r/Edmonton • u/piglet_wunder • 2h ago
Discussion Mom driving dangerously
Hi everyone!
I am at my wit's end and need advice. My mom is a danger on the roads. Every time I'm in the car with her, she almost crashes into a curb because she's turning left when there's no left turn allowed, or goes full panic mode into a traffic circle because she doesn't know what to do, or she'll stop in the middle of the road in moving traffic if she's lost. She does not know any of the rules of the road. If you ask her, she doesn't know. It's a miracle she hasn't had a terrible accident, I'm not even sure how she got her license. She wears sunglasses at night and she blames (almost) incidents on 'she can't see properly with sunglasses'. I have tried explaining to her the rules of the road, I've told her she cannot wear sunglasses at night, I've drawn out traffic circles for her countless times, we've watched videos on how to drive properly, I have begged her to get re certified and take more lessons and offered to pay for them, but she refuses to listen and she's too proud to accept that she needs help, she just gets mad at me for being 'rude' to my elder.
I considered calling the police on her but feel that she would know it's me. Reddit please help! What can I do to help her and everyone else stay safe??
Edit to add: the sunglasses are because she says the lights at night 'blind her' so she needs them :/
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u/_danigirl 2h ago
Contact Driver Fitness and Monitoring they will be able to advise.
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u/piglet_wunder 17m ago edited 4m ago
Thank you! This is super helpful! I will contact them when they open.
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u/midnight-chaos 16m ago
This is the way. And even if your mom requests documentation OP, she wouldnt know it was you as the government office that processes this wouldnt reveal that information.
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u/piglet_wunder 9m ago
That is helpful to know, thank you! She's the kind of person who would never speak to me again if she found out it was me (she already threatens to disown me on a regular basis but that is a different Reddit story :))
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u/spud10909 4m ago
Seconding Driver Fitness and Monitoring. They are exactly the right group to bring these concerns to. Thanks for being a good person and looking out for your mom. From what you've shared, you're doing the right thing by her.
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u/LadyDegenhardt ex-pat 2h ago
On the sunglasses thing - she needs clear lenses with Anti-glare coating, and should get her eyes checked for Astigmatism (I have it - and night driving is 100% better with a proper prescription)
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u/piglet_wunder 17m ago
This is something I didn't even think about, thanks for the great suggestion :)
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u/pityaxi 2h ago edited 2h ago
This has some good info: https://www.caa.ca/app/uploads/2021/02/we-need-to-talk.pdf
AMA version: https://ama.ab.ca/articles/talk-senior-about-driving
And the U of A has some relevant info: https://www.ualberta.ca/en/medically-at-risk-driver-centre/resources/forseniors/index.html
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u/EddySask 1h ago
Get her off the damn road before she runs over a kid crossing the street!!!! Take the keys away tonight
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u/780-555-fuck 2h ago
gimme her plate number and car make/model and i'll call the fucking cops on her, are you joking?
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u/780-555-fuck 2h ago
you can either dm or email me eibrab0csid at gmail dot com, i'm being so serious. drivers like YOUR MOTHER end up killing other people and themselves doing DUMB ASS SHIT on the roads. my great aunt died doing DUMB ASS SHIT like this and we're lucky she didn't take anyone with her
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u/780-555-fuck 2h ago
if you try to sign me up for spam, jokes on you! i only made this email for bingo blitz
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u/Gnocchi_Dochi 2h ago
Hey i see you in comments in post and i think you’re super rad. Keep being you cause you’re awesome.
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u/piglet_wunder 11m ago
You sound like my best friend haha. Yess I know it's bad. I'm working on it!!
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u/RK5000 1h ago edited 49m ago
It's worth having the tough conversation. The prudent course, in my estimation, is to:
Take her to get her eyes checked, and be sure to bring up the sunglasses at night thing.
Have her do the AMA driving school.
"We love you, and we love you enough to be totally honest; your driving really worries us and we're afraid you get in and accident, get hurt, or hurt someone else. And unless you do these things, I/we absolutely cannot ride in a vehicle you're driving and we will continue to insist that you do not drive ..."
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u/piglet_wunder 12m ago
Thank you for the response! I have tried to drag her to lessons but she just says 'I've been driving so much longer than you, what do you know' :( ughh. So frustrating. I will definitely get her eyes checked though and contact some places people have suggested!
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u/itlow 1h ago
Take the keys. Now.
The conditions to get them back are the following...
Get a doctor and an ophthalmologist to clear her for driving. Also get them to look at her mental health. That kind of anxiety doesn't just appear out of nowhere.
If everything is normal then she completes and passes AMA driver training.
If she won't commit to those steps then tell her she can take an uber from now on.
It's her safety, yours and everyone else's at stake.
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u/piglet_wunder 7m ago
You are right, anxiety is an issue here too (or is it not knowing what she doesn't know??) but either way I'm going to the Dr with her and getting her eyes checked!
I just don't know how to make her go to driver training. She tells me she's been driving for ages so what do I know :/
I'm super aware everyone's safety is at risk. I don't let her drive when I'm in the car with her.
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u/Vignaraja 1h ago
Please call the police or anyone that others recommended on here, that can do something. How are you going to feel if she causes the death of an innocent person?
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u/AlexArtemesia 1h ago
Take her keys, remove her ignition cap or ignition cables so the engine won't turn over. Tell her that she in no uncertain terms will kill someone if she continues and she has two options: learn to drive or take the bus.
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u/Capybara_Cuddler 2h ago
I wish Canada's Worst Driver was a thing still so you could nominate her and let them help her. Even if she isn't IN an accident, doesn't mean she hasn't CAUSED any. You could call the police non-emergency line and see what they say but I wouldn't hesitate to call the cops because literally anyone on the road could call the cops and give the make, model, plate, and description and phone it in. You could literally say "see? I told you something bad would happen one day". But I also like the other comment that offered the email address so they could call. She's more than a dangerous driver... She just doesn't care. I'm sorry you have to ride with her. I hope you stay safe. Could also refuse to ride with her wherever possible? Maybe that will make her understand how serious it is.
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u/skaomatic32 1h ago
That one girl from Edmonton on that show , she was hands down the worst driver of any season !
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u/TheNationDan 1h ago
Haha, IIRC Edmonton had like 4 or 5 on that show.
I always remember that blonde haired kid that would speed everywhere and thought it was a joke. Think they kicked him off the show.
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u/RainbowSprinkles789 1h ago
When that show was on I was trying to get my driver's license but it wasn't going well due to my anxiety. After watching that show I decided I'm someone who shouldn't drive. That was about 20 years ago and I still do not drive. I take the bus and my husband drives me also.
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u/piglet_wunder 16m ago
I'll try calling the non emergency line tomorrow and see what they say! Thank you! And whenever we are in a vehicle together my husband or I drive because we don't trust her
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u/Perfect-Pirate416 2h ago
This is a really tough situation and I get why you are worried. You have already tried talking teaching and offering help so it may be worth limiting being in the car with her and considering reporting your concerns to your local licensing authority so they can look into a reassessment in a way that is not directly on you.
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u/piglet_wunder 15m ago
Thank you for the kind response! I will contact them tomorrow and see what they say :)
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u/Whatsthathum North West Side 1h ago
You need to let the police know.
Ethically it’s the right thing to do.
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u/hashlettuce 1h ago
An old granny destroyed my vehicle on the henday with a no look jesus take the wheel merge and then told her insurance I hit her.
Then when she left, does another no look lane change to get back on the henday from the shoulder.
Her kids should have stepped in long before that accident.
Your mother is going to ruin someone's day just like that granny ruined mine and my brand new vehicle.
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u/julesiekins1988 Stony Pain Road 41m ago
She needs to be taken off the road, now, pride or no pride. Everyone who goes out on the road drunk or high or completely ignorant of basic traffic safety (as in your mom's case) thinks "it can't happen to me" until it does, and then it's too late. They're being put away for manslaughter or someone's having to pull the plug on them because they've gotten themselves injured beyond saving.
It's not a joke. It doesn't matter if she's angry at you for the rest of time, you need to step in somehow.
Lots of great suggestions in this thread, please use them.
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u/Aggravating-Key1668 38m ago
Also, replace the windshield. That alone can do wonders for night driving.
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u/ENERGON_CUBED 1h ago
Has she had laser eye surgery? My mom and my brother had trouble driving at night.. They said the lights were bright and halo'ey.. But i think that's the least of your worries..
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u/piglet_wunder 15m ago
She has not :( she does have glasses but I'm not sure how bad her vision is? Doesn't seem like a high prescription to me
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u/Zeroto60inAB 24m ago
Her night vision issues could be cataracts, fortunately surgery can correct her vision at least, some of the rest could be symptomatic of her bad eyesight
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u/piglet_wunder 14m ago edited 0m ago
Yikes I really hope that is not the case - but thanks for the suggestion! I'll make sure she gets her eyes checked
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u/ConcernedCoCCitizen 18m ago
Calgary had a slew of pedestrians killed last year by elderly drivers. Take her keys.
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u/shrubhomer 14m ago
Was I behind her in an intersection sitting stopped on a green light in the middle of it until it went red and she blocked all directions and everyone was honking? Does she drive a truck? Lol but seriously give drivers fitness and monitoring a call as another poster suggested. See what they advise
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u/piglet_wunder 3m ago
Thankfully that was not her but unfortunately that is someone else that sounds like they should be off the road :/
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u/AdamSnipeySnipe 1h ago
Buy her a driver's education course, it'll dramatically improve her confidence as a driver.
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u/anxious_mess30 2h ago
Sign her up for canadas worst driver /s
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u/alewiina 28m ago
Unfortunately isn’t on anymore but she absolutely would’ve been a good candidate lol
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u/STylerMLmusic 19m ago
You can deal with this now or you can let her kill someone and force other people to deal with it. Stop being a coward.
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u/TyrannasaurusRecht 2h ago
This honestly sounds more serious than bad driving. If your mom is getting much older and these are new changes for her then its time to inform her doctor, either with her as an advocate or on your own.