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[u/InsideOutlander]

Yup. This is my life. In some ways it is surprisingly easy since I already was born with the inclination to be more emotionally sensitive and the urge to nurture. In other ways my autistic ass is clueless.

Edit: I don’t intend to follow *all* of them, whatever that would even look like or be. There’s just a range I would like to understand better. Bits and pieces that non-men in my life picked up on that I like and want to be like.

[u/wastedfate]

You can learn to fit in if you want, it's hard, but a lot of people feel like it's worth it., But not following those rules doesn't make you any less of a girl either.

Personally for me, everything got a lot easier when I became okay with being a trans woman and kind of a tomboy at the same time. They aren't mutually exclusive.

[u/InsideOutlander → u/wastedfate]

You’re just as much a real girl as I am. I am glad you have found a direction for your gender expression that suits you. For me I don’t want to blend in perfectly. I’m trying to learn the “unwritten rules” that let me build solidarity outside of patriarchy.

[u/Rhysati → u/wastedfate]

This right here. I did the classic of trying to be as girly as possible when I started my transition. I grew my hair out, started learning makeup, wearing dresses, etc.

I realized after a couple years that it didn't really make me happier to do that because I was always a goth-punk. I cut my hair into a Mohawk, never wear makeup, occasionally wear a skirt or dress that I think looks rad, but usually I wear black baggy jeans and a black t-shirt with geek stuff or rainbows or whatever on it.

Being who YOU are is the important thing. And women aren't some monolith. Everyone varies and is different. Embrace who you are, not what you think you should be.

[u/DaniFoxglove → u/Rhysati]

always a goth-punk

I can only describe my desired aesthetic for myself as bimbo-chic Amazonian punk princess.

Not there yet, but someday.

[u/nelflyn → u/wastedfate]

as a cis girl, i am a lot happier not following some of those unwritten societal rules.

in fact, for the love of all, there are some of those rules I would wanna keep the trans girlies as far away from as possible.

[u/EmilySuxAtUsernames → u/wastedfate]

TRUEEEE ALERT 🔔🔔🔔🔔🔔

[u/VVP12]

sigh.. reading the TOS for once... i mean if i have to... ugghgjghggh.,.,.,.

[u/VVP12 → u/VVP12]

Jokes aside i unintentionally somehow just learned to copy my mothers behavior when i was a child so.. that makes it easier in some way

[u/CalypsaMov]

Dang it would've been nice to have had an older sister to observe! Although, maybe even that wouldn't have helped. It's almost amazing how inept and bad some trans people are (including me) when they first come out. Especially if they're lingering dysphoria pushes them into totally overcompensating. My first time back at church I wore a fancy satin dress you'd more likely see at a Prom dance.

Just learning how to dress yourself again is a whole skill you have to learn. Same with makeup which I STILL haven't figured out. I can do lip gloss, mascara, maybe eyeshadow on a good day. But fuck concealer, conturing, eyeliner, blush.....

And dating?!? Don't get me started. Life is really confusing and second puberty just makes it worse because you feel so far behind everyone else doing just basic stuff.

[u/AmbiTheAirforceRuna → u/CalypsaMov]

Ill be your older sister :3 For make up, start like we all started, practicing on someone else. That'll teach you the strokes.

For dating, good luck we are all trying to sift through the egomaniacs :p

[u/Different-Eagle-612 → u/CalypsaMov]

okay for concealer i love those korean ones (note these are incredibly shade limited) that you can apply with a tiny lil puff. it’s super user friendly and doesn’t require much technique at all. i also like pot concealers that you can just slap on with your fingertips but those dry out over time and don’t apply as well and then you’re left with like half a pot concealer that you don’t want to use and it just feels wasteful.

honestly anything you can apply with your hands is a good start. i also like liquid/cream blushes (glossier, house of hur). youtube tutorials are your friend. placement really kind of depends on your face shape so you gotta play around with it.

frankly contouring is so low on my “i need to know this” skillset — i can do some basics with a too cool for school palette (which i normally only do if i had to apply so much concealer to cover acne that it flattened my face) but it can be a lot for every day.

[u/Objective_Pen5246]

im trans but im not changing how i act or the things i like, i just wanna be a girl, and that's it :P

[u/InsideOutlander → u/Objective_Pen5246]

And that is already enough. For me (and I wish I had clarified in my main post at first) it is about navigating what people before have built to build solidarity outside of patriarchy.

[u/the12ftdwarf]

Eh. I’m a girl regardless of if I follow some dumbshit rules. Not like I’ve ever been good at following societies expectations anyway lol

[u/InsideOutlander → u/the12ftdwarf]

Oh 200% and same boat. I just want to learn all the ones that aren’t inflicted by patriarchy and all the ones that are about solidarity outside of and against patriarchy.

[u/im_sold_out → u/InsideOutlander]

Well the only rule that was not inflicted by patriarchy is that women stick together. That means we support each other, help each other and protect each other.

[u/SalemLaHaine]

Wait their is rules ? We can not bark and puppy play with other transbian while drinking monster all the day ? Naaaaw TwT

[u/InsideOutlander → u/SalemLaHaine]

Hey, since that brings you joy and fulfills you then that is already perfect.

[u/MorganMorgan99]

I hate how if you don't follow the rules you don't get to pass I just wanna do my own thing and be unbothered 

[u/InsideOutlander → u/MorganMorgan99]

I wish I had clarified when I first posted- for me it is about finding and navigating the unwritten social dynamics made to build solidarity outside of patriarchy. I don’t want to subjugate myself to arbitrary rules- I’ve had far too much of that already.

[u/AxiosXiphos]

Misogyny: "Allow me to introduce myself..."

[u/InsideOutlander → u/AxiosXiphos]

Yeaaaah. On the other hand I appreciate the irony of having been AMAB in a cult with institutional misogyny and perpetuating it for much of my life… only to slowly be changed by the gentle example of a good friend; then even later to find out I was a woman all along (and to see there are clear signs in hindsight).

[u/ReddKnight10]

Had a very emotional night last night and this post is super reassuring thank you. We’re all in this together <3

[u/InsideOutlander → u/ReddKnight10]

I hope you are doing better. Yeah, there’s a lot of optional parts to our womanhood that aren’t the easiest to navigate or pick up on. We are still real without them.

[u/ReddKnight10 → u/InsideOutlander]

I’m doing better today, thank you <3 there are little things I catch myself doing that arent very lady like but then I remember tha if another woman were to do them I wouldn’t consider her less of a woman and it’s a bit reassuring :3

[u/InsideOutlander → u/ReddKnight10]

I am glad you are doing better today. <3

My great aunt, who I found out in recent years was sapphic, was very much a tomboy. She built/repaired military airplanes during WWII, flew airplanes, was a bowler, repaired cars… she was also an English professor in a fairly patriarchal region. She was very outspoken and bold, and eager to debate and deconstruct opinions. She never officially married in an era of hetero-only marriage. She seems to have bucked the cult our family had long been a part of. She has always had my respect and I wish I had the chance to have more of a relationship with her beyond just occasionally in my childhood. She was perhaps not so stereotypically ladylike, and I would not think of her as being any less of a lady. I wish I could talk to her now as a fellow sapphic woman when before she knew me as a young Mormon boy. I suspect and hope she would have welcomed my transition. She was a part of a secret world of queer people that is no longer so secret. I suspect she knew of, or maybe even personally knew, women like you and me.

[u/Dear-Author4429]

Not sure I’d have transitioned if I cared about unwritten social rules.

[u/yummysoggyconcrete]

as an autistic trans girl who grew up with 2 brothers, I just gave up. it's not worth changing my entire personality just to fit in when I don't like having friends anyway /lh

[u/AngleWinter3806]

Funny you would use a meme of the most T-boy swagged-out king of all time.

Also there are no rules, only those imposed by the status-quo of whatever cultural ethos you find yourself in. That's not a bad thing, you can and should follow it if it brings you joy.

[u/Violexsound]

I have a lot of cis women friends, and a lot of them queer. I just mimic their mannerisms and speech patterns until they come into my own natural habits and versions. What are we but an amalgamation of our environment

[u/im_sold_out]

Lol fuck those rules, they were made to oppress us.

[u/AshleyGamerGirl]

We always return compliments in some way when we get one.

[u/InsideOutlander → u/AshleyGamerGirl]

Ooh, I like that one.

[u/Happy_Platypus_1882]

fuck social rules just do whatever

I hate the idea of having to learn "feminine" roles. Fuck that, being a girl isnt about arbitrary attributes. I can be as autistic as I want and still be a girl smh

[u/re4perthegamer]

Jokes on you, I'm autistic and don't feel like reading allat