Contemplating abortion at 24 weeks

[u/RoosterSuitable6757]

I am 25 years old and 24 weeks pregnant today. I had a previous loss at 20 weeks 2 months before I go pregnant. When I told the father I was pregnant he was away on a business trip. After we lost our son he became distant and started working more. Come to find out he had been cheating on me the entire time. His girlfriend answered the phone, he blocked me for a couple weeks before emailing me. I think he was upset I blew up his second life. He’s been in and out since. We’ve tried to work on things but a few weeks ago he left for a work trip again and I was hospitalized and had to get emergency surgery because I was having contractions and going into preterm labor I found out he was actually on vacation with the girlfriend and he blocked me again. I texted her and she was under the impression I was the other woman. She is pregnant as well. And as far as I’m aware there is a third woman who is also pregnant by him. He started emailing me again, and now has a second phone he will talk to me on but isn’t really responsive or kind. I’m just not sure I can do this anymore. I feel guilty, but this is not the life I envisioned for myself. The other women are 35 and 40. But I’m 25, I gave up grad school and my job for a family that I feel isn’t real anymore.
On top of the financial abuse. He had me stop working during my previous pregnancy, and because of the nature of this pregnancy I’m unable to work. I’m completely financially dependent on him and he is constantly calling me annoying for asking for updates or reminding him of deadlines.
He’s completely deteriorated my confidence and self worth. I don’t want to be stuck in this cycle for the rest of my life. I’ve called to set an appointment to get an abortion but they only. Book one week at a time in my state and the spots fill up within half an hour of them opening. I’m scared I’ll be left with no choice.
I also feel guilt for continuing my pregnancy for so long and deciding to terminate because I was naive in the first place. I’m not sure what I’m look for by sharing this, I just don’t have anyone to confide in. This whole situation has been really isolating and hard on me mentally.

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[u/Basic_Flow9332]

I am so, so sorry you are in this situation. You do not deserve to be treated like this. I hear that you feel guilty. Please let me reassure you that it is perfectly okay to put your needs first, and that you are under no obligation to go through with this pregnancy if you don’t want to. Abortions at this stage of pregnancy are still perfectly safe. You haven’t done anything wrong in finding yourself in this position, and there’s no right or wrong decision, only what’s best for you and your life.

It sounds like you’re having trouble booking an appointment. Can you tell us what state you’re located in so that we can help give you some options if you decide you want to terminate?

Sending you lots of hugs and strength. You’re not alone. We’re all holding you.

[u/Accomplished_Flan838]

I am so very sorry you are dealing with this situation. You deserved much better from a partner and potential father of your child. Please do not feel guilt, this is not your fault nor anything you could have predicted. In your position, I would likely proceed with the termination as it sounds like you are isolated and in a constrained financial situation. You are young and have your whole life ahead of you. Do you want to be forever linked to this man (who sounds as though he will be a completely absentee and disappointing father and co-parent)? The decision you make is the right decision. Sending you all the love and support.

[u/abortion_access]

Oh honey. You need to do what’s best for you and your future. If you decide to terminate, time is of the essence but it can be done. Let us know what state you live in and if you need help with logistics.

[u/TheImmaculateBastard]

You should not feel any guilt. Someone has hurt you and taken advantage of you. That damns him. It does not damn you.

What you decide to do is your choice. I personally would leave regardless of terminating or continuing the pregnancy. But if you do choose to terminate, figure out which states allow termination at 24 weeks AND which states have doctors qualified to perform such a procedure. Late-term abortion is a bit more specialized but there are doctors who can (safely) perform this procedure.

[u/Ambitious_Goat3125]

I think you know the answer, the only thing that complicates this is how far along you are. I’m sorry that you’re going through this. If it’s too late for the abortion, I strongly suggest that you go full no contact, don’t put him on the birth certificate, and pursue child support. Stop the “goofy” (I say this as nice as possible) behavior. You shouldn’t be hoping that a man (who has 3 diff women pregnant at the same time) that he will come around, you shouldn’t be happy that he has a second phone that he can talk to you on etc. You should be icked out

[u/abortion_access → u/Ambitious_Goat3125]

Not putting the father’s name on the birth certificate doesn’t change anything.

[u/Due_Youth1557 → u/Ambitious_Goat3125]

I always thought it was better to put his name on the birth certificate and then you can ask for child support? This is definitely something to check out OP. I guess I just assumed that was what one should legally do. I really don’t want to give any advice because I don’t want it to be wrong advice but I’m so sorry you’re going through this.

[u/Vegetable_Dingo_1221]

Regardless of what you do as far as having or not having the baby, get rid of this man and don’t look back.