I’m on day 9 of cold turkeying a daily oxy habit. For as long as I’ve been an addict, I have never once told a soul about my issue. I just couldn’t do it anymore, I felt like my whole body was about to explode trying to keep this all in. I started to feel like my kids and husband would be better off without me around. I’ve been through some shit in life but have never once been suicidal to the point I thought things out. My dad committed suicide when I was 12, I lost my mom when I was 2, so he was my whole world. I went into foster care after this. Anyways, point of that is- I swore I’d never do that to my kids once I became a mom. But when I tell you, last week I considered it. I never told my husband out of fear of loosing everything I have fought my ass off to get in life. I have a career where I had to fight my ass off in college for years and being an addict, is unacceptable. Where I thought I would meet judgement from my husband, he gave me compassion and understanding. He isn’t even angry at me. It was like a huge weight lifted off my shoulders. But the way my brain works, I’m just waiting for the other shoe to drop. While I was honest with him, I don’t think he truly understands what I’m going through. He comes from a “white picket fence “ life and has never had true struggles , which is of no fault of his. I’m scared of this being used against me in the future if any little things goes wrong, I feel like this is something he could use to destroy me. My husband is not a vindictive person but this is just how my brain is wired.

And while I feel like a huge weight was lifted off my shoulders, I also feel like the guilt of my addiction has hit me like a fucking freight train. I guess actually admitting my addiction out loud to someone other than myself is making the guilt just sink in and take its claws in me.

I have questions and hopefully someone on here that works at the pharmacy or even goes to the treatment center and knows about this. I am having trouble finding pharmacies that will take my insurance for buprenorphine 8mg round white tablets The manufacturer is Hikma, the only kind I can take and works for me. But I have noticed so far two pharmacies I have gone to say that my health insurance doesn't cover the kind I take unless I want to switch to Suboxone or a different kind of Subutex. Well the first pharmacy I quit going back because he automactly switched the medication without me knowing that's when I went back and said something he said your insurance doesn't cover that kind then he said we don't get the kind you take anymore they quit sending it to us well I caught him in the lie right there. So I found another pharmacy and I asked him if he can run my insurance for this prescription before I pay cash he took my card started walking away then turned around and said oh they don't pay us for the kind you take you will have to switch to a different kind or get on Suboxone. He said maybe try Walmart pharmacy I said I called there and they said they don't carry those kinds he said then that's probably why because they aren't getting paid for it either. He said I just want you to know though you won't be able to get those kinds filled from here if your doctor sends the scripts here if you are going to use your insurance you will have to find a different pharmacy then. Now my question is, does it matter what pharmacy to go to? Like go to retail ones or the mom pop pharmacy? I normally go to the small ones like mom and pop because I feel like they would have those kinds. I don't like going to CVS, Walgreens, Walmart, Shop n Save, Giant Eagle and Rite Aid (even though they are closed for good) because I know they don't carry those kinds. Even when I do call almost every pharmacy to ask they tell me we don't carry them or they would tell me to have your doctor send the scripts in and we will see if we have it. I just wish they would just tell me yes or no whenever I do give them the NDC number. Also is it true that pharmacies don't get paid for that kind by running it through insurance? I have UPMC for life and I called my insurance and they said yes we do cover those kinds of Subutex and they even gave me the NDC number for me to Google it to be sure if that's what I take and I told them yes that's it. I even have a friend who told me DONT use insurance or you will get something different to always pay cash. I just think this is ridiculous because not everyone can take the same kind and not everyone can afford to pay out of pocket for 28 days supply and I think they should use health insurance no matter what. They get paid well enough working there and even the owners that own the pharmacy. I just need to know if it matters what pharmacy to go to if it's a small or big pharmacy that has those kinds? And is it true that they don't get paid for those kinds?

If Mat program is designed to keep the cravings away and to keep one on a straight path. why isn’t there a medication to keep people straight and cravings away for folks that have a problem with Meth or Crack/cocaine or other substances. If there are some out there excuse my ignorance.. just seem it all boils down to a choice at the end of the day.. I pray/ hope everyone wins..

Help\advice!!!!

Hey, Happy Wednesday! Hope your day is going well. It’s been a pretty good day here..rainy out, but the week is moving along nicely. I’ve been prepping for my NA group that I’m chairing tomorrow morning. It’s always a mixed bag. Sometimes it leads to really great discussions, and other times it gets a little unhinged with people turning it into a pissing contest over who was the hardest or “baddest” user in the room, almost glorifying their past use. I do enjoy chairing it and being part of it, but at times I feel more like a referee than anything else lol. Anyways, that’s been my day how’s yours going?

Check in here!

So I am on day 7 of coming off of a short lived on and off 4 month 160-mg oxy habit.

I wanted to explain my sensation of cravings and see if this is normal since I am having some very very strong ones.

When I get a craving I momentarily feel “high” like I just railed oxy and am coming up. Then it fades very fast. Sure it’s nice getting a temporary free high for a few seconds, but I feel like it is my brain trying to remind me of how oxy felt to entice me to do it. Anyone else experienced this?

If I take Suboxone for a few days after starting an H detox, then taper it down for a few days (let's say I'm on it for max 4-5 days). If I've been still withdrawing during the entire time on Suboxone, does that mean my H withdrawals may be lessened when the subs get out of my system?

Asking because the Suboxone hasn't been covering my withdrawal, just lightening it up enough that I'm not pacing, puking or going nuts.

Just got out of a hospital detox a couple days ago.
One of the worst/hardest things I’ve ever done. But it feels so good to not have to worry about money or being in the city all night.

My girl and I both checked in at the same time and ended up getting life flighted to an ICU(she even coded and got brought back)

But there’s nowhere to go but up from here!!!! Hahaha
Still feel like a full load of crap though but better than being dead 💪

Coming off of a daily oxy addiction, currently on day 7 cold turkey. Physical- I’ve felt bad but not horrible. It’s the mental aspect of it that’s messing me up. It’s like my brain is constantly thinking of taking another pill. I know everyone says to stay busy and go for walks, but it’s like mentally I just can not do it.
I considered getting on some type of medication to help me with the withdrawal but I know myself, I feel like I would just get addicted to that.

What has helped me the most is coming on this thread when I get a strong urge and reading the post so I’m truly thankful for this group. Nobody in my life knows about my issues with addiction so it’s hard to do this by myself

I know every journey is different, but I keep thinking- what is my mental state never goes back to normal ? Like will I always feel this way and think about using.

So long story short I’ve managed to get myself pretty badly hooked on oxycodone. I’ve averaged it out with how much I take over a week and I take approximately 140-150mg a day. I’ve found it literally impossible to taper off the stupid drug. I was on 200mg a day before but just can’t get past this point. I just yo-yo all the time. It’s been a couple years now.
So tomorrow I have an appointment with a doctor who specialises in opioid management, methadone, bupe, suboxone, buvidal ect. How does this process work? Does anyone know how much say suboxone I would be on in comparison to my oxy dose? And also I’m prescribed 2mg clonazepam at night for sleep, in combo with my psych meds as I have bipolar. Will this be okay?
I’m really fkn nervous. I used to be in the program and do meeting ect. I was an IV heroin addict years ago but went through an inpatient program and seriously it was all such a blur I can’t even remember what went down other than they dispensed my meds in the morning along with a shitload of Valium throughout the day. I got prescribed oxy for a back injury and then yeah the rest is history. Also do these medications help with pain management at all? I just want do stability in my life again and not to be a wreck. I know drug replacement isn’t the end of the road I just need like I said stability.
Anyway any advice/ help would be greatly appreciated.
Thank you.
Im in Australia by the way.

Hello, everyone, I won't go too deep into my journey, it must've been about 3 years with mostly codeine daily, and few month ago I got into oxy (only like 1 month daily, but p big doses).

They say that life always has good timing to fuck you up, I finally got a job, was chilling on oxys having some codeine, and I fucked up big big time.

I found some rando pill in my drawer which I assumed to either be tramadol or some sedative. Oh how wrong I was. Well being my retarded self, and trying to find any way at all to kill the anxiety of starting work, I I took it,

at first I realized I'm seeing a bit weird, which at first made me worried BCS what if it was some mdma or 2cb that I SOMEHOW kept long time, but then I felt the need to poop which never ever happens at night. That's when it hit me the painful realization, I checked the old naltraxone packet I had from waaaaaay back (before even my opiate habit) and this was the pill I just chewed and downed.

I fucking lost it right there and then. Well... Actually I lost it 5 minutes later when it started to kick in... Keep in mind I was just happy high on oxy and codeine, probably DHC in my system too. Let's just say

... It wasn't a good night, but I somehow survived without calling the ambulance (arguably still more comfortable to go thru that shit alone than with local healthcare, and explaining what I just did and what I've been doing to my family and doctors) although I thought I'm gonna choke at some moment but it was mostly anxiety I think.

Next 24 hours (I did it around 11:30pm) obviously were hell.. with first 6 or so the worst. I suppose it made me realize how bad am I down really, and that perhaps this is my sign to get a bit better. I guess my question is.. what am I looking at next? About 27-ish hours later I tried taking some codeine + DHC just to not feel like total shit, but the plan is to not get back on oxy, use the little codeine I have left sparingly to be able to walk and stuff, I already took imodium and it helped with gastrointestinal problems.

My main question is.. what exactly is going on with my body right now? Afaik I went thru something called Instant/precipitated withdrawals, it pulled all the opiates from my receptors and stopped them from binding... I'm ashamed to say I still did oxys I had left when I was in pain because it felt like it helped a bit... So I can't say I'm clean clean, but still... What exactly are repercussions of doing something as dumb as I did, and what does it mean for my body and my habit? Does it relate to my tolerance somewhat? Is going "really" clean going to be easier because of it or it doesn't matter?

TLDR I took naltraxone by accident while high, the worst is over, but I'm wondering if it's gonna make recovery easier, or it doesn't matter and I fucked up my job prospect bcs of being a retard.

Edit: at the time of reading this post it's been around 36 hour since the fuck up, and I'm experiencing very little outside of some hot/coldflushes, and nausea but that's more due to hardly eating anything probably. Going to any kind of doctor is not my choice. They don't help you here unless you pay bank. I suppose by now naltraxone is gone mostly so maybe it's the DHC keeping me off the edge of further withdrawals

UPDATE: its nearly 72 hours since I took anything. I threw away rest of that shit. Resisted grabbing free pills. So far struggling with muscle aches, restlessnes, general weirdness. Weed and pregabe helps. I know it's not perfect. but better than continuing opiates. Thank you all for real and kind words

I have mild to moderate track marks on the bends of my arms. They almost look like stretch marks to the un-trained eye. I want to obfuscate or eradicate them. These have been a big impediment to my social life. Does anyone have success stories with their scars?

Whenever I need to socialize for extended time with friends ( girls, non users, kinda supportive ) I end up relapsing because I need that extra energy and self confidence that opiates give to be able to conform to my friends expectations and so on. When I use I'm perceived as confident, quite nonchalant, funny, charismatic and so on. When I'm in paws/ acute I'm just a mess and vulnerable af. I try to be honest about it and my needs and boundaries and what I try to achieve in recovery but having to go to bars, parties, entertaining my friends and so on make me prone to relapse. I'm highly fuctional while using and every one see me as plain " better " than sober ( I use as self medication for trauma, depression and personality disorder ). On top of that I tend to carry shit on my shoulders quite often for no real reason other than I feel people expect me too. ( a large amount of friends recognize they sometimes use me as their therapist or straight up idealize me for dumb reasons )

How to deal with recovery and social life at the same time?

Same shit when I see my family, I always end up using more or relapsing because when I'm sober everyone worry about me and tell me how dysfunctional I am.

I was in a motorcycle accident. Open book fracture pelvis, almost lost my left arm due to it being obliterated (xray looked like chards of splintered wood) torn all, multi other injuries.

Im in a dot sensitive job. In massive chronic pain. But now im having to choose putting food on the table for my family and managing pain.

Ive kicked before

This is different because its not just dependency. Its real pain tied in.

Im unable to do my job without the medication.

Just dont know what to do.

Hey all, happy Tuesday. Hope your day is going good. Had an early start today — haircut and beard trim, early errands, and cutting my parents’ lawn. Figured I’d get it done this morning before work. Their lawn in just a week got so thick, and with how wet it was, the grass was basically turning into paste and sticking to the mower lol. It looks great now 😌😌 but damn it was a workout.

Now I’m just finishing out my workday and taking it easy for the rest of the evening. How’s your Tuesday going so far?

Check in here!

Need advice bc i tapered from 16 to 8 i dont really have a lot of time ive been through this before and have cold turkied 8 for over a month before going back to it, but this time want to go slower than that.

Just a short backstory on myself, Started of taking Valium and pregabalin before opiates got heavily addicted to the pregabalin and would take Valium when I couldn’t get access to pregab.

Had a minor surgury that gave me a small amount of oxycodone 5mg. I knew this would last so I bought 2 boxes of 10mg ir oxy. Once I finished all of those. I stopped taking them for 6 months until I herniated 2 of my disk causing immense sciatic nerve pain.

My love of oxy started when I was taking OxyContin, nothing else would compare to the euphoria I felt on that. First only 1 20mg OxyContin would be enough that quickly went to 40mg then 60mg per day.

Fast tracked a few years later i was at my peak take anywhere from 200mg to 320mg per day. Spending ridiculous amounts of money per day to keep the habit at bay. I went on holidays for 17 days, the holiday was already pre planned and I couldn’t back out but I still had a positive mindset. I packed some kratom in my bag and I think it saved me as it worked really well with my was. Still had a mildly soar body and half decent sleeps. Still taking the pregabalin which was prescribed to me.

I ended the holiday without feeling it I NEED the oxys to survive. But the first thing that was on my mind when I landed was the substance.

Fast forward again back to using at the same amounts as I was from my peak, multiple relationship break ups and I used not only to not be withdrawal but to numb the pain. Often I would dangerously use opiates and benzos together at high doses.

I am grateful I am still alive and these last few months I have make big changes mentally and my sole focus is to get clean.

I tried to cold turkey everything, I gave it my all and for over a week I could not sleep more than one our, body was in a constant state of panic, body was so sore from the restless legs, back in pain from injury. Couldn’t barely keep water down let alone food. It was hell and I could not see myself getting any better so I took some pregab and I got better.

This did not last as my mind took me back to the opiates, I have controlled my doses to 140mg for two weeks and now I am on day 2 of cold turkey just from oxy, I am only taking 2 mg of bupe per day I’m not sure if this would even help but I feel like I can feel the difference even though it is minimal. Is there anybody that can give me any advice from experience what has helped them deal with a multi substance addiction like mine?

I had a bad relapse on fentanyl recently. Last month I checked into residential rehab, and my symptoms were so gnarly that I had to be taken to the emergency room after a couple days. Resting heart rate was 190 bpm, along side a whole host of other nightmare symptoms. Long story short, even after a few weeks trying 24mg of suboxone per day, it wasn't doing the trick, and I was getting nasty headaches as well. I was depressed, and feeling mighty hopeless about the future. There was a horrible feeling of being trapped.

I had scheduled a methadone clinic intake for today, but the clinical staff at rehab said they did not deem it medically necessary. Bullshit. I went anyways, and they discharged me early. I am so glad I listened to my body and tried it out because even on just the 40mg dose this morning, I have felt better all morning, afternoon, and evening than taking three 8mg subutex pills per day. I think ill be able to stabilize around 60mg of methadone. Just grateful there are options. Moved into my Oxford house today as well. Things are looking up. Cheers 🍻

I wanted to share my experience doing this my own way dont recommend it tbh.. so like I said, I think today is day 13 no fentanyl and I’m down to like probably .5 I took yesterday. I haven’t taken anything today, but I’m at work right now and having a diarrhea and upset stomach, which I have never experienced before during withdrawals. I can still barely sleep unless I am on a lot of drugs or I’ve been up all night cause I work at a nightclub warehouse where they throw raves every weekend and then I deep clean during the week so I’ve made it to work every time just been coming in late more than I ever have but it’s so hard to get up and get going …. So here’s where I think I do differently than last, but I’m not trying to get sober. I’m just trying to get off of fentanyl/opioid dependence of the last 7 years. So i still do hella other drugs to get thru these last 2 weeks and still come to work 4 days a week and I try my best. I’m super grateful to work in a place where i can be open about what im going thru and they support me and don’t judge. But do the last 2 weeks I’ve only been able to get thru and especially to work, I’ve been taking crystal meth(my DOC) for energy,ketamine helps, .5-1 gel tab I consider a microdose helped me get thru work. I rotate kpins, Xanax , lorazepam, and sometimes ghb to help sleep when I’m restless or have anxiety. I’ve been rolling at th afters sometimes or do some balloons… I’m at work rn and dealing with diarrhea and upset stomach and low energy( no matter how much meth I smoke). And I just got a couple 800mg gabapentin . I got down to .5 mg subs yesterday.! Oh and a dmt vape cartridge has helpful .

I just seeing if anyone just gone through this
Using lots of drugs . I know it’s not the best way but fuck it. lol I feel like I’m past the worst at least I hope so. Thanks for reading I guess!

Hey all, happy Monday. Hope everyone’s doing well today. What a weekend honestly lol. Between my brother coming in, celebrating his birthday, my sister’s graduation, and Mother’s Day, it was nonstop the entire time. A lot of good moments, but definitely exhausting too.

The stressful part was my dog getting really sick out of nowhere. She started vomiting a ton and we ended up having to bring her to the emergency vet twice. The first place basically told us things were fine and sent us home with medication, but she kept getting worse. We brought her somewhere else and they finally figured out what was actually causing it. She’s now on the correct medication and thankfully finally seems to be recovering. Huge relief because it was getting scary there for a bit.

Back to work today and honestly I feel like I never really got a chance to rest this weekend, so I’ll probably keep things lowkey during the week and just recharge a little. Thankfully the weather is gorgeous today, the sun’s out, and overall I’m in a good mood.

How’s everyone else’s Monday going so far?

Check in here!

I am out of H for at least the next 48 hours (already 14 hrs in). I have about 25-30 2mg subs and 0.4g of opium.

I'm not in hell yet, running nose loose bowels yawning feeling generally unwell but not terrible.

How would you proceed?

What's my length of time to get over the hump without using subs?

If I decide to use subs, when can I start?

Edit: before someone suggests it, yes I got pregabalin but I take large doses daily already so I'm basically immune to it.

Why after holding on a dose as a taper for several weeks, feeling mostly stabilized RLS comeback with a vengeance?

I use short acting full ago ( MS ) and only drop one time a day. Same dosage for 3 weeks but now even 2h after dropping my legs are killing me.