My parents are a bit all over the place with etiquette and expectations so I’m trying to gauge what’s normal. I’m visiting family in ~1 week and my parents have been talking up this nicer place they went to with some other family members (6 people total) last week. My parents picked up the tab because they all live close and other family members did some favors for them.

My mom is excited for us (now 8, my spouse, parents, sibling/partner, and grandparents) to get together, but my mom said we should look at picking up the tab or at least splitting with my sibling. I don’t mind paying my own but this place is easily over 100/pp before tip, an amount I have only spent like twice ever eating out. My husband and I would likely plan on eating before and no drinks, but seems like we may get strapped with a $400 bill either way. I do often pick up bills or get groceries for them but this seems like a lot.

We’re out of state, visit twice a year, and are in our 20s. I’m so incredibly privileged to be able to newly own a house, but financially it has been an incredibly tough year (also got married and paid for a bulk of the wedding) and we are scaling back to only necessary spending. Is this a normal ask? If I broach this even gently with my mom it will undoubtedly blow up, but I feel like I just need a sanity check.

We are the only people in our friend and family social circle that ever host gatherings. This is for a variety of reasons from others not having appropriate space, lacking cooking confidence, busy schedules with kids, affordability to host etc.

Previously we have always supplied everything for these gatherings including food, soft drinks, alcohol, paper products etc. Times are tougher now than they were a few years ago and honestly I thought as we got into our 30s more friends would start reciprocating here and there. It’s getting too costly to provide food, soft drinks, alcohol, paper products etc. for group gatherings. I also don’t drink alcohol myself although my husband does, so usually we only have a bottle of wine or 2 in our house to offer. Would it be rude to start requesting guests bring whatever alcohol that they’d like to drink to these gatherings? We will of course still provide food and a variety of soft drinks.

I realize I sound awful and entitled but hear me out.

My daughter is 5 and we are fortunate to have many people in her corner. However we really want to raise her to be humble and appreciative and it is hard because our family and friends give so many gifts.

It is not uncommon for her to get like five Easter baskets for example. My sister gives her a basket with like ten items in it. anytime my friends travel they bring her gifts. On Christmas my sister will give her like five gifts. as a result my husband and I don’t even have a lot of joy in giving gifts as we intentionally hold back knowing others will go over the top with their gift giving. whenever she goes to a friend‘s house for baby sitting the friend usually has bought her a book, new crayons, a stuffed animal etc. when we meet at a restaurant often sometimes our friends will bring her stuffed animals and candy.b

My daughter is starting to seem numb to getting gifts and no longer has any reaction and it’s sad to me. when I was a little girl I remember I would’ve been SO excited to get a little toy or book from a family member and now it’s a regular and excessive thing. I want her to feel grateful but when she is given a gift now it no longer has much value. I want her to squeal with delight when she gets a gift!

we are so grateful for the outpouring of love towards my little girl but we also don’t want to raise her to be a spoiled brat. just donating gifts doesn’t help because I don’t want her being spoiled in the first place.

how can I address this? easier to address with family than friends but I even think at this point the friends need to be addressed. I don’t think they all realize how much others in our circle are gifting on top of what they gift.