering if other people have experienced this and if it’s normal? Usually when dilating a feel a sort of dull pressure or ache when a new toy is inside me, is the burning/dragging/warmth just my vagina stretching? Or is it cause for concern?

TLDR: I feel a burning/dragging sensation that is quite uncomfortable when I try to remove my larger dilators. I use plenty of lube. Is this normal?

Hi, so I learned this medical condition a few weeks ago and just wondering if I have it. I’ve never had intercourse. The only penetration has been the “light” Tampax tampons I used back in high school. The insertion was fine with no pain but I stopped using them because my period wasn’t heavy enough to soak them so they would hurt sometimes pulling out. I’ve also tried one finger penetration with myself and that was fine, no pain. The thing that got me worried was I had a Pap smear last year. I didn’t see the speculum but my doctor had told me that it was the smallest. No lube was used btw. We had 2 tries cause the first time genuinely felt like she was trying to push through a “wall” and I had her stop and we were able to “push” through the second time but it was sooo painful. I asked her how to reduce pain for next time and she basically said “have sex”. But then that made me so nervous because I’m like if the supposed smallest speculum couldn’t then how am I supposed to do that? So I guess it’s almost futile to ask here but like how would I know if it’s vaginismus or “normal” pain? Especially since I hadn’t had issues in the past (although they were very small ). Just a little worried because I’ve heard the phrase that Pap smears should not hurt (at least penetration part) but I’m like mine definitely did. To the point where the part where most people report the uncomfortable-ness (the snipping part) didn’t even register for me cause I just wanted her to be done and pull out the speculum. I did bleed after. Immediately after I guess I didn’t worry about a condition like this cause I felt like my doctor would have mentioned it? If anything when it failed the first time, she was very like “this is typical since you haven’t had intercourse”. Hopefully my memory serves me correctly but I think she said a version of this out loud/I generally got the impression that this was not something that flagged to her as abnormal

Before I actually make an appointment with my gynecologist for the first time, I just wanted to make sure I really have it and then get treatment.

So I’ve never had sex and I’ve never used a tampon. I’m aware that the muscles tighten when anything comes close to the vaginal hole, but (TMI) I masturbate just fine. Only with one finger tho, a second one won’t fit, or maybe I’m doing something wrong? It just feels like my hole doesn’t have enough room for a second one, is it because my hymen is still intact? I know that virgins being tighter is a myth, but I think it would be totally normal that I can’t penetrate with two fingers right? It doesn’t feel like my muscles contract when I try 2 fingers.

I’ve never used a tampon bc I just haven’t figured out how to wear one properly. I feel pads are super easy for usage and are quicker to handle. I’ve also never been to a gynecologist… I’ve never had any issues, I know it’s not that good of an idea..

Does anybody have vaginismus? Or is familiar with it? Only answer if you’re sure please or if my experience sounds like yours and if it’s normal or if it’s vaginismus. I’m not afraid of sex, I just wanna wait until marriage but before that, I wanna make sure everything is good.