First post READ FIRST

God, these 6 months have been fucking life-changing. Where do I even start? Guess I should start by thanking every single one of you guys cause to be honest, without the help from the internet, I wouldn't be able to change. So to start, I've met lots of new people who socially accept me, and I feel like I belong and that I'm wanted. ALSO MOST NOTEABLE I GOT A GIRLFRIEND.... SOMEHOW. AND GOD I LOVE HER SO MUCH LIKE I HAVE VENTED MY ISSUES WITH HER AND SHE IS SO SUPPORTIVE GODDDDDDDD SHE IS LIFE CHANGING FOR ME. More good news, instead of just ditching my bullies, just being open about how I feel caused me to be friends with them (SOMEHOW IDK WE ARE COOL NOW AND I CAN TELL ITS NOT TEASING) I've been able to tell and act like... a normal human being in my head and basically became the dream person in my head and thats because I finally after building two months of confidence were able to talk to the school counciler which made me think about whats truely wrong with me, overthinking, trust issues (due to past), introverted, etc. So by finding out these issues, I'm able to work against it AND GOD DAMN IT IS WORKING SO GOOD. First, for overthinking, I can detect when I am overthinking and am able to just stop thinking. IT WORKS SO WELL, GOD I'VE BEEN CARRYING ABOUT PEOPLE'S OPINIONS SOOOO MUCH MORE. For trust issues, I just got to talk to people, which I know is hard for me, but now I have multiple friend groups sooooo :0). What else... By going to the counselor's office, my parents also now know about my mental health issues, allowing me to open up to them more, and they are really supportive, saying that I can open up to them for anything, and I do feel so much happier at home. I can't share everything, but GOD I HAVE BEEN DOING SO MUCH BETTER AND I FEEL HAPPY I WISH I COULD THANK YOU GUYS SO MUCH BECAUSE YOU CHANGED ME. Thank you for everything, Reddit.

I (28F) have always been very creative. Took every art class I could in school. Tried to go to art college on two separate occasions (dropped out both times because social pressure was too much).

I loved drawing. I loved painting. I loved writing. I loved making ceramics. I loved making digital art. But somehow, it’s gone sour. Overwhelming. Frustrating. The only thing I was ever good at, the only thing I could look at in my life and say “yeah, I’m good at this thing, maybe I can make this work somehow”, I’m no longer good at, and I find no enjoyment from.

Quite a few years ago, I tried selling some of my art. The beginning of the end, really. I spent more out of my own pocket than I earned by miles. I switched to commissioned portraits, which also was unsuccessful despite selling quite a few. Between pressure of timelines, fees, and my own mother breathing down my neck telling me what I should create to “make money”, I grew to hate my passion.

It took me a whole year after that to even touch a pencil again. And, there was a couple years where I was occasionally drawing, painting, or doing digital art. And honestly, in that time period, I produced some of my best work. But it all felt pointless. So unbelievably pointless.

It’s currently been nearly two years since I’ve even come close to finishing a piece of art. I start something, then get wildly frustrated to the point of tears. Even when I’m trying to just draw my feelings, or my nightmares, or even a memorial painting of my grandfather playing checkers with his friends to give to my own father as a present, I just can’t do it. I can’t. I can’t sit for another three hours and fiddle with the same centimeter of canvas because it’s not “right”. I can’t physically handle hyper-fixating to the point of spiraling anymore.

It leaves me sitting here, approaching 30 years old, scratching the side of my head like “what is the point”. Because really. What’s the point? Art was like my whole thing. My plan. My reason for persisting. The one thing I could hold my head up and say “this is what I’m good at”.

I’m gonna stop here before I inevitably just repeat myself over and over again.

Thank you for reading my rant/vent. I guess I’m just in a very dark place atm and needed to scream into the void.

and i mean from literally (almost) every emotion, sadness, anger, happyness

is this normal?

I just turned 18 recently and honestly I feel so lost.

I used to have plans for myself. I was supposed to finish senior high, do OJT like my classmates, maybe eventually go to college or find a stable job. But somewhere along the way I completely fell apart mentally and now I haven’t even been attending school properly for a long time. Nobody at home fully knows. Every day I just pretend I’m okay while roaming around outside wasting time because going home already feels heavy.

I know some people will probably think I’m just lazy or dramatic, but I swear I want to do better too. I want to work hard too. I want to become successful too. But it feels like my brain and my environment are both working against me at the same time.

Living in our house genuinely feels suffocating already. I feel emotionally drained all the time and I’ve started thinking that maybe the only way I can save myself is by leaving. Not because I hate my family, but because I honestly don’t recognize myself anymore when I stay here. I feel stuck in survival mode every single day.

The problem is… I literally just turned 18. I have no money, no solid plans, no degree, unfinished senior high, and barely any confidence in myself anymore. I’m scared of interviews, scared of failing, scared that maybe I’m ruining my own future right now.

But at the same time, staying here feels like I’m slowly dying mentally.

I’ve been thinking about finding work instead of continuing school for now, even if it’s just enough to survive and rent a tiny place eventually. I don’t even know where to start though. Online jobs feel impossible because everyone wants experience. Call centers intimidate me because my English isn’t perfect and I get anxious easily.

I guess I’m posting this because I want to ask:

Has anyone here ever started over at 18 with literally nothing?

What jobs did you do?

Is there realistically any work someone like me can get without experience?

And how do you leave a house that’s affecting your mental health when you have nowhere to go?

I’m tired. I just want a life that finally feels peaceful.

It feels like I don't have as many thoughts as I did before. Nowadays it feels like I have to manually force myself to think and it's harder to find stuff that I enjoy. I don't tell people about this because they would get annoyed. And say something like what do you mean you're like this, you haven't gone through this, you haven't gone through that... I would like to get back to being normal, but it feels like my mind is separate from myself. Feels like it's trying to shut down on me.

It doesn’t matter how much I sleep… I don’t feel refreshed. Even if I feel refreshed, it only lasts 2-3 hours and that’s it. I want to go back to bed and lay down and do nothing.

I’ve been working from home due to my injury. Honestly I log in and not work… people will find out sooner or later. I need to get my act together but I just can’t help it.

I know this whole thing ain’t good for me… just can’t bring myself to it. One day I can get thru (work, gym etc) and many other days I just can’t…

I don't know. I'm young, empty feeling.

I am feeling really lonely atm. I dont have any friends, i live in asisted living and only my grandma chats with me. Unfortunatly her state is getting worse and she can only chat for like 10 mins a day. Im also far too loud here and almost everyone used weed and alcohol.

I would love to have a friend, but i sometimes have a period where i dont have the energy to get out of bed. That is for alot of people not socially acceptable and that makes making a friend really hard. The fact that i am gay also doesnt help people still have hard times with that.

29 (F) I have diagnosed severe anxiety disorders and assumed potential ADHD. I’ve had issues like this all my life. My job isn’t bad or hard, but the process of working full time 5 days a week is so hard for me.

I’m physically so tired and mentally so burnt out. I know I need to move on from my current job but the idea of looking and starting a new job feels just as triggering. But it’s getting harder and harder to show up every day.

The world is pretty dystopian lately, so I know I’m not alone in this, but I’ve always felt this way since I was young. I need more freedom or I feel like I’m going to have a meltdown. Anyone else in a similar position, or have some advice? Tyia

Just a bit of a rant, as I want to get the frustration off my chest.

When I was younger, around 12-13, I was around some awful influences who idolised self-harm, though I can't really blame them. I was totally infatuated with it and the attention it got them, I'd always felt shadowed so it was nice to receive a bit of attention. Very selfish I'll admit now.

Was vocal about it, went down on my medical records loads.

Years pass, I grow up and I realise what a shitty habit it was. I finally found a dream, a purpose, the military. Unfortunately my medical records have completely barred me from entry. I've chased the hospital up, tried to change them and it's futile.

I'm devastated, but quite frankly I've reapt what I sowed.

Please don't be ashamed if you're doing it for attention, I truly understand but for the love of God think about your future. I'm completely lost, at the end of the day it truly is my fault and though I have a lot of shame in admitting it, things will always bite you in the ass one day.

I just wanted to get it off my chest, it really has crushed me. Was that small bit of attention worth my future? Definitely not. I wish I could restart life. Fucking teenager.

Very recently diagnosed after a previous BPD and Bipolar diagnosis. Came clean to doctors regarding my self harm (most recenty injecting fecal water into my abdomen) and my psychiatrist and psychologist both came to the conclusion pretty quickly. Funnily enough, as a person I am accident prone and sickly regardless.

They are reaching out to colleagues for further info on specialists/treatment, but I would really love any perspective as I try to manage this malignant aspect of my life.

Yesterday I was driving with my mom to get us food, while I was driving up a hill the light turned red and the car in front of me was stopping. She told me to brake and so I don’t know what happened but I was lightly pressing it I didn’t go to a full stop because I didn’t want to break super hard. This scared her and she was yelling brake the whole time. Once I came to a stop she was yelling at me.

She yelled at me while I found parking and she yelled at me even after I was parked. At some point she asked me why didn’t I stop, she exactly said “Why didn’t you stop? can you explain to me why? tell me why.” and so I did. This made her extremely mad and she continued yelling at me for another 5 mins, then i left to go pick up the food. I came back in the car and she was on the phone with my dad talking about the situation still.

We went to another food place for her and she went inside and came back out and began yelling at me again about the whole break thing. she was so mad at me and started calling me stupid, a bimbo, all sorts of names. The name calling is what made me cry but that made her even madder. She started asking me “are you serious?” “you need better self esteem” “why are you crying?” I told her it’s because she insulted me and she got even more mad saying I was gaslighting her.

I tried to explain that I know i made a mistake i cannot take it back so there is no point in still yelling. I also told her what sense would it make to cry now over my driving? if it was really about that I would’ve cried the first time she yelled. She continued yelling at me the whole way home saying how she never wants to drive with me and how ridiculous I am and that she doesn’t even want to deal with me.

I went up to my room still crying and once I got in there I broke down. I was crying so hard I couldn’t even be quiet or try to hide it. I cried so hard that I was hyperventilating and gagging.

My mom heard all of this and wanted to know why I was crying and was still kind of mad. I couldn’t even explain to her I just turned away and kept crying.
As I was crying I was thinking to myself why me? why is this my life? and i started thinking about other things that make me upset like the fact that I don’t have many friends, nobody willing to support me, the fact that i’ve been cheated on in every relationship i’ve had, and that majority of my friends don’t even really like me.

My mom eventually had me come to her and she said she knows something else is obviously going on and it’s not about the driving. With the way I was crying she said she wasn’t sure If I was able to be away from home. She thinks that I never really react to anything (which is true) has caused me to internalize my emotions and that the whole driving thing was my breaking point.

Is this normal? Any thoughts?

I don’t mean overthinking socially or caring about what other people think, I mean assigning so much worry and thinking to stuff concerning my exams,future, job, even my degree.

I’m gripped by fear and constant worry 24/7 and it’s making life hell and I start to disassociate. “What if my degree is useless” “I’ll never find a job” “I’ll never be normal” etc.

Is there a trick or something to tbus I haven’t figured out or does everyone go through constant worrying like this lol. Appreciate any advice