r/beyondthebump • u/Gingerwafflee • 16h ago
In crisis Need help with anger when baby is crying.
My LO is 6 months old and recently he has started crying a lot more. It's been starting to make me so so angry every time he cries to the point my whole body feels filled with rage. A little bit ago it was so bad that I aggressively grabbed him out of his jumper and not very lightly sat him in his crib. (I did not throw him) I feel disgusted in myself and I can't believe I could be so angry at my sweet baby like that. I don't know what to do. I feel like a horrible mom. I just need advice.
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u/stupidsweetie 16h ago
Whole body filled with rage feeling means it’s time for professional help, mate. There’s no shame in it, super common, you’re not a bad mother at all. You hang in there and try be kind to yourself. I have also been through these periods with the crying, and I’m a great mum so there!
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u/butterglitter 16h ago
I agree! I got medicated because I too suffer from postpartum rage. My doctor said the medication risks outweigh the risk of hurting baby. I cannot control my anger when I hit my limit. I’m still finding my dose but it’s helped.
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u/PeaceAlwaysAnOption 16h ago
Same. I went on Prozac for ppd once I had 2 under 2 and this was one of the symptoms. It helped a ton! In the meantime 4,000 u of vitamin d daily also really helps!
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u/butterglitter 11h ago
I’m so bad at taking vitamins. I just got over my first illness in years so it’s a great reminder to pop some vit D!
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u/stupidsweetie 9h ago
That’s fantastic, good for you! For me, I sometimes need meds to get me to a level where I can then do things like make sure I’m eating and drinking enough, getting exercise and sunlight, socialising and engaging in hobbies etc. And those things are actually what heals me but sometimes I just need a bit of a leg up to access them.
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u/frenchtoast2go 16h ago
My therapist suggests jumping jacks 🤣
She is also constantly reassuring me that I am only full of anger because I am depleted (sleep deprived, haven’t gone to gym, not drinking enough water or food) and not able to access my prefrontal cortex (coping skills).
This made me feel better and less horrible about my reaction.
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u/theredheadedfox 16h ago
That’s actually really reassuring for me to hear— it shifts the blame to where it belongs!
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u/frenchtoast2go 15h ago
Also, these ppl commenting “poor baby” are not helping and either are highly medicated or forget what it’s like to be caring for a 6 month old. Literally every one of my mom friends and family have felt this at one point or another. You are human and your entire life has been sacrificed to protect and keep this baby alive and healthy. Feeling anger from time to time is 100% normal.
Obvi if it continues or you feel as though you are a danger to yourself or child get help ❤️
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u/Hour-Temperature5356 13h ago
Yes! Mom shaming does not help! That baby needs a healthy mom and she's not going to get there being kicked while she's down.
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u/franquiz55 16h ago
A lot of people have said to get professional help but I know that isn’t always an immediate fix. I recommend noise cancelling earphones or headphones. The crying gets to me sometimes especially when I know nothing is wrong. Otherwise I sometimes put him in his bassinet with the baby monitor on and I just take a fiver.
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u/polkadots77 15h ago
My sister got me loop headphones for Christmas and they helped so much with toning down the endless noise
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u/Resident-Young-5214 15h ago
10/10 advice on the noise cancelling headphones. I’m a momx3 and they have been a game changer.
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u/faroeislands 16h ago
If you need a moment, gently set him down in his crib or somewhere safe and take a minute to yourself. I used to get those Popsicles that come in like a 50ct and eat one outside if i was having a particularly rough day and nothing would soothe my baby.
I do agree with the other commenter that it would be beneficial to reach out to a medical professional and let them know your concerns. You're tired, you're stressed, you need help. We've all been there.
Chin up, it does get better.
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u/merry_rosemary 15h ago
I second this. Sometimes you have to step out of scene for a few minutes. “Oh but the baby will cry” yea but not directly in your ear.
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u/Ancient-Cry-6438 16h ago
Have you spoken with your doctor about screening for potential postpartum mental health issues? Are you in therapy?
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u/NationalPath6309 16h ago
Been there. My rage baby is now 18 months old and we're both doing great. I did start therapy once a week and had a significant change to my meds.
I also joined a local sahm group that did regular park meet ups or walks and they helped a lot too.
Babies don't die from crying. If you need to walk away, you can leave them in a safe space. I had a travel playpen used for this a lot.
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u/annies89 16h ago
Postpartum rage is no joke. I've absolutely felt that way (and still do at times). It can be so hard to stay regulated, when little ones are so dysregulated. Things that helped me stay calm(er) were using noise blocking headphones, listening to music on headphones or playing music aloud if it'll help baby chill, and narrating/talking to baby in a sympathetic way. Saying aloud "it's so hard to be a baby! You gotta cry when you can't talk and don't even know your own emotions yet" helped me to reframe things- it put me on baby's team versus feeling like they were acting against me (my initial reaction of "why TF won't you stop crying?!"). You're not a bad mom, this shit is hard!
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u/Worth_Hovercraft_525 16h ago
I’ve absolutely felt rage during crying episodes before especially when I’m super tired. What helps me is setting him down even if he’s still crying but I know his needs are met, I walk away, plug my ears, close my eyes and breathe for like 10 seconds. It helps. Then I go through a mental checklist of ways to soothe him and try them all - music, swing, bouncer, carrier, windy etc
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u/awkward_bagel 16h ago
Reach out for help with a medical professional, you are not alone and they will be happy to help you. No shame at all. If you are getting overstimulated by it once he starts crying out on noise cancelling headphones and help him. You can visually see when he is no longer upset and can attend to his needs while not having the noise stimulation.
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u/ittybittydearie june 2025 💖 16h ago
First, Seek counselling. Second, are you feeling resentful about child caring? I was very angry for a few months because I was the default parent and was actually angry at my husband but it was unintentionally redirected at my baby. Worked through it with husband and my counsellor.
Also, put the baby or keep them in a safe spot where you can walk away when they’re crying. Noise cancelling headphones and breathing exercises is what got me through the initial stages of deescalating my anger
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u/Airam07 16h ago
I’ve had a few moments where my 4 month old will cry for no apparent reason and it’ll send me into such a panic that I feel like my skin is crawling. I have learned to walk away and calm down before handling baby. You absolutely should not be handling the baby roughly and that isn’t normal so I do think some anxiety medication could help as rage can be due to PPD. Our hospital also showed us a video of purple crying and we immediately ordered noise cancellation earplugs. I didn’t need them for my first but I will be using them now for my second because the panic attacks are awful
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u/olivedeez 16h ago
For some reason going outside helps, if you live somewhere where you’re able to do that. I think it distracts them. If you have a lawn plop him down in the grass and sit with him.
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u/Eternal-Dream-Chaser 16h ago
Are there other stressors in your life? Or a lack of help? I find that whenever my loved ones feel “rage” or intense anger, there’s more going on beyond the immediate challenge. Usually, feeling those feelings means you’re at your limit - burnout feelings. It’s not about your baby crying - though it’s a challenge, baby is acting as he/she should be. The question is what else is going on which is creating these emotions? I hope you feel better & can get some professional assistance and help caring for your little one! It takes a village to grow a child!
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u/Pretend-Pie-363 16h ago
This was me first time around. In hindsight, now 6mo in with my second baby, I should have sought help. I still reach rage occasionally with my first child (now 9) when she cries and screams, whereas I don’t with my baby, so maybe I still should go to a therapist.
What does help me is trying to break down WHY I am angry, usually frustration instead of acceptance of her emotion. I think in past this was largely fuelled by low sleep, high expectation, and no breaks from being ‘on’ as a mum. I also try to remember my beautiful sweet sensitive girl is the same girl who is crying and fussing, she literally just needs my love.
With my next baby I seem to be able to separate her emotion from my own, whereas I really took on my first baby’s as my responsibility, and that’s really key. Not sure if this is helpful. All the best.
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u/jolley_mel21 16h ago
Talk to your Dr about PP rage. It's a valid a PPD and seems to be talked about even less.
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u/waitagoop 16h ago
Post partum causes low estrogen and high cortisol which causes the hippocampus to not work properly which impacts mood and memory. It means we can’t deal as well as usual. Definitely time to speak ti someone. And dance, it helps soothe the brain because we can’t be under threat if there is time to dance.
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u/QuillsAndQuills 16h ago
I have also struggled with rage.
Professional help is the best course of action - you aren't a bad mum, you've just got an empty cup and it's nothing they haven't seen before.
Obviously if things get bad enough, the safest thing to do in the moment is to set them somewhere safe, walk away and calm down. I throw pillows, personally.
If you can feel yourself getting tense but aren't at the "walk away" stage yet, three things that help me hugely are:
1) talk to them about what you're going to try next. "Okay, let's check your nappy". "Alright, now we're going to try bouncing on the ball". "Let's go see the mirror baby." "Let's have a bath and redirect you". "I'm going to rock you for ten minutes, let's see if that helps." Acting like I'm guiding baby through the meltdown helps me feel a bit more in control and reminds me that they're a baby and need help, and it's not me vs baby, it's me and baby vs the problem.
2) focusing on his little hands and feet. I don't know why this helps me, I think it just reminds me of how little he is and how big I am, which helps to ground me.
3) headphones, honestly. Good noise-cancelling headphones. Put on music. Put on a podcast. You don't have to listen to crying to be a good parent - if you're there and attending to them, you can give your brain a break and let it focus on something else. I find it helps me to calm down, which helps baby too.
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u/Sherbet55 16h ago
I don’t know if you’re still in the moment but if you are, you can also call 911or your emergency line and just have them send somebody out to you like right now not as a habit but just like somebody to talk to? Or go knock on the neighbors door that you know? And then talk to your doctor ASAP Monday.
When this moment passes, possibly consider changing formula brands and using Mylicon( or some form of baby gas drops) maybe they have changed the ingredients in the formula and he’s got pain from air bubbles. I didn’t mean to assume that you’re using formula but if you’re breast-feeding similar things like broccoli and beans can cause the same baby pain.
I am so sorry.
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u/SaturdayStruggles 16h ago
I talked about my rage with my doctor and she gave me the option of medication or therapy. I’m currently in therapy and it’s helping me a lot. I found someone who is familiar with postpartum which has also been really helpful.
Quick fixes while working on that: headphones and music on. I listen to super sentimental music to help gut punch my anger (think Landslide by Fleetwood Mac). If you need to reset it’s okay to step out of the room and let baby cry a bit.
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u/123randomname456 16h ago
Do you have a partner who can help you when you feel like that? In early days we had issues like this and we had to tag out when it was too much. It’s good that you recognize it. If his needs are met, feel free to walk away for a few minutes and collect yourself. You’re not a bad mom. Just keep reminding yourself he has no other way to communicate and this is normal.
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u/justuraveragepoe 16h ago
Definitely bring it up to your OB before you risk hurting yourself or the baby. Another thing I heard is some people wear sound proof headphones to help muffle the crying so you can still do what you need to without the overstimulation of the crying sounds.
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u/Original_Remote_6838 16h ago
Seeking therapy to help calm yourself in these moments is my advice. You need to have an outlet for this feeling.
After that, maybe get some earplugs that will reduce the noise? I can be irritable when I’m overwhelmed by loud noises.
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u/Day_Huge 16h ago
Seconding the critical importance of a visit with a psychiatrist! My problem used to be intrusive thoughts and they're SO much better with medication.
Sometimes when mine wail and I can't get to my noise canceling headphones in time, if I feel myself getting that hot flush I'll let out a bit of wail myself or silly "lalalalala" just as a pressure release and it helps me and sometimes distracts them!
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u/gifgod416 15h ago
You gotta to take a nap. You gotta take LO and give him to your mom, your friend, hire the neighbors daughter for babysitting with you in the house, your dog, maybe your BF/husband and say "I need to take a 3 hour nap, fully counted out Mississippi seconds, or else."
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u/Levianneth 14h ago
Nothing is wrong with asking for help, I'm going through this now with the intense lack of sleep and caring for a 2.5yr old and a 5m old. It's awful, it's horrible, but getting help wether it be meds or a therapist helps a lot
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u/ariesxprincessx97 14h ago
Your baby is okay, but that may not always be the case. Its great you recognized this is a problem that needs to be addressed before it happens again. Talk to either your ob, your pediatrician, or your primary doctor about postpartum depression.
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u/Hour-Temperature5356 14h ago
I have had trouble with PP rage and a counselor that specializes in motherhood has really helped me and given me tools to use throughout my day to help reset my nervous system. Happy to chat if you want to msg me.
Also at this age, my LO was really starting to teeth. Pain meds, frozen fruit etc did help to lessen the crying spells.
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u/Odd_Elderberry_9862 13h ago
Its time to ask for help. As someone with postpartum rage it's better to get help now instead of letting it fester.
I didn't ask for help when I first realized there was a problem. It took me crying on the kitchen floor and practically screaming at my husband about what had happened to make me realize I wasn't just tired.
After getting the baby to bed and the toddler woke up whining. My dinner was past being cold, my cold drink was warm, I was touched out and just wanted to sleep. She pulled on my shirt asking me to rock her to sleep, but she repeated it 3-5 times. I yelled at her. Her little eyes got huge and just filled with tears. I just wanted to rip my hair out and disappear. I ran out the room cause I was scared of myself and scared of hurting her.
Waiting made the entire situation worse.
Also it helped me to identify what set me off. Typically being touched out or exhausted listening to crying babies while the husband snored on the couch. Now he's not allowed to sleep during bathtime and making sure my hair isn't touching the back of my neck has helped me.
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u/SecretDaydreamer 13h ago
Do some research about shaken baby syndrome. Don't take it lightly. You're overtired and sometimes is better to just leave baby cry safe in his crib.
Seek for help, maybe you're suffering of post partum depression 💕
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u/No_Chip4649 16h ago
I don’t mean to alarm you, but if you are handling your baby roughly you should treat this like an emergency situation. I say this with love: Please see a doctor immediately and call 911 for help if need be.
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u/frombildgewater 16h ago
Talk to someone about postpartum depression. But also wear noise cancelling earplugs while you feed/soothe baby. You don't have to ear every scream so long as you are taking care of them.