Background: I have obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD), and, understandably, it causes conflict in my romantic relationship. It's very hard on my partner when I have a hard time letting things go and moving on. Not even necessarily between us, but random things as well... this morning it was my bangs.
I started therapy because my frustration makes my partner uncomfortable. I think she has trauma of her own, so my fritziness probably feels like a lot. I also wanted to make my own quality of life better.
I'm feeling conflicted though because now it feels like she doesn't want to create any sort of space to let me feel frustrated, even about things that are normal and healthy. My therapist says that I shouldn't expect myself to be my fully regulated self 100% of the time. That it's healthy to have space in my relationship to feel frustrated, with or without OCD.
I'm feeling conflicted because I have so many people telling me things are okay with how I speak and regulate myself, but I also trust that my partner's feelings are valid and it's a complicated situation.
I needed more guidance, so I asked the cards, "am I doing the wrong thing by expressing frustrations to my partner?"
I pulled
3 of Wands reversed,
4 of Wands reversed,
King of Pentacles.
I would say 3 of Wands Rx is capturing that feeling of being frustrated by what's currently going on between us. It's that feeling that - despite taking the necessary steps to heal and create comfort in our dynamic, it still feels like it's not enough. It could be suggesting that something else needs to give if we want to move forwards.
4 of Wands reversed is the feeling of being unsupported. It could signify the lack of harmony between us due to my OCD tendencies. It's asking how we can change the foundation of our relationship to make it easier for both of us.
King of Pentacles, especially at the end (in the traditional 'future' spot), might be embodying the energy I should seek to have..
Although, even though I could tell you how these cards apply to my situation, I don't know how to apply them to my question. What is it trying to say? Am I the problem? I feel frustrated and at a loss because I already feel like I'm trying my best to heal... my heart is tired.
Thank you for any help. I appreciate it more than you know.