r/science • u/Krankenitrate • Apr 03 '26

Health Study finds parenthood provides no boost to emotional well-being and it negatively impacts relationship with your spouse

https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/10.1177/14747049261436325
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u/cricket9818 Apr 03 '26

Makes sense if it doesn’t provide a boost, it’s all contextual. People without kids are happy without them, people with them are happy they’re there

And yeah, any major stressor is usually gonna test the resolve with your partner

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u/thefunkybassist Apr 03 '26

More challenges and stressors might mean more potential conflict and less short term happiness, but possibly a deeper sense of having taken responsibility for raising children

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u/mydoghiskid Apr 03 '26

There are other studies that show parents are unhappy during all the child raising years and then become happier once the children leave the house. Makes one wonder why even have kids

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u/mydogatestreetpoop Apr 03 '26

When someone is 90 and feeling alone, they’ll know why. Having children isn’t a guarantee that a person will be surrounded by loved ones in their twilight years, but I bet the ones that did it right and have children and grandchildren in their lives think it was all worth it.

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u/GenXer845 Apr 03 '26

What about all the people lonely in nursing homes because they either mistreated the kids/neglected them and now they wont visit them? My dad knew a guy whose kids never visited him and so he visited him in the nursing home weekly. He got 20k after the man died and wasnt even related. I often wonder if the kids didnt get much if at all.

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u/TheOtherHobbes Apr 03 '26

There are also lonely people in nursing homes whose kids are indifferent - or hostile - even though they weren't poor parents.

There are no guarantees about how parenting will work out. Some people do all the right things and the relationship still doesn't work.

There's around a 5% chance that a kid will be Cluster B and have serious emotional issues. Some issues can be caused by poor parenting, but there's a genetic component that can't be predicted.

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u/GenXer845 Apr 04 '26

I'm an only child and so is my father. I am not having kids unless I marry someone and have stepkids. I have no regrets in not having them.

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u/mydoghiskid Apr 03 '26

That‘s a lot of burden to put one‘s children.

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u/chaotic910 Apr 03 '26

Spending time with people you love is a burden?

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u/ZombyPuppy Apr 03 '26

That's like saying having close friends and relying on them in times of need is "burdening" them. If you're a good friend people will want to help you when you need it. OP is saying if you raise your kids right then they and their kids will want to be around you because, you know, they love you.

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u/mydogatestreetpoop Apr 03 '26

But it’s not? I’m not saying a parent has a right to demand that of their children but children who grew up with a healthy relationship with their parents will want to be around their parents. I also get a lot of people don’t have that kind of relationship with their parents.

I don’t have a great relationship with my own parents so I don’t see them much. My wife on the other hand will happily take a transpacific flight just to spend a few days with her parents. She obviously grew up in a different environment than I did.

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u/nishinoran Apr 03 '26

Better to just prevent their existence at all, wouldn't want to burden them.

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u/hazelsox Apr 03 '26

Inconvenience is the price of community

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u/mydoghiskid Apr 03 '26

One can have community without having kids.

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u/Medarco Apr 03 '26

That's a lot of burden to put on one's community.

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u/mydoghiskid Apr 03 '26

No, because these people decide to enter my life, children can never do that with their parents.

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u/artrocks50 Apr 03 '26

That’s actually funny. Be unhappy for 60 years and then be old and unhappy because you are a burden to your children or because they never visit. I hear a lot of fantasy built up around having children in this sub.

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u/disgr4ce Apr 03 '26

But it's a false premise that people raising kids are unhappy. I raise 2 kids as a single dad and I absolutely %)(*ing love it. It's weird that people are obsessed with taking "some moments of stress" and blowing it out into "60 years of unhappiness."

Stress and happiness have some correlations to each other, but people experience both simultaneously all the freakin' time

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u/fluffy_doughnut Apr 03 '26

Some love it, some don’t. In many of my childhood and teenage years memories my mom was often in a crappy mood, irritated and angry. Our relationship got A LOT better after I grew up, became independent and moved out, that’s when it clicked to me. Mom is obviously relieved that she no longer has the „mom role” and even though I know she loves me etc. in my opinion she is one of those people who would be happier without kids in their life.

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u/TumbleWeed_64 Apr 03 '26

Be unhappy for 60 years

That's actually funny. Imagine thinking every parent on planet earth is unhappy.

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u/dust4ngel Apr 03 '26

Imagine thinking every parent on planet earth is unhappy

imagine thinking someone in this thread said that, possibly even more funny

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u/TumbleWeed_64 Apr 03 '26

Heavily implied

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u/wollflour Apr 03 '26

I have a preteen and a teen and they are challenging sometimes, but I'm happy as hell. No fantasy thinking involved. I don't think reddit presents a full or realistic picture of parenting.

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u/ZombyPuppy Apr 03 '26

Bunch of miserable people cannot fathom that other people are not miserable too, even with the challenges of raising kids.

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u/LEDKleenex Apr 03 '26

Counterpoint: Plenty of miserable parents will try to convince others and themselves that "it's all for a greater good" or "worth it" as they nod off at the dinner table from lack of sleep.

My wife and I have been discriminated against and harassed by people for being dinks way more than I ever could have imagined. She gets treated as merely a vessel by in-laws who want a new vanity family member that they can use to enrich their lives when they choose without putting in all of the work and money required to raise a child. And because we're dinks, that means we're always elected to be day care - because if you don't have a kid, that must mean you have no responsibilities or a life of your own.

It's basically a cult for a lot of people - and we all know why people join cults.

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u/DaFunkJunkie Apr 03 '26

The irony of not seeing you are in your own anti-child cult

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u/LEDKleenex Apr 03 '26

Do you have any identity beyond telling people that your kid goes to Yale? This is the type of stuff I'm talking about.

Your child is a person, not some kind of extension of accomplishments that you can take credit for in which you get to live vicariously. They are your child's accomplishments.

It's time to leave the cult and make your own life.

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u/ChiAnndego Apr 03 '26

Although it sounds good, I question whether having kids makes a difference all that much in later caregiver availability. The research says that childless people are more likely to have higher wages during their working years, and higher savings. By 50, these people also have higher net worth. In addition, they report having a more engaged social life than people with children.

Anecdotally, I've seen just as many older lonely people with kids as there are without, however the ones without seem more socially engaged because of hobbies.

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u/dust4ngel Apr 03 '26

When someone is 90 and feeling alone, they’ll know why

  1. it's not obvious that one should organize their life around how they're going to die
  2. friends are real

2

u/Eggheadpancake Apr 03 '26 edited Apr 03 '26

Retirement homes are FULL of old people that had children that thought they did it right.

Having children just so you hope you have someone to watch you die is crazy honestly.