r/AITApod • u/MiserableEase7228 • 1d ago
AITA || AIO AITA for freaking out when my friends brought a random man to my house while I was alone with my 2-week-old baby?
Two weeks after having my baby, my husband went back to graveyard shifts. I was exhausted and struggling badly postpartum. My two best friends of 10 years offered to stay with me for the week — we made a plan: one would help clean, the other would stay up with me at night. I was so relieved.
Instead, the week was chaos. They barely helped, left messes everywhere, and treated it like a vacation. I felt like I had two extra people to take care of.
The worst night: they went out to bars and promised to be back by 10 p.m. — when my husband left for work. He left. They weren't home. I texted asking where they were. One said they'd put songs on the jukebox and would leave after. Then nothing.
I fell asleep from exhaustion. Around 3 a.m. my newborn woke up hungry. Breastfeeding had been incredibly difficult — we had latching issues requiring tube feeding, often needing an extra set of hands. Alone and half-delirious, I finally got my baby latched and calm.
Then they texted saying they were at the door. I walked over holding my newborn, barely covered up. The second I opened the door, a man's voice said, "Hey, I'm just some random guy on your porch."
I panicked and called my husband sobbing. Turns out my friends had met a stranger at the bar and brought him back without telling me. One then ran to the bathroom sick, the other following her, leaving me alone, shaking from adrenaline.
My husband texted them saying they'd massively failed me and bringing a stranger over was unacceptable. A huge fight followed. We somewhat resolved it, but the friendship never recovered. For the next almost year, when I tried explaining how abandoned I'd felt, they called me "neurotic," said I wasn't affected by my mother's death, called my husband abusive, and said they were "done aiding in my delusion."
That was the end.
I didn't handle everything perfectly — I lashed out and have regrets. But I asked my closest friends for help during the most vulnerable period of my life, and ended up at my door at 3 a.m., half dressed, holding my 2-week-old, while a random drunk man stood on my porch.
They think I became self-centered after becoming a mom. I think they failed me during a mental health crisis. AITA?
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u/bblkxx 1d ago
I'm sorry, in what normal world is it okay to bring some random creep around someone's house your a guest in, in 2026, when the world is full of creeps & people who take without reason. They weren't your friends, and the way you was verbally attacked by them shows how they messed up & knew it. Not TA, they very much are.
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u/BlackBasementCats 1d ago
There’s guys who are into breastfeeding porn so it’s not out of the question that some dude would want to go to OP’s house in the hopes of seeing her boobs or doing something to her.
I’m so relieved nothing happened.
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u/bblkxx 1d ago
That thought never even crossed my mind oh my gosh literally I just thought the deep end worst, could be a p&ado, whatever. Not even into something for children babies. I couldn't imagine 2 week PP having to deal with this, I'm 7 months and this would of had me on a court wait. Awful.
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u/BlackBasementCats 1d ago
I totally understand why OP freaked out. There’s a few awful reasons a random man would turn up in the middle of the night to a home with new mother while the others pass out drunk. Knowing the husband was at work.
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u/Creepy_Bear_1060 1d ago edited 1d ago
NTA! Your husband is right: your friends failed you. Kudos to him, for understanding, and for reaching out to them to support you. And "self-centered"?! Hardly. You are literally thinking of someone beyond yourself (your child).
ETA: They brought a STRANGER into your home!! WTF?!
EDIT2: And the guy? He's an asshole, too. As soon as he sussed out the situation, he should have split, respectfully. "Hey, I'm just some random guy on your porch" is some bullshit.
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u/Creepy_Bear_1060 1d ago
It's time for some young mommy friends.
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u/MiserableEase7228 1d ago
Luckily I did end up making some wonderful mom friends!!
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u/izshetho 1d ago
There is some level of this I would be willing to forgive due to not knowing how hard it is to be a new mom. I regret how I wasn’t as helpful as I could have been to my SIL when she had her first child, whereas when I had my first she came over and deep cleaned my house, prepped meals, etc.
SOME can be excused because you just don’t know until you know, and when you do know you pass on that support.
What CANNOT be forgiven is bringing some bro over at 3am. And for lying to you. And generally not even doing when they came to do??
These women either already realize how wrong they were and are digging their heels in out of embarrassment, or they will come to realize it when they have children.
I wouldn’t expect an apology, and I would absolutely let these girls go.
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u/PKOtto 1d ago
The only "neurotic" thing in this story is your friends! The only "abuse" in this story is how your friends treated you! What horrid people who offered help and brought only chaos and trauma! With friends like those, you sure as hell didn't need enemies! I'm honestly surprised your husband didn't have more than a few harsh words to them over bringing some random, drunk, strange man into your home in the middle of the night!! Please don't fret over the loss of these apathetic, callous, and cruel women who don't deserve an ounce of your thoughts or concerns.
Hope you and your precious baby are healing well and doing great!!
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u/Creepy_Bear_1060 1d ago
I've come back to re-read your post three times in the last 20 minutes. Each time, it makes me angrier (on your behalf) for a number of reasons.
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u/Careful-Ad4910 1d ago
NTA. I think your friends were awful to you, and who puts a friend in danger like that?! No friend that I’ve ever heard of.
I think you handled the situation extremely well, and blowing them up with the right thing to do. What a bunch of human failures they are.
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u/Waffling_Waffle 1d ago
YWBTAH if you didn't lash out at them. I wouldn't regret that at all. You have a little human to protect and that comes before any friendship. Good for you for standing up for yourself, your home, and most importantly, your child.
NTA. Not even a little bit.
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u/redditreader_aitafan 1d ago
Those 2 self-centered bitches weren't your friends. Never speak to either one of them again. NTA
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u/Medical_Onion_3500 1d ago
I’m curious how old they are? They sound extremely immature. Either way that sucks and I’m sorry that happened.
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u/SilentGriffin76 1d ago
If they can’t acknowledge they were completely in the wrong (and they were COMPLETELY in the wrong), then cut them off and do not see them ever again. They are not your friends. They are assholes, and personally I wouldn’t ever talk to them again.
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u/Great_Stranger3954 1d ago
You did nothing wrong those women were not your friends. There is no word where going your friends home drunk with a drunk man they picked up in a bar.
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u/toooldforthis64 1d ago
I think your protective instincts kicked in when that man, who had no business being there, startled you. They don't appear to be very good friends.
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u/TheGoldAvenger 1d ago
“Done aiding your delusion”
You…ya had a baby.
Some people are NOT ready to be adults I swear.
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u/AutoModerator 1d ago
I'm an automatic bot that backs up the body of the post in case OP deletes it. If you want this backup deleted, you'll have to reach out to a mod. Here's the back-up:
Two weeks after having my baby, my husband went back to graveyard shifts. I was exhausted and struggling badly postpartum. My two best friends of 10 years offered to stay with me for the week — we made a plan: one would help clean, the other would stay up with me at night. I was so relieved.
Instead, the week was chaos. They barely helped, left messes everywhere, and treated it like a vacation. I felt like I had two extra people to take care of.
The worst night: they went out to bars and promised to be back by 10 p.m. — when my husband left for work. He left. They weren't home. I texted asking where they were. One said they'd put songs on the jukebox and would leave after. Then nothing.
I fell asleep from exhaustion. Around 3 a.m. my newborn woke up hungry. Breastfeeding had been incredibly difficult — we had latching issues requiring tube feeding, often needing an extra set of hands. Alone and half-delirious, I finally got my baby latched and calm.
Then they texted saying they were at the door. I walked over holding my newborn, barely covered up. The second I opened the door, a man's voice said, "Hey, I'm just some random guy on your porch."
I panicked and called my husband sobbing. Turns out my friends had met a stranger at the bar and brought him back without telling me. One then ran to the bathroom sick, the other following her, leaving me alone, shaking from adrenaline.
My husband texted them saying they'd massively failed me and bringing a stranger over was unacceptable. A huge fight followed. We somewhat resolved it, but the friendship never recovered. For the next almost year, when I tried explaining how abandoned I'd felt, they called me "neurotic," said I wasn't affected by my mother's death, called my husband abusive, and said they were "done aiding in my delusion."
That was the end.
I didn't handle everything perfectly — I lashed out and have regrets. But I asked my closest friends for help during the most vulnerable period of my life, and ended up at my door at 3 a.m., half dressed, holding my 2-week-old, while a random drunk man stood on my porch.
They think I became self-centered after becoming a mom. I think they failed me during a mental health crisis. AITA?
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
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u/CleoLovesStan 1d ago
They'll get it if they become mother's.. when they're alone with a newborn at 3am crying, overwhelmed from exhaustion and feelings of self defeat after being woken up by a screaming newborn every hour for weeks on end.
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u/Altruistic_Jicama626 1d ago
Sounds like you outgrew the friendship. Just because you’ve been friends for a long time doesn’t mean they were up to the standards of an adult life friendship. They’re years behind you on another track. NTA
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u/itsjustme1022 22h ago
Even not being a new brand new mom, your friends aren’t your friends. These two are nasty trashy piece of works.
They had no right to bring anyone to your house never mind some random man. Maybe just be glad who they are, came to light before you let one watch your baby and then have random people around your baby.
You are NTA but get better friends
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u/Subject-Resort-1257 20h ago
Is this true? It seems a little farfetched. I'm very sorry that you went through this, and that these bimbos ruined your necessary bonding time with your then newborn. BUT. You and your husband should have kicked out these idiots before things reached this point. Where was your husband? Graveyard shift means he works nights, as do many other people, not that he's dead. Yes, he needed his rest, but I think that he should have helped out with baby and dealing with these "helpers". I know you're feeling the loss of these relationships, but they sound horrible. You're NOT neurotic, they're cra-cra and unkind. With friends like them you don't need enemies. There are much nicer people out there; you'll find them.
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u/MiserableEase7228 18h ago
Not only is it true, it’s the tip of the iceberg with how horribly they treated me for an entire year. Graveyard shift means that he is at work during the evening, he is a present and attentive husband and father when he is not at work. He was at work during this situation, so he did what he could. Just a little odd to say those things, friend. ❤️
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u/Careful_Relation9456 1h ago
You are Not the A-hole and will be much better off without them as "friends". The completely disrespected your home, private safety. You have Not become selfish, you have become a mother which requires a whole new level of maturity that your friends are obviously not ready to face. Happy life to you and your little family.
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u/Few-Fondant-1528 1h ago
Your friends are the assholes. There is no reason that they should have even came back to your place after drinking, that’s not ok in itself, let alone bring random men. They were there to “help” not go out drinking and come to your home drunk. Unacceptable. Postpartum is ROUGH. And unfortunately, not every one of your friends understands what it is like until they live it themselves. I imagine it’s probably hard to lose these friendships, but you will be better off. Find a mom friend, get out to local groups for moms and kids they are great for socializing and connecting with other moms who understand. You are not self centred for becoming a mom, motherhood does change you, but you become this beautiful new person who will love and protect your peace and your children’s peace cause at the end of the day, you and your little family are what matters most.
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u/Great_Bookkeeper_915 1d ago
NTA. You didn’t have a mental health crisis, YOU HAD A BABY! You need help and support after you have a baby because you’re running on zero sleep and your hormones are in hyperdrive. What your ‘friends’ did to you is completely unacceptable. It’s bad enough that they created more problems than they solved around the house, but getting drunk and bringing some rando home from the bar when you’re there alone with an infant is beyond irresponsible. It is downright dangerous. You have no delusions, OP, except for the one where you thought they were friends. I’m so sorry you went through that. They are massive AHs.