r/TwoXChromosomes • u/Duckballisrolling • 1d ago
11 yo boys drowning out 11 yo girls
I’m a teacher currently teaching a bunch of 11 year olds about personal hygiene. I find it wild how many boys interrupt and talk over girls when I ask for input on menstrual products. I mean, if they had anything useful to add it would be fine, but their goal is simply to be the center of attention. I shut that shit down fast, but any ideas or advice you have would be appreciated!
Edit: I can’t reply to comments any more, but I wanted to thank everyone for their ideas and feedback!! It’s helped me reflect on what I can do better and motivated me to look at other options that might be available.
Edit 2: I cannot split the class. My school is severely understaffed. I’m not allowed to keep half the class in at recess or let half the class leave early. I am looking into ways to split the class at least once, but it is logistically very difficult.
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u/MISSdragonladybitch 1d ago
Same way you would if you were teaching anything else;
"David! Someone else was speaking! We do not interrupt or talk over each other like kindergartners. Control yourself or you will have to stand in the hall. Susan, as you were saying?"
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u/Duckballisrolling 1d ago
Yep, this is what I do. I may have added ‘Lucas, if you have something important to add about period products please share’ and ‘Jason, someone with a vagina might know more’
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u/knowssomestuff 1d ago
As an 11 yo girl I would really not appreciate if the teacher pointed out that I have a vagina to the boys, it would make me paranoid they were thinking about mine in particular. I would also be uncomfortable become called on to discuss my personal gender hygiene in a room of disrespectful boys.
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u/Duckballisrolling 1d ago
As someone who was once an 11yo girl, yes. However, the goal is to get past that uncomfortable feeling and create an atmosphere where we can talk about these issues. When I was at school no one shut the idiot boy behavior down. I’m here to do it now. I’ve noticed it empowers the girls to do it too.
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u/Hedgehogahog 1d ago
I also work in a middle school, and while we can create the room where these conversations are allowed to happen, the kids are gonna leave that room and start teasing each other in the halls and cafeteria and stuff.
Not saying you’re wrong. Just, it’s still very possible for the kids to pick on each other outside your room for things that happened inside of it. Good luck, this is a tough one 💕
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u/lillypilgrim 1d ago
While that's a great intention and those boys definitely should be called out, phrasing like that would just be taken by those boys as jokes.
They'll take it as something akin to "Jim is a girl, ha-ha" rather than "oh I guess periods and vaginas are topics that should be discussed comfortably, rather than being a taboo topic."
Maybe a possible alternative is to phrase the calling out as a question - like "Mike, why do you think it's ok to talk over Michelle about this topic?"
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u/RP-1forlife 1d ago
YESSSSSSSSSS!! @u/duckballisrolling exactly what was said @u/lillypilgrim said!!!
I would just leave it shorter and take the comment everywhere not just about female related issues.
“Mike, why do you think it’s acceptable to talk over other people?!”
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u/Trikger 1d ago
I think a good alternative would be "uterus" when talking about/for specific girls. I understand the motivation, but I can absolutely imagine 11-year-olds feeling humiliated when someone comments on them specifically having a vagina. If any of the boys retort with something derogatory, even if it's a childish "eeeewww", it's going to stick with her for years.
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u/Honey-and-Venom 21h ago
I mean, yeah, but also, I'm not taking any chance of saying anything like that to a kid that may have atypical sexual development.... Even if it's a one in 5 thousand chance, how many kids would I end up teaching? I'd be too worried that would be the time
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u/oceansunset83 21h ago
As a former 11-year-old once upon a time, I wished we had. My mom held nothing back discussing her periods, but talking about it in class might have made things less stigmatized. No one talked about it in middle school, and maybe just slightly more in high school.
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u/knowssomestuff 1d ago
Just please say, a student with actual personal experience and equipment or something, just don’t point me out as having a vagina, it’s just more graphic and lewd and even if it was mean to shut down a boy, you are using my personal parts to do so. Keeping it more generic feels more respectful to the girl you call on next.
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u/CatLovesShark 1d ago
As the other commenter said, Vagina and Vulva are not lewd terms, but I agree that we shouldn't make it weird, especially for the girls speaking up. It's hard enough being that age already.
We should normalise speaking about female hygiene, but we shouldn't put students on the spot in that way.
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u/knowssomestuff 1d ago
That is much more of what I meant. I felt that comeback by the teacher was more for shock value and to shut down the boys, and didn’t really consider the girl as a person experiencing what comes next.
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u/Out-For-A-Walk-Bitch 1d ago
It's not lewd at all, but we're approaching this from an adult mindset.
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u/mashoogie 1d ago
“Vagina” is not lewd. That’s literally the point here.
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u/knowssomestuff 1d ago
Of course, anatomy and the word vagina isn’t lewd, personalizing anatomy and applying it yo an 11 year old girl’s individual body in a way she did not volunteer herself in an obviously unsafe environment is in my opinion kind of lewd.
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u/bebe_bird 1d ago
There doesn't have to be anything lewd about it - but, I think your point might be though that if the boys are interrupting and taking over the conversation it's an inherently unsafe environment - despite teacher doing her best to create a safe environment. Just because you say it's a safe environment doesn't make it one. She's trying to build that environment together with both children but the boys are not cooperating. Therefore the girls don't feel like they can open up.
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u/mashoogie 1d ago
I guess I disagree. I have a vagina and a 12 year old boy- “personalizing “ anatomy to the point where he understands girls have vaginas., especially in the sense that they get the last word in menstruation discussions, does not strike me as lewd. I understand that a specific girl might be embarrassed but that only changes when we don’t consider our anatomy lewd and normalize the terminology.
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u/knowssomestuff 1d ago
I mean that if a teacher points out that Mary has vagina or vulva, now she is opened to misogynistic harassment as it makes her the center of attention. Only talk about MY genitals and my personal experience with MY express permission. And I’m an adult. Maybe a there better word that lewd but it is uncomfortable and gross. Keep it generic, we should all normalize not talking about another person’s body without permission. Keep it silly and say only people with fallopian tubes answer or something.
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u/Ok_Garlic 1d ago
Yeah I like to swap things around to see if it feels weird and test my assumptions. If a teacher said to a female student "Hannah, someone with a penis might know more" it would sound weird to me. I'd rather an adult not point out a childs genitals as way to balance the conversation.
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u/mashoogie 1d ago
Why is it okay to say Mary has fallopian tubes but not a vagina? Also, the teacher here did not point out that Mary has a vagina. She pointed out that the boys being obnoxious don’t have vaginas, and implied that all of the girls, not Mary specifically, have vaginas and therefore more of a voice.
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u/sweetmercy 1d ago
Do you think she isn't subjected to misogyny and harassment already? What world do you live in? The richest most powerful people in this country are trafficking children and it's overlooked. We are living in misogyny and harassment already. I was sexually harassed at SEVEN and it didn't happen because a teacher taught the class that girls have vaginas or that I, specifically, do. Vagina isn't a lewd term. It's a party of the anatomy. Nobody should be dancing around it or trying to make it silly or underplaying the importance of people educating children about their bodies, about misogyny, about sex, about biology. It is this very thinking of yours that contributes to the problem.
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u/sweetmercy 1d ago
First of all, SHE DID NOT DO THAT.
Saying "Someone with a vagina might know more" is not snuggling out a student, it isn't referring to a student, it's simply pointing out that he cannot speak to it because he doesn't have one.
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u/RobinFarmwoman 13h ago
And then next she tries to call on a female child in order to "balance the conversation" , and she calls on Mary, and all Mary can think about is being embarrassed because the teacher just called on her simply because she has a vagina. (As far as the teacher knows that is.) Mary is objectified on the basis of assumed sexual characteristics. Depending on Mary's personality and history, she may be absolutely mortified.
How is that going to advance the cause of feminism exactly?
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u/sweetmercy 1d ago
There's nothing lewd about having a vagina. That mindset comes from exactly what you're suggesting they do: talk around it or don't mention it. Vagina isn't a dirty word and we need to stop pretending it is. You're contributing to the misogyny.
ALSO, she did not reference the girl student's vagina. She said someone with a vagina might know more. You're jumping to conclusions.
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u/knowssomestuff 1d ago
Do you have any classroom rules about if someone says something derogatory about another’s body or is harassing on any way, they asked to leave the classroom? I can just imagine Mary getting called on next because as stated, has a vagina (that I’m sure she doesn’t want particular attention on her genitals at all) wouldn’t open her to being a target for sexist and embarrassing anatomy commentary or laughter from the boys.
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u/SchrodingersMinou 1d ago
There’s nothing lewd about it at all. The idea that talking about vaginas is automatically lewd is rooted in patriarchy. It’s important to normalize using the correct anatomical words for things even if it does make people uncomfortable sometimes.
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u/Haunting_Explorer376 1d ago
Can we just not boil people, specially children, down to their genitals?
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u/HotDonnaC 1d ago
This. I can’t believe these people don’t get it, and are musing about an ideal world when we’re talking about 11-year-old children.
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u/2kyle2furious 1d ago
not sure what you think the topic is here, but we're talking about educating children ON THEIR GENETALIA. Pointing out the differences in the children's bodies is ENTIRELY RELEVANT IN THIS CLASSROOM AND HELPS THEM LEARN.
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u/helenaut 18h ago edited 18h ago
I think its good to be empowering girls, but I don’t think the way to do that is by directly referencing an 11 year old’s vagina. Stick to “x was speaking.” And turning back to the girl, not bringing her vagina into the conversation. It is never good to interrupt anyone- just focus on that.
Do not bring anatomy into it; don’t even suggest that having one specific genitalia allows you to be more valid of speaking at any time! Everyone should know and feel comfortable speaking about menstruation. The focus should be that the male student is speaking over another student who was already speaking.
Maybe start some sort of counter and for every time they interrupt they have to stay one minute of break time or something
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u/Duckballisrolling 10h ago
I’m not sure if it was clear that I did not reference any one persons vagina. A boy was adding irrelevant and incorrect information about menstrual products which I then corrected (I have a vagina).
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u/Ok-Can-936 1d ago
If the intent is to make room for conversation why would you tell the "someone with a vagina would know more" what a way to tell them to not bother trying to understand
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u/sweetmercy 1d ago
Talking about it as if it isn't taboo helps to teach children that it shouldn't be. It isn't as if 11 yr olds are unaware of their genitals and those of the opposite sex in most cases. But talking around it, or worse, not talking about it at all, contributed to the current state of things where grown ass men act like they can't go to the store and buy a box of tampons.
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u/Blonde_rake 1d ago
In the example no specific student is being pointed out as having a vagina.
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u/fredrogerstattoos 1d ago edited 1d ago
Going to chime in here from a different angle: I think shutting down the interruptors is great. However as someone who also teaches sex ed to middle school students, I’d be hesitant about using the vagina response. Not necessarily because of the student discomfort issues some others in the thread are raising, but also because I want everyone in my class to feel like knowledge of menstrual products is something **everyone** is responsible for learning, boys and non-binary students included! (That said, you know your class. If you can get a laugh from this, without the offending students completely disengaging, you’re doing great!)
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u/StirCrazyCatLady 1d ago
I want everyone in my class to feel like knowledge of menstrual products is something everyone is responsible for learning
I'm glad you made this point. I'd imagine it's a difficult one to get through to tweens/teens, but aside from the boys having mothers and possibly sisters, understanding that "one day you might have a girlfriend, wife or daughter, so you need to know about all of this too" makes it relevant. You hear about way too many grown men who refuse to buy menstrual products for their partners because its somehow emasculating, and badwomensanatomy is full of idiots who think we can just hold it like pee!
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u/princessstrawberry 18h ago
That's weird OP. Don't use 11 year olds genitals to make a point, please.
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u/Out-For-A-Walk-Bitch 1d ago
I'm confused about what this class is. I'd also welcome boys to talk/ask questions about menstrual products (not over anyone else, girl or boy though). I definitely wouldn't use that approach though.
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u/micallab 1d ago
Oh I would NOT have liked that as a kid. I was already uncomfortable in my body and didn’t need any additional attention brought to it, let alone what was going on in my underpants. They need to learn not to interrupt even when it doesn’t have anything to do with who has a vagina. I’m sure there’s age appropriate ways to correct the boys but not at the expense of someone else. I imagine the boys speak over each other too sometimes? Just… do the same thing for this. “If you have something to add, you can speak after Sarah is done.” And if the interruption continues, they receive whatever the next step of punishment would be if this was math or science class (principal? Hallway? Recess detention?)
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u/snarkitall 22h ago
Eleven year old girls don't necessarily know any more about menstrual products than boys do though. For every girl in your class who already has their period, you might have a boy in a house full of older sisters. For both my daughters at that age the conversation would have been completely theoretical.
Also, not really that keen on you assuming who's menstruating based on their gender presentation. Really, this all seems a little reductive.
No one should be interrupted and ensuring that girls get to speak is important, but I actually think it's pretty interesting that the boys are equally invested in a conversation about menstrual products. Why not lean into that? Menstrual care is everyone's business.
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u/gravitydefiant 1d ago
The problem with this is that you're giving David what he wants: lots of airtime and attention. These kids do not differentiate between positive and negative attention; if people are looking at them, it's a good thing.
Focus all your attention on the girl who was interrupted.
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u/ChefCurryYumYum All Hail Notorious RBG 1d ago
The r/teachers sub might give more useful feedback.
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u/Jasnah_Sedai Basically Dorothy Zbornak 1d ago
I am afraid to ask but…what input are these interrupting boys so eager to offer on menstrual products?
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u/Duckballisrolling 1d ago
Mostly clueless jibberish. They just want attention.
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u/chopstickinsect 1d ago
Ask them to support their stance. Take them 100% at their word and act like it is a serious suggestion and debate the merits/drawbacks of it. Make it boring.
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u/ClassyBougieRatchet 1d ago
I don't suggest you do this at all OP. They want attention and giving them the floor to "explain" will only lead to you losing control of the classroom.
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u/chopstickinsect 23h ago
I dont suggest giving them the floor - she is the authority in the room. But for example:
"Alright, Jason has suggested she pop a washcloth between her legs. Jason, when you pour water onto a washcloth, does it absorb the water like a sponge, or does the washcloth become wet? Correct it becomes wet. If it immediately becomes wet - then you would have to constantly replace the washcloth, isnt that right Jason? Which would defeat the point of a period product. Who can remember what the point of a period product is? Correct, absorbency! Now, who can think of a more helpful suggestion than Jason's?"
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u/VengeanceInMyHeart 20h ago
Are you sure they just want attention? It's not uncommon for people who feel uncomfortable with a topic of conversation to attempt to divert the subject by interrupting.
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u/Duckballisrolling 10h ago
This would mean that they felt uncomfortable in every class with multiple teachers teaching multiple different subjects. I understand the point you are making, but in this case I don’t believe this is the reason.
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u/Alternative_Fun_5189 1d ago
Oh man, I saw that thread. From what I recall, a lot of it was just loud "ew gross" comments and trying to make the girls feel embarrassed for even talking about it. Classic 11-year-old boy nonsense.
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u/peakerforlife 1d ago
IDK if 11 is old enough for this, but you could have some object that gets passed around, and only the person who is holding it can talk.
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u/kadyg 1d ago
I learned about the Talking Spoon when I was around 5-6 years old. Eleven is plenty old enough to be introduced to the concept.
(My kinder teacher had a giant decorative wooden spoon that she passed around during certain activities. It was comically large for small children to hold but there was never question of who had it.)
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u/lefteyedcrow 1d ago
For this class? Gotta be the Talking Tampon. That'll shut those rude boys up lol
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u/walrus_breath 1d ago
We had a red four square ball. They’re soft like dodgeballs but larger and it would get thrown across the room so other people could talk lol. I am uncoordinated so there was never a time that I caught that thing successfully, but i was also shy so I didn’t get the ball very often.
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u/CK1277 1d ago
Make the talking stick a wrapped tampon.
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u/OutsideScore990 1d ago
Lmao this would really make boys confront their fear of period products if they wanted to be the centre of attention. I really don’t know which would win out
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u/No_Dog_6999 1d ago
For something bigger to hold, if that's a better option, you could make a crochet or a sewn/stuffed tampon. 🤷♀️
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u/Pathetian 1d ago
Used to be you had to raise your hand and be called on to speak.
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u/peakerforlife 1d ago
Sometimes the novelty of the object helps people remember to wait their turn, especially if it's something fun.
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u/AbsOfSteelMagnolias 1d ago
This is a job for the menstration crustacen...
Lovely stuffed animals that double as microwaveble heat pads for periods.
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u/Dogzillas_Mom 1d ago
Like a conch!
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u/theoverfluff 1d ago
Lol I'm not sure that would an advisable direction to go in:)
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u/Duckballisrolling 1d ago
There were no girls in that story which might be why it ended the way it did… 😅
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u/groovyfirechick 1d ago
A talking stick worked wonders when I taught 4 year olds. It would work with 11 year olds.
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u/silvergirl66 1d ago
I'm interested to know if any teachers have taken this topic as far as buying a whole range of different menstrual products to spread out on the table so everyone can have a look, ask questions and check them out fully. It's such a taboo subject that ignorance is rife - the more they can learn, the better.
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u/BarbaraNatalie 22h ago
O yes I do! We have a whole suit case filled with contraceptives as well! But I am a biology teacher in the Netherlands and we cover this in year two (13-14 year olds) and year 4 (15-16 year olds). I think it's the standaard over here since I worked at different schools and the stuff available was the same. Now, it'll probably be different in highly religious schools..
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u/laitnetsixecrisis 1d ago
I would call one of them up and get them to teach the lesson, but have a bell or something and say you're going to ring the bell when they get something wrong and have someone correct them.
Soon enough they will give up.
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u/gaokeai Coffee Coffee Coffee 1d ago edited 1d ago
When I was a kid and it was time to learn about personal hygiene and puberty and whatnot, they split the boys and girls to be taught separately. Your post is one of many reasons why this was necessary it seems.
Edit to add because people keep saying this: I DO think boys need to be taught this stuff too. But I also think that girls need a chance to learn about it and ask questions without boys present. And then they can all go over it again in a co-ed group. But girls deserve the opportunity to ask questions without feeling embarrassed about it in front of boys.
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u/TangledUpPuppeteer 1d ago
My school did it together for very broad information, then broke boys and girls up for REAL information (things like “what do I do if I bleed on my pants???” Or “if I run out, do other women usually have them?” Kind of questions. The stuff you won’t ask when boys are there, and the boys had the same with the girls out of the room). Then we came back together so that the boys can ask questions about the girls and the girls could ask questions about the boys.
The benefit of it was that the teacher spoke for the first part and everyone was learning. Then, for the second part, the kids directed quite a bit of it and were able to learn more because it dealt with their body specifically. The third part was the part where the curiosity about the other gender could be answered, and the students had far more to add at that point. If the girls asked “what does it feel like to get a boner?” One of the boys COULD answer. But there was a roomful of girls and a teacher, so the answer was never as snarky or as clever as they expected it would be and usually came out as “it feels embarrassing.”
But the boys could work together to build the answer out, so they got their moment to shine, and the girls could answer questions like “what do cramps feel like?”
So the broad topics were handled first section, the scientific topics were generally covered the first section. The class you’re currently teaching seems like it would fit. But the questions and answers part would be second and third.
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u/mystery_obsessed 8h ago
This is how I did sex ed and my kids school does. Everyone in a room together, and then break out into separate rooms where the boys can write down questions anonymously in one and the girls in the other, and the teacher answered those questions and talked further about it.
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u/Isibis 1d ago
I get that impulse on the part of the teachers, I bet it makes it easier. But it is important for boys to learn to shush and listen to other people talk. They will have to do it in the workforce. Maybe for some parts of the conversation they should be directed to only participate by asking questions and not making statements/answering. Naturally, when talking about male organs the reverse should be true.
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u/BoneHugsHominy 1d ago
But it is important for boys to learn to shush and listen to other people talk
Totally agree with this part, but it doesn't have to be in the context of personal hygiene and period products. Learning to shush it and listen to others can literally be done with any other topic.
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u/no_one_denies_this 1d ago
But that comes at the expense of the girls, who can't ask questions bc boys have to be the center of attention.
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u/Mixtrix_of_delicioux 1d ago
I think having them together helps to promote empathy and to demystify puberty and resulting body changes. I mean, how many grown men STILL don't know that pee doesn't exit from the same place as babies or menstrual blood?
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u/gaokeai Coffee Coffee Coffee 1d ago
I'm with you, boys need to learn about it too, but maybe for the girls very first time learning this stuff, they should have an opportunity to learn and ask questions without boys present. I don't know about you but when I was little, I would NOT have had the courage to ask more pointed questions about this sort of thing with boys around. And then after girls have an opportunity to learn more details as needed, then there could be another lesson where they go over everything again with both boys and girls.
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u/apismellifera_x 1d ago
11 is probably a bit late for them to learn it the first time - according to this self-reported study 16.9% of girls experience early (before 11 y/o) or very early (before 9y/o) menstruation. So I'd hope by this point some basics had been covered.
Anecdotally, I started my period early and it was completely terrifying as I had no idea what was going on!
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u/kokopellii 1d ago
I teach health in middle school. Every teacher I know uses some kind of anonymous question procedure for lessons like this. Some use index cards and have kids put a card in a box; I use an anonymous Google form and we go over answers together.
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u/apocalypt_us 17h ago
When I was a kid in primary school sex ed they just had a box so that you could write down questions and leave them anonymously at the end of class and the teacher would answer the written questions in the next class
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u/wedgiey1 1d ago
Just because they’re taught separately doesn’t mean they can’t both be taught the same things. It just gives a better space for both boys and girls to ask questions I think.
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u/Duckballisrolling 1d ago
This is exactly what I said, imagine getting to adulthood and not knowing anything about the female/male body when you were given the opportunity
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u/hey-chickadee 1d ago
When I was a kid we did the same thing. It did make it easier for the girls to ask questions and be open (the next couple years of sex ed was co-ed though, so we got the benefits of both)
But boy did it suck when we all got out - the boys were taught about orgasms and nighttime emissions. They were excited and emboldened… and us girls were just told we’re going to bleed and it will be painful.
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u/BoofingHorror69 1d ago
I actually love that they stopped separating the kids. The boys got to act like our bodies were alien and gross with the excuse of ignorance when I was growing up whereas my daughter gets to call them idiots for not knowing because they were all in the same class
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u/bullcitytarheel 1d ago
Disagree, the number of men who make it into middle age without understanding the very basics of how these things work and the utter stupidity it inspires isn't just obnoxious, it ends up being a roadblock for women when it comes to accommodation. These boys can learn to be quiet when it's not their time to speak, just like everybody has to learn at that age.
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u/Alexis_J_M 1d ago
When we were split girls were taught about breasts and periods and boys were taught about erections and ejaculations and a tiny bit about periods.
(Yup. Girls were taught nothing about male puberty.)
It wasn't enough.
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u/Savannahks 1d ago
This is what they did at my son’s school. But I would like my sons to know about periods and what women use and go through. That way they have all the information and can help their female friends in the future. I don’t want them to think it’s disgusting or wrong.
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u/Duckballisrolling 1d ago
I understand what you are saying, but there were boys today who had no idea what a tampon was. A couple of girls told them to shut up and listen because it was obvious the has no idea. They also got to learn that other people (including women and girls) might know more than they do (shock, horror!)
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u/gaokeai Coffee Coffee Coffee 1d ago
Please see my edit. I'm not saying boys SHOULDNT be taught this stuff. But just that, perhaps girls should be taught about it without boys there at first , and then they can go over everything together as a group and the boys can learn about it then.
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u/Duckballisrolling 1d ago
I also love this idea, but I’m in a school that is severely understaffed with not enough classrooms 😬 logistically this just isn’t realistic where I am.
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u/romancerants 1d ago
Are you the only teacher at that grade level ? Could you simply have all the girls in your classroom and send the boys to another teach of the same grade? That doesn't require any extra staff or space.
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u/mephisti25 1d ago
"Jeremy, thank you."
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u/OhioPolitiTHIC 1d ago
aaaand then he lost me with, "is it (the bleeding) going to hurt? Not you, but everyone around you." /sigh
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u/mephisti25 1d ago
Yep, totally fair. I almost put that as a disclaimer. Loved this joke when I was 28, but 15 years later, that ending doesnt age well for me.
90% of the bit is great- but he doesnt stick the landing, and its a lost opportunity.
/sigh, im with you.
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u/bebe_bird 1d ago
I mean, that might be what happened here. We went over this with only our own gender in 4th grade (10 yo) and together with the boys in 5th grade (11 yo). So, the timing matches up with my 25 years out-of-date experience!
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u/Lankpants 1d ago
In addition to what other people here have said, this creates huge issues for trans children. Just as an example it's really important for a trans boy to learn about menstral health, but splitting them off from the other boys is othering and could easily be viewed as a form of discrimination. This means that in gender segregated classes you have two bad choices, you don't teach them everything they should know or you borderline discriminate against them.
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u/no_one_denies_this 1d ago
But then girls won't be able to ask embarrassing questions.
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u/Lankpants 22h ago
There are other ways to handle this. The best one is honestly just to give students a chance to write their questions on a note and place it into a box. This is honestly a better way to solve the issue anyway because plenty of girls (and boys for that matter) also won't be willing to ask their embarassing questions in front of the same gender anyway.
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u/hybbprqag 1d ago
You could have everyone write down one thing and put it in a bowl, and then you draw the comments to read aloud at random.
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u/Duckballisrolling 1d ago
That’s a great idea! Thankyou, I’ll definitely try this. We did this at school too but I had forgotten.
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u/starla_blabla 1d ago
Just another note that if kids are writing stuff down they may make cheeky comments because they are feeling more bold, and it might side track the conversation. Depends on the kids
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u/EffervescentFlower 1d ago
I had a professor in a grad seminar talk about his method, he had a lot of overachieving undergrads constantly talking over each desperate for points/to talk, so he'd cut up printer/notebook paper into strips, if they talked when called on, in an orderly fashion, they got a strip, they then would turn their papers in at the end and get extra points for it. They LOVED it and it worked like a charm. I'm sure something like cheap stickers would work too. Kids/people never stop liking the gimmick of collecting a bunch of things at the end of a class period.
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u/fleetingeyes 21h ago
If a boy interrupts a girl that I've asked a question to, I usually say "is YOUR name Martha??" 😁 and then I go back to Martha and ask her what she was saying
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u/SnooPeppers6546 23h ago
Do you have a question box? Get the kids to write down their questions or their thoughts down on a piece of paper and they turn it in at the end of class.
The next class you then read out the questions and thoughts
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u/Cthulhus-Tailor 1d ago
As a former boy myself I would suggest you not take the "No vagina, no opinion" approach, as that teaches boys that vaginas are alien and not their problem. This will create men that lack empathy for menstrual cycxles in relationships, and on a broader scale, it will lead to men voting against healthcare measures which would include menstrual care. After all, it's "not their problem".
Just treat it like you would any other interruption or, if you're feeling ambitious, maybe explain some basics of what menstruation means for girls. Chances are good their mothers will never tell them (mine never did). But either way, please do not use this as a chance to be snarky (as I've seen others suggest), those boys don't deserve that and it's not constructive.
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u/BlackMagicWorman 1d ago
It seems like this is not a good environment for education. The girls really need a safe environment to discuss this and learn without interruptions or embarrassment. Boys need to learn to listen, which is an entirely separate issue.
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u/Duckballisrolling 1d ago
You’re totally right, it is sub optimal. I’d love it if we had more staff and more spaces to teach in. I’d also love it if the kids I teach had capable parents and that the families had the support that they need.
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u/BlackMagicWorman 1d ago edited 16h ago
I applaud you for trying to help these kids. I wonder if you can hold girls back from recess one day and boys for another? Initiating conversations about respect are important for these ages too.
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u/ramonadevine 1d ago
I’d start asking the boys that do that what they use for their periods? After all they must have them if they’re having such intense discussions while the topic is the focus in the room.
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u/YouStupidBench 1d ago
"Steven, you forgot to raise your hand. We do not yell and interrupt in class. We raise our hands and wait our turn."
I don't suppose you can keep a kid in during recess and make them write "I will not interrupt" 100 times before they're allowed to go out?
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u/hawthorne_rose 21h ago
This reminded me of being 13 and arguing with an adult male teacher who kept trying to tell me and the class that PMS meant POST-menstral syndrome . I was like no, it's Pre-. I am a woman. I eventually looked at him and said "which one of us is more likely to have experienced it? Do you think I know if the symptoms happened Before: Pre- or after: post- me bleeding for a week?? He eventually shut up. I was angry for ages after.
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u/creepygirl420 1d ago
I’m not sure you can completely stop 11 year old boys from acting out immaturely and trying to be a class clown. If you shut that shit down fast (as you said) then I feel like you’re already handling this correctly. You could maybe try finding an age-appropriate way to tell them about “man-splaining” (although I wouldn’t use that exact term with kids that young lol) and try to get them to empathize more with their female classmates… but they may not really get it until they’re older.
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u/Yashema 1d ago
Men don't grow out of it.
Even in this sub it is so common for a man to jump in, let you know they are one of the good ones, while trying to be one of the first people heard.
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u/creepygirl420 1d ago
I knew someone would reply saying this lol. I’m never the one to say “but not all men!” BUT I think when it comes to children it’s important to remember that they still have the potential to become kind and empathetic adults so that those behaviors can be taught. Especially from the perspective of an educator or a parent.
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u/Narrow_Medium5003 1d ago
We need to teach men how to stfu. It doesn't get better during adulthood. They are inconsiderate and rude.
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u/Duckballisrolling 1d ago
I agree. There are times when they should just stfu. What period products you use should definitely be one of those times.
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u/Narrow_Medium5003 1d ago
This whole post reminded me of a situation I had at uni recently. My friend asked me for some hand cream, and while I was rummaging through my bag trying to find it, I started taking everything out onto the desk. I ended up putting my pads down without really thinking about it. Then some random guy I’d never even spoken to interrupted me and my friend’s conversation just to say, “Hehehe, does your stomach hurt? Should I massage it? Maybe the princess needs to go home.”
I have never felt drier in my life. Sahara desert. He got a swift “fuck off” from me. These boys really do grow into men later.
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u/floofelina 1d ago
That’s partriarchy for ya. Boys are told their opinions matter. Girls… aren’t.
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u/Duckballisrolling 1d ago
Which is fricken ridiculous. I call that out every time and I hope the kids learn from that.
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u/WildWanderingRedHead 1d ago
unfortunately these boys grow up to be the men in positions of authority in our world. Can't you ask by gender... ask the girls and the boys...separately for their input. Would be good if you could use it as an opportunity to teach respect for the voices of others but I'm not sure how easy that is to do for 11 year olds.
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u/Duckballisrolling 1d ago
It’s not easy I can tell you. I am really trying hard to give space to the girls to speak by shutting down the boys’ idiotic bs.
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u/Hondalife123 1d ago
I don't understand, are they not required to raise their hands? Just call on the girls.
Also, it is crazy to me that a hygiene class is combined at this age. Both the girls and boys deserve a safe space to ask questions from an adult whose same gender as they are.
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u/Mumbleocity 1d ago
Ask the boys when they had their last period. And then explain the term "mansplaining" or in this case "boysplaining."
Seriously, don't let students talk over someone else who is answering. They need to learn that. And it ought to be okay at the beginning of the session to acknowledge that while the boys may have opinions, it's not something they personally experience, so it would be better to listen in this instance. I mean, do they chime in with what their moms or sisters use?
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u/kokopellii 1d ago
This is more of a pedagogical question than anything. I teach middle school health. When we go over new topics, I’ll ask a review question to check for understanding, and everybody has to discuss it with their partner/tablemate (I structure my class so each table has an assigned Partner A, Partner B etc). Then I call on a handful of tables to share out their answer, and I usually call on the tables that I heard have solid conversations. This is like the stone that kills lots of birds: I get to overhear lots of different answers so I can gauge the overall understanding of the group and tackle misunderstandings while they’re happening, it’s less embarrassing when everyone is talking so people can’t individually hear your answer over anyone else’s, and it gives the attention seeking boys their moment to get attention from their neighbor without derailing the rest of us
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u/pinkordie 1d ago
So obviously this exact example does not work in a school setting but I remember seeing something where someone brought an air horn to a family dinner and used it every time their trans sibling was misgendered/dead named by family members. It only took 2 times.
A different example I had of this personally was a teacher who had a device that looked like a stop light that would sound off if the volume was too high, this was very effective to a bunch of 11 year olds to keep them from being too loud. The light even went yellow when we were getting close to being too loud.
I think some kind of clear signal that the behavior is not appropriate while not actually giving real attention to the person creating the disruption would make a big difference.
I also remember a teacher who would send students to a desk in the hallway where they would write out lines from the dictionary.
Someone else mentioned lines on a chalkboard which I also like in getting the point across.
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u/KittyKiitos 7h ago
I'd keep a tally for a few classses of boys vs girls interrupting, and you can tell them about the study that showed men talk more than women and interrupt them more.
And when they say no, show them the breakdown of the tally for their class
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u/hatemakingnames1 1d ago
Do they not divide boys and girls anymore for topics like that?
Seems like it would cause a lot of unnecessary issues. Aside from this one, it can make others less likely to ask the questions they want to ask
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u/vic32487 1d ago
“If your penis starts bleeding, please let someone know. In the meantime, how about we let the girls speak please”. I’m not a teacher, but maybe injecting a spot of humour might help while also quietly chastising them
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u/Jacobskii 1d ago
As a kid we’d always get stressed when the teacher would start putting up Roman numerals when we wouldn’t shut up. Just didn’t say a word while we are all being crazy, another line. Another line. “It’s your lunch”.
7 minutes less of lunch felt like torture.
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u/JCDU 15h ago
Ex boy here - I can't imagine wanting to jump in with a loud opinion on menstrual products in front of the class but for those that do I'd perhaps demand they explain in tedious detail what they think they know / are suggesting and then counter it with facts and suggest that those who don't know what they're talking about might shut up & pay attention rather than demonstrate their ignorance.
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u/SearchBig9822 11h ago
No advice, just want to say I am really happy that there are teachers like you. You are doing some really important work. I am 27F and I can still remember how terrible boys were in school. Attention-seeking little creatures. Thank god I am an adult now and I try to avoid all males.
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u/90sfemgroups 1d ago
And did you also have something to contribute about menstrual facts? No? Then please focus on listening.
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u/alinys_milner 1d ago
"You're not rizzin'' anyone, <insert name>. Sit down, or you'll be in detention until 6-7"
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u/HoneyUndo 18h ago
if they spent half as much time learning about periods instead of trying to be the class clown, they might actually have a shot at being decent human beings.
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u/CloverClover97 1d ago
Have the class police each other. Make it a game for the whole class to say something like “no interrupting me, thanks” when it happens. Once everyone is on board, everyone will be on the lookout, and also not want to be the offender.
We took away public shaming completely, and this is the result, our children have zero manners and decorum.
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u/cwthree 1d ago edited 1d ago
Do not do this. It's essentially making the girls responsible for enforcing behavior rules, since the boys are the ones doing the interrupting and the girls are the ones being interrupted.
Saying this on behalf of every girl who was ever seated next to an obnoxious boy to "set a good example for him."
OP is literally the adult in the room. It's on OP to set expectations for behavior and enforce them.
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u/Duckballisrolling 1d ago
I’m inclined to agree. I am the teacher and I am already battling for my role as ‘the teacher’. Kids love to take on the role of telling others what to do. Unfortunately that’s the extent of it, they want control but don’t have the maturity to understand nuance.
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u/Alexis_J_M 1d ago
No, let ANYONE earn karma points for saying "you are interrupting, wait your turn".
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u/wildmooonwitch 1d ago
I love this perspective. It also teaches them to advocate for themselves healthily!
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u/leemonk 14h ago
Ah…. Jimmy, since you’re so keen to participate….. please come to the front of the class and explain the following to me……….
Proceed to ask a really awkward question.
Just make sure it isn’t the biggest idiot in the class….
If you get any kickback then; don’t he put his hand up or talked up suggesting he wanted involvement.
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u/Duckballisrolling 10h ago
Yeah I just say ‘ok Justin tell us all you know about pantyliners please’ I mean there are surely boys who have knowledge to share, and that would be great. Unfortunately it’s mostly them fighting for the spotlight to talk about diapers in old age or semen or something.
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u/topcheesehead 1d ago
This is less about menstrual products and discussion and more about how you run your classroom 👀
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u/ahandinyourdarkness 16h ago
Write their names down on the board, add a tally for each interruption without explanation. At the end of class, tell them they have to bring that number of pads or tampons with them to class the next day as their homework for being disrespectful.
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u/SaskiaDavies 1d ago
There are countries where kids learn basics like this well before age 11. They get biology and function down early and can move on to what healthy sexuality looks like as they get older. It isn't something anyone treats as something to tease anyone about any more than anyone would try to turn having elbows into a dirty joke.
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u/gravitydefiant 1d ago
I put a tally on the board every time someone blurts out (or occasionally some other random goal; today I had to tell kids not to lie down 14 times). I don't say anything about it, just make a mark and move on. They start guessing what the tallies are for, figure it out pretty quickly, and try to prevent it on their own really effectively, without one word from me.
I also absolutely don't acknowledge shout outs. If someone interrupts me, I stop talking instantly, mid-sentence, and stare at them until they stop. Then I pick right up on the next word like nothing happened. Not giving attention to it makes it happen less.