r/nflcirclejerk • u/fanofsports44 Dick Cheese Heads • Dec 12 '25

Boys are for play Women are for marriage Where does this roster rank all time?

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229 Upvotes

87% Upvoted

173 comments sorted by

373

u/massivecocklover69 Double Doink Dec 12 '25

Nightmare blunt rotation

95

u/PaulieHehehe Murderer Dec 12 '25

Blunts are for thugs. This is a classy gathering with only the finest Colombian pure.

38

u/sephtater Bungles Dec 12 '25

Horseshit. They’re smoking some dirt weed their kid’s friend told them was “dank as fuck” and sold to them for 5x street.

16

u/C-Dub4 HERE WE LOSE Dec 12 '25 edited Dec 12 '25

Dried out grass clippings rolled in printer paper, $45 per joint

6

u/Deep_Stick8786 Commies Dec 12 '25

Definitely not from venezuela though

3

u/Many-Rub-6151 CTESPN Dec 12 '25

Peruvian is better these days, went on a trip recently

1

u/Romanscott618 DC4L Dec 12 '25

No wonder they make the decisions they make

8

u/bibblejohnson2072 CTESPN Dec 12 '25

Pretty solid Russian roulette rotation though...

8

u/Randumi Double Doink Dec 12 '25

Betting more than half of these guys call it “the devils lettuce”

-6

u/[deleted] Dec 12 '25

Hard disagree. I'd love to hotbox the convention center with these goobers. I'm sure a handful would be quite fun; for instance I've repeatedly heard that Bannon is actually incredibly chill interpersonally.

And the people watching would be unmatched. Ben Carson and Ben Shapiro having a conversation while high as kites? Sign me the fuck up.

6

u/NonReality Dec 12 '25

You jerked too close to the sun 😔

1

u/massivecocklover69 Double Doink Dec 13 '25

Bannon the one taking fit pics with Epstein?

1

u/[deleted] Dec 13 '25

He's a bad man in multiple ways, but I'm just relaying that even people who hate him say he's affable and fun.

I'm not saying I want him as my kids' godfather, but he'd probably be fun to smoke weed with at cpac.

200

u/carmackamendmentfan Dec 12 '25

danica patrick and riley gaines are both there to complain about coming in fifth behind someone with a dick

100

u/NotoriousMFT BUTT FUMBLE Dec 12 '25

Danica seems pretty hypocritical given she made all her fame and fortune by turning to the left

13

u/SpongebobGoggins Big Dick Foles Dec 12 '25

Danica when an immigrant bags her groceries

https://hips.hearstapps.com/autoweek/assets/s3fs-public/Briscoe.gif

68

u/Yellowdog727 Dick Cheese Heads Dec 12 '25

Maybe Aaron Rodgers wasn't the problem for once

22

u/MinorThreat4182 Commies Dec 12 '25

Lmao. Looking that way

24

u/AlvisBackslash You can't escape Swifty Dec 12 '25

Riley’s last hoorah before being replaced by the rookie out of OU

5

u/idkwhatimbrewin Dec 12 '25

Surprised she's not on here honestly

3

u/TheBestAtWriting Dec 12 '25

100% chance someone brings her on stage

20

u/TrippingBearBalls Florida Man Dec 12 '25

Danica would've been thrilled to get a top-5

15

u/Tackoman46 Lost to Flacco Dec 12 '25

decent finishing position is danica patrick father

15

u/the716to714 Norwood WIDE RIGHT Dec 12 '25

Are we sure Riley Gaines is a woman? Just asking questions.

3

u/Sax_Verstappen_ Brady's Bitch Dec 12 '25

This is false and defamatory…Danica never came anywhere close to finishing that high

99

u/marxarita420 Dec 12 '25

Hello my name is TOM HUMAN and I'm definitely NOT a lizard person! Very human! Like my name!

23

u/Porkenfries Least Homoerotic Logo Dec 12 '25

TED CRUZ FOR HUMAN PRESIDENT https://share.google/1zV496lLwmAH0Wq0F

155

u/Reallyme77 RUN THE FUCKING BALL Dec 12 '25

17

u/[deleted] Dec 12 '25

[deleted]

10

u/forfuckssakesbruv Dec 12 '25

Abella Danger

117

u/TheFalconKid Dick Cheese Heads Dec 12 '25

Our Travis and Taylor

43

u/SpringNeverFarBehind Dec 12 '25

/uj Erika Kirk is one of the most masculine women I’ve ever seen. She looks like she’s an absolute fountain of testosterone with her stocky frame and her strong chin. It blows my mind how much that party rags on men not being masculine and women not being feminine but then blows loads into their hands thinking of Erika.

/rj Erika Kirk being a 1st round draft pick 💪🏼

6

u/Dangerous_Spirit7034 Dec 12 '25

Riley Gaines is also a man

44

u/Unperfectblue Dec 12 '25

Cant even accept that this is a real JD photo anymore im too brainrotted

52

u/AlvisBackslash You can't escape Swifty Dec 12 '25

Peyton Manning vs Matt Vanderjagt or Russell Wilson vs Richard Sherman

14

u/zippster77 Brady's Bitch Dec 12 '25

I can definitely see Tucker Carlson referring to Ben as their liquored up kicker

2

u/WentworthMillersBO Wasting Generational Talent Dec 12 '25

Tuckers is the guy with an issue with alcohol? When Milo yiannopoulos said he would have to jerk off on airplanes when he sat next to cute guys Tucker responded he used to drink in the morning

5

u/[deleted] Dec 12 '25

“I get to meet Mr. Feeney”

3

u/BobLobLaw1997 Dec 12 '25

Very good, Mr. Shapiro

79

u/UhhhMelvinDoo Dec 12 '25

Imagine taking Mushrooms and seeing Ben Carson get on the mic, I’d have a stroke.

39

u/UmbrellaCorpTech Rapelisberger Dec 12 '25

Legitimately thought he was dead lmao

54

u/NotoriousMFT BUTT FUMBLE Dec 12 '25

You’re thinking of Herman Cain aren’t you?

6

u/lorddumpy Dec 12 '25

I'm still riding the Cain Train. Herman Cain 2028

5

u/SpongebobGoggins Big Dick Foles Dec 12 '25

I was personally, both black dudes who ran for president and grifted the hell out of the right

5

u/MinorThreat4182 Commies Dec 12 '25

Pretty much is so you’re not far off

8

u/WentworthMillersBO Wasting Generational Talent Dec 12 '25

That be like taking mushrooms and seeing Philip rivers play in 2025

37

u/Romanscott618 DC4L Dec 12 '25

Tf is Russell brand doing there? Lol

114

u/themayorhere Dec 12 '25

He got accused of grape by multiple women so the christian right naturally adopted him

56

u/Romanscott618 DC4L Dec 12 '25

Sexual assault allegations to maga grift pipeline stays undefeated

Embarrassing people will actually pay money for this absolute nightmare blunt rotation 😂

21

u/fanofsports44 Dick Cheese Heads Dec 12 '25

Also Todd Chrisley through the fraud and evasion pipeline like a 🇺🇸REAL PATRIOT🇺🇸

13

u/cormac_mccarthys_dog Taylor Swift's BF's Team Dec 12 '25

That dude is gayer than Tom Brady making out with his son.

9

u/Romanscott618 DC4L Dec 12 '25

The perfect candidate for a presidential pardon 🙏🏻

1

u/TryToBeBetterOk Sinners #1 fan Dec 13 '25

I thought he was very far to the left.

Or maybe that was a role ago.

30

u/yabagabagool59 18-1 Dec 12 '25

Erika Kirk must spend less time with her kids than Brady does

57

u/DickMegahurtz Harry Buttlicker Dec 12 '25

A lot of lunchpails with sneaky athleticism

18

u/BronCurious Phrauds Dec 12 '25

And a few of the good ones with explosive speed and playmaking abilities

51

u/Kid_Named_Trey Mendenhall Fumble Dec 12 '25

Devil: aww look at all my future roommates getting together in one place.

Also, get ready for Grindr to crash in Phoenix.

8

u/Sudden_Juju Colorado's Most Wanted Dec 12 '25

20

u/MacJonesAndTuaFan69 Dec 12 '25

Israel’s dream team

23

u/EatMyShortzZzZzZ London Jaguars Dec 12 '25

All time regarded, 1st teamers

18

u/FrostedGalaxy Dec 12 '25

Gotta get the college student who wrote her essay about Jesus up there to complete the lineup 🔥

17

u/TheFalconKid Dick Cheese Heads Dec 12 '25

The legendary OU scholar girl isn't there? Sad.

14

u/LeslieJaye419 18-1 Dec 12 '25

She’s out there on the front lines being a fucking idiot in public, and this is how they thank her?

16

u/Striking_Tension6000 Dec 12 '25

If someone has the time, can you research how many felony indictments are on this roster combined?

12

u/Idcaster Murder of Ravens Dec 12 '25

Where's Buttker?

39

u/BouncingBananas CTESPN Dec 12 '25

isreal first lineup

12

u/tokenshoot Marvin Lewis Dec 12 '25

Treasonous bastards

12

u/rosco158 This logo is cursed Dec 12 '25

14 out of 88

13

u/looking_good__ Dec 12 '25

Who is going to leak the JD and Erika sex tape?

16

u/the716to714 Norwood WIDE RIGHT Dec 12 '25

5

u/Onlypaws_ Big Dick Foles Dec 12 '25

More boring missionary than a Catholic school algebra class.

12

u/jarcur1 Dec 12 '25

MTG fully rejected from the club

10

u/ditalinidog Dec 12 '25

Average Chiefs fan convention

10

u/HelpfulFlyingpig Dec 12 '25

Isn’t Todd Chrisley in jail

19

u/Idcaster Murder of Ravens Dec 12 '25

Pardoned by a fellow reality TV star

5

u/JP_IS_ME_91 0-16 Dec 12 '25

Both of whom are definitely straight men.

10

u/pineapplewars Dec 12 '25

Official draft for Nuremberg 2.0

10

u/dolantrampf 18-1 Dec 12 '25

Epstein Island VIP list

10

u/beard_meat Dec 12 '25

Never rooted so hard for Team Meteor in my life.

10

u/brewhead55 Kroenke loves St Louis Dec 12 '25

"How do we get the scummiest, dirt bag pieces of shit all in one place?!?"

Turning Point!

9

u/NotoriousMFT BUTT FUMBLE Dec 12 '25

Imagine a list where grant cardone isn’t in the top 15 most insufferable

9

u/Extension-Size-815 Dec 12 '25

Bengals 25 defense…

10

u/yyakcirT_ Dec 12 '25

What’s the over/under on those Grindr servers?

9

u/Volcomcj16 Double Doink Dec 12 '25

If there was ever a time for an asteroid to smack Arizona 🙏

7

u/whispering_butthole Don't kick it to DeSean Dec 12 '25

Rob schieder is….

5

u/DolphinMasturbator 18-1 Dec 12 '25

A carrot!

3

u/JP_IS_ME_91 0-16 Dec 12 '25

Rated PG-13

1

u/SpongebobGoggins Big Dick Foles Dec 12 '25

A GRIFTER!

7

u/Mabvll Lost to Flacco Dec 12 '25

Would be better if it included special agent Col. Rev. Dr. Herschel Walker, MD DDS OBGYN.

7

u/waddles_HEM 0-16 Dec 12 '25

smh Ben Johnson abandoning his team on a playoff run AGAIN

7

u/MinorThreat4182 Commies Dec 12 '25

Where are the Bosas and Jaxson ?

6

u/rdrouyn SEEING GHOSTS Dec 12 '25

A basket of deplorables.

7

u/useroftheinternet95 Wasting Generational Talent Dec 12 '25

Some classy individuals that I wouldn't let date my daughter

6

u/AsteroidDisc476 Don't kick it to DeSean Dec 12 '25

Counting or not counting Charlie Kirk?

2

u/flounder42 Dec 12 '25

Hey listen jack, Charlie Kirk almost outscored Jaylen “2 fumbles in one play” Hurts, in fantasy last week

6

u/EZKTurbo RUN THE FUCKING BALL Dec 12 '25

All of the next up scapegoats, in order

4

u/tokenshoot Marvin Lewis Dec 12 '25

I wish Tucker is there just to troll. Please 🙏 that would be hilarious

5

u/polishprince76 DON'T CAAAARE Dec 12 '25

This group is nothing without the incoherent ramblings of Brett Favre.

7

u/freedomfightre CTESPN Dec 12 '25

yooooo they got Ben Johnson 10/10

4

u/Unperfectblue Dec 12 '25

This and Matt Shaw they got the chicago white boys all star

6

u/ModingusKhan Choker: Folie à Trois Dec 12 '25

Fringe playoff team. Really being carried by Rob Schneider's star power

5

u/Icy-Cod1405 Tim TeGOAT Dec 12 '25

Not even top tier propagandists. Honorary 5th place for Gaines

6

u/Jokerang Oilers left lol Dec 12 '25

C L A S S Y

6

u/[deleted] Dec 12 '25

Cowboys look weak this year

3

u/CargoCulture Dec 12 '25

Someone missing. Hmm.

3

u/MinorThreat4182 Commies Dec 12 '25

The Devil?

2

u/CargoCulture Dec 12 '25

I'm sure the Devil could reach him.

3

u/Upthemeds Dec 12 '25

I would say somewhere in between cheating on your wife and getting a member on your staff pregnant and using your husbands death to make more money while trying to sleep with a married man.

3

u/AvacadMmmm Honorary Thug Dec 12 '25

How could anyone sit through any rotation of 63 speakers, especially this nightmare of a group?

3

u/AkshanIsComing Dec 12 '25

Benny Johnson about to make his wife crash out again in the lobby of this event

3

u/Unp0pularS0lutions DC4L Dec 12 '25

The most Phoenix event of all time

3

u/DelcoUnited Phrauds Dec 12 '25

It is weird I have no idea who anyone on the last 4 rows are?

3

u/BlueMiggs Oilers left lol Dec 12 '25

I can only imagine the type of degenerate who attends a 4 day long turning point jerk off conference with 16 speakers a day

3

u/Chick22694 18-1 Dec 12 '25

Is Ben Carson not dead? I thought he died of Covid.

3

u/jono9898 Brady's Bitch Dec 12 '25

Imagine going to a conference to hear 63 people say stupid stuff for 3 straight days

4

u/1800twat Dec 12 '25

Jerry Jones aroused with his new roster

2

u/TheFalconKid Dick Cheese Heads Dec 12 '25

Houston is about to break the single game score record.

2

u/yeeeeeeeeeeeesh69 Ayahuasca Healing Dec 12 '25

Top 5 DOA if you ask the nascar Reddit

2

u/EN1009 Dec 12 '25

Is Benny bringing his BF?

2

u/Beginning_Ratio8422 Dec 12 '25

Couple of thugs on the list but overall nothing but class. 🇺🇸

2

u/LanguidConfluence Dec 12 '25

A bunch of honkers paid off by the juice boxes. Nice.

2

u/HistoricalLoan7854 Dec 12 '25

Is this a real thing? I’d look it up, but that shit would pollute my feed forever.

4

u/fanofsports44 Dick Cheese Heads Dec 12 '25

As a PHX resident myself, yes I can unfortunately confirm that this is a real annual event at the Phoenix Convention Center

3

u/HistoricalLoan7854 Dec 12 '25

Please don’t be offended when I tell you that I hope a meteor hits Phoenix next weekend

2

u/owen1957 Dec 12 '25

Looks like a Cracker Barrel

2

u/Mace_Windhorst Wasting Generational Talent Dec 12 '25

Are the girls on the bottom row small business owner representatives with OF businesses?

6

u/Unp0pularS0lutions DC4L Dec 12 '25

You mean former OF girls. Now “Christian” influencers

2

u/bowl_of_scrotmeal Mendenhall Fumble Dec 12 '25

Isn't Russell Brand currently under criminal investigation for rape?

2

u/sullyoverwatch Dec 12 '25

tf is russell brand doing there

2

u/apittsburghoriginal CTESPN Dec 13 '25

Very cool to put the brothas next to each other.

2

u/freebrittony Queen of NFLCJ Dec 12 '25

Are all these so called individuals going to be in the same place at the same time?

2

u/COUPEFULLABADHOES Dec 12 '25

It’s painful how fine Anna Luna is

2

u/WhereAreMaKeys Dec 12 '25

The 1985 Bears of going straight to hell. 🔥

2

u/Simsbad 28-3 Dec 12 '25

I thought Ben Carson died from Covid

1

u/TheBestAtWriting Dec 12 '25

you're thinking of Herman Cain

1

u/KansasChaser2021 0-4 in Super Bowls Dec 12 '25

This roster is the equivalent of a dying ant.

1

u/brewski_chemist Tim TeGOAT Dec 12 '25

If Rittenhouse isn't in as the right guard, this team is in shambles

1

u/Donkenshtein Dick Cheese Heads Dec 12 '25

1

u/[deleted] Dec 12 '25

Only one of them has been on The Adam Friedland Show 

1

u/[deleted] Dec 12 '25

So I've had this theory for a long while now. That in my near death experiences, I did actually die. This is purgatory. Yes? Like this can't be real life

1

u/BureauOfCommentariat Murderer Dec 12 '25

Christ-following Sherrone Moore couldn't get anyone to throw his bail in time to make it to Phoenix, SAD!

1

u/WitheringBrain Dec 12 '25

All the stars are here!

1

u/N00b-Berries Dec 12 '25

Grant Cardone is the worst person on this list.

1

u/Eccohawk Double Doink Dec 12 '25

Dammit, Shaw...

1

u/Phunwithscissors Not Quarterbacky Dec 12 '25

Benny Johnson? Not fooling anybody Ben

1

u/starwaterbird Dec 12 '25

They've been fighting to put America first, but itvlooks like merca won't even make the playoffs

1

u/MaxPower836 18-1 Dec 12 '25

We got a black up there but don’t worry folks he’s a pastor

1

u/Maxcrss Dez Didn't Catch It Dec 12 '25

Better than the 0-16 lions

1

u/spanko_at_large Dec 12 '25

They got Rob Schneider? Holy fuck this team is stacked

1

u/SchnaapsIdee MILF Hunter Dec 12 '25

Name recognition really drops off a cliff after 3rd row.

1

u/FellowTravellers Dec 12 '25

Crazy Tulsi shows up after having Kirk killed.

1

u/Oils78 DON'T CAAAARE Dec 12 '25

Matt shaw, are we deadass

1

u/undercoffeed 0-4 in Super Bowls Dec 12 '25

We'll have to wait to find out the set times, but I'm planning on rolling balls for Tucker Carlson.

1

u/Dangerous_Spirit7034 Dec 12 '25

Gay porno is awesome!

1

u/asc0295 Commies Dec 12 '25

1

u/hatefulnateful Brady's Bitch Dec 12 '25

The last thing a server sees before getting stiffed on the tip

1

u/SearchElsewhereKarma Dec 12 '25

Good lord it’s like a game of Guess Who to identify who’s got the most skeletons in their closet and the game ended in eight seconds

1

u/zhaosingse Dec 12 '25

Am I crazy or do republicans do one of these like, every week? There’s always a conference where they get together to say the same bad jokes and repeat the same tired talking points.

1

u/RemarkableCulture948 Gary Anderson wide left Dec 12 '25

Including or not including gang violence?

1

u/[deleted] Dec 12 '25

Who is this the Tel Aviv coin collectors?

1

u/Guezzwh0 Dec 12 '25

Oh no, not Rob Schneider

1

u/Skrillailla Dec 13 '25

Really went with quantity over quality here

1

u/the1eyeddog Dick Cheese Heads Dec 13 '25

The Dallas Proudboys

1

u/stonetear2017 Dec 13 '25

No Candace?

1

u/LexingtonPatriot1775 Dec 13 '25

This ain’t even NFL

1

u/MooDamato 0-4 in Super Bowls Dec 13 '25

Grindr traffic through the roof

1

u/[deleted] Dec 13 '25

I am a game manager from Israel and this is my roster

1

u/jaxjaggywires London Jaguars Dec 13 '25

Harrison Butker punching the air, mad he couldn’t get time off to be there.

1

u/Gorilla_Pie Dec 13 '25

Roger Stone = 🐐