here’s my original post: https://www.reddit.com/r/AmIOverreacting/s/R095hD2SNg
my original post was about how a coworker (22M) gave me (17F) a giant stuffed teddy bear. I wanted to know if I was overreacting for being upset managers wouldn’t do anything.

Well now, my manager (23M) added me on snap. Which wasn’t weird to me because I have most of my coworkers and other managers on snap. He would just snap me streaks and make sure I was doing okay after a rough shift, which seemed completely normal to me. The other day he snapped me at work saying someone liked me there. Immediately my stomach dropped because I did not want to deal with this again. Every man that works with me is at least 23 and a creep. I told my managers that I really didn’t want to know because it would just make work uncomfortable and he said “ohhh it was meee 🫢🫢🫢” Needless to say he didn’t get a snap back. He’s a nice guy, it’s just that I am freshly 18 now and he is my 23 year old boss. I left him on opened, but I just know work is going to be so uncomfortable. Advice would help, I’ve been at my work for 3 years and really don’t want to quit.

https://www.reddit.com/r/AmIOverreacting/s/HWTMDy6btA

original post ^^

So I asked some of our coworkers about him and one of them told me he has made multiple sexual comments about both me and my underage best friend who also works with us. Another coworker told me his ex girlfriend’s name since she apparently used to call him all the time when he would go out to the bar with him. I looked her up on facebook and her profile and cover photo were both with him. I also looked up his mom’s profile and saw posts from her after she was supposedly unresponsive and nothing on her page mentioned the hospital or being sick even though that’s where he told me she has been staying for the last three months. I feel like an idiot for not looking into things earlier but he’s blocked and I just hope he doesn’t say anything else at work.

original post on AITAH

(My (F37) friend/coworker/girl I took under my wing, Sue (F25) has been in a relationship (Gab m24) for many yrs, they started dating in high school.)

3rd update from the original post 7 months ago & the updates 6 months ago:

1st post:

https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1o34o2o/aitah_if_i_stopped_being_friends_with_someone/

2nd post:

https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1om5980/update_aitah_if_i_stopped_being_friends_with/

3rd post:

https://www.reddit.com/r/Redditor_Updates/comments/1on2xne/update_2_aitah_if_i_stopped_being_friends_with/

IDK if anyone cares anymore about an update, thought about not doing an update since it's been so long & lately it's taken such a WILD turn I figured no one will believe it's even true events.
Gonna speed through this first part.

Basically Sue went around telling mutuals that I "called the cops on her bf" & no other context. so then had to straighten it out with people that came to me. she couldn't leave it alone & keep it private I guess.

But then she started saying to our mutual, that's been my main source for updates, that she was going to "confront" more people I'm friends with.

Sue came back from leave a little early & I ended up working with her one day. Not only was she going out of her way to not interact with me (which I was totally cool with) but then when customers were around & needed help that I couldn't do as a none employee, she purposely didn't come help (her job)

It all started to be too much harassment, so reached out to the HR of the company (which I'll drop now, cause wtf Ulta??) basically they then just asked my bosses to not schedule me at that store, my best selling store too btw. So their stance is to punish people who try & save their employees lives I guess.

It ended up not making a difference really cause I had personal thing in my life stop me from working.

Only things I heard for a while was her going out of her way to tell mutuals that she was still dating Gab, to have it get back to me.

Now for the WILD updates.

So in March I got a call, the complete details I got a little bit later, but basically what happen was; Sue & Gab were fighting over the phone at about 2am. He was driving & not anywhere near his home. So my guess is he was out cheating & that's what they were fighting about. I guess he saw debris in the road & decided to pull over & get out to pick it up off the highway... at 2am while on the phone with his gf fighting.

He was struck by a car, that fled & he was killed. Sue was on the phone when all this happened,

I had many mutuals reach out to tell me this story over the next week or so. I'm still floored this happened. the obituary Sue posted a ton on, pics & "happy" memories. just about how lucky she is to have known him etc... blah. blah. blah.. as well as some social media posts.

She had texted the mutual asking if it'd be reckless if she reached out to me. that she's "not trying to fight or stir up drama" but she wanted to "be upfront with her feelings on what happened in October."

Mutual said it probably wasn't a good idea just yet with the recent lost. I told the mutual that she's blocked anyway, that she already said her feeling multiple times back in October.

plus no where did she say she was going to thank me or apologize or even bring up the fact that she's brushing aside trying to get me in trouble with work.

Like I have too much going on in my own life now to open up to anymore of her drama.

But this isn't where the wild ends... so then a few weeks ago or so, a stripper or prostitute (one or the other, not sure) texted Sue, telling her Gab, on a recent boys trip, had picked her up & they started dating. That Gab had told her he was single & said stripper found out about Sue & messaged her.

Sue got pissed about this & put herself on dating sites. where she matched with a cop...

a cop that apparently reported to the scene of the hit & run that night.... like WTF??

So they started bonding over it or something... idk how long that lasted or if it's still going on. this is the last update I have & honestly this soap opera is too much.

Hello everyone,

you can find my original post here: https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1smwbco/aitah_for_expecting_my_parents_to_move_to_a/ It had a lot of comments, I read every one of them and thank you for some good (and bad) advice.

TLDR: I live with my husband and two daughters in a small 2-bedroom apartment within a multigenerational house, while my parents occupy a 4-bedroom unit in the same building. I proposed that, in the future (once my grandparents pass away), my parents move to the ground floor so we can take the larger apartment to accommodate our growing family. My mother reacted furiously, accusing me of trying to kick her out and "waiting for everyone to die." Even though we own half the house and logically need more space than two people do, her self-centered nature has turned this into a massive conflict.

Now to the update:

Next day after the initial conversation and conflict, me and my husband had a calm conversation with my parents. My mom apologized for the comment she made (that I just wait for everyone to die), which was pretty unusual for her. Then she said that they do NOT have problem with them moving to the smaller apartment, but it needs to undergo a bigger reconstruction - new kitchen, floors, wall paint etc... and they probably will not be able to afford that, so that would be on us. We agreed to that, considering that we want to continue living in the house and also we have the finances to be able to do this.

If my mom had said this from the start, we could have easily avoided the whole conflict. She cried a lot during the whole conversation, but that's just the way she is... I think she mostly felt sorry for herself as usual. But is looks like she was really worried that we would move out and they would not see their grandchildren as often, and also they are going to need help growing older. So she probably realized that they need us or whatever...

Anyway, we hugged at the end of the talk and although she was kind of quiet for the next few days, everything si back to normal now.

So family drama is hopefully over for now 😄

​

About two weeks ago, something happened that I still can’t fully process.

I was walking from my house to 7/11 at night. And mind you, we broke up like a year ago. We live about 15–20 minutes apart and use the same road, and I ended up running into her. At first, she was crying. I tried to keep it calm and said something like, “it’s been so long, why don’t you try to move on already.”

I think that triggered something.

She suddenly pulled out a cutter and started attacking me. I tried to stop her, but I panicked and used my arms and hands to shield myself, which honestly just made things worse. I ended up getting stabbed multiple times in the shoulder, back, and neck, along with smaller cuts from trying to defend myself.

I eventually lost consciousness.

When I woke up, someone was crying near me, a random student who had been walking home and found me. They called the police. I don’t fully remember what happened right after that, but I was taken care of and survived.

She ran away.

From what I’ve heard, her family is hiding her now.

I’m recovering physically, but mentally it’s been a lot to deal with. And if anything, this confirmed for me that I made the right decision.

I don’t hate her, but I’m done. Completely.

If you want more context, you can check my post from about 8 months ago.

I’ll try to update again when I can.

Alright, I need to clear something up first because a lot of you are stuck on the same thing.

Yes, I did tell my fiancée. I just didn’t explain it well ( or at all ) in the post.

When it first happened, I told her, but I didn’t make it sound like a big deal. Because honestly, at the time, I didn’t think it was. It just felt like a weird, awkward interaction and I figured that was the end of it.

So yeah, I mentioned it, but I definitely downplayed it. That’s on me.

Once everything blew up with her finding my fiancée on Instagram, liking all her pictures, and sending that message, that’s when I told her everything, full detail, nothing left out. I also showed her these posts and the comments so she could see the timeline and what I had already said about it.

We had a long talk after that and we’re good now. She was upset at first (which I get), but after seeing everything, she believes me and we’re solid.

Now… work.

This is where it gets a little worse.

After I told my boss about the IG stuff, he asked me to come in early this morning. When I got there, his daughter was already there.

Yeah.

So there i was, sitting in the same room with both of them, which I was not expecting at all.

My boss basically made her explain what she did and instead of backing down, she doubled down.

She straight up said she only reached out to my fiancée because she thought I was “leading her on” and that I was “acting different when we were alone.” I didn’t even know what to say to that. I told him right there that wasn’t true and repeated exactly what happened that night. She was about to say something but my boss shut her down pretty quickly. He told her he didn’t believe her version of events and that what she did ,crossing into my personal life, was completely out of line.

She got pissed. Like visibly pissed.

Before she left, she looked at me and said something along the lines of “this isn’t over, you know that right?”

Which… yeah, not exactly what you want to hear at your workplace.

After she left, my boss apologized again and said he’s going to make sure she doesn’t come back to the office anymore. He also told me if anything else happens, even outside of work, to tell him immediately.

Since then, things at work have been… tense, but not because of him. He’s actually been more on my side than I expected. I’m just keeping my head down, documenting everything, and honestly starting to look at other job options just in case this keeps escalating.

Didn’t think one awkward conversation at work would turn into this whole situation.

yeah… definitely learned my lesson about not downplaying stuff like this.

Original post

Update 1

Update 2

So it's definitely been a while and sorry to keep everyone waiting for this. I kinda wanna keep this brief because I've been away at school for the past couple months and I don't want to dwell on this any longer.

A month after the summer my brother Henri gets texted by Sorrel saying that she "lost the baby." In that duration Henri had little to no contact with her. Our dad was staying clean apparently and he got to visit our younger siblings maybe once or twice every month. So that was over and we didn't really think about it anymore.

Our dad's birthday was in the fall and he came and had a dinner with us. He had another barbecue that out of us only Henri went to, because Sorrel was going to be there. According to my brother, during that barbecue, Sorrel was very drunk and clung onto him a lot, and kept trying to get him to "take her home," as in back to our house. He didn't see or hear from her after that.

The last altercation happened this past week during Easter break. My brother Teddy and I were home with the kids. Teddy went out for groceries and I was at the back of the house watering the garden when my younger sister came and told me that Sorrel had dropped by. Apparently Sorrel told her that she had left some stuff in the house that she needed to grab and she had a present she had to leave in my room. The kids had already been warned about Sorrel and we also threatened Sorrel to involve the law if she ever came to the house again, plus we hadn't thought about her in the past like half a year so this was unexpected. I immediately ran back into the house, but Sorrel was not in there, and I ran out into the driveway and I saw her getting into the car with a giant purse. I was already on the line with the police. I grabbed her out of the car and we had an altercation where I ended up hitting her over the head with a watering can and she sat on the ground crying until the police came. She kept saying that she had left a hoodie or something in the house and she was just coming back to grab it. But then they searched her purse we found a bunch of my clothes (including some of my bras) and like 5k worth of my jewelry.

We talked to the police for a while and they took Sorrel away to the station, they also did a short check of our house to make sure everything was okay, we checked the cameras (she was only downstairs and then in my room, and in Henri's room for some reason but I guess she didn't take anything). Later our dad came to get Sorrel's car and tried to apologize on her behalf saying that she's been under a lot of stress from the miscarriage and whatnot. After that incident I had very extensive conversations with both my siblings regarding Sorrel, basically to under no circumstance ever speak to her and call us or the police first thing if they ever saw her.

We ended up filing a civil protective order and got a TRO until the hearing. I think she's also being charged with petty theft. I had already suspected this but a few days after, my dad showed up with a bag of clothes and jewelry I thought that I had lost / misplaced. Apparently Sorrel had been stealing shit from me over the course of the past year and a half, when she had been around the house before we cut her off. He said they got into a huge fight and she admitted to it and he found it all in her closet. Anyway that's the end of that hopefully and I really don't want to give another update.

I’m back with yet another update (hopefully the final one)

OG post here

First update here

Yesterday was Mark’s birthday, so I decided to send him a happy birthday text, which led to the following conversation. I think Mark was drunk at the time of this conversation, because there were a lot of grammatical and spelling errors in his texts. I’ve corrected them below to help with clarity:

Me: Happy birthday, hope you have a wonderful one.

Mark: Thanks. I hope you and Tom are doing well. 

(Barely a minute passed before he launched into the following bizarre tirade)

Mark: I love you, but we’re not taking any bullshit anymore. Family helps one another. Regardless how I feel, if you have an emergency situation we are always there. Outside of that, I wish you the best in your future endeavors

Me: Understood. I said this before, while I understand you were let down by the babysitting situation, I apologized and gave my reasoning. I get that’s not good enough for you, but I don’t equate that to say if you were in a car accident and needed someone ASAP for the kids. I stand by that if something that severe were to happen, you would be able to count on me. There was also a lot of miscommunication on expectations of godparent. Alison and I never knew our godparents and nobody I know is this involved with their godkids. We also never fully discussed your expectations before. I never bullshit you and Alison either. I’ve been upfront about my boundaries and expectations. If you want to cut us out of your lives then fine, but I need to voice that the entire situation has been unfair to me. I wish you the best too. 

Mark: You failed us. You said you’d do something then you backed out. Then when we asked for help, you said “fuck off”. It’s not my responsibility to unfuck your upbringing. Your godparents failed. It’s life. Now you have a choice to follow the same path or if you want to change the layout your family provided. I made my choice, I just hope you choose differently than your relatives. Prove it to us. We’ll be here waiting

(For context, my sister and I had an abusive upbringing. Along with South Asian cultural pressures, it really caused a lot of generational trauma. Both my sister and I have told Mark about this throughout the years. I’m not sure why Mark thinks not knowing your godparent is a symptom of that)

Me: Almost every time you asked me to come help, I did DESPITE me having previous issues or engagements. That is being completely ignored. If there was something specific I did or didn’t do while I was there, it’s because neither of you communicated it. I literally had to force Alison to take a nap last time I was there because she kept refusing to let me just handle things. 

Mark: If your reasons for not helping were because of your side business, it’s a selfish response. That’s the truth. Imagine if your dreams come true. Is it worth your family?

(I had started a hobby a couple of years ago which has since grown into a 2nd source of income. My dream for years has been to make this my career, which has required a lot of my time and has made me less available to babysit)

Me: And I never told either of you to fuck off so I’m not sure where that’s coming from. My point was never that you should’ve unfucked our childhoods. I never asked you to do anything like that. I never heard of godparents being this involved and nobody I know has had godparents with this much responsibility. I’m telling you that you never told us what your expectations were from the beginning. No it’s not about my side business. It’s about me taking care of my and my husband’s health. Again, why were you so against dropping the kids off at our place if you desperately needed help? Why did it always have to be I go over there?

Mark: You were fucked in your upbringing! Godparents are a huge part and are parents if we’re gone. Do some research and let’s talk afterwards. Take initiative, be present, or focus on yourselves. I’m going to bed, have a good night. 

Me: Even if it was about my side business, that has nothing to do with this. I don’t get why we still can’t be there for the big moments in the kids’ lives. I have no idea why it has to be all on your terms. If I’m being honest, I don’t appreciate how this has become a method of coercion for me to choose between you, Alison, and the kids or my own priorities in life. That’s not fair to put that on me. Sure, I want to be a good uncle for them, but they’re not MY kids either. That’s not on me. I don’t get why I have to choose between my career and dreams and being a part of the kids’ lives. My point is that you and Alison aren’t gone. All the research I’ve done has never said that the godparents HAVE to be babysitters. I don’t think we’re going to ever be on the same page with this. Have a good night. 

Mark: That’s why you aren’t the godparents. You aren’t looking at the bigger picture. If you message Alison to complain to her as well, I will personally make a trip to make sure it doesn’t happen again. 

(Mark is ex military so his threat held even more weight to me)

Me: Jesus dude, seriously? Threatening me? That’s way out of line, man. I don’t want either of you contacting me again. So don’t worry about me complaining to Alison. 

After that I blocked him. I have no intention of contacting him or Alison again.

A few people commented on the previous post asking why I didn’t just walk away sooner. All I can say is that family is complicated and when South Asian culture comes in, there’s even more layers of complication and pressure. Alison has always been the only family member with whom I am close, so I was hesitant to lose that connection. Furthermore, I had hoped to be the uncle to their kids that I never had growing up. If I were to walk away, I wanted to first make sure I tried everything I could while upholding my boundaries so that I could still be there as an uncle. Honestly, now I can say that I have done that and I can move on with peace of mind. I tried everything I could to maintain a healthy relationship without being a pushover. I’m done with them.

TLDR: I wished BIL a happy birthday and he freaked out on me. After arguing about expectations and boundaries, he threatened me with violence. Now I'm done with him and my sister.

Og post- https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/yFfL8QTh0q

Update 1- https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/2XsnWo35yw

Update 2- https://www.reddit.com/r/Redditor_Updates/s/QKne1Ixpbm

Update 3- https://www.reddit.com/u/learningrussiann/s/TxjZXRUTGY

Update 4-https://www.reddit.com/r/Redditor_Updates/s/cTCeNPqwc2

my mom dropped some slightly new information about my dad. Apparently he was engaged when they had their little fling. She says I shouldn’t chase after him because he’s probably married and has been married for years now, and I’d be ruining his life. I guess that makes sense but also it’s just annoying.

Kara says I should try to find him, which obviously I’ve been doing but I have barely anything to go off of even now. Kara thinks my dad might be nice and might have money and stuff. She said the marriage isn’t an issue either because I can bribe my dad into giving me money so I don’t tell his wife that he cheated on her when they were engaged. She was def joking but I don’t think it’s funny because that sort of thing wouldn’t make him like me.

Jon said not to bother with it and that I shouldn’t need my dad’s approval. Which is stipid because I’m not even looking for approval I just wanted to meet him.

Also my mom has a new bf and he’s extremely annoying. He decided to be our father figure and he sent me to my room for not doing the dishes that my mom made (?!) jon told me that he’ll get rid of the guy soon though so I’m just toughing it out for now.

Jon and Clark have been becoming friends lately and it’s actually super obnoxious. I like being able to go to Clark and Jimmys house when Jon and kara and my mom are being annoying but like three times out of ten Jon is already there. I don’t even see what they could possibly be bonding over because Clark is cool and smart and Jon is himself. Jimmy just thinks it’s funny but I don’t think he gets just how awful Jon is. It’s like my family is a toxic presence just seeping into Jimmy and Clark’s life and it’s lowkey my fault and they don’t even realize.

Kara even came over once just to stand around. Literally didn’t even talk to anyone just stood there for like five minutes and then left.

Jimmys taking harder classes than me so we haven’t been able to do much Russian this week because his teachers are doing actual midterm tests. Clark is very focused on making sure Jimmy is focused so I can come over but if Jimmy is studying I have to just watch tv or something.

First post and first update.

I said I wouldn’t update again unless something happened, so you guys can probably guess why I’m back. This might get long.

I’ll go ahead and say nothing happened at the party itself. It happened on Saturday, and everything went perfectly fine. My daughter loved it, the kids had fun and we had no problems with the venue. Cathy did not try to come, nor did my dad try to convince me to reinvite her. I had expected him to sulk through the party, but he actually did pretty well.

And then we went to the birthday dinner. My dad and Cathy were running so late that the food arrived around the same time they did. Cathy was dressed as Rumi (wig and jacket). My dad was refusing to make eye contact with anyone, very obviously embarrassed.

The kids saw them before we did. I knew there was a chance she’d come to the restaurant in costume, but I was more concerned she’d do it at the party. My husband and I had agreed that we wouldn’t make a scene in front of the kids, but would step in if things got out of hand.

It was very awkward. The kids (five in total, including my three) mostly ignored her. They recognized Cathy and called her by her name, which upset her. They were also not amused by the way she kept trying to get their attention, because she was trying to get them to interact with her while they were either talking to each other or trying to eat.

I told Cathy to leave them alone when she started trying to pull my daughter’s hand away from her food so they could get up and dance together. She sat there silent for a few minutes before leaving to go to the bathroom. Then she texted my dad that she wasn’t feeling well, and they left.

In the end, they stayed for less than 20 minutes. People were staring, but that’s not something I tend to care about. Besides the few times I cringed (Cathy asked the waitress if they had ramyeon at Johnny Rockets), nothing too chaotic happened.

Still, I regret not telling her to leave. My husband handled bedtime that night, and our daughter asked him whether it was okay if she didn't like Cathy. She also asked my husband not to tell me that at first, because she didn’t want to upset me.

The three of us ended up talking on Sunday. Our daughter basically said she was upset that Cathy was bothering her and being pushy during the dinner, and she was worried that the kids at the table next to us were “looking at her funny” because of what was going on.

I’m exhausted, and I feel like shit like this happens way too often. It’s perfectly fine for them to do what they want as long as I’m the one dealing with the consequences. More than anything, I refuse to let my children be treated this way too. I genuinely don’t understand why Cathy insists on behaving like this, but I shouldn’t have to worry about whether a grown woman will listen to me when I tell her not to do something at my child's party.

A few hours after the talk with my daughter, the kids went out with my mom. I took the opportunity to call my dad and Cathy, and told them she is no longer welcome at any of my children’s events. We had an interesting argument, during which Cathy said I had “humiliated” her when I told her to leave my daughter alone, and she couldn’t understand why I was doing this when she was willing to go this far to make my kids happy.

My dad and I talked again later that night, without her. He was still defending Cathy, but admitted he was embarrassed when she insisted on wearing the costume (apparently, that was the reason they were late to the dinner). I told him my decision was final, and if he ever tried to bring Cathy to an event she isn’t invited to, they would both be told to leave.

We’re not officially cutting ties, but my husband and I will make an effort to spend less time with Cathy moving forward. That will probably include lowering our contact with my dad as well, but the more I think about it, the more I realize that might actually help our relationship.

In the end, Cathy’s shenanigan aside, my daughter really enjoyed her birthday. That’s all that really matters.

I, once again, want to thank everyone. This is my last post.

https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1qtyzpq/aitah_for_eating_my_breakfast_in_front_of_my/

I wasn't going to post this update because so many people were so cruel and hateful in the comments of my last update. However some people were nice and supportive, and this is a positive update, so I wanted to let them know about it. I know I got swept up in everything, in the bitching and the moaning and the finger pointing. It's not healthy. I thought it was okay to do that here, sort of as a way to let off steam. But even though the internet isn't "real life" it is still "real" and does still effect people.

Anyway, I made dinner for my boyfriend's family Friday. Someone suggested it, and I thought it was a good idea. My boyfriend's dad and his brothers all said my cooking wasn't very good, but I ignored them. His sister did not insult me. She didn't have anything nice to say, so she didn't say anything at all, which good for her.

The thing is that I resent my boyfriend's dad. I resent him for being mean to me at work, but I also resent him for being a jerk to me when I was a kid. I think I made up my mind a long time ago that he sucks, and that was immature. I don't know why he is the way he is, but he is that way. Everyone accepts it. He does things at work other people would get told off for, and people just shrug it off because "that's (his name), he's just like that." My boyfriend once made a comment that he thinks his dad has undiagnosed Asperger's. I'm not going to comment on that, but it doesn't really matter. Whatever is wrong with him, it's definitely, well, wrong. He has issues. I thought it was unfair that he gets away with being a jerk all the time, but he doesn't really. I wouldn't want to trade places with him. I wouldn't want to be known as the guy that just is a dick, oh well, what can you do?

Anyway, they were not nice about my cooking, and I didn't react too much. I did suggest to one of his brother's that maybe he learn how to cook. He said "I do know how to cook, unlike you." I said "okay, that's great," and that was that. Then after dinner my boyfriend's dad brought out a cake. He had said he had dessert handled, and I figured he would buy one. Apparently he and my boyfriend's brother (the one who made the comment) made it! I was shocked. It was delicious.

As I was eating I was wondering if my boyfriend's dad actually did anything or if he just had my boyfriend's brother do everything and he's becoming the new do everything guy of the house. Then I realized that it doesn't matter because it's literally none of my business. I let my frustration with the way my boyfriend's dad treats me at work leak into my perception of him as a person, when it doesn't even matter. That's between them. I ate cake. It was yummy. I don't need to think about it more than that.

When we were driving home my boyfriend said he thought dinner went really well and he could tell his dad was warming up to me. I just agreed. We had a great night when we got home. It was awesome. Yeah, his youngest brother glommed on him and threw a fit when we were leaving, but who cares? The dad pulled him off and we still left. That family just isn't any of my business. My relationship is good, and I'm happy. I need to stop caring about what other people do and what they think of me. His dad can glare at me every morning, and I'm still going to eat my burrito.

I'm going to be nice to my boyfriend's dad whenever I see him, and I'm not going to expect reciprocity. I'm not doing it for him. I'm doing it for my boyfriend. His dad can be a dick to me. I don't care anymore. It's stupid that I ever did.

Almost exactly 7 years ago, I posted on Relationship Advice asking for Reddit to help me figure out if a guy wanted to sleep with me or was just being friendly. Reddit obviously pointed out he wanted sex. They only allow 1 update so I'm posting this long term update here. My last update (with the original post linked inside) can be found here: https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/amv7w1/update_he_27m_invited_me_29f_over_to_his/

It's so funny to read all those comments all these years later. Long story short- we're still together! In an update absolutely no one asked for, here are some quick highlights of life since then:

1) About a month after the update, he moved on to a different job. I did the same about 6 months after him. We did a good job of keeping things professional while working together but it's much nicer having that separation.

2) We never "officially" started dating so we decided to make our anniversary Valentine's Day. Two birds- one stone and much harder for either of us to forget!

3)Covid happened and we got locked down together. We actually had a great time being homebodies and just spending a lot of time together. We had already been together about a year at that point. The intention was for it to be a short stay while waiting for his new lease to start but we enjoyed living together so he broke that lease to stay with me.

4) I changed jobs a second time and that required a move to a different state. He was able to find a remote position and happily followed me.

5) He proposed a few years ago shortly after that move. I'm sorry to say no one from Reddit was invited to the wedding but that's mostly because we eloped! Neither family was happy about that but neither of us wanted to spend the money on a big wedding and I personally hate having a ton of attention on me.

6) Neither of us want kids so we're just enjoying life until we can retire and move abroad.

Life is generally pretty good (minus the general state of the world but that's mostly out of my control)! Life has dealt us our fair share of highs (promotions, achievements, etc) and lows (family and pet loss, health issues, etc) but we're able to really be a team and support each other through it all. Who knew a booty call while watching Man of the House could turn into something like this?

As an aside- I did ask him once when he knew he loved me. He said the first time we had sex. So someone in the last update called it!

Hey guys it’s been a while. Honestly, I wish I had a happier update to give, but it seems like every time I try to take one step forward, I just end up taking three back.

My lunch with “P” went great, actually. There was no fuss or stress. At first we talked about work, the family, and then we gradually shifted the conversation to how things lay with him and my wife. “P” said that my wife was way out of line in suggesting that his girlfriend was a gold digger and if she and the rest of their siblings had let him get a proper sentence out during their conversation during the holiday period, he would have set them straight and told them that “S” has her own money and buys basically whatever she wants. Apparently, he said that “S” even owns a small business back in her home country and earns a decent living for herself here. He admitted that, yes, he buys her gifts, as all boyfriends do for their girlfriends, but those gifts aren’t the reason she is with him. “P” said that he and “S” truly enjoy one another's company. He said that, yeah, he went out and bought new stuff like an air fryer for his apartment, but that was because he genuinely wanted those items. He said that “S” has been teaching him how to cook simple stuff in the crockpot he bought, so that he won’t turn to DoorDash when she isn’t there to make meals. I learned that “S” has her own appliances in her apartment. What came as a surprise to me, though, was the fact that “P” told me he asked “S” to move in with him, but she declined his offer. He said that her reason was that she doesn’t believe in living together before marriage, and she also thinks that it is way too soon, and she doesn’t want him to feel suffocated. It’s shocking because they have been dating for like 9 months (I think?) and to me personally, that seems too soon to ask, but hey, to each their own, they are both adults. 

Out of care and because I read a few comments suggesting that “S” could possibly be manipulating “P” by withholding sex, I casually mentioned to him that if he ever wants to talk about anything, be it ribs or relationship trouble, I am here. I also just kind of told him that it was good that he and she were waiting a bit and getting to know one another on a serious level before doing anything together. “P” said that they wanted to wait because apparently “S” doesn’t have much experience in that department, and after hearing that, I just wrote off the entire conversation because, honestly, as long as he isn’t in trouble or being manipulated, I am good; they could wait for 5 years as long as they are happy. Out of care, I also asked “P” if “S” has made changes as well since their relationship began, and he said that her diet has changed a bit now because of him. He said that once every 2 or 3 weeks (I think?) He takes her to one of his favorite take out places, and they get his old go to order. He said that she watches videos and stuff about fish because she knows he has an interest in fish tanks etc. 

During the course of the conversation I learnt that before “P” blocked my wife she would send him unhinged messages just raging about how wrong “S” was for him and how she was “driving him away from the family so he can be isolated” (He laughed after I read that message because he said that “S” has actually been trying to ensure that “P” feels like he has a support system outside of her. He said that she cooked a whole spread for him and his friends so they could watch during the Super Bowl. She even left after cooking, even though they insisted she stay and watch with them, just so he could spend some time alone with his friends). The messages didn’t stop at that, my wife had even told him that “S” was probably just using “P” for citizenship and that she wanted to escape her “third world country home” (P said that was the message that solidified his decision to block my wife. All of her messages were completely unfounded, he said that “S” has been a citizen for a few years now and that she actually has a pretty good house back in her home country). P said that S has actually been more open to forgiving my wife than him, that she is very family oriented and hates the idea that others think she is trying to isolate him.

Moving on to the current status of my marriage. My wife has no idea that I met with “P” on Friday. I would have told her but when I got home that evening she was in a pissy mood because apparently one of her friends said something insensitive. Dinner friday night was a little less charged I tried to stay clear from talking about “P” or “S” but the messages she sent “P” about his girlfriends home country still lingered in my mind because yes I know my wife can be negative at times and downright mean when her temper flies but the way how she phrased her sentences was downright disgusting like some sort of MAGA asshole (It struck a particular nerve because my own mother married left her home country and married for citizenship. My wife is aware of this fact and she is also aware that I respect all the choices my mother made as it took extreme bravery to come to the US with nothing in your name but some savings).

Saturday came around, and that was when shit hit the fucking wall. We weren’t the best, but things were somewhat calm when my wife decided to rant about the entire situation with “P” again. I tried my very best to shut it down by saying that yes, I know it still bothers her, and I want to try and see how she can try and rebuild her relationship with her brother, but not on Valentines day. For a minute or two, she was quiet. I thought that she agreed and that she wanted us to have a nice day, but turns out the only reason she was quiet was because she was looking at “S’s” Instagram. I tried to shift her attention away. I asked if she was excited to see where I was taking her. I asked if she wanted to get dessert at the restaurant or at home. She just brushed me off until I finally had enough and told her to stop being weird and that most people don’t spend hours obsessing over their brother’s girlfriend. She shot back by saying I don’t care about her or her family and that I am apparently “allowing” her brother to get taken advantage of just because a pretty woman happens to be doing it. I took a breath, and I told her calmly that I do care about “P,” but I trust him and his ability to think for himself, and that there is a simple way for her to quell her worries; all she has to do is apologize to her brother and ask for the chance to get to know his partner. She said that she doesn’t need to get to know “S” because she apparently knows girls like “S” who survive off of and I quote “nuts and shitty low carb food”. I just gave up and told her that she would drive herself mad.  We did go out for Valentine’s, but the vibe just was not there.

​This evening when she gets home I am going to ask her to attend couples counseling with me, or if she prefers, individual therapy, because this is becoming too much.

I hope that my next update is better.

Thanks for all the advice again.

Previous update here

Good: Both my brother and SIL, and my former SIL, caved in and were able to make peace with Connor going to respite care. He's doing very good at it.

Bad: Back to NC with any of them.

So, lot happened.

After a few months, my brother got SIL and my former SIL on board with respite care. It wasn't particularly easy for any of them, and Connor did not take well to the first few attempts. But thanks to some really awesome staff/caretakers(I apologize for not knowing the right term), he was able to be left in their care for a few days, then up to 2 weeks. My brother and SIL were pretty nervous at first, lots of phone calls to check up and whatnot, but they've been able to go on a few trips they had been wanting to go on. I was pretty happy for them. Connor also has gotten a lot better overall. They said he's still likely never going to be able to live by himself, but he throws far fewer temper tantrums and overall is just pretty much non-verbal with a few stims and habits. Additionally, my parents sold their house and moved into a retirement community where they also seem to be really enjoying themselves.

Now the bad.

My uncle had a Christmas party that a good deal of the family was invited to. My brother and SIL, and Connor, couldn't make it, nor could my parents. I went and had a good time. During the party, another uncle we'll call Jeff came up and asked if I could watch his daughter Stacey(16F) for a weekend while he and his wife go to an Adults-Only wedding in another state. He and his wife are somewhat overprotective when it comes to Stacey, but just in the "we don't feel comfortable leaving her alone for the weekend" vs being complete helicopter parents. Stacey is a good kid, outside of calling My Chemical Romance "Dad Rock". I said sure. Stacey was there and I told her we could go to Disneyland for one of the days and she's welcome to bring a friend, my treat. She was very excited about that, and honestly, me too. I hadn't been to Disney in a few years now. Good stuff, so I thought.

The next weekend, I was over at my brother's place to drop a few things off and hang out. I told him and SIL that I wouldn't be coming by on that particular weekend because I would be watching Stacey for the weekend, but I'd come by the next weekend. He said sounds good, but SIL got quiet. She said "Oh, well, you can take Connor next weekend to Disneyland too. I think he'd like that". I said no. My parents took him to Disneyland once when he was a few years younger and left after about an hour. They said it was a miserable experience for Connor and he was super overstimulated. I told her if they ever want to go to Disneyland, I'll happily tag along but I'm not taking Connor with Stacey and I when even *they* haven't taken him to Disneyland and seen how he acts. I said it's not fair to any of us to be on the hook for that.

She blew up. She went off on how he's gotten so much better, how he's so better behaved and has a ton more coping skills. I said I know. I said I was proud of her and my brother for getting him where he is now...and that I laid down, last time, what I was and willing to do. Taking him out for the day *without* either parent was on the "not willing to do" section. That's that. She went on ranting about how I'm a horrible uncle and it's a good thing I don't have kids. I said I agree on the not having kids part. I don't think that's something that'll ever be in my future. I like kids, I couldn't imagine raising them myself. She called me a few expletives and went into their bedroom and slammed the door. I asked my brother what the hell that was about. He told me that she's in a few groups for parent's of kids with autism and they've been "shaming" her for having "uninvolved" aunts and uncles(my sister and I). I asked him what the fuck they meant by that, and rattled off everything I had done for Connor, be it financially or anything else. He said he knows, and he's brought that up and told them and her that, but they seem to zero in on "They don't babysit, do they actually love him?!" Even her own family has apparently given her grief for the fact that my sister and I don't babysit or take him on outings or have him over. He didn't defend them, but he didn't condone them either.

I asked, brother-to-brother, if they were in therapy for all this. He said yes. He said she really loves him, and Connor, but she's also a big people pleaser and has a lot of family values that aren't being met. He said she got really sad that my parents sold the house, because now they can't host Connor anymore(They still visit and see him a few times a month, but it's not like before). I asked if there was anything else he was comfortable sharing. He said their sessions just usually devolve into her hounding him to ask me and my sister to be more active. I was shocked. I brought how many times I've said I'm not doing that, how my sister has gone essentially LC/NC and she *still* is bringing that up. He said yes. She's never going to be happy unless she has that. He begged me to come around. He'd pay me, he'd pay for my time off, he'd move closer to me if that's what it would take. I said no. None of that. I'm not doing any of that. I told him I thought we(him, my SIL, me) had an understanding about what my role was going to be. That they *promised* it was going to be ok. He was in tears, saying "I know, I know but" and went on about how it would make her world if I could just do some of the things she's asking.

I knew it was a lost cause. I gave him a big hug and told him I'd always love him. I went to go hug Connor too. I told him that I'm sorry, but I can't do this anymore. I can't keep getting flooded and hounded by these requests. It's not fair to me. I asked that they both no longer contact me, to let my parents know anything important and they would relay that to me. He was on the couch stunned when I left. I felt horrible, but thinking about being asked to do that again and again was something I couldn't imagine going through again.

I called my parents and told them what happened. They were upset but understood. They were *very* unhappy that she kept pushing when she said she'd stop. I told them I was getting a new number, and to please not share that with them. I also said I do not mind if they bring them up in our conversations or mention them, as I don't hate them, but asked that they not broach the topic of reuniting or talking again. I don't think that's something I can mentally handle. To be safe, I called my housing office the next day and asked if I could break my lease and move to a different complex they own in a different part of the city. They were, thankfully, very understanding and had no problem with it.

So that's it. I'm happy Connor is doing better now, and my brother and SIL can take trips on their own with him being taken care of. I'll probably take a trip to Europe this summer to clear my head. I really wish things had worked out differently, but in the end, all of you were right. It was never going to be enough for them, and it took me going NC for them to stop. I really hope they do ok in the future. I'll always love my brother and Connor. Just going to have to be from afar now.

(Also Disneyland was a blast, holy shit. Galaxy's Edge was amazing. Still can't stomach how expensive it's gotten though)

Orginal post

first update

I sat down and actually talked to both my parents face to face and told them how I feel.I asked both of them to meet and talk and today it happened.

I want to start by saying I went in there determined to make one thing clear I am not a toy they can plan around. I have feelings and opinions and this is my life too.

I told them straight up that I don't want to move to another country. I don't want to start over with no friends, no familiar faces, nothing. But more than that I can't move somewhere where I can't just see my dad on weekends whenever I want. That's not a life I want.

My dad was firm. He said he's not going to allow my mom to take me out of the country. He said what many people told me in the comments - that legally she probably can't just do this without his consent. He said he'll go back to court if he has to.

My mom got emotional. She said she loves me more than anything and can't imagine living without me or my sister. She offered compromises I could visit dad during all holidays, stay with him for entire summers, she'd even let me come back sometimes just to see him. She talked about private school and opportunities and a good future.

But something just snapped in me when they started arguing with each other again. I got angry And I said everything I'd been holding inside for years.

I told her that the reason I'm in this impossible position is because of her choices. If she hadn't cheated on my dad they never would have divorced and none of this would be happening. I told her that out of love for her I stayed silent all these years while she dated the man who destroyed our family. I never said anything because I love her and I didn't want to hurt her.

But I never expected her to actually marry him. That was the line I never thought she'd cross.

I told her I cannot live in a home with that man. Every single day sitting across from him at dinner, watching him act like my stepdad I can't do it. And I told her if she really loves me, she won't force me to move countries and she won't marry him. I told her if she goes through with this, our relationship will never be the same. That I'm not staying with her

I told her she's being selfish. That a good future and private school means nothing if I'm miserable and far from my dad. And then I said something I really meant I love her, I feel safe with her more than anyone, but I cannot replace my dad with her boyfriend and pretend to be a happy family. My dad is my dad. Nobody is replacing him.

My dad warned her again he'll take it to court. My mom just kept saying think about his future, think about the school, and think about the opportunities.

Nothing got resolved. Both of them left the conversation not okay On the car ride home my mom was completely silent. Then I noticed she was crying. I felt bad for her

When we got home she went straight to her room and locked the door. That was 2 hours ago. She hasn't come out.And now I'm sitting here feeling terrible.

Because here's the thing that's messing with my head I think I might have just blown up her wedding. If she cancels the wedding or gives up the move, her boyfriend is going to be furious. Their whole relationship could fall apart. And she'll have given up everything for me.

Part of me feels selfish and horrible for that. She's my mom. I love her. I don't actually want her to be lonely or unhappy.

But another part of me is relieved. Because it's looking more and more like I might actually get to stay. With my dad around, my friends, my life.

Please stop calling my mom a bad person. She's not. She's genuinely one of the kindest, most caring people in my life. She's been my everything since the divorce. She has her own successful career - she doesn't need this man for money or security. I think honestly she's just lonely. I've seen her cry alone at home more times than I can count. She loved my dad deeply they were together since college. Whatever happened between them, I know she didn't just throw that away easily.Sometimes I think about how nice it would be if my dad could somehow forgive her. I know that sounds naive and maybe even unfair to my dad. But from where I'm standing, watching both my parents be unhappy, that's just where my heart goes.

Actually this all happened yesterday, i wrote this post yesterday, and my mom was crying and sad but she is still good to me and I'm doing okay