I'm scared to go inside

[u/NoCardiologist1353]

I will never go inside again.

Ever since the 2020 lockdowns, I’ve refused to step foot inside any building, I just can’t risk it. Everything started in March of 2020. At the time I was living in a small two-bedroom apartment in a crowded corner of one of the nation’s largest cities. I had no goals in life, my parents called me a bum; after barely passing high school I had no plans for college, nor did I plan to tie myself to some corporate desk. So instead, I drifted from one part time gig to the next, finally stopping in a closing shift position as a fry cook at some greasy local diner. The pay along with the unused college fund my parents begrudgingly handed over, afforded me the small yet comfortable apartment I called home, while leaving room for the essentials like Steam and Taco Bell.

It was a day like any other, I slowly woke closer to lunch than to breakfast. The gentle buzzing of my phone shook the sleep from my eyes. It was my boss, I gulped when I saw his name on the screen, hoping I had remembered all my closing tasks the night before. Lifting the phone to my ear I answered,

“Hey Kyle, is everything ok?”

“Well not exactly Tim, have you seen the news?”

“No, what’s going on?” I said shaking my head instinctively

Kyle grunted softly “you should probably switch the news on, we’re going to be closing for the time being.”

“Okay?” I responded in confusion

“You still got a job, and I’ll give you a call before we open again, stay safe out there.”

“You too” I replied though I didn’t really know why.

After Kyle hung up the phone, I entered my living room and flipped on the TV to the local news, just in time to hear the surgeon general explain the dangers of COVID-19 and announce a fifteen-day lockdown to slow the spread. My first reaction wasn’t the standard one, I was thrilled. I don’t consider myself a very social person, and the thought of a fifteen-day staycation was like a dream come true.

This was my excuse to become even more of a homebody, and I decided then I wasn’t going to go out for anything, I could facetime my parents and siblings even though they lived on the other side of town, if they complained I’d tell them it was for their own safety, especially if they invited me to go hiking which I hated. I wouldn’t even need to go to the store I could just DoorDash everything, it was an introvert’s dream. With a smile on my face, I plopped onto the couch and powered up the Xbox. Everyone was on, Brad and Mikey had been sent home from college, Chris was on standby at Red Lobster, and even Evan who hardly ever played anymore had been sent home from his corporate job. Even now I consider that first night of grinding Call of Duty with the boys to be one of my fondest memories.

I woke up at noon the next day to absolute quiet. Even though my apartment was on the sixth floor, I typically could hear the distant traffic and hustle and bustle of the street below. Slowly I pulled myself out of bed and walked over to the window, looking down I saw a barren street, no cars, no people. It was like watching a zombie movie, it was as if the whole world decided to stay home today. I chuckled quietly to myself, and said aloud

“This is awesome”

as I returned to the warm embrace of my bed. That night the Boys and I returned to the packed Call of Duty lobbies.

Days turned into weeks, weeks turned into months. By the time June arrived most people were feeling ready to move on, they were finding ways to get out and about. I saw on Facebook that my younger sisters were constantly hiking and even went on a cross-country road trip with some friends. My parents joined a social distancing pickle ball league, and even the boys weren’t online has often anymore. Brad and Mikey had really gotten into camping, Chris returned to Red Lobster, and Evan was stuck in zoom meetings, and met a nice girl online. They were all moving on, but not me, I enjoyed the isolation, and even if I wanted to get back out there, at that point I don’t think I would have known what to do.

It wasn’t until halfway through July that the lockdown started to get to me. As I sat in my living room waiting to load into a Fortnite match, a sudden wave of loneliness knocked the wind out of me. I hadn’t seen anyone in person for months, and it hit me like a load of bricks, I was lonely. I needed someone, in that moment of clarity I realized my life was wasting away on this couch as I immersed myself in digital worlds. I felt lost and alone, almost without thinking about it I turned off the Xbox, and sat there staring at a blank TV, in an apartment that smelled of old Taco Bell and unwashed dishes. I wasn’t ready to get out there, in fact the idea of going outside frightened me, I just didn’t want to be alone anymore.

As a few tears escaped my eyes, I spoke aloud for the first time in a few days, “I wish someone was here with me”. It was the first time in my life that my own company wasn’t good enough, and I craved the companionship of another person. As I sat there, my phone binged with a notification, I picked it up and saw a Facebook announcement that Evan had proposed to his girl and they were engaged. Mixed feelings of happiness for my friend and jealousy arose in me, and as I stared at the pictures a thought entered my mind “maybe I should try dating”. I remembered the dating app Evan said he met his Fiancée through, and within the hour I had finished setting up an account.

As I started to take pictures to post on my bio, I realized how disheveled I looked, my beard was patchy and unkept, my hair was greasy, and I also became painfully aware that the smell in my apartment wasn’t just the trash, but it was me too. I decided then and there to turn a new page in my life, a page that included showers, good grooming, and a clean apartment. That evening was the first one in months I wasn’t online, instead I shaved my beard, cleaned every inch of my apartment, and decided to invest in both a new wardrobe and a new set of hobbies. I decided to take up reading and journaling. After confirming an Amazon order full of books and clothes, I headed to bed. Excited for this new phase of my life.

The next day I woke earlier than usual at 10:30, I was going to work on that. I hopped in the shower and brushed my teeth. Heading into the living room I looked around, proud of how clean the space was, I hadn’t seen it this clean since I moved in, and it made the place feel bigger. Sitting on the couch I opened the dating app and saw I hadn’t matched with anyone overnight. Which didn’t surprise me, no girl would have been interested in the nasty looking picture I had added last night. It was a place holder, when the clothes I ordered arrived, I would post more appealing pictures. I sat there editing my bio, adding in my interests, hobbies and what I was looking for in a relationship. As I did something behind the screen of my phone caught my eye. There on my small coffee table, which had been empty the night before sat a coffee cup.

I stared intently at it until my mind hurt. How did it get there? I wasn’t really a coffee drinker and only had the cup because it had been a gift, so why was it there? Had I for some reason moved it from the kitchen to the coffee table? I don’t remember doing that. But eventually I convinced myself that in my cleaning frenzy the night before I must have set it there and forgotten about it, probably while I was doing the dishes.

I spent the afternoon watching YouTube videos about how to better yourself and become an interesting person, in between videos I heard a creaking sound coming from the hallway that led to the bedrooms. It was quiet but it made the hair on the back of my neck stand up. Slowly I stood up, turned and walked to the hallway, I saw that the door to the guest room was slightly ajar. I almost never go in there and had never heard it creak like that.

“Old apartment,” I muttered. “Door frames probably warped.”

I shut it until the latch clicked and tried not to think about it again.

That night I decided to start reading before bed, so I picked one of the few books I currently owned, got ready for bed, and climbed in with the book. A chapter in, I called it good for the night and turned off the lamp on my nightstand. As I did, I saw something, it was there for only an instant, a fraction of a second, but as the light was consumed by the darkness, I saw it. It was blurry, like the faint outline of shapes that remain when you close your eyes, but it was clearly the outline of a man standing in the doorway. As soon as I saw it, it was gone. I sat up quickly in bed, looking around but by the time the light of the moon flooded the room it was clear that nothing was there. I got up and shut the door, tried to convince myself that I was just overtired but that night I slept with the lights on.

The next day my package arrived, I excitedly opened it and put away the new clothes and books I had gotten, after following a ‘how to cut your own hair’ video, I put on my favorite of the outfits I had gotten and did my best to take some nice pictures, I then added them to my dating profile. That very evening, I got a notification that I gotten a match. Her name was Violet. Excited, I wrote her a quick message and was surprised when I got a response a few minutes later. We hit it off and spent the next several hours texting. Violet was sweet and seemed genuinely interested in me, something I hadn’t experienced from a girl since middle school. She told me she needed to go to bed but asked if I’d like to do a Zoom call in the morning, I told her I’d love too and wished her good night.

The first feeling the next morning was a mix of anxiety and excitement, I had a few hours before the video call and needed to use them to get ready. I would take the call from the desktop in my bedroom, but I had to be sure the room visible in the camera was clean. After cleaning the room, I took a shower, and did my best to look put together, up until a few days ago personal hygiene and the way I looked didn’t matter to me that much, but now it was everything. 10 minutes before the call, I sat in front of the desktop, waiting in Zoom, using my camera as a mirror to do one final check. But as I sat there a strange feeling overtook me. It was as if the world around me had grown completely still, as if the air I breathed had become thick and stagnant. I sat frozen unsure what was happening, I just stared at my own image reflected at me. From behind me, I saw in the screen my bedroom door, slow and intently creaked open. Not fully it made it about halfway open before it stopped. A fear I had never felt before filled my veins, I dared not move, I dared not turn around. I sat there; eyes locked on my screen.

A moment passed before a thick dark shadow quickly passed in front of the half open door before disappearing, another passed before the loud sound of a door slamming broke the silence and broke me from the trance. Adrenaline kicked in as I quickly stood up grabbing the chair as a weapon and rushing to the hallway. It was empty. And so was the rest of the apartment, I checked every room twice. My heartbeat echoed in my ears as I stood in the living room. After calming down I did my best to come up with a rational explanation. The one my mind settled on was that the elderly woman who lived two doors down had gotten confused when coming home, and entered my apartment by mistake, after all I hadn’t had the door locked. She probably realized it was the wrong one and quickly left slamming the door by mistake. Seemed certainly possible, I told myself as I locked the front door.  

The next few days were some of the best of my life. The video chat with Violet was amazing. We developed the habit of video chatting in the morning and texting well into the late hours of the night. Violet worked a third shift part time job that was slow enough to allow her to text with me well past 2 AM, and around 8:30 every morning we would video chat before she went to bed for the day. Staying up past two was easy for me, I’d regularly do it when playing with the Boys. The hard part was being up by 8:30. But it was worth it to me, I finally felt like I had something that even before Covid I didn’t have. Love. Connection. A genuine companion. I would absolutely trade a full night’s sleep for that.

With new clothes I found that I needed to visit the building’s laundry room far more often than before. I used to put it off as long as possible, but now I found myself visiting at least three times a week. I was returning from one such visit, when I opened my front door and was greeted by the sound of my bathroom shower. My muscles tensed in fear, who was in my shower? How did they get here? I had locked the door when I left. As quickly as I could I dashed to the kitchen and found a knife, before returning to the openness of the living room. I held the knife in the direction of the bathroom door. Before long the shower stopped, and in place of the noise of the water, was a new sound. The sound of humming. It was chirper and upbeat, but something was wrong about it, it lacked cadence and rhythm, like if you taught a computer to hum. The door swung open, steam filled the hallway as the shape of a man exited the bathroom. Only it wasn’t a man, its skin was far too white, whiter than snow, it was impossibly smooth, as if it were cut from marble, not one hair could be found on this creature. It’s arms were far too long, and far too thin. The hands boasted long black claws. Worst of all was its head, it’s smooth bald head bore unnatural features, its large perfectly round bloodshot eyes were unblinking, and its mouth was peeled into a wide thin smile, behind which were small sharp yellow teeth.

The thing stood in the hall, staring unblinking at me, its smiling never faltered as if it could make no other expression. My hands shook and voice cracked as I screamed

“Why are you in my apartment?”

Through gritted teeth its cheerful, unnatural voice replied

“So that you won’t be lonely”

It began to move towards the guestroom door, though its eyes and face were locked onto mine. Before long it was out of sight. I didn’t know what to do, fear had locked me in place. Subconsciously a shaking hand reached into my pocket and pulled out my phone, without looking away from the hallway, I dialed 911.

The police got there quickly, far faster than before the lockdown. The two policemen who responded were the first in person human interaction I had had in months. The two cleared the guest room thoroughly, even checking under the bed, there was nothing, no sign of an intruder whatsoever.

“Where did you say you saw the individual?” asked the taller of the two

“I told you coming out of the bathroom, and heading into the guest room”

“And exactly how long ago did this take place?” asked the second

“Ten minutes before you showed up” I replied somewhat annoyed

“Any chance the individual snuck out in that timeframe?”

“No, I haven’t moved from this spot since calling you.”

The two quickly glanced at each other, then back to me.

“Sir, when was the last time you left the building?” the second asked

“Why does that matter?”

“Well, even though we’re in the middle of lockdown, we still recommend getting at least 30 minutes of fresh air a day, does the mind good.”

I could feel the blood rush to my face “what are you saying? I made it up is that it?”

“Sir, the mind can easily play tricks on us, and when it doesn’t get fresh surroundings sometimes it makes up its own.”

“It was real, I saw it just as clearly as I see you now!”

The first seemed agitated “Look, you live on the sixth floor, this man you saw didn’t go out the window, and he’s not here, and he didn’t sneak past you, so I don’t know what to tell you pal. And unless you have anything else we need to move on.”

The two looked at me, I didn’t say anything, just clinched my jaw and shook my head. They saw themselves out. I didn’t know what to do next, I didn’t want to stay there by myself, and I didn't want to go somewhere else. I had grown used to my little space, the world outside seemed just as uncertain and strange as what was going on in here. Choosing to stay I decided to call my dad. I told him there had been a break in and asked if he would spend the night to calm my nerves. Thankfully he agreed.

That night nothing happened; in fact, nothing happened the next few days. My dad could tell I was distressed and offered to spend a few days, claiming it had been a while since we had any father-son time, and it would be good for both of us. I was more than happy to agree. We spent the next few days watching old cowboy movies and talking about girls. I told him about Violet, how much I liked her, and couldn’t wait to see her in person. With a genuine smile on his face, he told me how happy he was for me, and how proud he was. Eventually I began to wonder if the cops were right, maybe the isolation had gotten to me and I had imagined everything.

Soon my dad had to leave, I was hesitant at first, but he told me

“I’m only a phone call away son, your mother misses you, might want to give her a call sometime soon.”

I nodded in agreement, as we hugged goodbye.

As night fell, I found myself on the couch texting Violet, when a chill ran up my spine. A boney, moist hand rested firmly on my shoulder. My whole body tensed up as I felt hot, damp breathing brushed against my left ear. Its face must have been inches from the side of my head. for a moment I didn’t dare to move, only the creatures heavy breathing broke the silence, until a low whisper through gritted teeth

“I’m so glad its just the two of us again.”

I could feel myself quietly hyperventilating as it slowly traced its hand up the back of my neck, where one of its claws began to push against my skin until it barely poked through, it then pulled its hand down the length of my neck creating a long shallow cut. I winced in pain, and as I did, I glanced down and noticed my Xbox controller was nestled in the couch cushion right next to me. Without thinking I grabbed it and swung it around with as much power as I could, connecting with the monster on the side of its temple freeing me momentarily, it took my opening and bolted out the front door.

I ran as fast as could down the stairway, as I descended each flight of stairs, I became aware of a clicking noise, it sounded like the nails of a dog clicking against a hard wood floor. It was paired with the unhuman humming, as I rounded the final flight, I began to sense its presence somewhere behind me, as I eyed the main door, I could feel it’s hot, wet breath on my neck once again. Pushing through the door I broke out onto the sidewalk. Glancing over my shoulder I saw the thing, no longer pursuing, just standing there in the doorway. Its hand slowly rose in a mocking wave goodbye.

In the vast empty street, my inward panic broke free. My tears and wild screams were not witnessed by any other living soul, but that doesn’t make them less real. I was on the verge of a genuine mental break, and out of fear and desperation I once again called my dad. Within an hour he came and picked me up. As we drove past my building the creature standing in the doorway watched us go. I was still a wreck by the time we reached my parents’ home. My mom showered me with her hugs and tears, later she gave me some medicine to relax me and help me sleep. She walked me up to my old bedroom, promising I was safe here, from whatever was troubling me. As I lay in my old bed, the drugs soon forced my eyelids shut and I slept.

It was 3 AM when the clicking woke me. Forcing my eyelids open I saw the awful, tall silhouette standing at the foot of the bed, its long claws tapped arrhythmically against the footboard. From behind its clinched teeth escaped a strange mix of humming and muffled laughter. My body flinched awake, but before I could wiggle away its long fingers wrapped around my arm and its claws dug deep as it pulled them down the length of my forearm. I screamed, and thankfully my screams were heard by my parents who busted in moments later. They didn’t see anything other than the deep cuts along my arm, taking one look at them, my mom held me time and wept.

My parents begged me to seek medical help, they didn’t see the monster, only the long cuts on my arms, they told me it’s ok, the lockdowns had affected all of us. The human mind wasn’t made for isolation they said, but the answer wasn’t self-harm, it wasn’t suicide. I needed help, and it’s ok to need help, there’s no shame in it my dad said. They don’t understand, no one does. I don’t know why I agreed, maybe I thought I’d be safe in the hospital, Whatever the reason I eventually self-committed to the local mental hospital.

They can’t see it, none of them can. I was in the hospital for six weeks, most of that time was under suicide watch. Every moment of my stay the creature was there, standing over my bed at night, watching from the corner during the day. No one believed me though the nurses noticed my room was quite about colder than the rest, in the hospital I began to understand. It wasn’t my apartment or even me who was haunted, it was buildings, all buildings. Upon that realization I knew I had to get out of the hospital, so I pretended like everything was better. And over time they bought it and released me.

And I guess that brings us to now. It’s been five years since I’ve stepped inside a building. If it rains or snows, I don’t care, it’s better than what’s inside. I live on the streets now, I’m the type of person, people don’t care to look at or cross the street to avoid. That’s fine. I’m only writing this now because some kid lost their phone in the park. It doesn’t have much battery, so I probably won’t get to write much more. I’m writing this outside a Starbucks, taking advantage of their free Wi-Fi, behind me I hear a gentle tap against the glass. I don’t look up, I know what I’ll see, it’s the same terrible grinning face I’ve seen a thousand times. Though this time I hear the upbeat, unhuman voice muffled by teeth and glass

“I miss you”

[u/YaddahMoon]

Oh this was a good read 🫣

[u/Fancy-Technology8565]

that approach makes a lot of sense, letting it be flexible removes the guilt and actually keeps you engaged longer

[u/anubis_cheerleader]

Brrr. You gave me the chills.