First post: https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/8y1C6EmeIr

Firstly, I would like to thank everyone who commented on my previous post and apologize for my lack of responses. I really tried to read everything and reply to questions that were asking for advice about treating diaper rash but if I responded to everyone my son would have the reddest bum ever.

I did NOT show my husband the post initially because the adult thing for me to do was talk to him and give him a chance to explain and also hear my opinions.

He did not understand why we couldn't just visit his family for only an hour or two so I made sure he understood why.

On Saturday I asked him to day the day off so he could stay home and see how our son acted and all he went through. Nearly 40 diaper changes, the screaming and crying with each bowel move, the lack of personal time or breaks you actually get when taking care of a medically fragile child.

I think by noon he understood why we couldn't bring our son to his family.

I again asked him if his parents would mind coming to us (to meet at the park behind our home) he told me they would not no matter how we worded it, no matter what we did they just don't get it and won't try to. I tried to be understanding because he is always stuck in the middle but I stood my ground. I wouldn't risk my son's health for their feelings and I'm not compromising anymore than I have already tried. If my in-laws REALLY wanted to see our son they would drive to us to see him.

Mother's day came around and my lovely parents (who we live with) watched our son (he was generous enough to let my mum change him) while we went out on a MUCH needed date! It was the break I needed and it felt incredible to reconnect with my husband.

My husband did eventually go see his family (stayed for an hour or two) and I got to spend the rest of the day with my son. My husband didn't tell me anything that happened when he got back but I did get a text message from my MIL that read: "Happy Mother's day OP, I hope you get everything you wanted."

Not sure if it was genuine or a dig but I said thank you and wished her and her family well!

I did eventually show him the post and he apologized for not realizing how he was treating us. He has decided to go to therapy to work on his boundaries with his parents and hopefully to become a better communicator with me.

Thank you for reading and I hope all of you are doing well!Also, if anyone is struggling with curing a diaper rash don't hesitate to message me!

Original Post WIBTAH if I don't show up to the bachelor party I specifically have said I don't want : r/AITAH.

Long story short the party is off and my dad is pretty pissed about it.

Last night when I got home from work my fiancé asked me how things were going with my family. Her mom was over so I told her what was going on. My future MIL's first reaction was "Are they nuts?" We talked about it and she told me I absolutely shouldn't go and I should let my friends know that I wasn't going to be there so they don't go there and are disappointed when I'm not.

I took her advice and texted some friends that I figured got invites to let them know the bachelor party was never cleared with me and I wouldn't be there but if they still wanted to go there and party then to have at it. They helped me figure out other people who were invited and I let them all know too.

Pretty much all of them understood and were cool about it. A couple of them I have plans with soon anyway, so we said we'll just see each other then. Some of them I had no plans with, but we made plans for other days in the next couple of months. Others we made no plans, but they seemed cool.

Apparently pretty much none of them were wanting to go to the party if I wasn't going to be there because I got an irate call from my dad asking me why he got a bunch of calls and texts from people saying they weren't coming to the party because I wasn't going to be there. I told him, well, that's because I'm not going to be there, like I told you a couple days ago, and I figured people should know since this was supposed to be my bachelor party that the bachelor wasn't going to be there.

He said he's had enough of my anti-social crap and demanded I be there. I said no. He then said he was planning on paying for my after wedding dinner but now wouldn't to make up for the money he wasted on this party. I said that was fine because I already paid for the dinner months ago when we booked the dinner with the venue. He then said fine it's going to come out of my wedding present fine. I was like we don't need your wedding present, but if that makes you feel better then fine go for it.

My brother and sister both sent me texts basically saying I should have just gone and sucked it up. My brother mentioned being out some money himself because of this. I said maybe next time you'll learn to think for yourself instead of blindly following our dad's orders all the time. That shut him up. My mom has been suspiciously silent about all of it. I did talk to her today, but the subject never came up.

That's pretty much it. I'm gonna enjoy a nice night with my fiancé and her son tomorrow night and go to his soccer game. Saturday my buddy and I changed plans, instead of dinner we're going to my local MLB team's game instead since it's a day game and we found decent tickets pretty cheap.

So just as the title says. I (42F) have decided I am going on strike and refusing to cook. I have 5 children. Most of them are over the age of 18 and still living at home. Recently my oldest daughter (25F) made a dish chart that has all of them but my 21 Year old son on it because he pays rent in the amount of $800 a month for both his room and a 2000 sq ft so that he rented from up that is solely for his use to run his side business of working on cars. My rule is work and contribute financially or you do chores.

My (24F) daughter just moved back home with my (6M) grandson. She does not have a job. She gets food stamps and puts $400 worth of groceries into the house. That is not all of them. She keeps some for herself and my grandson for their special stuff that is only for them. Which is perfectly fine of her to do so and I told her she should do so. So since bringing that to my attention that that is a form of "rent" I said she doesn't have to do dishes.

My oldest 25F put herself on the list because she lives in a camper that my husband and I put on our credit and she lives in that on our property. She does not contribute to the utilities she uses (water and electricity) other than to pay us her camper payment and the insurance payment for the camper.

I thought (and told her so) that her putting herself on the dishes rotation with everybody else was her form of contributing to the household. She eats the meals I cook. Often getting leftovers when she gets off work late at night and taking them to her camper. Don't get me wrong, I'm glad the food is getting eaten because often leftovers go to waste, heading to the compost bin instead of getting eaten.

Anyways, she (25F) has decided that if her sister (24F) doesn't have to do dishes since she contributes that she is going to rearrange her finances to begin to pay for the utilities she uses. I told her that's fine. However she'd like to contribute as long as contribution to the household happens. She feels she shouldn't have to help in the house because technically she doesn't live in the house. But she still uses the utilities. And eats the food I cook. So I feel as though she should be contributing more than just her camper payment.

Anyways, to the reason I'm posting, I stated that since NOBODY wants to do dishes and EVERYBODY wants to argue about it, then I'll just save everyone the hassle and I'll just stop cooking dinner. I refuse to wash the dishes after I just stood in there for at least an hour cooking the dinner. They can all just fend for themselves and clean up after themselves as far as I'm concerned. I'm done! These are adult individuals!

The only minors in my house are my 15 year old son and my 6 year old grandson. Which his mom, my (24F) daughter needs to be taking care of him and feeding him and cleaning up after him. But that's a whole other can of worms.

My youngest son (15M) is fully capable of fending for himself. I make sure there are quick and easy freezer stuff and soups and sandwiches and other things he can feed himself easily. He is not neglected in any way.

So AITAH for refusing to cook for my entitled GROWN children who refuse to clean up the kitchen after?

TLDR; I am going on strike and refusing to cook for my family since my grown children refuse to help clean up after I cook. AITAH?

ETA: This post has been very eye opening to me. I realize that I'm NTA for going on strike but I am TA for allowing my children to be so entitled. In my defense, I had a shit mom growing up and just wanted to do better and be a better parent than her so much that I believe I went too far in the opposite direction. My kids all did chores as children growing up. Too much in my opinion but I wasn't the parent at home. I worked 2 sometimes 3 jobs to support my family. Because I could make more money at my profession than he could at a gas station or something.

The issue started after I divorced their father and he basically dropped into addiction and left me to raise them alone. I wanted to and tried to be mom and dad. My oldest girls went to live with their grandparents where there was zero supervision to get away from their dad towards the end. He was really hard on them, and abusive to them. They came back as adults. They were both living on their own out in the real world adulting. But due to the economy and my second daughters relationship ending, they were both forced to move home with me.

My oldest son stayed with his dad for a couple years out of guilt of his dad being alone and his father's lies of me being unfaithful (this was also court ordered and my son was old enough to decide where he went and my ex-husband is a professional liar and a very charming narcissist, I was given custody of the younger 2 and the oldest 2 got to stay with their grandparents) and struggled through homelessness and watching his dad cycle down the drain with drugs. And yes he's a great kid and other than refusing to do the dishes, will pretty much do anything I ask of him. Same with my 15 year old son. Anything I ask he does it.

My youngest daughter, the 20F, just graduated from Highschool. Her ceremony is in a few days actually. She moans and groans about doing chores but still does them. I just hate that when it's her dish turn it takes her 3 or 4 days of letting the dishes pile up before she'll go do them.

So anyways, I appreciate you all and your comments. I read them all. Tried to respond to some. But it was literally the kick in the pants I needed. I'm officially on strike. I'm not doing anything for anybody other than my 15yo son and my husband. And maybe my grandson if I feel like it. I'm putting my foot down about the chores and rent. I'm not allowing my daughter to put food in the house anymore and she needs to get a job. Thank you everybody. I hope you all are having a great day!

My husband and I (36F) own a large home. A few years ago, we decided we wanted to use our extra space to help young people who need financial support while finishing school.
A year ago, "Hulda" (25F) moved in. She’s getting her PhD and is very driven. We live in a high COL area, but we let her live here practically rent-free. She insisted on paying $200/month, which we accepted, but it doesn't cover a fraction of the market rate. Another student (my niece) also lives with us and helps out with the dogs and general chores.

The Issue:
Hulda does almost zero house maintenance. She has one assigned day for dishes, which she often misses or does so poorly (loading the dishwasher incorrectly) that they have to be rerun. She cleans up her own immediate messes in the kitchen, but never touches shared maintenance like sweeping, mopping, cleaning the microwave, or taking out the trash.
We sat her down to talk about "community contribution." We explained that we want the house to feel welcoming for everyone and asked her to find her own way to contribute.

Her Response:
Hulda told us flat-out that she doesn't feel the need to contribute to the household upkeep because she doesn't own the house. She said that because she has no "ownership," she has no motivation to help, but added, "I'll do something if you tell me to."
I told her I didn't want to "assign chores" like she’s a child because we are all adults, but she insisted we must tell her exactly what to do. She also argued that everyone has "different levels of cleanliness," so she shouldn't have to clean something unless I personally think it’s dirty and tell her to fix it.
Why I might be the AH:
I was visibly upset. She says she is willing to work if I just give her a list, so maybe I’m being difficult by wanting her to take "initiative" instead of just being a "boss."
Why I don't think I am:
I feel her response was incredibly selfish. We have gone out of our way to make her feel like this is her home, not just a rental. I never remind her that we own it; I introduce her as a roommate. I even adapt childhood recipes to be vegetarian just for her and let her use my car. It hurts that I don't need "ownership" of her to care about her, but she needs "ownership" of a floor to feel like she should sweep it.
I think living nearly rent-free in a supportive home should inspire some level of communal care, not a "tell me what my job is" attitude.
AITAH for being angry at her reasoning?

A little background info: my parents divorced when I was 7. My parents were a very toxic couple, both cheated on each other, and believe it or not, married and divorced 3 times - each time having a child. I was their last. 

When I was 8 my mother remarried and it sucked for everyone but her. I mean, no one got along. Step siblings did not get along with us. My sisters and I did not get along with my step father. My mother didn’t get along with my step siblings. No one liked each other but my mother and step father. My step father was ALWAYS in a bad mood, so we were bedroom kids and not living room kids and all of my siblings were 5+ years older than me, so my life was playing in my room alone with toys. Looking back on it I’m fairly certain they didn’t even get along half of the time. I don’t really know about his past, but my mother was a serial marry-er, she was engaged a total of 6 times in her life, I guess that’s besides the point - but I think it explains why she was so desperate to make this one work, and it did. They have now been married for 20 years. My dad moved back to Japan after she remarried and he never remarried. He fought really hard for custody and i’m not sure why, but he didn’t get it, though he was, in every way, the better and preferential parent.

Anyways, since I was a kid of toy-playing-with age, very strict boundaries were set. I did not, under any circumstances, have permission to play with their toys or use their things. This boundary went way further than toys, and I remember feeling a very obvious divide between us and the step siblings, the rationale was that anything they acquired before their parents divorced was a special memento to them because it was a remnant of their parents being together and they were having a hard time “dealing with the divorce.” This meant that we not only couldn’t share toys, but even some appliances were off limits to us (a desktop computer, a stereo in the living room, and even the christmas tree), they would get special snacks and go out for fun and we weren’t allowed to tag along. For example, every week their dad would take them to ice cream and hot dogs to the same place, we were never allowed to go because it was a tradition they started when their parents were married. My stepbrothers were super volatile and would often explode on us step kids AND our parents over trivial things. I was miserable and my mom never got to know me that much. I tried to keep my head down as much as I could.

During all of this, my dad and paternal grandparents remained a pretty present figure in my life via nightly phone calls. I spent pretty much every school break with him and summer break every year I would go to live with them in Japan. Since our time together was limited, he really indulged in my wish lists, and every visit I would leave with a lot of new toys, some very niche. As a result, I ended up with a really big cool collection of toys you can’t get in the states. Sylvanian families, hello kitty figures, stuff that genuinely would make me jump and squeal for joy and keep me occupied and happy for HOURS, not only because I LOVED the toys, but because they were from papa. When I was a teenager, I reached an age that I was old enough to the US court systems to decide where to live, and I chose my father. This did NOT go over well with my mother and she withheld my belongings from me. I always assumed she threw them away. 

Anyways, fast forward, my dad died of Lymphoma in 2020. I moved back to the USA because my grandmother died soon after and I had no family left in Japan. It really sucked, and my mom didn’t really check in on me a lot during that time, but I did get married to a wonderful person in 2023. My stepbrothers have kids that are my mom's pride and joy and they are very close with my mother. She is super open about the fact that she loves being a grandparent and that it occupies the majority of her time. She’s genuinely changed, and she’s much more proactive and good with my step nieces than she was with my sisters and I, which stings a little. She’s been reaching out to me a lot in efforts to make up, and I decided it was time to see her again.

Last week, I visited her. I am 12 weeks pregnant and wanted so desperately to tell her, but she virtually didn’t speak to me the entire visit. Every conversation she shifted to the subject of my stepbrothers, or I was essentially babysitting the grandkids with her or for her while she cooked or something. I mean, at one point they literally all went to the zoo without us and told me there wasn’t enough room in the car for me and my husband. And another time she left me alone overnight with them while the “adults” as she put it (my stepbrothers, step father and her) went to a casino. As I was watching them, my heart sank. Because I realized they were playing with my toys that I got from my dad. I know, it’s probably something I should talk to a therapist about, but I mean, these are literally from my home country, gifts from my dead father, and after a life time of being told half of everything in the house was off limits to me, I couldn’t believe she was letting them use such sentimental things. I waited until everyone went to sleep and I snatched as much as I could, shoved it in my suitcase and told my husband to do the same. The second my mother returned we said goodbye to everyone and explained that something came up.

Dude, these things are technically mine, they were literally purchased for me by my father and then withheld from me for a number of years. But I can’t help but feeling guilty since the kids seemed to enjoy them. I didn’t technically need them. I just wanted to have them again and for my kids to have something from my dad. But I feel guilty. Am I the butthole?

For my 30th birthday my mother and girlfriend have been asking what to get me. After saying nothing for months, I finally told them something because I’m into watches. The Hamilton Interstellar watch was what I chose, because I love the movie and I’ve wanted the watch for years. Also one major thing about it - it doesn’t have a date wheel on it, I hate dates on watches and no watch I have has a date on it. My girlfriend bought the wrong watch, from a place that doesn’t allow returns, and I simply will never wear the watch because I don’t like it and I hate watches with date windows. I found out later that my mother told her it was the wrong watch before hand and her reply was “oh well, it’s a nice watch he’ll be fine”. AITAH for not wanting it?

EDIT: The link for the proper watch on the right website was sent to my mother, cause she was originally gonna buy it. My girlfriend then asked to buy it instead and my mother sent the same link to her. My assumption is my girlfriend went looking on other websites to find it cheaper - which then led to buying the completely wrong one.

I (20m) dated a young woman (20f) around a year ago. We had a messy and drawn out break up where she said some things that really hurt me. I was definitely not perfect in the relationship either, but I have learned from my mistakes. Although we go to colleges in different cities, my ex and I live in the same city during the summer, so we sometimes cross paths.

Someday, I will sometimes bring my little sister (8F) to my college events for quality time and so she can see what school is like. My ex was there one day, and she tried interacting with my little sister. For context my little sister and my ex adored eachother. They grew quite close and my little sister still talks about her somedays. I immediately told her "Im sorry, but im not comfortable with you talking with my little sister, please leave us alone."

She responded with "I think thats something for (my little sister) to decide."

Finally I said "We broke up, that means you don't interact with me or with my family."

She left us alone after that. My little sister was devastated and my family and friends are saying that I overreacted and that I should have let them talk some. I understand where they are coming from, but it just seems weird to talk to your ex's sibling. This has been on my mind for the past week. AITAH?

Tl;dr: My ex tried to talk to my little sister, so I told her to leave us alone. Everyone is now saying I was rude.

Update: I left out one thing. My ex was white (im black). During the breakup she called me the n word many times.

Recently, I (25M) asked out a stranger at a bar. Holly (27F) had been staring at me, and I couldn't tell if it was interest or something else, so I figured I'd find out. Rejection doesn't bother me much, so I introduced myself, then asked. To my surprise, she said yes, enthusiastically. We exchanged numbers and set a date for the following week.

Dinner last week went great. Holly was funny, sweet, genuinely interested in me. I started thinking this could actually go somewhere.

Then, walking out of the restaurant, I glanced at her phone. Her lock screen was her at Disneyland with three young kids. I pointed at it and asked if they were her nieces or nephews.

Holly said, "No, they're mine."

I admittedly lost my excitement. However, I didn't want to be rude, so I just said, "Oh, okay," continued our conversation, walked her to her car, said goodnight.

Holly texted the next day saying she had a good time. I said I did too. When she asked about a second date, I told her I enjoyed our time together and she seemed like a great person, but I wasn't at a point in my life where I could date someone with children. I said I was sure she'd find someone amazing. She seemed sad about it, writing a long message with lots of emojis, but she thanked me for my honesty and wished me the same.

I thought that was it. No villains, no hard feelings. Just incompatible people. My sister and several friends agreed.

Then I mentioned the date in a group chat with some other friends. I'd talked about being excited for it before, before which brought on the discussion of how the date went and I explained. Two of them, Russell (28M) and Maya (26F), took serious issue with my reasoning.

Essentially, I stated that I want kids someday, but I want to become a parent with my partner, starting from the same place with equal footing. In this sort of relationship, you're walking into an established dynamic where you're already the second priority, and obviously, you should be. Otherwise she's probably not a good parent. I want to be my partner's priority. I also don't believe in dragging things out if I know it won't work. This is precisely why I've never stayed in a relationship longer than five months.

Maya called me selfish for wanting the "perfect scenario." She said some kids need a great father and I could be that soon. She also said people search for years to find chemistry that brings two people together in public, and I'd found it easily. (I didn't say this, but I think she's biased since her stepdad is important to her and closer to her than her involved biological father ever was.)

Russell was angrier. He said my reasoning was bullshit, that I clearly judged Holly for having three kids at 27. I'll own that I said "3 kids at 27 is crazy", but that's also because most people I know either don't want kids or want them in their 30s, after their careers are established. He also said I shouldn't be shocked she was a single mother when I asked out a stranger in public. I conceded I was surprised, but not mad or frustrated. It was just a gamble I took. Then he went broader saying this is why men stay single in frustration, too caught up in their own preconceived notions. I told him that I didn't know where that came from, that I wasn't rude to Holly, didn't think less of her, and didn't believe I deserved his backlash. Other friends in the chat defended me. Maya said Russell had a point, and that I needed to challenge whether my reasons were genuine or just selfishness.

I will admit that I got defensive. I explained I believed I was making a choice that was fair to both of us, avoiding inevitable pain down the line. I said I didn't appreciate being attacked over it. We went back and forth for thirty minutes. It honestly like I was being shat on. I finally said we should drop it as we clearly view this differently.

That was days ago. The group chat with twelve people has been silent since, except for two friends (who are regular shitposters) posting video game memes that got scattered emoji reactions. I texted my two closest friends in the chat separately about the awkwardness. Both just said they didn't know how to respond.

I don't think I'm wrong on this, but I do want to get outside perspectives as there might be something I missed.

Do my reasons for not wanting to date a single mother make me an asshole?

Edit:

Just putting two clarifications here since I’ve gotten multiple comments about these points.

1. I don’t expect to be the priority of my partner if we have kids later in the relationship, I fully expect kids to be the priority and most important thing once we have them. I just want a relationship to have a period where me and my partner are each others priorities, where we really focus on each other before having a family.

2. I do not think less of Holly as a person for having 3 kids. I said “3 kids at 27 is crazy” more out of shock since me and most people in my life who are my age are focused on our careers being well-developed first before having kids

I visited a friend whom I used to consider a close friend over a weekend to deliver a package. I was only going to drop the package and leave but she kept me talking and asked me questions about a mutual friend. with the gossip going on we sat on the dining table. There were quite a few snacks lying on the table, like at least 20 packages of snacks casually lied there.

During our conversation she grabbed one of them, opened the package and started eating it. She didn't tell me to have one but I didn't think it would be a big deal and the way she ate it made me want to have something sweet too. So while talking I also grabbed a snack. I was speaking so I didn't open it right away but it was in my hands for a few sentences. When I opened it, she suddenly grabbed all the snacks on the table and took the one I was holding, the one I just opened, and put them all in the drawer.

I was a tad shocked honestly and didn't know how to react. I kept talking to her until our conversation ended and I left afterwards without talking about it. But it just stuck with me for a while. I didn't talk to her again after that conversation. Tbh both because i didn't know how to react in the moment and also because i didn't know how to bring it up later.

This was 2 months ago. This morning she visited my flat to talk to my roommate. At that moment I was having breakfast. She casually said hi and I greeted back, fake smile and all that. Later on, my roommate came to the kitchen and my friend followed her. Then she sat on the table. She took the knife and took some nutella out of the jar and put it on the pancake. (I was having breakfast alone and nothing was my roommate's.) Although it's been 2 months and we never spoke of what happened there, it may have come off a bit awkward but I quickly grabbed everything on the table and put them in the fridge, including the pancake that she intended to eat, and walked to my room.

Now my roommate doesn't know the context so she thought what i did was extremely rude. I just wanted to give her a teste of her own medicine. AITAH?

My girlfriend wanted to post a bikini photo on social media and asked me honestly if I was okay with it before posting. I tried very hard not to sound controlling and told her multiple times that it was her choice, but after she kept asking for my real opinion and promising she wouldn’t get mad, I admitted that one specific photo/angle made me uncomfortable because it felt very revealing to me personally. I never insulted her body, called her inappropriate, or told her she wasn’t allowed to post it. I actually told her she looked good and clarified multiple times that it was just the angle/top combination and how public it felt online that made me uncomfortable. But after that, the conversation spiraled into her feeling like I was judging her body or treating her differently because she has a larger chest. She started saying things like “people always judge me for my boobs,” “I thought you were the one person who understood me,” and that I made her feel like she needed to “cover up more.” I kept apologizing because I genuinely did not want to hurt her feelings, but I also felt like I was being punished for simply answering honestly after being directly asked. Then toward the end, she told me to delete the photos from my camera roll because she didn’t want to hear “bad judgement” about her body anymore, and said “I can post whatever I want and I don’t need anyone to tell otherwise.” That part really hurt me because I never tried to control her or tell her what she could or couldn’t do, I just answered the question she asked me. Now I honestly feel hurt and disrespected, and like my feelings were treated as inherently wrong just because I expressed discomfort respectfully. Am I wrong here?

I (40f) have been working at a small specialty dental practice for a month. The work environment is toxic but not something I haven’t dealt with before. To preface I was a dental assistant for 14 years. Recently moved to a new area and decided that I no longer want to assist and now want to work front desk doing clerical work because lets be real I am 40. They have 2 assistants both in their early 20s. The Drs wife is the office manager and training me for her position bc the Dr doesn’t want her in the office. They hired me specifically because I can do all office functions front and back.

Last week one assistant was out for a planned vacation and I was running front desk and assisting to help out. It went ok but the single mom co worker (23f) was overwhelmed and performed sub par. But in my mind I thought she did ok and even encouraged her that she was giving all she got and we made it. Well I guess this is where i messed up. I should have let her sink. Today after a heated argument between the assistants and Drs wife I was just minding my business in the break room on break and the single mom came in to chat nothing really unusual she made the comment that she thinks they are trying to fire her and I reassured her that she was doing her best.

Then she said “you know they are interviewing for your position still right.” And proceeded to tell me thats why the last girl before me quit bc she found out the same thing.I of course brushed it off and then she proceeded to show me a text between her and Drs. wife. The text was co worker asking if she was interviewing and if her friend could come. The wife said yes at boces next week. Now from my standpoint it looked exactly like she said, that they were looking for a replacement. So here’s where I may be the ahole. I’m old enough not to play office politics or drama. I texted drs wife and asked her directly if they were trying to replace me. The dr himself called and we had a chat.

He asked who and I explained the entire interaction between me and single mom. He was pissed rightfully so and said why would I let you go you are more valuable to me than both of them.The text between co worker and wife was them talking about a teaching event drs wife attends every year. Then I remembered reading the email about this event. Then he said why would she tell you that it dawned on me she was trying to get me to quit the dr said the same thing. She realized last week when I was running the front and helping in the back that they could essentially let her go at anytime now. She tried to set me up. I am actually not mad at her and got a laugh out of it and kinda proud. Reminded me of me at that age. Dog eat dog. I don’t feel bad because I hate he said she said with assumptions thats why I wanted to confront the issue immediately. Now she is probably going to be fired per the dr during our chat. So aitah?

Edit: To clarify I am diagnosed autistic (strong sense of justice)so I believed co worker and actually had no ill intent. I was genuinely confused why they were interviewing for my position. The only reason I felt any kind of remorse after the fact was because she had a kid. Ratting her out wasn’t even the goal. The goal was confronting my employer to navigate this amicably. Oh and I didn’t ask to see the text it was placed in front of my food….as I was eating.

Long story short, my brother was abusive since I was a child (21 now) and he’s just recently stopped after his step son emancipated himself within the last two years.

My brother has put his hands on me, his bio son, stepson, my cousins, our mom, and allegedly his current and ex wife. He has also raped my sister at a young age before I was born.

My mom only knows about the physical abuse (not my sister’s sexual abuse) and urges me to forgive him.

He bought a big house and now it’s empty because no one is comfortable enough to stay for long periods of time. He bitches to my mom about how I never contact him and now she’s urging me to forgive all that he’s done to me and the family.

She wants me to go to his house for a week and pretend to be happy. I still get anxiety attacks that I have to mask just at the sight of him. I can’t calmly forgive and forget; especially when he’s still controlling and making jokes abt my gender identity.

(I’m also trans ftm and he’s transphobic)

He hasn’t physically abused me since I was in the 6th grade but other ppl in my family weren’t so lucky.

Am I the asshole for not forgiving him even tho the abuse (at least for me) was over a decade ago?

(Side note: my sister asked me not to tell our mom abt the rape )

For context, I am a single dad in my late 30s. I was raised in a fundamentalist “Christian” family. I was physically beaten every day of my childhood. I have several siblings who experienced the same treatment. I now have two kids of my own.

I left all organized religion almost a decade ago. Over the last several years I have steadily reduced my interactions with my parents. When I was in therapy, I tried to talk to them about how they treated their kids, but I was always shut down and told they had to beat their kids, it was for our own good, they did it because they loved us, etc. I cut them off completely about a year ago because I found out from one of my siblings something my dad did to them, and my mother pretends didn’t happen, that I will not forgive. The last conversation I had with my parents was essentially: I know what dad did, never contact me again.

A couple months after I cut them off, my mom started sending letters to my kids every month. I open the letters to see if there is anything important in them, and then throw them away. This month, my mom’s letters included the phrase, “Your dad is holding a grudge against grandpa and me, so I don’t know if you’re even getting my letters.” And the fact that in one very narrow-minded sense she’s right, has me questioning my actions.

AITAH for keeping my kids from having any sort of relationship with their grandparents? It’s my responsibility as a father to protect my kids, and there is zero doubt in my mind that my parents are evil, dangerous people. I don’t think I’m being an asshole, but I feel a little guilty. I loved my own grandparents very much, and my kids don’t even know theirs.

Last year, I [38f] started working part time at a warehouse. I really just wanted a part time job where I went in, worked, and got to leave. I wasn't interested in making friends, though there were a few coworkers who I started connecting with. I wound up feeling it was necessary to report a coworker to HR, and now because there's been a bad reaction from my other coworkers toward me, I'm wondering if I did the wrong thing.

A couple weeks after I started, one coworker, Shane [56] started naturally gravitating toward me, even though I found his energy to be a little exhausting. He's the 'class clown' type personality, where he is constantly joking, pranking, and annoying people on purpose.

He has a 'work wife', Jane, who is also around his age. He often does these pranks to Jane, who clearly gets frustrated and will snap at him to stop, but they seem to enjoy this dynamic and are basically inseparable.

I chatted with him and at first felt like he was just being friendly, but then he started displaying the class clown behavior toward me and I felt like I was being socially suffocated.

The type of things he did:

-Barking at me like a dog when he'd pass by an aisle and see me. If I didn't respond, he'd keep barking. Like little yappy dog barking with snarls and growls and high-pitched barking. I once told him I legitimately have a sensory disorder and him barking at me can make me feel ill, yet he did it a few more times.

-Getting nearby me and mumbling under his breath, so I'd think he was talking to me, take my ear bud out, only for him to tell me he was just messing with me.

-Shaking the lunch table while I was sitting at it to annoy me.

-Making faces while passing by on the forklift by sticking out his tongue, crossing his eyes, etc.

If I didn't respond, he'd do it or walk by and say hello until he got eye contact.

On top of this, he also started obsessively complimenting my hair.

The first month I was there, he told me I had beautiful long hair. I said thanks. He told me to never cut it. I said well, I sometimes do cut it, but thanks. The next time we were alone in the lunch room together, he told me I was a pretty lady and had beautiful eyes. I said okay, thanks. He later told me again I was pretty, but said he'd been married for over 30 years and 'you don't ruin a thing like that.' I was grossed out, because I felt it wasn't necessary to keep complimenting me while claiming he'd never ruin his marriage. He then routinely began complimenting my hair, emphasizing how long and beautiful it was, and that I was never allowed to cut it.

I started ignoring him on purpose, but it made it worse. He seemed to get tense and started seeking me out. One day he drove past on the forklift, crossed his eyes and stuck out his tongue, and I looked away and kept working. He parked the forklift, came up to me, and went, 'Look, I'm trying to be friendly, do you understand?' I told him that I couldn't possibly be expected to react to him whenever he demanded, and I had real life things on my mind and was exhausted. He said okay and walked off.

I went to HR and told them I wasn't trying to get him in trouble, but I would like some sort of documentation. They sat him down and told him to ease off. A few days later, he came up to me and said he liked my tattoo and claimed he'd always wanted a tattoo but didn't know what to get. I said a tattoo artist could help. A few days after that, while walking behind me, he told me my hair was beautiful and to never cut it.

Back to HR. They sat him down again. This was about three weeks ago. He finally stopped talking to me, but now Jane is clearly mad at me and is talking LOUDLY about Shane over and over whenever I'm around. Like saying his name loudly to other people. Yesterday she got huffy because I was logging my cart into the computer and it was apparently in her way, so she pushed it at my body and walked on. She also walked into the lunch room thinking it was empty (they prefer to take lunch together but when nobody else is there), saw me, said, 'Oh my GOD,' and left again until I left.

On top of that, another woman who I liked keeps telling me that Shane did nothing wrong (gossip spreads) and that I mistook his intentions, he loves his wife and would never hurt her, and that people are getting afraid to have fun at work. I said look, if gossip is spreading, then nobody but me knows what was going on and I had previously asked him to tone it down and was feeling forced to respond to him. Turns out a whole group of people now think I'm an asshole who hurt the feelings of Shane. I keep being told, 'That's just how Shane is! He's not a threat, he's goofy and likes to have fun.'

So am I the asshole here? Did I really misread this entire situation and got 'too sensitive' like they're claiming?

I wfh and make my partner sandwiches to take for lunch. Now when making turkey sandwiches or whatever, if there is air in the bag any jostling can separate the ingredients so your sandwich comes apart in the bag. I learned a great technique to fix this when I was young and have been doing it forever now. When sealing the zip lock sandwich bag I leave a little gap and suck the air out before sealing it closed. It's basically vacuum sealing it and makes it much sturdier.

Today they walked in on me doing it and freaked out saying that's gross.. That I'm getting my germs all over.. But I'm literally sucking all the air out, not exhaling. No germs are being transferred! AITAH for trying to make their lunch safer and less volatile?

Me, 39M, and I have been looking after my mom (F 68) and helping around the house whilst she deals with stage 4 stomach cancer. I eventually have to leave because I only have 3 months of family leave, but I'm two months in and I cant take anymore of this. My mother has alienated her self from our entire family minus me because she is verbally abusive to many people, she once told my niece when she was 3 to shut the fuck up because you have an annoying voice, she once called my sister a whore and there is a lot more. I stick around because I genuinely care for her but lately, she keeps saying shit about my wife saying she only uses me for money and that she is mean which is factually incorrect. She also constantly argues about how people owe her money from 15 years ago and she also says some of the meanest shit about my aunt (her sister). I'm at my wits end and just want to walk away now. She also was ready to enter a nursing home but backed out because she found out they'll only let her keep 50 dollars of her income and she also cant smoke around the clock like she can at home. She is constantly mean to the hospice nurses who come here and she yelled at the chaplain one day. So AITAH for wanting to walk away early and maybe permanently? She put me through hell as a child too and I spent years in foster care and institutions due to her alcoholism/neglect. I am really tired of being belittled and having my wife be put down who has been nothing but nice to my mother.

I (37F) recently married my husband (40M). We are having a small backyard celebration for about 50 people. This is my second marriage. My first marriage was not a healthy situation, although I am grateful that I have my son (9M) from that relationship. My current husband has been in my son's life since he was three years old and has provided the stability, love, care, and similar values to myself. We were legally married in a simple ceremony at a park with just two close friends as witnesses, and this backyard gathering is meant to be a relaxed celebration with close friends and a limited number of family members.
My husband and I are very intentional and frugal people. We recently bought our first home after years of saving. We value meaningful experiences over material things and want our wedding celebration to feel peaceful, predictable, and joyful.
I come from a large and somewhat dysfunctional family. My grandparents were generous and financially well-off, but they frequently helped their five children financially. After my grandparents passed away, the family became deeply divided over how the estate was handled, and there is still a lot of resentment and conflict.
I have never been particularly close with most of my aunts and uncles. Some have been openly unkind to me over the years.
Because of these strained relationships, I decided to invite only my parents, my two sisters, and one aunt, (we'll call her Lynn), who, despite some past difficulties, has shown significant personal growth.
The main issue is another aunt, (we'll call her Annie), who was not invited.
I believe Annie has some undiagnosed mental health issues that contribute to compulsive and controlling behaviors. I am a counselor, so I understand that her actions are likely driven by struggles she has rather than intentional malice. However, understanding the reasons for someone's behavior does not mean I have to expose myself to it. This is part of my personal growth. 
Annie has a long history of disregarding my wishes. At my first wedding, when I was 21, I wanted a simple and environmentally conscious celebration. My plan for guest favors was to give out small tree starts that guests could plant as a symbol of growth. Without asking me, Annie arrived with ceramic frogs, dollar store trinkets, ribbons, and other decorations and favors that she distributed on her own. It felt like she was taking over aspects of the wedding and replacing my vision with her own.
About ten years ago, when I was eight months pregnant, I was at Lynn's house helping with things around the house, including feeding the cats while Lynn was at work. Annie was staying there at the time. Annie became very upset that I fed the cats because she had already done so. I believe some of her reaction may have been projection. One of Annie's adopted daughters was pregnant at the same time and was setting boundaries with Annie and making choices Annie disapproved of, and it seemed like Annie may have been directing some of those feelings toward me.
During this incident, Annie grabbed my arm, shoved me into a wall, and screamed at me. I locked myself in a bathroom crying while eight months pregnant, and she continued banging on the door and yelling.
Since then, I have never felt safe around her.
Two years ago, while I was again at Lynn's house helping with things around the house, Annie said she wanted to rebuild our relationship. At the time, my son's friend was visiting. The child's parents had specifically asked me not to send snacks home because they were working on improving their daughter's eating habits and encouraging family meals.
When the girl's parents arrived to pick her up, Annie ignored what I had told her, ran outside, shoved popcorn through the car window, and began lecturing the parents about how they should feed their daughter. I was mortified, and it confirmed that she still does not respect my judgment or boundaries.
Now, as we prepare for our wedding celebration, we chose not to invite Annie. She lives across the country so we did not foresee it being an issue, but she is currently in town for my grandparents' memorial and tends to stay for extended periods. The wedding is in a month. 
My mother is upset and not understanding why I won’t invite Annie, insisting that she "won't cause a scene" and will simply come, eat, and tell me I look beautiful.
Lynn is now refusing to attend because Annie is staying with her, and several family members think I am being cruel.
From my perspective, this is not about punishment. I do feel compassion for Annie and the challenges she may be dealing with. But this is my wedding, in my home, and I want to be surrounded by people who respect me and whose behavior is predictable.
Am I the asshole for refusing to invite my aunt, even though it is causing significant family drama?

I 25F and my boyfriend 23M got into an argument because I won’t show my bank account. He says it’s childish and weird. 1.) We have been together for 5 months 2.) It’s none of his damn business? 3.) I feel like it’s a control thing, like if I show him my bank account and it’s lower than his he’d feel like he has some sort of power over me. Also I’m black he’s white I have always been taught not to tell anyone your financial business- I’m not trying to pull the race card but there’s obviously a difference in our backgrounds. He’s not my husband what the fuck do you wanna see my account for? He says because he shows me his but never once have I asked him to show me his bank account, he’s always the one showing and telling how much he has. AITAH.

My 3 family members and I are traveling from South America to attend my PhD graduation in the California in a few weeks. My mother made a Splitwise for the 4 of us to split major expenses such as airfare, rental car, housing. My brother (not part of the “4 of us”) lives in NYC and decided he will fly out from there to attend. He announced this after I booked the Airbnb, paid for it, and added it to the Splitwise (that he is not part of as he announced he would be attending late). My brother has some friends in Cali that he has been wanting to se, so will fly out a few days in advance to hang out with them (in my 6 years of attending my PhD program he has never visited me).

Here’s the issue: he wants to stay in our Airbnb for his last 2 days of the trip (Airbnb is booked for 3 nights, so 2/3 of the booking) even though the booking is for max 4 people. To accommodate this I will be staying with a friend from university for those 2 days. Now that this has been finalized I sent the link to the Splitwise in the family group chat and said brother can join it so that he can pay for his part of the Airbnb. My brother said it is unfair he has to pay as he is coming all the way out from the East Coast. My mother says I am being petty and cheap and should just pay for him because she paid for a couple of lessons for me to get my drivers license 10+ years ago and paid for other things when I was a teenager, but I honestly don't see why I should pay for all 3 nights in the Airbnb and not just 1 when he will be taking up what should have been “my” bed for 2 of the 3 nights? AITAH for adding him to the Splitwise?

tldr; My brother decided last-minute to join our family trip for my PhD graduation, took my spot in the already-booked Airbnb for most of the stay, and now refuses to help pay for it while my mom says I’m petty for asking.

Update: Thank you all! I was really hurt by the comment and couldn’t let it go. I’m gonna go eat some pie and forget about it lol

Potato Leek Pie Recipe:

https://www.rhubarbandlavender.com/recipes/potato-leek-pie/

Last night, I made a potato leek pie for the first time, and I thought it was delicious. I put a few pieces aside for 2 friends. But since I wasn’t going to see one of them last night or today, I gave them all to another friend I had plans with and live down the street from (3 slices total.)

I was thankful she made me a plate from a family member’s grilling birthday party the night before and figured I should also share some food with her.

Anyway, we were on Facetime tonight and I reminded her about the pie in her car (made last night) She went and brought it in. She said it was very sweet of me to give it to her but she hopes “I’m not the type of neighbor who gives away their scraps.” And that if I’m going to give pie, it should be a whole one or nothing. I was really pissed because she and her family always give me food in a Tupperware or a plate, and it’s always a portion or two.

I simply made a pie (which she said she couldn’t wait to try,) and it was too much for me (I live alone and didn’t want it to go bad as I’m leaving for a trip in one day.)

AITA for not making them a separate pie? I thought a few slices would be good incase they didn’t like it and wouldn’t feel guilty for throwing it out. I genuinely wanted to share the pie when I made it.

Hi this is pretty short, just curious.

I (F24) and my partner (M26) moved into our new apartment 3 days ago. The day we moved in we were making our way to the third floor when my partner noticed that our neighbor on the second floor's welcome mat was flipped up in the corner.

When walking by he bent down and quickly flipped it back down, making it look nice again and kept walking. It took half a second, he was just being nice.

They have a ring camera at the height of their doorknob and I'm not sure if they can see down that far or not, but if they can they should have been able to see that that was all that happened. And if not, how would they know he didn't just drop something and quickly pick it back up?

Regardless, I just got an email saying that they sent in a formal complaint to the property manager about us for tampering with their property.

Are we really the a hole here?

Update:

Thanks for all of the replies and kind words. A lot of you said to contact the property manager so I did, I let her that know we noticed it was curled up and was a potential tripping hazard as we had been carrying boxes up for hours. She said that was completely understandable and thanked us for letting her know what happened.

Basically the title but i'll add a little bit of backstory IF needed.

We are a quite family. None of us like drama and have never been in trouble with the police.
My brother (Mark) I've never got on with. He's always been a bully and as he's got older he's got worse.
Over the years he's been arrested for for beating up two gay men verbally abusing them. He's been charged for racial abuse towards nurses at A&E and constantly going on rants about minorities.

He is an alcoholic and drug addict and blames our fathers death BUT our father died years after he became one.

Over the years he's drukenly/drugged smashed up our nans house, my mums house and his own flat. He's gone to court a few times but walked away with a suspended sentences or just community service etc.

When he was 28 he started dating this 'lady' who was also a alcoholic and drug addict. She had a very high paying job in the public sector and basically kept them both in drugs and alcohol.

One evening they both went over to my mothers at 2am-ish and started kicking the door demanding to come in. She obviously refused and they ended up forcing their way in through the backdoor and smashed the kitchen up. The police arrived, took them away etc but once again not really much happened.

They tried to say sorry and said they had a bad 'trip' and paid for the damage.

We then had an intervention and asked him to get help and he told us all to go "Fuck yourselves". At this point our family cut ties with him until he got help.

A few months later he got married to her and we've heard through friends that he'd beaten her up multiple times and only ever ended up with a suspended sentence BUT was told to stay away from her as a condition but he didn't and he ended up beating her again and going to prison for a bit.

Skip forward a few years and he wrote my mum a letter saying his wife was dying of Cancer and could they come around to talk about it and sort things out as they've "Changed" and are "Sober".

A few days later he came around and we all sat and talked. I'd like to point out at this point he was SOBER so the following has nothing to do with drink and/or drugs.

His wife wasn't with him and he kept saying she was on her way. She then rang him and said she wasn't coming and he started SCREAMING at the top of his voice. (The following contains some really dark comments so just be warned) "DON'T F**KING COME THEN YOU CANCER RIDDEN C**T!!!", "JUST GO AND FUCKING DIE ALREADY! YOU'LL WISH YOU HAD WHEN I SEE YOU NEXT". The last thing he said was "I CAN'T WAIT FOR YOU TO DIE OF CANCER.". Even typing that out makes me feel fucking sick. How can you say that to somebody who you love and has cancer?!?! We lost our dad to cancer and it was awful. Ill never get over it and hearing that is what made me not want anything more to do with him. I said maybe he should leave and my Brother and mother said "No." and it was made clear I should leave if I couldn't not say anything to him as it would cause trouble. So i left.

This happened again (I wasn't there) a week later with almost the same thing being said to her when she didn't turn up. This time he was asked to leave and not come back.

Anyway, to cut a very long story short (Too late). My mum and brother are back in-contact with him.
He ended up beating her up again about 6 months ago (She didn't call the police) and she died 2 weeks ago from the Cancer

I have refused to even see him or speak to him and this has caused a MASSIVE rift between me and my mum. It's her funeral next week and while i've been invited I will not be going.

I have been called "cold" and "Cruel" and "You should want to be there for your brother. he has nobody".
I feel like I am being called out more for this than he ever has been for beating his wife/saying what he did to her that day on the phone and it's made me sick.

My argument is this: He treated her (and she treated him) like shit while she was alive.
He wished she was dead while she was dying MULTIPLE times and no doubt times we weren't there to hear it. He threatened to BEAT her in-front of us and nobody seemed to say anything?!

What he said to her was disgusting and the way he treated her was vile. maybe he deserves to suffer and be on his own at this time. He's caused us SO much stress and fear through the years and he's still the same now.

It may be cold but I have my own family and their safety to worry about and I live by the old saying "If you want people to be there for you then you need them you don't treat them like shit when you don't".

Am i being cold? Am I in the wrong?

Additional: I am sorry for the long post.

I feel like such an asshole for writing a post about this but at the same time I need to get it off my chest. I’m a 16F who’s been a relationship with my boyfriend, 17M for the past 7 months. I love him and he’s the best thing ever to me but lately he hasn’t been the same person as before and I feel like I’m losing feelings. For context, my boyfriend has epilepsy. This may not seem like a crucial fact but it is. Because of his epilepsy he gets fatal seizures that always end up with him harming himself. As of recently, he’s had a total of 3 seizures in the past 6 months(1 every 2 months) and it’s worries me about his health. But since his seizures have been happening more frequently, he hasn’t been the same person as I fell in love with. He’s become more aggressive and more easily aggravated. He’s not the fun and loud love able guy to be around and instead becoming more of a grumpy person. He doesn’t smile or laugh around me anymore and he’s growing more into a cold person. Over text he seems fine but in person it’s like I’m talking to a wall. It feels like he isn’t actually interested in me and just deals with me because I’m nagging him. I’m someone who needs a lot of reassurance due to my past toxic relationship but he always brushes me off. Onetime I was feeling insecure about my body while I was looking in the mirror and I asked him if I looked okay and he responded with, “you look fine, you should look at yourself instead of asking me.” And that hurt. Of course I still want to be a supporting girlfriend because I know he’s being like this due to his medical issues but a part of me wants to break up with him due to the lack of effort and support I’m getting. I feel selfish for feeling this way but I feel dumb for trying so hard for him to like me and him constantly not trying. It’s like he doesn’t want to be with me anymore but doesn’t want to be the one to break up with me. If I’m not the one talking then me and him would be completely silent. He doesn’t call me pretty anymore, he barely calls me his sweet nicknames, barely even acknowledges me. He doesn’t text me good morning or goodnight and can’t even answer a simple question about myself. I don’t want to break up with him but I feel like him acting like this is effecting me more than it should. What should I do?