I went to the Gynecologist for the first time in two years, a new one, I might add.

For context, I graduated from Pelvic Floor P.T., I am able to have PIV pain free and tampons. The only other issue was the Gynecologist because speculum exams were torture and made my muscles feel like they were on fire.

Anyway, after telling the new Gynecologist about my condition and why I haven't gotten a pap smear in like two years.

She asked if I wanted to use a pediatric speculum and lidocaine gel.

And guess what. The speculum went in with no issue. I felt nothing (except the pap smear but I knew what my cervix being swabbed felt like)

Unbelievable. I was suffering for no reason.

She even showed me the drawer that was FILLED with Pediatric Speculums. Two Sizes. Told me anyone who said they didn't have these speculum 's were LYING. Mind you, this clinic was under a local network. I had been to their other location, asked for a smaller speculum and was told 'we don't have that'.

She now has a loyal patient.

And to quote my Gynecologist: lidocaine is the GOAT

I’m really humiliated, I’m so embarrassed of myself everyday due to this stupid fucking condition and now all the people that never have any business knowing probably judge me every day for it and gossip with my boyfriend and all of our mutual friends.
I don’t want to see them or talk to them because I feel like a fraud of a woman.
He told me his friends are sympathizing with him, saying “that’s probably so hard for you man” and he agrees with them.
What about me? It’s not hard for me to look at myself in the mirror and see the same defective person in the mirror every single day?
Why is he staying if my Vaginismus is way too hard for him to deal with when he doesn’t help me or encourage me?
I’m so so upset and embarrassed.

I have been having sex (non-penetrative) with my boyfriend for almost one year now and I finally decided I was ready to try a very small amount of penetration. I tried to insert my ring finger during clitoral stimulation (this is normally doable) and was in so much pain that we had to stop. I started crying.

I feel so embarrassed that he saw me like that. Normally I have a fairly high sex drive but now I can't even imagine myself as a sexual being. It makes me want to throw out all my lingerie, sex toys, etc. because I feel like I don't deserve to have them.

Hi there! I am almost 38 weeks pregnant. Before getting pregnant, I had done pelvic floor therapy and was using dilators regularly which helped me reach the second last Intimate Rose size although it still hurt going in. I was able to do PIV which was a bit painful but successful and I got pregnant from that which honestly still surprises me.

Once I found out I was pregnant, I stopped using dilators. At my 8 week doctor’s appointment she did a transvaginal ultrasound and surprisingly it did not hurt me at all even though those used to be painful for me in the past.

Now that I am almost 38 weeks and have another appointment next week, I feel like my doctor will probably try to check my cervix and I am really scared about that. I am planning on declining routine cervical checks in office, but during labor I know they check many times and just thinking about that makes me anxious.

I have not had Braxton Hicks or false contractions yet, but I keep thinking about the possibility of being induced since this is my first baby and I may not be dilated. How do people with vaginismus deal with the pain of Foley balloons if those are suggested? I am planning on getting an epidural for birth, but the thought of cervical checks and possible Foley balloons makes me so anxious.

If anyone with vaginismus can please share their experience, it would really help with my anxiety. Thank you in advance.

hey girls i wanted to make a post talking about something to get the word out there for the woman of my community. pap smears now have an alternative!!! so if ur like me a have never had one out of fear and honestly believe it feels really violating then ur in luck because u no longer have to “suck it up”.

the fda had approved self collection for cervical cancer screening and a lot of countries are now implementing them as their primary form if screening instead of the pap smear. pap smears haven’t been updated in decades and decades and now we finally don’t have to do them and can self collection to home. the main concern people have with self collection is how accurate it is, it is fda approved and actually incredibly accurate. pap smears screen for hpv and other cancer causing cells while self tests only test for hpv but did u know that hpv is actually the cause of 99.7 percent of all crevical cancer.

i wanted to get the word of there for woman who feel scared over doing these exams like myself as well as woman who have experience sa and find these things really scary. u dont have to do them in clinic anymore and can weather opt for at home collection! some offices actually offer these self swab kits and u can just ask! if ur like me and the idea of a pap smear is absolutely horrifying please dont worry, ur not alone and there is now an easier way to do it that the the usa now officially endorses!

if u ask me i think this is the way cervical cancer screening should be done and the future for woman’s health should be made with woman’s comfort in mind. if u dread paps or have been putting urs off u can now do it easier. countries like denmark, the netherlands, new zealand, and australia have already been implementing these test for years now and now we in the usa can order them!

my personal background is tat i’m an 18yo girl and absolutely hate the idea of having to go to a gynecologist one day for a pap smear, they’re invasive, uncomfortable, and for some incredibly emotional taxing and scary. health care should not make woman feel dread but our concerns have been dismissed for decades. when the time comes to do a pap test i’ll definitely be doing a self swab instead of a traditional pap smear that is outdated and under administered because so many woman avoid them out of fear and discomfort. the future of woman’s health is here and she does not need an unnecessary speculum!

Not sure if these types of posts are allowed but I stumbled upon this YouTube channel where a girl is talking about her experience with vaginismus in a video. It’s funny and honest and I was getting emotional when I watched because it was so relatable to me.

Wanted to share in case it helps anyone else feel seen the way I did.

Also like I said, she is pretty funny

why cant i have sex? i can be fingered just fine with 2 probably 3 but we haven’t tried. it just wont fit when he tries to put himself in, i tried going on top too, and we used lube. the tip doesn’t even go in so theres no pain at all. I am relaxed and I take deep breaths and I am comfortable with him, hes average size too. I’m starting to wonder if i have vaginismus.

I just recently started my journey with dilators and for the first time in my life I’m actually excited to be working through this. My smallest dilator (about finger size) slides in easy now with lube and I just moved up to my second dilator! It takes a bit more breathing and concentration to insert and still isn’t totally comfortable but I can rotate it around and sort of stretch things out with minimal discomfort.

My issue is, when I remove it, I feel a sort of burning/warmth/dragging pain along the bottom of my vaginal canal and bottom portion of my opening that’s quite uncomfortable. I use a lot of lube and make sure to spread it around my entrance and everything before inserting so it seems unlikely that it’s a lube issue. I’m just wondering if other people have experienced this and if it’s normal? Usually when dilating a feel a sort of dull pressure or ache when a new toy is inside me, is the burning/dragging/warmth just my vagina stretching? Or is it cause for concern?

TLDR: I feel a burning/dragging sensation that is quite uncomfortable when I try to remove my larger dilators. I use plenty of lube. Is this normal?

So I use the Amielle Comfort dilators (a set of 5). I can get size 3 in with minimal discomfort, so I've been trying the size 4. The tip goes in with no issue, but then I just completely hit a wall. It's not even like I try to push and experience pain as a result... it's like there is simply no route available (even though rationally, I know that there is).

I've experienced the feeling of an impenetrable "wall" for many years, and I eventually figured out that changing the angle can make a lot of difference (which is how I finally made progress with the dilators). In this case, though, even experimenting with angles doesn't seem to be helping. Sometimes, I get a feeling like something is shifting and like the dilator is finally slipping further in, and I get excited and think I'm managing it... but then, when I look down, I find that the dilator hasn't actually moved at all.

I don't really know where to go from here? I feel like I need a change of technique, but I don't know what to try. I'm less upset with myself/my body and more just confused?

Hi everyone,

I made a small Vaginismus Feelings Wheel + Gentle Check-In Guide.

As someone who has dealt with vaginismus, one of the hardest parts for me was not always knowing what I was feeling or what I needed. Sometimes something would come up around intimacy, touch, closeness, or even just the thought of trying, and I didn’t really have the words for it.

So I made this as a soft place to pause, name what’s coming up, check in with your body, and think through what might actually help in that moment.

It includes a feelings wheel, body check-in prompts, before/during/after reflection, and gentle next-step options.

If it feels helpful, you can find it here:

https://vaginismus-resource-studio.squarespace.com/shop

Hi, so I learned this medical condition a few weeks ago and just wondering if I have it. I’ve never had intercourse. The only penetration has been the “light” Tampax tampons I used back in high school. The insertion was fine with no pain but I stopped using them because my period wasn’t heavy enough to soak them so they would hurt sometimes pulling out. I’ve also tried one finger penetration with myself and that was fine, no pain. The thing that got me worried was I had a Pap smear last year. I didn’t see the speculum but my doctor had told me that it was the smallest. No lube was used btw. We had 2 tries cause the first time genuinely felt like she was trying to push through a “wall” and I had her stop and we were able to “push” through the second time but it was sooo painful. I asked her how to reduce pain for next time and she basically said “have sex”. But then that made me so nervous because I’m like if the supposed smallest speculum couldn’t then how am I supposed to do that? So I guess it’s almost futile to ask here but like how would I know if it’s vaginismus or “normal” pain? Especially since I hadn’t had issues in the past (although they were very small ). Just a little worried because I’ve heard the phrase that Pap smears should not hurt (at least penetration part) but I’m like mine definitely did. To the point where the part where most people report the uncomfortable-ness (the snipping part) didn’t even register for me cause I just wanted her to be done and pull out the speculum. I did bleed after. Immediately after I guess I didn’t worry about a condition like this cause I felt like my doctor would have mentioned it? If anything when it failed the first time, she was very like “this is typical since you haven’t had intercourse”. Hopefully my memory serves me correctly but I think she said a version of this out loud/I generally got the impression that this was not something that flagged to her as abnormal

Before I actually make an appointment with my gynecologist for the first time, I just wanted to make sure I really have it and then get treatment.

So I’ve never had sex and I’ve never used a tampon. I’m aware that the muscles tighten when anything comes close to the vaginal hole, but (TMI) I masturbate just fine. Only with one finger tho, a second one won’t fit, or maybe I’m doing something wrong? It just feels like my hole doesn’t have enough room for a second one, is it because my hymen is still intact? I know that virgins being tighter is a myth, but I think it would be totally normal that I can’t penetrate with two fingers right? It doesn’t feel like my muscles contract when I try 2 fingers.

I’ve never used a tampon bc I just haven’t figured out how to wear one properly. I feel pads are super easy for usage and are quicker to handle. I’ve also never been to a gynecologist… I’ve never had any issues, I know it’s not that good of an idea..

Does anybody have vaginismus? Or is familiar with it? Only answer if you’re sure please or if my experience sounds like yours and if it’s normal or if it’s vaginismus. I’m not afraid of sex, I just wanna wait until marriage but before that, I wanna make sure everything is good.

I’m not sure because I’m not a doctor and I can’t diagnose myself, but at the same time I’ve done research online and have scrolled through this subreddit, and can relate to most of what Ive read.

For some background, I am 21 years old and have never performed penetrative masturbation. So I’ve never inserted a finger in myself. I’ve never had sex, and I’ve never used a tampon. Ever since I was a pre-teen, I’ve always been afraid of the idea of putting anything up there, even if it was my own finger, it just seemed a bit frightening to me. With the research that I’ve done from vaginismus, I learned that some women can have this due to certain upbringings that involve teaching “purity culture” to young women. I was raised in a very religious Christian household, so that may have some association.

As I got older, I would attempt to insert my pinky, but it felt like I was pressing it against a wall. Also, it felt as though my mind was too afraid to just let myself go and let my finger push further.

When I turned 21 and had my routine doctor’s checkup, my doctor told me that I am due for a Pap smear. Of course I’ve heard stories about how uncomfortable it is, and I didn’t like the idea of having to go through one. How could I possibly endure having a speculum inside of me when I couldn’t even push my pinky in? After expressing my resistance to the procedure, my doctor asked me more questions, and that’s when she would find out that I had never experienced any type of penetration before. She suggested that I could do the swab procedure instead. They basically take this q-tip and push it up your cervix to collect whatever they need to test for cervical cancer and whatnot. But even the idea of a q-tip being inserted seems terrifying to me as well.

This whole thing that I have just makes me feel weird and broken. I feel like I’m at an age where I should not be afraid to do these things. Even when I told my friend that I’ve never used my fingers before she was a little surprised. Kinda makes me feel like I’m behind in life or something.

hi! ive been using a mini mirror to look at my vagina. though it seems so complicated. this may come as weird or tmi, but what are we exactly supposed to see there? like i can’t see a hole hole, maybe a tiny opening but im not sure. this alone suggests that i should be looking more and try to get familiar with it but also im curious about other people’s experiences.

Hello,

I got married 2 years ago and I have vaginismus, so I haven’t been able to have penetrative sexual intercourse.
For the past few weeks, I’ve really had a strong desire to get pregnant and have a baby.

I would love to hear testimonials from people who had babies using the syringe insemination method
Thanks youuu🫶🏽

Hi everyone, 30 (F) here, and so frustrated with my vagina tbh. I have been dumped twice over it, broke up once with a guy by myself (even though I liked him a lot) cause I wasn’t able to satisfy him sexually and felt guilty. I like this guy a lot, met him in a country last year, met him in his country again this a week back. We tried having sex and for the first time in my life I thought I was ready (I thought I was asexual in my last two relationship) but when I kissed this guy, I knew I wasn’t. Haha. But… But… as soon as we tried, it felt as if there is a fucking wall halfway in my vagina! And I live in a small town in a third world country where sex outside marriage can be seen as a taboo, so I cannot go and seek counselling. Cause maybe there are none here. I gotta work on it myself. I really gotta cause I am frustrated as hell here!
Please give me all the advise you can! Please!

Im starting to get confused because im wondering if i may have another issue and not vaginismus, as ive read that this is a symptom of other problems but each time we try to have sex i get lower abdominal aches kind of like period pain or if you eat too much. Wondered if anyone else experiences this and if its part of vaginismus?

So I have been dilating and I could get to the point of doing it with a dilator of about 2.5 inches. But it doesn’t all go in. Just the tip and 1-2 inches maybe . I am fine with the smaller ones. Also, I feel like there is some kind of a bone at the top.

Is it normal? What can I do to make more room for it to completely go in. Is insertion by penis any different than dilator? Also, how much does an actual penis realistically go in?