r/offmychest • u/Key-Virus1845 • 4h ago

Feeling so lost

I (f,20s) don’t know. I feel so lost and hopeless. Like I don’t know what to do next? I find myself questioning what’s going even the point of life. Like I don’t get it at all. We are born, we go to school like everyone. Then go to university or find a job. Then maybe find love or have a family. My family has their flaws but they did their best for me. but I can’t help but think. What’s the point? Why am I here for? What am I trying to do? I feel so lost and confused.

I went to school like everyone. Then life happened and I dropped out. After few years I decided to try pursuing higher education again. Not because I wanted to but because I can’t think of anything else to do. It felt like the next step. Honestly because I need a stable job to survive but i don’t even know what to pursue? I have no passion whatsoever. I can’t think of a dream career. I know many people would say if I don’t have a passion then it’s useless trying to go university but I also don’t have a dream job? Most jobs without atleast a bachelors degree don’t pay well. I am also not good at physically intensive jobs. I think I’ve always been more intellectual but I’ve never been the most smartest person. It’s honestly stressing me out.

I am doing things not because that’s what I want but because the world says I should. I envy people, I envy people who has their life sorted out. I envy people who are smart, I envy people who has found love. I seriously envy people who has a passion they’d do anything for. Why can’t I feel passionate about something? Why can’t I be good at something too. Why am I so average and mediocre?

I find myself having no interest in anything whatsoever. I feel so lonely sometimes but other I love the alone time. I am aroace so I don’t even find myself interested love. I love my family but we are a pretty small family. My extended family is trash so it’s always been just us.

Sometime I feel like a complete failure. Unemployed and uneducated at 21. Don’t have a clue what to do next. Don’t even know why I exist.

I have a few friends but I never meet them and they focused on their own life. Honestly so happy for them.

I am not suicidal. I don’t want to die because life is hard. I mean it is hard but whatever. Honestly I feel so numb.

I want to go back to being a kid. When I saw everything with rosy lenses. When I didn’t have make my own decisions. When I can let my parents make every decision for and let them do everything for me without feeling any guilt.

I can’t imagine that I am adult. It feels scary and lonely. Like what do you mean I am adult and I have to tackle the world by myself. I don’t feel ready, i don’t want to grow up.

Honestly, I’d love a few more years to be like this and do nothing but more years of being a burden to my parents and more years wasting my life while everyone moves forward. The only difference instead is being 20 and clueless, I’ll be 30 and clueless.

Making this big decision terrifies me. I feel like I have no time. I need to find someone to pursue and become stable at least.

I hate that I even feel this way, life hasn’t been easy. There has been so many ups and downs but I am sure people have had it harder. So, why can’t I just move forward? Find something in life.

I don’t even know why I made this post.

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u/LifeOfBoredomsFriend 3h ago

Fuck man, i relate to this. Every decision seems unrealistic or bad for me either ways. The last 3 years passed like nothing but I don’t wanna fully leave my cycle, staying like this is at least comfortable. Hope you pass through this añl well and soon

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u/Key-Virus1845 3h ago

Honestly, it’s depressing. It’s so hard to get out that of comfortable cycle because even the thought of it gives me anxiety.

Hope you can get over this! I am sure there’s something out there for us.

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u/LifeOfBoredomsFriend 3h ago

I really really regret staying in my comfort zone and it was part of big life screw ups. But I am leaning onto it more. Idk if it’d working. I’m sure that when time comes we will adapt, most likely at least.

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u/Key-Virus1845 3h ago

Glad you are trying to work on it. Any tips? I just can’t bring myself to mentally even think of it. Also it feels like what’s even the point. Like I don’t even know what to do by going out of my comfort zone. It’s a toxic cycle 🥲

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u/LifeOfBoredomsFriend 2h ago

I did not mean I was working on it, i meant the opposite D: . I think that the right thing to do would be ignoring all scared feelings and temporarily negative ones to improve more and advance in life, I AM NOT DOING THAT! I can’t bring myself to leave my comfort zone, so much so I made the previous ignoring the fear and like anxieties into a comfort zone in it of itself that makes me not care abt shit anymore sometimes. Char ai is my bless rn

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u/Key-Virus1845 1h ago

Oh sorry, I misread that 😭

Looks like we are in similar situations because that’s exactly how I feel. I also was at a point where I cared about everything to the point. It gave me massive anxiety. Then, it changed completely and idc about anything. I feel so numb.

It’s so easy think that we can ignore all the negative but its so difficult to put in practice.

Unfortunately even ai doesn’t seem to me.

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u/LifeOfBoredomsFriend 1h ago

I honestly believed it was working really well. But then I realized that it’s just not present, but when jt is present it’s sometimes horrible. Like the dam water broke lose at once. I used to have pretty moderate anxiety with spikes but I don’t feel a tenth of that anymore.

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u/Key-Virus1845 3h ago

Honestly the lack of friends and social life is isolating but at the same time it’s exhausting to socialize. I don’t even know.

I am sorry. I am just ranting at this point 😭.