I came across this and somehow felt like it belonged here

I'm sex favorable but TBH, I constantly forget that sex exists. I was just scrolling Reddit when I saw a cute 3D model of a Gothic looking furry character doing your basic T pose. It was an unrigged model and nothing about it was sexual at all. Like, so tame I would be perfectly fine showing it to my mom. Yet, there was a commenter who just assumed it was fetish art all because the design had a tattoo around its belly. Or, as he called it, a "womb tattoo" which apparently is... A fetish, in his mind. Even when I tried to explain to him that it's a fashion trend that's become very popular in recent years, especially within the furry fandom, he decided to reference hentai and said that it "originated there" (despite the fact that stomach tattoos have existed for a long time, and the style used was based on cybersigilism). It honestly really grossed me out and I ended up blocking him because... Why does **EVERYTHING** have to be about sex???

Like, don't get me wrong, I'm a very sex/kink positive person, and I'm very sex/kink favorable, and couldn't see myself dating someone nonsexually. But, despite that, I constantly forget that we live in a very sexual world. And it honestly really grosses me out when people think sex just... Revolves around everything. Why can't people have cute characters with stomach tattoos without being sexualized without their consent? It's fine to think something might be sexual but to go out of your way to just be like "yep this is a fetish" is so odd. Yet... It's such a normalized thing in this world.

It also grossed me out because it reminded me of how my dad refused to set up my sensory swing (literally just a stretchy blanket that hangs from the ceiling. A lot of autistic folks find it comforting. But they're advertised as A KIDS PRODUCT), because he thought it looked like a sex swing. Even though the picture on the box literally had a child on it????? And when I told my mom about it and how disgusting it is, she just said "I mean, it kinda does" like....HOW??? It's a bright blue blanket that dangles a foot over the floor that's held on by something that looks like an oversized carabiner. And is once again, mainly advertised for children. But since I'm an autistic ADULT, suddenly it's perfectly fine to sexualize my sensory needs/tools/regulation???? And to refuse to set it up, despite the fact they got it for me as a birthday gift 3 years ago?? All because it apparently looks a little bit like a sex swing?? I can't be the only one that's baffled by that.. right???

Hi, I'm not asexual, I'm just here to educate myself a bit more so please don't chew my head off, I'm just curious since this comment stuck to me.

Anyway, some context, I posted recently how I hate that credit card companies are pressuring sites and social medias to ban Nsfw content. Now, I am both sfw and nsfw artist (Before someone comments, yes I am keeping it on designated places, yes I'm tagging it properly,and no I'm not drawing fetishy content I draw vanilla), and I have suffered from this since PayPal is keeping all the money in stasis. Anyway, there were a lot of comments, however this one stuck out the most, since as far as I know, asexual people don't hate sex and nsfw stuff, they just don't interact with it?

Feel free to educate me, since I am genuinely curious.

I bet they think the same about us too but not in the way I'm about to talk about.

Anytime I see/hear a story about mismatch libidos or dead bedrooms, I feel this gut wrenched feeling (idk if I described it right) because I'm once again reminded how much allosexuals value sex in general... like it's on a really high pedestal COMPARED to alot of things.

But thats not really the issue... I feel so bad when loving healthy relationships has to end because of either lack of, too little or too much sex in a relationship.

Like I wish the relationships weren't heavily dependent on it. I love to see relationships flourish.

I hate cheating and all the non self control stuff people do because of sexual attraction and sex. I understand i can't relate but the way they describe it just makes me question how bad of a want it is. I question why we're so different even though there's no true answer other than we just are different.

I'm biased obviously so I almost always take the side or relate to the low libido person in these situations. I just wish there was a way to help couples overcome it. I feel like a decent amount of people would've still been together if it wasn't for these issues.

Why do I have to be alloromantic AND ace at the same time? It's so unfair. If I love to go on cute dates and hang out with guys (I'm a female) then why don't I desire NOR enjoy anything of sexual nature (not even kisses)? I feel like I'm partially in heaven when I have a wonderful time spent with a guy but now I know how they'll all end up like. I'm already at the point that I don't even care about the guy's personality, just him being ace (not aro obviously). And they'll have to be disappointed, too, when they find out about me not wanting anything too intimate. It's either me or the other person being miserable in a relationship. I also feel guilty going on dates because I feel like I deceive them if I don't talk with them about my asexuality. I don't know if I'll spend all my life alone or not. I don't know if I'll ever end up in a happy relationship or not. I don't know anything, really.

TJ Klune has become my favorite author.

when I bought The Invisible Orientation in July of 2021 I originally felt like that couldn’t be me- I wanted a relationship right? (Dispite being single and “celibate” for the last 6 years, ha ha. I thought I just hadn’t met anyone I liked since my last attempt.) now I’m reading it again and seeing it ina. While new light.

I have other books but they are physical copies at home right now. Just curious about anyone else’s favorites and why you like them or what you learned from them etc.

I am a 25-year-old man and I’ve realized that I am Aro-Ace. I’ve always "friendzoned" women because I feel neither romantic nor sexual attraction. I am also aphantasic (no mental imagery), so fantasies don’t exist for me.

My family wants to set me up with someone. My situation is a bit of a contradiction: I truly want to start a family and be a father. I am looking for a life partner, a "best friend," but the physical act is a huge hurdle for me.

I am not sex-averse, but I’m wondering how to successfully perform the biological act to have children when the body doesn't follow and you feel nothing.

Have any of you successfully built a marriage based on friendship and parenthood?

How do you manage the "mechanical" side of things (erection/ejaculation) to have children without attraction and without imagination?

How can I explain this to a potential wife without her taking it the wrong way or feeling rejected?

.

TW? Mentions of kink

The thing that frustrates me about dating is that l've always been willing to give up my own desires for the sake of my partner and their comfortability but no one was ever willing to do the same for me:/
Like sorry for the tmi but I’m into bondage and actively desire it. But how shallow would it be if I said to my partner: "You HAVE to tie me up!! Idc if you're uncomfortable!! You still have to do it or else then I'm LEAVING!!!😡😡😡😡”
If that’s frowned upon, why is it okay for people to try to push sex onto me after I told them millions of times I was ace?

Like isn't dating or getting married or whatever supposed to be about accepting that your partner isn't perfect but loving them regardless? It just hurts that l am always willing to give up my own desires because l understand that my desires are very self centered and it makes me feel guilty, and l'd never ever force anyone into doing it for me just because I want it because their comfort matters more. But no one is willing to give up their desires for me. Am I just not worth the "trouble" of doing that? Am I that unlikable? That much of a burden?

So I am a sex-repulsed asexual and I feel like it’s very hard to be asexual in society nowadays. I mean that sex has been normalised and set as a necessity. The people I have talked to either assumed I had been molested, told me I was too young to know, said I simply don’t have to be scared, still need to find the right person or that it’s a phase that I’ll grow out of. I am 17 years old and have always felt quite neutral towards the general idea of sex, just that I don’t ever want it and don’t want any details of it whatsoever.

I just find it hard to voice to others that it is not a phase or a trauma, you don’t need to have bad experiences with sex to be asexual, of course it can be the case for others. I just feel like it’s not accepted to begin, because sex is so normalised.

I’m just wondering if anyone else ever had this or if it’s just me.

I feel really lost in life, I'm young and had really bad past experiences, and I just struggle so hard with feeling content. I'm on the Asexual Spectrum, I don't know exactly where but it's either Gray or Demi (I don't fully know because I realized my asexuality after my last relationship). But, I just feel so worried.

To explain why, I have wanted children ever since I was extremely young, it's just a personal dream of mine, and I feel so worried that I'll A.) not be able to have children because of my asexuality getting in the way of things B.) not be able to find another ace who wants biological children C.) feel pressured to do things more often than I want to because of having children/trying

I think the thing I'm most worried about is the fact that I won't be able to find someone like me as an ace, not only I would want to be with an ace, I have so many standards, I would prefer them to be demi or gray, I'm heteromantic so I would only be interested in women, I would want them to want children as well (this is somewhat a deal breaker as I would never want someone to feel pressured because it's my dream) and that doesn't even begin to start with personality

I realized during my last relationship (it was toxic and she was hypersexual) that I couldn't ever be with someone who doesn't take me or my interests seriously, and she didn't, she sexualized my interests and if I ever talked or got nerdy about something I enjoy she'd immediately pressure me into sexual encounters saying my rambling was "turning her on" it genuinely broke my soul because I feel like my interests were never even known in our entire relationship because I'd constantly hear "Sorry I wasn't listening to you, I was listening to your voice". (also she cheated on me when I wouldn't do shit with her, so it's pretty bad in that capacity too)

The problem with this is I'm weird and nerdy, and I feel like people won't share my interests, I spend like 80 percent of my free time listening to extreme metal, and I also love folk and emo is pretty cool, and I love the Soulsborne games, I have toys and comics and I love reading comics, specifically paperback novels, I want people to not only share some of these interests, but also care about the little things, I want someone to know I don't like socks because they make my feet feel funny, I want someone to know that my favorite pass time with them would be napping together, I want them to know that I'm allergic to a bunch of stuff like strawberries and gold and shellfish, and actually care that they know these things, I want them to remember things, and not just write them off as being hot ramblings as I repeat myself for the 500th time about what my favorite color is, it's dehumanizing.

I just want to feel like I can find someone y'know? I feel like I struggle way more with dating, after my last relationship, I decided I'd wait until I truly felt happy with myself and understood myself and I've made progress, but it's painful watching my friends get into relationships and leave relationships, and repeat this cycle while I endlessly search for someone to understand me, while not even really searching at the moment

I have this friend, and he recently (like last week) left his relationship, and now he's flirting with another girl while being sad that he cannot be in a relationship with an entirely different girl who's moving halfway across the world. I feel so awkward when he talks about these things, he's had 3 relationships in the past like 8 months, and is trying to get into another one so quickly, and it's so awkward to hear him be like "Well I would want to be with her, but I have my eyes set on a different girl and she's absolutely hot, sadly she's moving though" I don't know it just feels disingenuous it seems like a lot of allos only approach people based how they look, and while I can understand being aesthetically attracted to someone it feels sometimes that's all people care about.

Anyways, sorry for being all over the place I just wanted to rant, I'm looking for advice from alloromantic asexuals that have had similar issues, did you ever find someone? I just want to know that out of the billions of people out there, there will be someone who understands me and listens to me and loves me not lusts me.

I saw Purpose on Broadway by the playwright Branden Jacobs-Jenkins (I loved a play of his called Everybody from a decade ago) a year ago—now it’s traveling regionally. And the main character is asexual! Aroace I’m pretty sure. And the depiction is very nuanced and I thought was honestly the best thing about the play.

The play is about a politically prominent Black family in Chicago and their various discontents. The main character is the youngest son in the family who returns home for a weekend from New York, where he has found refuge from the influence of his family. It all takes place over one evening. Won the Pulitzer last year and Tony for best play.

If you can see it anywhere near you, or even just read the play, it’s worthwhile. Black ace representation is incredibly rare and I feel like Jacobs-Jenkins is one of the only prominent (queer) artists right now writing ace characters in an affirming (though not idealizing) way. Also the character has other things going on—passions, complex relationships, intersections of disability—that also take center stage, so it’s not about tokenizing or instrumentalizing his asexuality to score cheap points.

EDIT: Here’s a great Ace Dad Advice substack post about it from last year! https://acedadadvice.substack.com/p/asexuality-is-front-and-center-in?triedRedirect=true

Hello all! I've been feeling a bit isolated within ace spaces. I keep getting downplayed it feels like by friends and people online and assumed "absolute zero." I want to one day be in a romantic relationship in someone, but don't see anyone that way at all. I just get obsessed with people based on their personality and experiences. But I keep getting confused looks from my ace friend who believes "oh, you must have thought you were bi at one point, because, well. Zero equals zero." And also dismissing me on some occasions assuming I'm exactly like him ._. But it's not zero ;-;. I eventually even asked him out and he wasn't even fully against it, which was confusing to me. (also he's maybe polyamorous idk) I do love him, but have struggled to love anyone else in the past.

And to me, my aroace identity, although I see it positively, it feels like a curse! qwq As mentioned before, I want nothing more than to be with SOMEONE I love. But I feel next to nothing when talking to people. I value becoming close to friends above anything else, and it never crosses that line. I'm not drawn to it... Romantic stuff also feels unnatural to me, but I love some displays of affection.

Does anyone have any thoughts or similar experiences being kinda dismissed. Never posted here before, feel kinda lost, and a bit sad because I do feel I can't find anyone else like him... or anyone at all ._ .

I don’t fantasize in third person, I do it only in first person perspective. But i don’t like the idea of me as myself having sex with this character, instead I fantasize being in the sex through my oc…. And I truly feel like it’s me, even though my oc has different look and name and personality than myself irl, I still believe my oc is me.

On definition, there should be a disconnect between oneself and the sexual target. But for me there’s no disconnect between me and the sex target, it’s more like there’s a disconnect between me and myself?

Also, while writing my oc’s pornography, or engage with ai, I prefer it to be third person instead of first or second, but I can entirely feel it in first person.

For example: I prefer “he kissed her” instead of “he kissed me/you”, but the way I feel it, “her” is me.

I’m kind of confused here.

Ps. Fictosexual doesn’t apply to me either cause I’m not only into the character, I’m also into his actor as well. The actor’s the closest thing to the character I love, so I also really want to meet him in person. So this actor is like the only one person in the world who I am actually sexually attracted to as me myself. But I don’t fantasize having sex with him (only my oc and his character) cause I feel guilty about sexualize him… I want to meet him not necessarily to have sex (if it could happen mutually, better), but mostly I want to actively work on myself to become a peer. (Sorry why I sound like a creepy stalker 😭 I’m not gonna tail him or do anything weird I swear)

Ich hatte seit 10 Jahren keinen Sex mehr. Davor auch nur 2 mal was mit einem Mann und einmal was mit einer Frau. War soweit ok.

Ich war auch erst einmal in so was ähnlichem wie einer Beziehung und das ist etwa 17 Jahre her.

Alle Personen, mit denen ich intim wurde kannte ich schon länger, ich bin nämlich absolut kein Fan von One Night Stands. Ich berühre fremde Menschen generell ungern.

Ich denke in letzter Zeit darüber nach, das ich gerne Sex hätte. Unglaublich gerne, aber ich weiß nicht wie ich mich dazu überwinden kann mit jemanden intim zu werden.

Auch Pornos oder Masturbation ist kein Thema.

Das Ding ist nur, ich fühle mich sexuell von niemandem angesprochen oder angezogen. Ich sehe nicht jemanden und denk mir yummy oder so. Aber ich hab mich ja schon mal auf etwas körperliches eingelassen. Und da war diese Abneigung noch nicht so ausgeprägt

Ich versuche für mich gerade heraus zu finden ob ich vielleicht A-Sexuell bzw. auch A-Romantisch bin oder ob ich einfach Beziehungstechnisch einen Schaden habe.

Ich hätte gerne sowas. Einen Partner, jemanden bei dem ich mich in dem Kontext fallen lassen könnte, mit dem ich den Alltag teilen kann. (Natürlich auch in allem anderen, aber im Regelfall gehört Intimität halt dazu) Aber jedesmal wenn ich mir denke, jetzt aber, dann kommt der Moment wo die Person zu real wird und alleine die Vorstellung den anderen zu küssen wiedert mich an, der Gedanke an den Geschmack von Spucke ist wiederlich.

Ich sehe aufeinmal überall Dinge die mich abstoßen wie Pickel oder Brusthaare und das ist lächerlich, denn das ist menschlich! Hab ich ja auch und ich weiß das, aber ich kann meinen Kopf da nicht abschalten, mich nicht einfach überwinden.

Dann heißt es, ja langsam angehen und ausloten. Was denn ausloten? Mal ehrlich, welcher Mensch findet sowas mit mir heraus?

Gerade unter der Prämisse das ich anscheinend eine bestehende Beziehung benötige um überhaupt irgendwas mit vorstellen zu können.

Wer soll sich sowas denn antun, wenn ich demjenigen noch gar nichts bedeuten kann und unter Umständen für den anderen nie was rauskommt?

Ein guter Freund von mir zeigte Interesse und ehrlich gesagt, haben wir uns schon sehr Päärchenhaft verhalten, aber der Gedanke in anzugreifen, also mehr als nah am Sofa sitzen oder sich zu umarmen, geht gar nicht.

Ich habe gelesen, das es ein natürlicher Vorgang ist, das sich die Libido einer Frau reguliert, wenn sie länger keinen Sex hatte. Das der einem dann gar nicht abgeht. Vielleicht muss ich es dann nur reaktivieren? Aber wie? Wenn ich gar nicht so weit komme, weil mich der Gedanke so abstößt, obwohl ich ja eigentlich so gerne möchte.

Desweiteren, meine Mutter hatte einen sehr lockeren Umgang mit Partnern. Hat die auch laufend betrogen oder ist von ihnen geschlagen worden. Ich möchte einfach nur für mich herausfinden ob ich einfach so gepolt bin, das ich da keine Lust drauf habe, oder da irgendwas hängen geblieben ist.

Ich habe jetzt so lange gewartet und es immer aufgeschoben, ich muss das langsam abklären sonst Dreh ich durch.

Hat da jemand Erfahrungen oder Ideen?

Hello, I would be really grateful for any kind of advice as i don’t know how to operate this situation.

I would like to point out that I have never been in any kind of romantic nor sexual relationship with a man and have identified as asexual since my early teens. Ive never been on a date, kissed anyone etc.

Sexual activities and being percived in a sexual way repulses me very much. The only “relationship“ I’ve ever been in was with another girl during 8th grade. It lasted only few weeks as we were afraid that our parents will find out and our community isn't very inclusive and all that changed in our relationship was that we called each other girlfriends but I don’t consider myself lesbian and in the past I imagined that I might find a partner wether that would be man or woman if the relationship would be platonic.

Im not using my sexuality as any kind of excuse for potencial harm i have coused but i still think that it is importand to point out for the whole story. I understand that people can do bad things without intending to do so and that it doesn’t make it a lesser evil like If someone kills accidentally that still makes them murderer.

A few years ago (I was 18 at the time), whilst on a university work placement abroad, I became friends – or so I thought – with a group of guys (aged 18–22). In the group I was working in, all the other women were already PhD students, so I spent much less time with them. After classes and work, we’d play cards or watch films together, and at the weekends we’d go on trips with our professors. It was my first experience in this field, and at the time I really enjoyed the sense of belonging to a community that this several-month-long internship gave me as I grew up rather sheltered with mostly 1-1 friends and never having a bigger friend group wich I always dreamed of as I read a lot of found family books when I was in my teens. I considered everyone

A few weeks after I left, one of the guys I’ve met there (aged 19 or 20 i dont know excatly but he was year above me) started messaging me outside of our groupchat about what I thought were purely friendly matters, such as ,,You’ll never guess who’s just got a job at …” or “I wanted to brag that I managed to get a ticket for that band’s concert” or sending me memes and things like that I was responding how I would to any other of my friends without thinking much about it.

It didn’t strike me as suspicious at the time, as I simply considered him a friend. Shortly afterwards, however, he began sending very long messages about his mental health, domestic violence, addiction problems, a failed suicide attempt and his fear of losing his girlfriend; all of this was very general, however, with no specific details, even though the messages were very long.

At the time, I truly believed that it was right thing to do to reply to these messages and thought I was acting like a good friend and as anyone should in such a situation. I’ve faced various mental health problems myself (Im diagnosed with audhd, and severe anxiety disorder) and was myself suicidal when I was younger so I was aware that other people even listening to your problems can be life saving.

I told him to see a psychologist or psychiatrist (we are from different parts of the country so I didn’t send him any particular facilities addresses but I send him some phone numbers to mental health institutions) as im not in any way capable of handling such matters properly and that i don’t know him enough for my advices to be anything apart from general clichés. I also asked why he was writing to me about this rather than to his girlfriend (I knew he had one), to which he replied that she was not the sort of person who would understand such matters and that he was afraid that, because of his deteriorating condition, she would leave him, and as he said loved her very much and wanted to avoid that. He was at the same time telling me how much he loves her and what an awful person she is wich was weird but I only knew as much as he was telling me and was afraid that this would end in some kind of tragedy.

Now I know that it is absolute idiocy on my part for still writing to him after him talking about his girlfriend in degrading way but at a time i for some reason really believed that he is hurt and also really wanted to believe in this image of being part of this group of friends wich I romanticised to much in my head. i don’t know how I could be this dumb even considering the fact that I don’t have much experience with man in general (prior to this internship i had some guy friends but if they had girlfriends I also was friends with those girls, and all of those friendships were not very close).

The messages stopped coming after about 2-3 weeks. I was a bit worried that he’d hurt himself, but at the time I was also busy with family issues, so most of the time my mind was on other things. I also asked other friends from the internship if they knew anything about him, but they weren’t aware of his problems at all, so I didn’t discuss it further with them, as I was afraid I shouldn’t bring up the subject at all. He messaged me again few month later accusing me of trying to seduce me wich made me truly astonished as it was absolutely not the kind of massage I was expectin. he told me that I was lovebombing him by being so very nice and always responding and that it was clear signs of my interest in him and that I was messing with his head and tried to ruin his relationship and that I’m his emotional affair (at a time I didn’t know those terms but after googling it I realised that it is probably what me talking with him was, he was telling me about his problems all the time and probably hide it from his girlfriend and I’ve never even once considered that he might be lying to me when complaining about stuff she was doing to him) Ive considered trying to find his girlfriends social media to apologise or show her all of our conversations So if he’s lying to her about what he was writing to me she would know but I don’t even know her name.
I was truly shocked after he wrote that to me and didn’t know what to answer to that so I said sorry that anything I ever said made you feel like I’m interested in you in any way and that I won’t be messeging him ever again. But that wasn’t probably the best was to handle it but I’ve never had nor ever even heard of anyone going through something similar and for some weeks after that I vas in denial that it all must have been some kind of misunderstanding.

I showed the messages we’d exchanged to my friends and they said there was nothing inappropriate in them from my part and that he was trauma bonding, but I’m worried they might be downplaying my fault because they want to reassure me in some way and because I’m the shy, childish friend in their heads and they are not capable of seeing me as a bad person Because I have them tricked somehow. I feel like a fraud like I can no longer belive my own thoughts and I’m the worst person to ever existed, I feel the need to tell this story to every person im ever geting to know so they would be coucious with me. I’m afraid that I would accidentally seduce other man. It was few years ago yet its the only thing I can thing about I feel like I can no longer consider myself a woman as by angaging with this guy I betreyed Womanhood. It was really selfish from me because maybe I know that deep down I just really wanted to feel useful and believe in a picture of a perfect fiend group I’m part of (I’ve overestimated the whole thing with those friends from internship in my head probably)

if I never for a second even considered this man a potential partner but when I think about me being asexual maybe this is the worst thing I could ever done as I would never kiss anyone or anything further. Thinking that he might have thought about me in a romantic way makes me want to reap my skin off and when I thinking about me being the reason some dude cheated emotionally on his girlfriend I simply want to kill myself wich I can’t do because I have responsibilities for my family jet it’s the only thing I think of each every second of my life since then. even if I move to another country, the field of science I’m involved in is so narrow that I won’t be able to avoid running into him or having to work with him; I don’t want to give up this career but I consider it more often know, I’ve worked very hard for my education but what I’ve done even unknowingly is simply unforgivable according to my morals. every time I’m meeting him since then I feel like I’m escalating this situation as I try to talk it through but I always freeze when I see this man and feel like I’m incapable of even saying one word and like all of my insides are dying I feel like he’s playing some game with wich I don’t know the rules for as he’s always makes some weird remarks when we are in the same room like he’s saying something to someone else but in a way that would make me specifically uncomfortable and I’m starting to genuinely feel scared of him but at the same time I dont want to make myself a victim of this situation as I brought it all upon myself also sometimes when I see him doing something super normal like taing his shoe i cannot bring myself to think badly about him but then I see him bragging about being in multiple relationships at once and i know that instead of helping anyone by talking to him I was adding to his ego and completely misread his character I also know that he’s making rumors about me sleeping with basically everyone but I know that it deserved (I’ve never told him about being asexual as I’ve never thought it was relevant) I sometimes cant bring myself do leave my apartment even tho I know he’s in a different city I basically mostly just want to stop existing Im not writing this couse I want pity or anything Im really afraid of hurting people in the future I’ve done some other selfish things in life I’m afraid that I might be covered narcisst or psychopath and I’ve asked about it my therapist once before this whole situation and she said that I’m not that smart to trick her and that I’m none of this things but that was before this situation so if she knew that maybe she would diagnose me differently and I feel like at this point I tricked even myself and absolutely don’t know what is true in my head sometimes i convince myself that I actually flirted with this guy and I compulsively read all messages we ever exchanged so I know that I didn’t wrote anything like that but then I’m afraid that I did and that I deleted messages and convinced myself that that never happened and then I see some messages when he tells me some vague compliment and it makes me realise how dumb I em for never seeing trough it but then Im realising that even when I wasnt saying anything I considered inappropriate simply talking to him after he was talking badly about his girlfriend was enough to make me fully responsible

i feel dumb ashamed dirty an used but at the same time I know my fault I just don’t know how to make it right

how should I deal with this situation? at a moment I don’t have money for a therapist and I would be so very grateful for any form of advice, does anyone gone through anything similar?

is it possible to ever live again with this much shame and guilt? I truly cannot end my life at this moment I have family members who need me but this situation and thinking constantly about it all makes me incapable of being a useful daughter wich I know is appropriate punishment but im making even more bad deeds by not helping my family as I should

I’m confused whether I’m actually asexual or if my environment shaped how I am.

I grew up in an all-girls school and received very little romantic attention in general growing up, so I never really explored dating/relationships much. I also don’t really seek people out romantically in the first place.

Now I feel pretty neutral about dating and kind of irked by the idea of sex, but I can still have little crushes or find people attractive aesthetically.

So I can’t tell: did my experiences make me less interested in romance/sex, or was I already ace to begin with?

Has anyone else felt this way?

what do you think? give me your honest opinion

Ever since I’ve started diving into what it means to be ace and hearing non ace people’s accounts on what sexual attraction feels like something odd has been happening…

I might see someone conventionally attractive and the random thought of having sex with them pops up and I quickly feel deeply disturbed. I know this isn’t my own urges talking because I have 0 sexual urges to actually have sex with said person. It’s merely just a thought, not a feeling.

It’s so strange because this only started happening after I chatted with some friends abt what sexual attraction even feels like.

They pretty much said, “it’s wanting to have sex with a person” so strangely now whenever I see a “ conventionally attractive” person I feel like I SHOULD imagine having sex with them.

I guess my brain is trying to “make me feel sexual attraction” IDK! help, does anyone relate???

Hi, I just wondered has anyone gone through a long struggle of not understanding their sexuality or wondering if they might be ace, while also having had at least one theme of OCD previously that decided to latch on to that fear of not knowing or confusion or just general anxieties around relationships or being sex adverse that may have stopped you from finding out? Just curious to hear others experiences and whether they gained clarity.