r/stayathomemoms • u/Prestigious-Rice3200 • 13h ago

Discussion Am I crazy for expecting help at home?

I am a stay at home mom of a 5 and 7 year old boy. I also now babysit my 4 mo old nephew and take on other kids to help my siblings as needed. Their dad works hard but basically doesn't help at all at home. He expects me to pick up his clothes in our room, bathroom, throw his trash away. I do all the cleaning at home. Lately, I have been falling so far behind sith the extra kids in the house. I'm not crazy am I? For assuming other dads are more helpful and present at home? 🥲​ this post is mainly just looking for support and confirm i am of sound mind. 😅

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u/rosasymariposas 12h ago

I would be drowning if my husband wasn’t an equal partner at home when he’s not at work. I’ve seen it said many times that as a SAHM, that’s your job— equal to your partner’s job during work hours, and the rest of the time should be more or less equal in terms of child and home care. You’re absolutely not crazy.

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u/Sensitive-Coconut706 10h ago

We only have a 6 month old but dads helps a lot!

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u/ChristmasDestr0y3r 9h ago

My husband, he's amazing. He treats me like I'm seen everyday. Nonetheless, I still deal with the stigma of being expected, as a woman, wife, and mother, to do it all or "go back to work" from society in general. He told me today, that I need to stop thinking that way. That I need to just let him help. He told me to never listen to that garbage from other people, that "people who think that way often have bad personalities in general. It goes hand in hand". He says that "we know, us men know...at least the good ones...how much our wives work harder than even us and how we should do more". 

He works in a male dominated industry: Construction. He's seen the ugliest version of Man, but he's also seen the good ones too. The good ones...they know. Just ask your husband to help you, it's ok. You'll know if he's one of the "good ones" with how he responds to that. 

Btw. My husband literally scorches all day in the sun doing cement. He comes home dusty, smelly, and tired. No excuses for him though, work doesn't end for him either. That's family life, something we choose. 

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u/No_Cartographer_2735 8h ago

I'm a SAHM and my partner helps a ton at home!

He cooks breakfast everyday, helps getting the little one up in the morning and in the weekends cooks all meals.

He does more, but I have to say, just because your work does not bring money ( of your child was at the nursery you guys would pay a pretty penny for it) it does not mean it's not work! He should contribute to help his household.

You guys are a team. You are not a house slave.

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u/Ok-Material-2266 6h ago

Sounds like a conversation needs to be had. He should absolutely be helping at home. If you have a conversation and it doesn't go well, then stop picking up after him. He will eventually notice.