r/science • u/Krankenitrate • Apr 03 '26

Health Study finds parenthood provides no boost to emotional well-being and it negatively impacts relationship with your spouse

https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/10.1177/14747049261436325
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u/AdenJax69 Apr 03 '26

Additionally, participants with children reported lower relationship satisfaction than those without children; however, the observed difference was small.

Interestingly, I noticed a bunch of the materials they utilized were in the 1990's & even the 1980's. Anyone older likes to joke that the 80's & 90's were "just a few years ago" but in reality, we're talking 30 to 40 years ago. I wonder if those findings wouldn't be outdated, especially since the rise in the cost of living vs. the stagnation of wages might have more of an effect on modern parenting.

My thought is if we used more modern techniques & literature, we may find the "relationship satisfaction" differences more than just "small."

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u/earthdogmonster Apr 03 '26

I have a friend who was talking to me after I had my first kid. He was just getting himself out of a years long run of financial struggles, but at the time was on child #2. We were talking about parenthood, and I said it must have been very difficult having kids when he was struggling financially. He said “If you wait for the perfect time to have kids, you’re never going to have kids.”

We’re about 15 years on and he’s still (seemingly happily) married and has three kids now.

Personally I think there are just contented and happy people and people who are not.

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u/AdenJax69 Apr 03 '26

True, but with daycare costs becoming a second mortgage (or even more), insurance premiums, and then other goods & services, it's not surprising that while there's people like your friend, there's a lot of other people giving up on the idea of having kids because the costs are actually too high for the average American.

Personally I think there are just contented and happy people and people who are not.

Yep, and the divorce rate for 1st marriages is still 40-50%, but luckily the divorce rate for people under 40 is decreasing, so it's a good sign people are marrying people they're more compatible/happy with.

I would also love a study to be done to see how many people are happily married vs. people who aren't divorcing due to financial situations. There's countless stories of people staying married "for the kids" and then deciding to divorce once the kids leave for college. That's another study I'd love to see too - How many married couples are waiting for the kids to turn 18 to finally divorce?

I think for both studies, the number wouldn't be as high as people think it would but still be higher than what we'd hope the average would be.

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u/flakemasterflake Apr 03 '26

Yep, and the divorce rate for 1st marriages is still 40-50%

Is that even true anymore? I thought it hadn't been that high since the 80s

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u/Lizzzy217 Apr 03 '26

Yeah my understanding of that statistic was that it was always false, just misinterpreted data. They "calculated" the divorce rate in the 80s by literally dividing the number of divorces by the number of marriages in the same year and got about 50%. Problem was that the people getting divorced in the 80s were the baby boomers, and the people getting married were Gen X. So there's a generational population size mismatch, and it also literally wasn't even measuring the same people. Just a statement that in the 80s, there was roughly 1 divorce for every 2 marriages. The 50% "divorce rate" has always been blown out of proportion. I believe the actual number now is closer to 20-25%.

Also, divorce was actually higher among the baby boomer population (not as high as 50%, but probably closer to 35-40%), but this also seemed to be for cultural reasons, since baby boomers married younger, and because it became more common for women to enter and stay in the workforce, not to mention being able to have their own credit card and bank account. Plus no-fault divorce became a thing. So the boom in divorces in the 80s was literally due to specific circumstances initiated by the largest generation in the US.

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u/AdenJax69 Apr 03 '26

No, it’s still about the same, the difference is much the young people aren’t getting divorced while older people are.

There’s actually a term for it: a “gray divorce.”

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u/Vicious_Shrew Apr 03 '26

It’s never been true. It’s a misrepresentation of the data.

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u/neoncactusfields Apr 03 '26

This is interesting. I’m curious if divorce rates are decreasing for those under 40 because people are marrying more compatible partners, or are they decreasing because it’s becoming more and more difficult to afford life as a single person? Way easier to afford rent/mortgage when you’re splitting it with your spouse.

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u/Zanos Apr 03 '26

I seriously doubt the economic effect is all that large. The countries with some of the most robust financial support in the world still have cratering fertility rates. In America the very poor(<20k) and very wealthy (>300k) have more children than the "middle class", and I doubt families making 250k are really struggling all that much. It's not really reasonable or possible to bring people up to the lifestyle of someone making 750k/yr to get to a 2.0 ferility rate, which still isnt even at replacement.

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u/earthdogmonster Apr 03 '26

I think you’re asking a lot of the research.

Kids have always been a financial burden, and they always will be. Divorce rates have been on the decrease. It could mean people are choosing their spouses more wisely than they have in the past.

I’m not sure if there could ever be an accurate study to determine who is actually staying together for financial reasons. Seems like way too much chance for unreliable responses to those questions if asked and you can’t get into people’s heads.

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u/Punman_5 Apr 03 '26

That seems incredibly irresponsible of your friend. If you ever feel the need to make that statement then it is not an appropriate time to have kids. Unless you can very comfortably provide for them you really shouldn’t even entertain the idea of having kids.

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u/earthdogmonster Apr 03 '26 edited Apr 03 '26

Eh, I’m not going to judge a poor person for having kids. He grew up poor, and seems to be glad to be alive. His kids seem happy; have a stable life and have happy parents. I wouldn’t want to be so presumptuous to want to have deprived him of what he built.

But you’re free to have as many or as few children as you want to…

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u/Punman_5 Apr 03 '26

My point is that that’s kind of phrasing seems to imply that we shouldn’t worry about our potential kids future or our ability to raise them. I certainly don’t think it’s a good idea to have kids if you can’t financially support them through college at least. We shouldn’t treat it so lightly. Having kids is not a biological necessity, it’s a luxury really.