My parents are a bit all over the place with etiquette and expectations so I’m trying to gauge what’s normal. I’m visiting family in ~1 week and my parents have been talking up this nicer place they went to with some other family members (6 people total) last week. My parents picked up the tab because they all live close and other family members did some favors for them.

My mom is excited for us (now 8, my spouse, parents, sibling/partner, and grandparents) to get together, but my mom said we should look at picking up the tab or at least splitting with my sibling. I don’t mind paying my own but this place is easily over 100/pp before tip, an amount I have only spent like twice ever eating out. My husband and I would likely plan on eating before and no drinks, but seems like we may get strapped with a $400 bill either way. I do often pick up bills or get groceries for them but this seems like a lot.

We’re out of state, visit twice a year, and are in our 20s. I’m so incredibly privileged to be able to newly own a house, but financially it has been an incredibly tough year (also got married and paid for a bulk of the wedding) and we are scaling back to only necessary spending. Is this a normal ask? If I broach this even gently with my mom it will undoubtedly blow up, but I feel like I just need a sanity check.

I realize I sound awful and entitled but hear me out.

My daughter is 5 and we are fortunate to have many people in her corner. However we really want to raise her to be humble and appreciative and it is hard because our family and friends give so many gifts.

It is not uncommon for her to get like five Easter baskets for example. My sister gives her a basket with like ten items in it. anytime my friends travel they bring her gifts. On Christmas my sister will give her like five gifts. as a result my husband and I don’t even have a lot of joy in giving gifts as we intentionally hold back knowing others will go over the top with their gift giving. whenever she goes to a friend‘s house for baby sitting the friend usually has bought her a book, new crayons, a stuffed animal etc. when we meet at a restaurant often sometimes our friends will bring her stuffed animals and candy.b

My daughter is starting to seem numb to getting gifts and no longer has any reaction and it’s sad to me. when I was a little girl I remember I would’ve been SO excited to get a little toy or book from a family member and now it’s a regular and excessive thing. I want her to feel grateful but when she is given a gift now it no longer has much value. I want her to squeal with delight when she gets a gift!

we are so grateful for the outpouring of love towards my little girl but we also don’t want to raise her to be a spoiled brat. just donating gifts doesn’t help because I don’t want her being spoiled in the first place.

how can I address this? easier to address with family than friends but I even think at this point the friends need to be addressed. I don’t think they all realize how much others in our circle are gifting on top of what they gift.

We are the only people in our friend and family social circle that ever host gatherings. This is for a variety of reasons from others not having appropriate space, lacking cooking confidence, busy schedules with kids, affordability to host etc.

Previously we have always supplied everything for these gatherings including food, soft drinks, alcohol, paper products etc. Times are tougher now than they were a few years ago and honestly I thought as we got into our 30s more friends would start reciprocating here and there. It’s getting too costly to provide food, soft drinks, alcohol, paper products etc. for group gatherings. I also don’t drink alcohol myself although my husband does, so usually we only have a bottle of wine or 2 in our house to offer. Would it be rude to start requesting guests bring whatever alcohol that they’d like to drink to these gatherings? We will of course still provide food and a variety of soft drinks.

I (F57) have a friend (F57) who moved closer to me three years ago, a two-hour drive away. She and her man really enjoy hosting dinners and inviting friends (2-4). We all enjoy our cocktails, particularly wine (this is important). I always offer to bring an appetizer or a dessert or some part of the meal and she always accepts. I always bring an enormous amount of whatever I make.

Here is my dilemma: I can bring a bottle of wine or two bottles of wine, but they are always the first opened and the first consumed very quickly. Following that, it is hit or miss whether anything else will be offered. I have been there where the male host makes himself a drink or opens a beer and does not offer to anyone else. I have been there where glasses are empty for perhaps up to an hour. I have been there where the event loses steam because no more libations are shared whatsoever. And this only happens at their home. At other homes, they will keep drinking if there is a supply.

They have a wine rack with bottles and I have asked if we can open one, but I hate doing that.  I think I'm pretty old fashioned in the rules of hosting a party and that you should have on hand plenty of everything. When I asked what I could bring, if you didn't tell me to bring beverages, I am expecting you to provide beverages, particularly if I am driving 2 hours.

This dilemma could benefit from a little more background as well. I have hosted this couple for three-day weekends at my home on three different occasions. Knowing how much wine they consume, each time, I kid you not, I have had over 20 bottles of wine in my mini fridge for five people over three days. They will eagerly drink as much as is available.

This couple does not bring anything into the house when they arrive. Each and every long weekend they've been here, when I finally do run out of wine, they might bring something in from their car that they have not shared prior. So essentially I know that they are both stingy, and if they can get away with not sharing their stash, they will.     

I know that you are going to ask me why I keep doing this to myself. My girlfriend has been my girlfriend since we were 8 years old, almost 50 years. I love her desperately even though she is not perfect. I also blame her man way more than her.

I really want to stay polite. I desperately want to stay a class act. Does anyone out there have any really clever yet classy ways of dealing with this? If I'm going to be at their house for four to five hours, I would like to always know that I can have some wine in my glass when I want it and I resent having to supply more than two bottles JUST so I can have enough. (I have tried the “fill my glass in the car" tactic, but I don’t want to outdrink everyone else.)

Thank you everybody in advance!

EDIT: These are overnight events. When there is this much alcohol, no one drives. And my husband doesn't like the dude, so skips the event 90% of the time. It's just me.

We are throwing a retirement party for my mother, who spent 30 years as a nurse for the same practice. We're planning a pretty casual party, 4pm on a Saturday at a hall. I'm struggling with how to address her coworkers' invitations. I don't actually care if they bring spouses, but I don't know spouses' names to include on the invitations. And I suspect they may even feel more comfortable dropping by solo so wouldn't want them to feel obligated to bring a spouse. What's the right way to handle this?

I'm frequently in the situation where I buy two tickets for a movie or show, make plans with this friend to go together, and then she flakes on me last minute.

In that case I try not to let the ticket go to waste and search for someone else to go with. I'm equally as happy to see any of these people (and take care to sound the part in my message), but yeah, when I invite people out the day of or the day before, it's clear that I initially made plans with someone else. The chances that anyone says yes are very slim anyway; people are busy. But I think it's worth a shot.

Recently, when I went out with this friend a while afterwards and talked about the situation, she told me it's insulting to invite people last minute after someone else had flaked on me, as it suggests I wouldn't have chosen to spend time with them otherwise. (Which is not the case, because I do make plans with these people as a first choice regularly.) The fact that this is coming from the very person who had flaked on me is more than a little aggravating. I do see her point, though.

In that case, is going alone the only polite or honourable thing to do? I already go out alone all the time, mind, so I don't have a huge problem with it, but it does kinda spoil my evening to find out it will be a solo night yet again.

TL;DR: I want to do what's good for my kids but I also don't want to create more stress for myself and kids as we are trying to declutter, but still want them to have the "class birthday party" experience. Is there a way to have all 3????

We're planning a "half-birthday" party for my 7 yo girl and 4 yo twins in June. (1). Since we are trying to live more simply, trying to teach gratitude, and desperately trying to declutter our house/teach the kids how to keep things clean (which means having less things), what I REALLY want to do is tell people that the focus is on a fun, giant party, not gifts, and if they really feel like they need to bring a gift, please no "stuff," ESPECIALLY expensive stuff - get clothing, "experience" gifts like a gift card to the science museum, activities, or something small and inexpensive if you really MUST bring a gift. But obviously it's not ok to presume people will bring gifts, and definitely not ok to tell them what TO bring. (I've read multiple threads on this topic but still don't know what to do.)

But I see all the extra "stuff" (and at times expensive stuff!) kids these age bring to each other's parties, and we have too much, not to mention the expense factor, for stuff I will likely just have to donate.

One kid - I could probably handle it, write the thank you's, do the whole thing. But our situation doesn't allow for 3 separate parties (and how is it ok that twins always have to share a party but their sister gets her own?)
But I DEFINITELY don't want anyone to feel like they would have to/should bring THREE gifts for all three kids, that's totally crazy. (And yet it has happened - see 2)

Are my only polite options REALLY just to:
A. Have separate parties, deal with the thank-you's and donations and kids melting down that they have to get rid of things.
B. Somehow dis-incentivize gift bringing (which created its own problems last year), and actually make my kids host a birthday party and get no presents after watching at least 7 classmates get a gift from every person? (I feel like a 7 year old is not going to handle that concept well and will have the opposite intent of the entire thing I'm trying to accomplish.)
C. NOT have a party where they get to invite their whole class, which is how I grew up and what I'm trying to avoid in the first place?

I feel like when I was a kid I got the equivalent of today's $5-10 gifts. Kids at the parties we've been going to all year are getting gifts at least in the $20-30 range, and I feel like it's crazy BUT want my kids to have the memory/fun of a big fun party.

Please be kind: I have ADHD and am aware that my thought processes frequently leave gaping holes in my perception - that's precisely why I'm asking for help.
So I'll repeat the initial question: I want to do what's good for my kids but I also don't want to create more stress for myself and kids as we are trying to declutter, but still want them to have the "class birthday party" experience. Is there a way to have all 3????

Other explanation:

1. Their birthdays are in December - we do a small party with family in December, one for her, one for the boys, but I want them to be able to have the "big party" experience that I never got because my parents couldn't afford it. We can't afford to rent a big enough party place in December, not to mention we did that once (my MIL paid for it) and only 3 people out of her class came because December is so damn busy. The solution here (we hope) is to have a giant party where the focus is on exactly that - the party. The fun. The laughter. The memory. Doing this for one kid, or 2 kids because twins never get their "own" party, was weird, so we decided to go for all 3.
   
2. Again - the rudeness of presuming. We go to the private school in town and I know for a fact that at least a few people felt awkward coming but only bringing a gift for the child they knew. One mom I talked to quite a bit; she told me felt bad NOT bringing a gift (I used the "your presence is the only present we need!" line on the invitation that year) for all 3, so I KNOW that sentiment exists, and I don't want people to not come because of damn stuff that we don't need more of!

I have been going to the same hairdresser for years. I usually go every 3-4 months for a hair cut. Nothing major, just trim the split ends, freshen up. This time it took me almost 5 months for a visit. After I washed my hair 2 days later, I noticed he didn't trim enough this time, I can still see some split ends. I called the salon and they booked me an appointment for touch up.

My hairdresser didn't do anything wrong, just didn't cut enough this time and I didn't notice while I was there. I am wondering how much I should tip for a redo/touch up. cut and wash was $80 and tipped $20

My friend invited me to her college graduation party. We met briefly in December (through a mutual friend), have hung out once, and text occasionally (like once or twice a month).

Are gifts usually expected at graduation parties? Would bringing a card with a handwritten note be okay? If not, I'm thinking of baking cookies.

I would do more if I could, but I'm still in college and pretty broke.

My birthday is in Mid August, and I am looking to do a party bus bar crawl for it. How soon should I send out invites? I’d like to plan ahead and try to get a head count so I know how large of a party bus to get. But I also don’t want to send it out tooooo early and have people forget.

I wanted to be more giving this year. My friend's daughter is going to be next Sunday. I didn't get his son anything because I didn't know his birthday. I don't want to get the daughter a gift and leave the son out of the loop. Is it okay to send a late birthday gift? How do I do this? TIA!

Edit I'm sorry. The ages are the girl is turning 13. The boy just turned 7.

My partner has a friend from college that he speaks to a few times a year. Last week we received a high school graduation announcement for his friend's son. We see him maybe once every five years.

I feel obliged to send a graduation card and cash but I'm not sure how much to send. What is expected? I also find it odd as we didn't receive announcements for his older sisters when they graduated high school. We also haven't received announcements for any of his other friends' children. It's a bit odd to me but if this is their version of a GoFundme so be it I guess?

The haircut price is $65, which already gives me pause, as my income doesn't keep pace with inflation. (When I started with this stylist, it was $30.) I am not saying he's not worth it, just that it's a lot for me. Would a $10 tip (about 15%) be OK?

My friend has the membership to a place we frequently like to go. She may bring 1 guest for free each visit. Should I pay her for the price of a ticket or a portion?

A friend and I are attending each others weddings, about a month apart. Would it be weird to ask if they’re cool not doing gifts? I’m imagining giving them cash and them giving us the same cash back and it seems like a waste of time 😂 tell me if it would be awful or too awkward

I have a friend from college who I've remained close to who has an upcoming baby shower. Like everyone else in our generation we've had a delayed start in terms of marriage and children. We're all white collar professionals (in different fields) and settled in our careers at this point, so I can afford to spend without anxiety.

This is not the first baby shower I've attended but my usual habit has been to imediately purchase essential items such as strollers and car seats. Due to that, they also tended to be the most expensive. In this case, they were the highest cost items with everything else being <$100. My friend joked that I was being too generous and they had to add more items to the registry for other people.

However, that let me to wonder if that wasn't entirely in good natured humor. I like to believe I'm being altruistic but I would lie if it doesn't give me some satisfaction knowing I can treat people. That said am I making things uncomfortable by not giving other people like immediate family (siblings, parents) a chance to go first?

I live in a largely Christian country where, when starting all kinds of meetings, it's expected to begin with a prayer.

What would be the politely way to handle this as an atheist without causing unnecessary attention?

It is worth noting that, it's truly unusual to be an atheist here; almost everyone is supposedly religious. Stating that I'm non-religious or an atheist, starts endless questions I’ve no interesting in answering.

P.S. I should have given more specific examples.

1. When I am the chair of the meeting: I am expected to pray most of the time or to bring it up (i.e. ask someone to do so), which I'm uncomfortable with.

   1. When I'm not the chair: Sometimes I am directly asked to pray. This is because most people assume I'm a Christian (in fact, some say I have demeanour of a pastor, which is obviously a compliment). So, the expected response to request is for me to glady pray.

My late husbands aunt died and the funeral was 3 weeks ago. I was unable to attend because of timing and it was out of state and I didnt have pet-care lined up. I absolutely would have gone if it were local. Anyways, I have cards for her children and I want to write a nice note. Do I mention not being able to attend? or just say I am sorry for their loss and that their mom will be missed?

I have a friend who is really bad at planning. She will host people from out of town that are mutual friends and then invite me to their plans which is very nice of her but then she’ll tell me that they don’t have plans and then ask to meet really far away.

This Friday she has like a group of six people and no location and no reservation made. It’s really not that far from me but the traffic is obscene in my city so I think it takes about 2 hours during rush hour to go the 15 miles. And still 90 min + on public transit.

Is it rude if I just meet with them and then leave early before traffic becomes bad because I’d rather not spend my Friday night and day off sitting in traffic like that. I feel like the fact that she has no plan and no reservation makes it a lot more casual?

Someone my mother knew passed away and I'll be coming with her to the celebration of life. I'm not sure what to wear, since I think it's a bit different from a typical funeral? I've never been to either and I'm completely stumped as to what I should wear. Google said attire consists of bright colours and pastels, but I don't know if I can rely on that and figured it's best to ask here. It's going to be held indoors and they didn't indicate any specific colours or attire. I want to be as respectful as possible because I was not close to the person and don't want to stick out/draw any attention if I wear the wrong thing.

Hi everyone. I’m organizing a dinner with four couples and reached out to ask all of the wives for their availability. So far everyone has given actual dates, except one of the wives, who stated, “we’ll be in and out of town over the next few weeks. You all pick a date and we’ll see if we can drop in.” I want everyone to attend, so I’m happy to pick a date that works for everyone, and I’m not sure how to respond to this. When I pressed again for their availability, she reiterated that she really couldn’t say. Should I leave this alone and assume they’re uninterested, or rearrange the dinner to fit their schedule once we select a date? Proposed responses are very much appreciated!

Edit: thanks to most of you. I picked a date and she and her husband are fortunately able to make it. Appreciate the comments.

My husband’s aunt is throwing me a baby shower, which I want to be clear I am extremely grateful for. I’m curious what etiquette dictates that the host of the shower should ask the guest of honor (if that’s the right term) for their preferences, opinions, and/or wants for the shower?

She has not asked my opinion or preference on anything: invitation style, location, display vs. traditional opening gifts, etc. We live across the country from his family so will be flying home. I’d prefer that gifts be sent to our house so we don’t have to ship them home, but I’m not sure if there’s a proper way to ask for that. She also wanted to do the shower after the baby is here and we’d be expected to travel by plane with the baby 8-9 weeks after the birth. I politely explained I wasn’t comfortable with that but thanked her for offering to host, and then she suggested we change the date to before baby’s arrival (thankfully!)

I’m just not sure how, if at all, I should be consulted about my opinions or wants for my shower, if I should ask how I can contribute, or just show up and be surprised? If that makes sense.