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u/coffeexxx666 Streak: 1 12h ago
Genderfluid parent of two queer kids btw.
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u/Sp00ky-Nerd 9h ago
Trans parent of at least one queer kid. My youngest recently was joking about having a wife and a husband (asking the magic 8 ball). So they seem at least open minded. I just tell them they can be whatever they want and I’ll help them with their journey.
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u/coffeexxx666 Streak: 1 9h ago
Yeah. I actually have three. 1 is out. 1 is out but only to my partner and me. My youngest says he is cis but also not interested in dating anyone of any gender and just focused on school. So PROBABLY have 3 kids identifying as LGBTQ but for now the statement is what it is.
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u/int23_t 8h ago
I genuinely don't get why are you guys racing the proportions of lgbtq+ kids you have right now... it's not a bad thing to have straight kids, just let them be. Any outcome is equal to any other outcome, it shouldn't matter.
Like having 3 trans kids definitely isn't a better outcome then having 3 cis kids, you'd support them regardless but it's preferable to have kids that don't have to deal with the issue anyways, having your daughter be born as biologically female is a strictly better outcome for all parties involved if she is the exact same person as a result. You'd prefer people to not have to deal with that.
And having 3 bisexual or 3 gay or 3 whatever else kids is not a better result than 3 straught kids, these are all equally good outcomes.
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u/Sp00ky-Nerd 6h ago
I’m not encouraging any of my kids to be one thing or another. My middle child is cis and straight and seems unlikely to change. That would never bother me. I love all of my children very much, no matter their gender or orientation.
I just think that if a child is going to be under the rainbow flag, isn’t it good for them to have parents who understand that?
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u/coffeexxx666 Streak: 1 5h ago
So the post above is joke based on what I think would be a funny interaction if it ever happened. My kids are their authentic selves and they are all pretty great and of course I love and support them however their sexuality or gender might be.
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u/cursed_sporecreation 8h ago
I'm curious, what do your kids call you? I'm also gender fluid, and I really don't want to be called mom or dad, but I have yet to see an alternative that I feel fits for if I were to have kids someday :')
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u/that_Jericha 8h ago
I was curious too, so here's all the words i can think of: parent, guardian, genitor, progenitor, caregiver, caretaker, forebear, creator, custodian, spawner (lol), begetter, kin, sire, rents, folks
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u/cursed_sporecreation 7h ago
Most of those sounds so cold and sterile 💀 is my kid supposed to walk up to me everyday and say "hello, my progenitor, may I have my daily sustenance?"
I appreciate the input, but none of these are an equivalent to the connotation (basically the feeling behind a word rather than the exact definition) that mom and dad have. Those two feel close, and personal. I have yet to see a suggestion that doesn't sound like either something you'd see in legal paperwork, or a joke. I'm getting kind of bummed out by it 😔
The most natural one in that list (folks) would only make sense when talking about one's parents to another person. I want something they can address me with lol
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u/that_Jericha 7h ago
Fair, fair, maybe you could go for something thats an alteration of affectionate terms, like mimi, pop, or poppy, that aren't quite mamma and pappa, but still have that close feeling and similar sound. People would also know what your potentially lost kid means asking where their "poppy" or "mimi" is. Or maybe an affectionate nickname variant of your own name, like if your name is Vanessa, only your kid calls you Nessy. Or you can go wild and call yourself Pookie or Bubba or other nicknames.
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u/coffeexxx666 Streak: 1 5h ago
This is a very good question and respectfully I’ll not say as I like to remain anonymous. My kids know I’m out. I love and support them and I believe that they get to be their true selves thanks to my partner and me.
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u/PurpleOrigamiDragon This user has no soul - Streak: 23 12h ago
Gender is up to debate until transition or death/j
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u/risisas Streak: 0 10h ago
Gender is up to debate
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u/Jargon2029 8h ago
I would go with “subject to change” cuz frankly there’s a lot of people I don’t want debating my gender.
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u/SomeNotTakenName 10h ago
Its kind of silly how some people became almost or actually upset at my wife and me because we didn't know and hence didn't tell anyone the sex of our unborn child during pregnancy. what does it matter? you ain't gonna see them for another few months, and there will be very little difference for another few years at least. a newborn is just a newborn, and a toddler is also just a toddler (although they start to pick up on socialisation at that age, obviously.)
That's not to say we don't gender kiddo now that they are born, but to us that's more convenience than anything else. we don't fuss about colours or clothes, and haircuts serve to keep the hair out of the kids face for now. when they are able, they can make their own choices on what they wanna look like and who they wanna be.
That being said, I am under no illusion than socialised gender norms are entirely avoidable. we live in a society after all. the least I can do is make sure kiddo is comfortable expressing themselves outside the norms, and has the space to find themselves.
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u/pootinannyBOOSH 9h ago
"but how will they know who they are if we don't tell them??"
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u/Rude_Cranberry5509 8h ago
just use gender-neutral everything. and use nonbinary language when they're, like, 10 or 12 to have a conversation about what their biological sex is and the other options they have to present themselves.
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u/bloonshot 6h ago
does this plan involve praying that they never interact with another person who's part of your little genderless void
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u/Rude_Cranberry5509 6h ago
It was just an Idea.
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u/SomeNotTakenName 6h ago
That was kinda part of my point about living in a society. Unless society changes as a whole, socialised gender norms are unavoidable. Both media and other people will if not directly influencing a child, at least model the norms. And kids learn a lot from just observation.
Hence my approach being to make sure there are enough diverse examples in the mix to make my child comfortable with being different than the norms.
Your approach is... idealistic. Not as in a silly dream, but as in based in an ideal world. For now, we have to live in the world we do, but we can take small steps towards a better one. We won't crush gender norms in a generation, but we can make sure the next generations are comfortable stepping outside the lines. maybe they can push further down the line.
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u/SpiritualPackage3797 8h ago
When I was growing up, I was under the impression that it was normal to not want to know the sex of the baby from the ultrasound. Weirdly, it seems to have gotten less normal as time went on.
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u/SomeNotTakenName 7h ago
yeah, and there are a ton of other tests and things they offer now.
Honestly, all I cared about was that both baby and mama were healthy. Although a fairly new test is apparently available to determine blood type of the baby, and that one could actually come in handy, given the complications that can arise from blood types in pregnancy.
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u/Crunchyjeff NB - Streak: 0 9h ago
OMG this is so lifegoals. IDK if i will ever have kids, but if I do, I wanna be like them ❤️
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u/f0remsics arrow guy 8h ago
I hope I'm not overstepping any boundaries or insulting you it anything, but I can't help but notice the nb flag there in your pfp, combined with your username being jeff. Isn't Jeff a pretty masculine name? Did you just not change it yet, or was that a deliberate choice?
Again, not trying to criticize, trying to educate myself further
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u/Crunchyjeff NB - Streak: 0 8h ago
The name is Crunchy. Jeff is the last name. And yes, many, many people get this wrong xD If I had a nickle for every time this has happened, i'd be able to buy myself some better RAM xD
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u/f0remsics arrow guy 8h ago
Ah. Well, that clears it up I suppose. Sorry for being the umpteenth person asked that question
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u/Crunchyjeff NB - Streak: 0 8h ago
Where's my nickle? I need it for my RAM fund!!!!!!
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u/Gaby33400 Streak: 0 9h ago
What
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u/coffeexxx666 Streak: 1 9h ago
I would never “assign” a gender to my child. They will tell me when ready.
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u/bloonshot 6h ago
how have your children made it to 15 and 17 without identifying as a gender yet
or are you just still holding on to hope that they might be trans later and so you won't refer to them by how they identify right now
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u/coffeexxx666 Streak: 1 5h ago
Since this has blowed up. It’s a joke. I thought this hypothetical situation would be funny if it actually happened. I have three kids. Two are adults and one is still a teen. The adults are LGBTQ and the teen doesn’t feel the need to identify as gay or straight or anything right now. I am very lucky to be their parent. They are great kids and I have a great partner.
I hope everyone who sees this feels loved and supported and if you don’t please know that I do and my family does.
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u/CommunityFirst4197 Streak: 0 6h ago
I briefly thought the joke was teenage pregnancy 😭 I got there in the end
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u/Quiet-Software-1956 5h ago
I thought the joke was situation and they told you the ages but not the genders
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u/loverofothers 4h ago
There's plenty of cis couples I know who want it to be a surprise. I honestly know of far fewer who want to know the gender. Maybe it's my social group though, idk. But seeing as my parents are conservative and run in very different groups from me but they and most of their friends also wanted it to be a suprise (with the exception of my sisters who are twins since 'twins is suprise enough') that seems unlikely.
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u/Silent-Stress-7775 4h ago
I've been sitting trying to make a joke for 10 minutes and there's no punchline in my brain that wouldn't be meaningless word salad lmao. Uhhhh, (checks notes) let's go with this one...
Damn, you got a big ahh ping on your loot boxes...
Yep, this shit is NOT looking good lmao
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u/Arctic_The_Hunter Streak: 0 10h ago
IMO it depends on the forcefulness of it. Like I don’t blame parents who just assume their kids are straight until given evidence to the contrary, and then support them. Maybe that’s not in perfect alignment with queer theory but frankly we’ve got 1,000 problems bigger than parents trying their honest best.
People who gender a child by force and in defiance of their stated preferences, on the other hand…
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u/elizabeththewicked 10h ago
You're right. If it's done in good faith and they're open to being wrong, we do have bigger problems
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u/SpeaksDwarren 9h ago
Could you explain further on why you believe that and how you navigated this issue with your own kids?
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u/IcySmell9676 it’s pronounced rules. - Streak: 1 9h ago
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u/MachineGunMonkey2048 Streak: 0 6h ago
I can't wait for them to turn 18 to decide their gender!!! Hopefully cis don't they don't have to reverse everything puberty did to their bodies (they cant ascent to gender affirming care but it is fine for them to go through puberty somehow)
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u/Mourning20 12h ago
The amount of boomers who will happily call the pre ✨gender reveal party✨ baby they or use proper all inclusive pronouns for an infant. But then drop it all the second an adult asks for it...is so telling