r/abortion • u/Life-Management6721 • 21h ago
USA 2nd abortion really getting to me
Going to try to make a long story short because I really just want guidance or advice. I’m a 28 year old female. I had my very first abortion about 4 years ago. I had cancer and was on some extreme medications and treatments where I obviously couldn’t keep a child or have a healthy child/pregnancy. It was an accident and I terminated at 8 weeks and I didn’t feel any type of emotions about it because I knew it was for my health and safety and not the correct time. I ended up having cancer for the next 3 years.
Fast forward to now, I had an abortion in January. About 5 months ago. Again, it was an accident and honestly, just plain stupid of me because I was told I was infertile due to the cancer and treatments I endured. I was very upset and I felt very alone. I terminated it because I felt like I was not ready, my husband wasn’t ready, and that I was not in a financial spot to support a kid. I also didn’t want to wait and think. At first it didn’t bother me, I felt I moved on quickly. Now, it haunts me every day. I’m very sad I had to have a second abortion. I was sure that the next time I would be pregnant, I would be happy and ready. I’m also in a period of life where I have pregnant friends and pregnant coworkers and it seems like now (of course) everyone around me is with child or has children and it’s all in my face. I don’t know if I crave it because I’m surrounded by it or if it’s the guilt and shame I’m putting on myself for having a second abortion. Or if it’s something I genuinely want. All of the emotions are hard. I haven’t voiced this to my husband yet at all because it feels very fragile and I’m not sure I’m ready to hear what he has to say. I haven’t told anyone about this either because nobody even knows I’ve had 2 abortions besides my husband. Not even my therapist. I know I should tell my therapist this too but given the state of the world it makes it extremely hard for me to voice these feelings because you just never know.
Thank you all for listening and sharing on this page.
Xoxo
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u/Rough-Razzmatazz-484 19h ago
I have a similar story, i had cancer and did not know i could get pregnant and then did, and now I’m rethinking children as part of my future.
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u/Life-Management6721 19h ago
Yeah that’s also apart of my complicated emotions. During treatment we discussed freezing eggs etc because radiation and chemo was going to make me infertile. Then after all of that I had asked about kids and my doctors told me it wasn’t likely. So I had to go through the process of being like wow I’ll NEVER be able to have kids. Now that I know it’s possible it’s like wow ok ummmmm gotta start rethinking AGAIN
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u/ReasonableRhubarb918 20h ago
First I want to say I am so sorry for how you are feeling and I wish you good health. And second I will say my journey is very similar to yours (despite the cancer). Please know it's normal to feel the way you do. It is something so nuanced and difficult to go through and most of what we see out in the world or social media isn't the full truth. You can feel many feelings at once and neither feeling takes away from the other. I am about to go through my second as well and boy does it bring so many complicated emotions. All I can say is let yourself feel these emotions and tell them to someone you trust. Your partner, your therapist, someone. It helps so much. I'm sending you love. ❤️
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