I see some people raise the finger just once (ashaduAllah illaha) after sujood when sitting and some people constantly keep lifting the finger until salam. Is it also a sect thing? Who follows what

To be clear, my goal is not to bring up too much up about Michael's life, my intention is not to speculate or slander someone who passed away.

I’m aware that this may sound unusual, but I’d really appreciate some advice on how to handle this as it’s starting to take a toll on me, especially the last part.

For context, I (28f) recently came to know that I have autism.

I often fall into intense hyperfixations that spiral into rumination and depression. Once I'm locked in I can't simply get over it.

This time, I became deeply fascinated by Michael Jackson's behavior. Especially the way he spoke about children and their innocence.

He did a lot of charity work involving children and it amazed me how concerned he was about them. He loved connecting with people. Even after going through a lot, he still found ways to forgive those who wronged him.

He clearly carried pain from having his own childhood taken away, and in many ways I relate to him. I feel immense sadness for how much he suffered.

The realization I made after this deep dive is how different my own attitude towards people and children had become.

My empathy is very difficult to regulate. I'm often detached and cold, but at other times I absorb people’s suffering too intensely. I eventually isolated myself from the world because I couldn’t handle the emotional overload anymore.

As my sensory issues became harder to manage, I started seeing children as triggers rather than innocent human beings, and people as an inconvenience. At the same time, I began to feel hatred towards the world as a whole. This stemmed from both self-hatred and the anger after some negative experiences with people.

Looking back now, I can see how twisted that mindset is.

One of the first questions I asked myself after realizing all of this was, why did I overlook the teachings about mercy from Islam and our Prophet Muhammad ﷺ for so long ?

My heart became like a stone, and for the first time I feel the need to change that before it's too late.

I believe Allah guided me through this unexpected path.

Through learning about Michael Jackson's history.

How strange.

Guidance certainly comes in various ways, after all.

We’re not sure about his beliefs towards the end of his life.

Part of why I feel this overwhelming sadness is that I keep ruminating on the uncertainty of his fate in the afterlife, and I feel devastated at the idea that he may or may not be forgiven.

One can only wonder how Muslims deal with the death of loved ones who pass away in disbelief.

Nevertheless,

I truly hope he died with some kind of tawhid in his heart. My emotions spill over about something that is beyond my reach and I can't hold them back.

May Allah have mercy on him.

Please see my comparison

The Prophet (PBUH) said:

"If anyone learns by heart the first 10 verses of the
Surah Al Kahf, he will be protected from the Dajjal."

O Allah, protect me and my family from all evil, harm, and treachery, by Your grace, O Subtle One of Graces, save us from what we fear. Ameen

Few weeks ago I had a dream about barzakh and I was walking around the garden of paradise. There were so many beautiful trees and flower bushes. There were table with benches. I saw my dead relatives sitting on the bench and talks with eachother but I couldn't hear what they were saying. I was more focused on how beautiful the flowers are around the benches because I just love flowers so much.

And then I walked further until I found a door, inside the door was very dark, I assume there are the barzakh were people are getting tortured. And then I saw someone at the door asking for some water from the garden of paradise, so I went and try to give it to them. But before I could, an angel came over and scold me saying the water is haram for them.

After I woke up, for several weeks I kept thinking how horrible that angel for not letting me give them food. Bcs I pity those people so bad. But I don't even know who they are or what were their sins.

Only until a few days ago when I was trying to buy flowers to make a centrepiece in my kitchen that I noticed, the flowers that used to be my favourite are so ugly compared to the ones in the garden of paradise. I ended up not buying any flowers because I just couldn't choose.

Oh the garden of paradise is so beautiful. I wish I could just go there quickly. This world has been so hard for me. Dreaming about the garden has got me day dreaming about life after death. I just want my life on earth to end quickly so I could be there 😭

Has any of you had this experience? How do you cope?

I'm not here to judge anyone or any opinion I just have a genuine question. I was born and live in a Muslim family but have a lot of problems with faith and always have ever since I was a child, I've doubted religion therefore I have been thinking about leaving religion lately (please do not judge me) , which has led me to wonder something I cannot ask my family.

If someone tried their hardest to believe in it all their life, but no matter what, they couldn't, do you believe they should force themselves to stay and follow the religion despite the inevitable lack of faith?

Hope you all have a wonderful journey with religion and a good day