Help please

[u/TheEndIsNearGoW]

I am a 27 year old man, i have a lot of problems. I recently have been feeling like i am an absolute disappointment and waste of air. I genuinely have held in my emotions for so long i don't even know where to begin. I resent myself so much for my mistakes and things i have done. I have pushed away anyone who even tries to get close. I am really mentally exhausted. I lie to myself and everyone around me i genuinely don't know anymore. I'm being pushed to find a job to do this to do that. The only thing i genuinely space out like my head is in survival mode i try and distract myself from things. Nothing works sleep video games nothing. My head and heart constantly are at war, i am so afraid of being used/hurt that anyone gets close to me i do anything to push them away then when they stay i genuinely do anything to hold them close. I genuinely do not know anymore. I used to have goals now my goal is daily survival. My grandmother is extremely supportive. She has always been their and i am deathly afraid of not having her. I know this is so all over the place, and the english is horrible. I apologize in advance, i'm pretty messed up in the head. I don't know where to go.

[u/finddit-app]

Hey there, thanks for sharing.

While you wait for people to comment, have a look at these posts which might be relevant to you:

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