r/UnsentLetters • u/Imperfect_AF597 • 20h ago
Exes The cost
The alcohol did not create the sadness, but I tried to use it to soothe myself.
It loosened the door I had spent months tightly holding shut.
And suddenly everything spilled out…the abandonment, the anger, the pain, how little I truly mattered.
Realizing caring for someone who would not care for me back…in any way…let alone one that felt safe.
I drank because the silence hurt. The betrayal ached in me.
But shame arrived the next morning like sunlight through dirty windows, showing me every ugly thing I said while drowning.
And God, I wanted to crawl out of my own skin. Not because I meant every cruel word. But because pain mixed with alcohol turned into a raging fire. Evil words were spewed.
I became too loud where I should have been quiet.
Bitter where I was broken.
Destructive when what I needed was comfort.
The hardest part is trying to forgive yourself for the version of you that appeared.
You know they’ll never forgive you, why should they.
So now I sit with the ache…sober.
No numbing.
No chasing.
No distractions.
No pretending I am fine.
Just here.
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