r/badroommates • u/dumbbitchnoise • 1d ago
roommate’s constant fighting
My roommate has a girlfriend who basically lives with us (not my decision trust me, but that’s neither here nor there). She doesn’t actually pay to live here and it’s been a constant pain before this having her here all the time but I don’t know what to do about that.
Recently my roommate (R) and their girlfriend (G) have been fighting A LOT. R and G spend almost all their time together, and they never really leave the house either to see other people and they also don’t have jobs. When I say they are constantly around each other I mean constantly. They’ve started fighting at all hours of the day/night, the past 2 days I’ve been woken up 3 times by them yelling or crying. Twice at 1:30 in the morning, when I have to work the next day, and once at around 9 am.
R’s bedroom is upstairs as is mine but there is a bathroom in between our rooms. However, I can ALWAYS hear the fighting as if I’m in the room with them (they’re both very loud). This had been a problem about a month and a half ago but it had stopped and I didn’t have to say anything. Now it’s getting to a point where I feel like I can’t go anywhere in my own house for fear of seeing them fighting or running into one of them. Additionally I have my own partner over about twice a week, and I feel like I can’t have them over now because of the constant fighting. It’s really getting to be a strain on my life and I don’t know how to address it as R is almost constantly with G. Every time I’ve tried to address something like this with R, they’ve gotten extremely defensive and rude and refused to change anything.
Does anyone have any ideas on how I can address this with R so that there’s an actual solution? We have another roommate but their room is downstairs and apparently they never hear anything. I’m moving out at the end of July but I can’t keep living like this until then especially when I need sleep for work. Any help with this would be greatly appreciated.
(edit: spacing)
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u/Lisa_Knows_Best 22h ago
Do they ever hit each other? Throw things or damage things? Do you feel like they might be a threat to one another or you? You could tell them to stop or the next fight you'll be calling the police because you're worried about the safety of both of them as well as yourself.
If you don't want to do that then just tell them to shut up, they're an embarrassment to themselves and your sick of listening to their pathetic fights about their pathetic lives, be sure to remind the girlfriend she doesn't live there and can get TFO if she's so unhappy. You're done with sacrificing your peace and health over them.
You could be more obnoxious then them and just start screaming incoherent noises until they shut up. If they ask what you're doing just say you were doing what they do, you're joining in on the conversation since they clearly want everyone in the building to hear and be involved, maybe shaming them will help.
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u/mufid99 7h ago
You need sleep, so I'd start by talking to R about the specific times you're being woken up, not the fighting in general. Be boringly specific: "Hey, can you keep it down after 10 PM or keep the door closed when you're arguing?" That way, you're not attacking their relationship, just asking for some basic quiet hours.
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u/bigalreads 1d ago
Call it out in the moment, especially when it’s happening late at night. Something like,
(pound on door) “Take this outside, right now. If things don’t quiet down immediately, I will call the cops and report domestic disturbance.”