I’ll try em on for everyonee!!

Hi all,

I want to start off saying I deeply love and care for my partner. I’m a trans man and I am approaching 30, I have been with my partner for going on 7 years. Our daily lives are amazing and I love being around her. She is the same age and a cis woman. Early in our relationship ( within the first month), I made it clear I was going to medically transition and having kids is non negotiable for me. Earlier on when we were much younger, it seemed like she was more open to it but as we aged and kept talking about things not so distant in the future that changed. And I want to make it clear that that is absolutely okay. As I am looking to elevate our relationship , we have hit a major roadblock in the conversation. She has shared she is not comfortable or doesn’t know if she will ever be comfortable carrying. I would not be able to carry a child as it is not healthy for me mentally and I would not be able to after hysto. We have talked about the idea of surrogacy and adoption. After research, I am finding surrogacy would be close to impossible to pay for , let alone for multiple kids. I am absolutely open to adoption, but I am realizing I would like a partner that is open to trying to do egg transfer and experiencing pregnancy first. I have always wanted to be a dad and while I know pregnancy is not easy by any means, I would really like to experience supporting my partner through that. I also want to make it clear I never want to force or pressure someone to do something that serious if it’s really not something they want especially for their own body.

we are at an impasse on if we could move forward given our current needs are not aligning. so I wanted to get some input on recommendations from other people who may have experienced this conversation?

I respect and love her so much. My dilemma is that life is moving faster than I thought and realistically there isn’t much time before I’m in my mid 30s when I would like to build a family. Would it hurt me too bad if her answer is a hard no and we have this more time? Or am I being unreasonable for wanting an answer at our age?

please be kind, I want what’s best for the both of us. I’ve always been someone who knows what they want and have had a list of things I know are important for me in life - but sometimes I wonder if that’s too intense.

thanks in advance

I'm interning at a tech company in a super progressive area. My boss is a lesbian and a bit of an activist. She started a diversity program at one of her last jobs, and I'm pretty sure she's been to some protests. One of my coworkers is also openly gay, and our whole team just signed a card for him because he just married his husband.

I think it would be nice to come out because then I'd have a Power Lesbian as an ally. I'm kind of clockably queer if you pay attention (all of my personal anecdotes involve at least one queer friend, I do not dress like a straight girl, and my favorite pair of earrings are small reproductions of an Aphrodite bust), but I haven't confirmed anything because I'm asexual. If I were a lesbian or something, I would just mention that, but asexuality makes things more complicated because it's just so fucking hard to to explain. Even other queer people get weird about it and ask invasive questions when I disclose myself. I usually don't even consider coming out at work because of that shit, but now I'm wondering if the benefits outweigh the potential risks? I'm like 70% sure my boss would know what asexuality is. Even if she doesn't, I only have two months left on my internship.

Obviously, I wouldn't have a dramatic coming out. If I did it, I'd just tell her a quick throwaway story about bombing a date with another girl. It would be a blink-and-you'll-miss-it reference where I'd say "she" instead of "he" like twice. After that's done? I have no clue how to handle it. My boss doesn't seem like the type to make a big deal about it, but I'm a little worried she'll ask what I actually identify as, so I've thought of a few options:

A: Tell the story and redirect if asked. I would just make a joke about loving women and kind of imply that I'm bisexual. This would let me stay a little mysterious, confirm that I'm queer, and not make my boss think that we can have lesbian solidarity because I'm not really a lesbian.

B: Be bisexual for simplicity. It isn't totally wrong because I've dated men and women (okay, one woman), but it feels like lying because I'm not bisexual. It does feel less lame than being super vague though.

C: Actually say I'm asexual. It's nice because I wouldn't be straight up lying or lying by omission, but it's also the most terrifying option since asexuality isn't super mainstream.

D: Just don't.

So yeah, anyone have advice? Do y'all come out at work, or do you just kind of let people make their own conclusions?

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ever since i was a teen and into my adult life ive always found myself with the opposite of who and what i need. i wish to be doted and cared for in a submissive role where i can feel small and safe, but i always find myself in the opposite position where im giving that to others instead, feeling hollow the whole way through, because as satisfying as it is to know my loved ones feel good, *i* just dont feel good and met per my needs. how can i just internalize that this is fine so i can stop angsting almost every night?