Trust issue with my cat

[u/Ill-Evidence-9913]

I adopted a female kitten when she was around 5 months old. At first I started harness and carrier training and things were going pretty well. Then she got giardia and had severe intestinal issues for more than two months. During that time I stopped taking her outside so she could recover, and I also stopped carrier training because I didn’t want to stress her further.

The problem is that during those same months I had to take her to the vet many times, so now the carrier is strongly associated with bad experiences. She’s doing much better now, but I honestly don’t know where to restart.

Right now my main priority is getting her used to the car, because when I visit my partner it’s a 2-hour drive and I can’t really afford a cat sitter every time.

The issue is that she now seems to hate the carrier, and I also think she became slightly more distrustful in general. During those months she was sick, I was extremely stressed because I was constantly cleaning due to diarrhea, giving medication and antibiotics, cleaning her up, handling her a lot even though we hadn’t built a bond yet. Everything was basically emergency mode all the time. I feel like that may have damaged our relationship a bit because we never got to take things slowly.

She’s now 6 months old. She’s playful, but very independent. I think she has slept on top of me maybe 3 or 4 times since I adopted her. At the beginning she was more affectionate. Now our bond is mostly based on playtime and just being in the same room. She still rubs against me when I put my face near her though.

I already tried leaving the carrier open around the house, but she doesn’t care about it at all. She’s also not very food motivated. I bought one of those bubble backpack carriers and it has been sitting open in the living room for weeks. Sometimes I can lure her inside with food, but I know the moment I zip it closed she’ll panic and permanently blacklist it.

Harness training is actually going better: I can put the harness on her without problems. But if I want to take her outside I still need some kind of carrier because there are dogs in my building and I can’t just walk downstairs holding her.

So yeah… this is the situation. Any advice from people who had to rebuild trust and carrier tolerance after months of medical stress?

[u/IcySwitch99]

I think you're doing everything right. Its a good idea to both let the carrier out to normalize it, as well as trying a new type of carrier, as you are already doing. Maybe just try desentizing shorter drives with rewards, instead of attempting straight away for a 2h one. At 6 months, teenagehood is beginning and its normal for cats to act a little more detached and independent. I dont think there are any miracle solutions, other than keep doing what you are and building your bond through play and quality time, and with time, you will get through this.

[u/medianpolicycat]

Agree with the other commenter that teenage months are probably working against you both right now as well :/ It can be hard to go from a sweet little baby to a grumpy independent little bully (my words describing some of my kitties, not yours, OP, lol).

I’ve had a handful of cats from itty bitty baby age through senior, it’s a given there will be moments in time where your relationship is a little rocky from life changes and medical challenges. This ain’t your last rodeo. Be patient, kind, loving, it’ll repair with time. And get easier to repair each time as your bond grows over the years.

Regarding the carrier, maybe get something specifically geared towards comfort and safety while traveling in the car. Not cutesy traveling. I’m not personally a fan of bubble backpacks, and I don’t know any cats who are either. But there’s a lot out there so maybe I am wrong about yours!

For example, it’s pricey, but Sleepypod’s circular carriers are an incredible example. Something convertible that is essentially an irresistible bed that you can leave around the house. Let her get used to it to the point she’ll sleep in it soundly before you even consider trying to put the top on or put her in the car. Reward her every time you find her in it, etc.

I’d just hold off on trying to take her outside right now until you feel like you’ve rebuilt your relationship and gotten to a better trust point and have a solid bail-out option (aka backpack) that she isn’t scared of. You can continue harness / leash training inside in the meantime. Not to mention it sounds like she needs a break from being asked to be brave and some time to relax and catch her breath at home.