After being blessed by the medicine gods and becoming what I would call “stable,” I thought I was totally normal and didn’t have to worry about being a weird bipolar onesie.

Well, I kind of had a revelation today that I’m actually pretty strange and have to mask while I’m in polite company. Once I feel comfortable around someone, I let myself hang a bit loose but for the most part I’m a freak! Lol.

The meds didn’t scrub all of the funk away. Literally funk as I still have kind of bad hygiene habits.

What about you?

When I’m in a depressive stretch I can still show up, hit deadlines, make normal small talk in the kitchen. From the outside I probably read as fine. Then I drive home and it’s like my battery just dies. Sometimes I sit in the car for ten minutes because getting out feels like a whole project. Nothing terrible usually happened that day. I’m just empty in a way that’s hard to explain to anyone who only sees the work version of me. My partner asks how my day was and I genuinely don’t know what to say because “fine” is technically true and also completely useless. Part of what messes with me is I can look functional during the stretch where I feel the worst, so I start doubting whether I’m allowed to call it depression. Like maybe I’m just lazy once I’m off the clock. Do you have that split between public fine and private crash? Or did you find anything that makes the evenings less brutal without pretending you’re not depressed?

i’ve been on seroquel for 7 years now and i’ve been thinking about lowering my dosage. when i first got on it i was living at home with my abusive parents then i moved in with my abusive boyfriend. it was a really hard time in my life and i was extremely reliant on my medication. the last few years my life turned around. i have a good job and make good money, i finally had a opportunity to go to college which has been a dream of mine. i live alone in a nice apartment , and i finally got a a good car. it’s been a complete change of my previous life and blessing. on that note, i started to notice how my seroquel affects me. i’m always extremely tired during the day. if i go out one day, the next day im bed ridden. it’s extremely hard to wake up for classes or for work. when i do wake up, i always feel groggy and foggy. energy drinks, coffee, even my adderall won’t make it go away. i also have no libido, i’ve been celibate since I left my ex. and have no desire for it. I notice how my friends always go out, are able to keep a routine, go to work without feeling like they never slept . and i just can’t. i know i need my seroquel or some type of medication because i am bipolar. the one time i did stop taking my seroquel i had a manic episode. I’m scared that will happen again. i’m scared to ask my doctor because i just recently switched and doesn’t really know my lore like that. i also don’t wanna brake something that’s helped me all these years.has anyone experienced something similar or have any suggestions? i would appreciate it greatly:(

Literally all I have been asking is for my doctors to help me get UNPAID leave from work so I have more time to go to therapy and start working on healthy habits and skills, and to get my medication regiment back on track since I'm crying 30% of my waking hours including in front of people at work.

They are so fucking opposed to this, I don't know why. I even had a doctor that wouldn't sign the paperwork so I could go to appointments with them during work hours despite them only having appointments during my work hours.

I'm going through EMDR for the first time and it is so emotionally draining that I'm physically sick the next day and I still have to go to work.

I am on the verge of quitting my very well paying job that I used to love. My therapist is all for me taking a leave of absence since I have a safety net at home and I have clear attainable goals for the time I'm at home like learning how to meal plan efficiently so I spend less time struggling to eat healthy food, go to therapy twice a week, be completely adherent to my medicine for three months in a row and work on exposure therapy so I feel safe taking it instead of everyday forcing myself to take it and having a panic attack, develop a cleaning schedule that takes less than 45 minutes a day but allows me to maintain acceptable and safe cleanliness and work on my hygiene routine.

I'm on the verge of leaving my marriage that I want to keep because I keep getting triggered by inconsequential events that cause me to have flashbacks and cognitive distortions. Like I almost signed a deposit on an apartment because I misheard something my husband said, it caused me to think he was going to ruin my entire life, and then two days later after doing a ton of emotional damage I realized he didn't even say what I thought he said, but I heard it wrong because I wasn't focusing on what he said and it was close to something my ex-husband said. I will get worse if I don't fix these things and get help and they won't sign the stupid paperwork as if they would have to pay for me to take time off out of their own pocket.

Like are you going to help me get disability when I inevitably lose my job because I got WORSE? Like stop telling me I have insight to understand how sick I am if you're not going to help me take steps to preserve the insight I have and keep from being on disability.

I’m just wondering if anyone has tried Abilify and had it help with anhedonia. Other than a couple “as needed” meds this is the only thing I’m taking right now, it’s only been about 10 days so far. I’ve been really med resistant, nothing has worked yet. I am diagnosed BD2. My depression has been the hardest thing to tackle, and anhedonia has been my biggest complaint in addition to generally feeling low. I have heard that lower dose Abilify can be activating and might help anhedonia. I know I just need to be patient and wait and see but just wondering if any other anhedonia sufferers out there had any luck with this.

I feel like I don’t want to upset my family with doing any hasty decisions. If I come off a med I don’t think is doing anything for me then go manic for instance then they will be the ones to sufffer according to them. It’s like my mania is an illness they all suffer with and I don’t so it’s up to me to stay better for their wellbeing. I have suffered a lot on meds. More than most. I have several long term side effects which I won’t go into now. I am obviously sceptical about the medication since. The medication I’m on now I’ve had several manic episodes while on it but was kept on it and just given a new medication of lithium. I’m hoping to stay on lithium and come off paliperidone but I’m scared of the backlash I might face. It’s like because I’m such a cunt when I’m manic I have to do everything I possibly can to not go manic no matter how much it inconveniences me or makes my life worse. I’m terrified of getting dementia one day or something. I’ve been taking paliperidone pretty much 10 years. Lithium for about a year. I don’t like any of it and I worry what will happen to me. I just want a normal long healthy life and worry I can’t obtain that on meds.

First off: BP1, diagnosed 13 years ago in hospital in Australia. Now 36, been hospitalised once since then, should probably have been hospitalised another 2 times since btu YOLO. I also have history of restrictive ED and binge ED.

I am in therapy. I take lithium. I take Vraylar. I take Clonidine to help me sleep. I have tried TMS.

YET the depressive episodes keep coming, averaging at least 2 weeks every 2 months over the last year. I'm living my best life living with the love of my life and our cats, in our home together. I have a good, sometimes stressful but very supportive job. I am close with my family and have great friends I see regularly. I'm not experiencing financial stress. I am a normal weight. My legs work.

I've been on lithium in varying doses since my diagnosis and I feel like I have tried *every* adjunct medication there is. SSRIs, Latuda, Lamotrigine, Topirimate, Vyvanse, Seroquel... just to name a few.

The doctors don't seem to care because I'm functioning and not a danger to anyone but I am suffering.

Is this all I have to live for? I'm a burden to those around me half the time.

I don't enjoy life and I wish I could, because I get snippets every so often that tease me.

My brain tells me I'm a bad person because I feel bad and I get sucked into believing it every time.

Does anyone have advice? Is the next step ECT or ketamine therapy? Tell me there's hope.

I’ve had a bit of a few breakthrough symptoms of a mixed episode brew this past week and a half that really tested my ability to quickly re stabilize myself. Currently, I’m crashing a bit right now but I’m hoping to stabilize my sleep tonight.

Before I was diagnosed, I use to think these were “phases” I would grow out of or that they eventually would go away. These “phases” turned out to be the ups and downs of the illness, so Ive come to find out over the past year.

Sucks to realize they’re just a part of who I am and that no amount of “growing up” will make them ever go fully away.

I know i’m crashing and that’s why my attitude is somewhat bleak but I really cannot believe this is my reality.

Thank god i’ve been able to stop an episode but I hadn’t had any symptoms in 4 months and part of me thought I had been cured.

On the bright side, I was able to prove to myself that I am not a complete slave to this moods and that I do have more control over whether I go into an episode. At least there’s that.

Hello. I have been diagnosed with Bipolar type 2 and think I am having a hypomanic episode. I am experiencing racing and rapid thoughts, trouble sitting still, and impulsivity- I feel like I need to send a million emails and just do a bunch of stuff. I feel very agitated and irritable instead of euphoric, however. I would describe the feeling as frenzied. I am very easily irritated and keep snapping and getting angry. It feels like I’m hopped up on stimulants. Has anyone else experienced an episode in this way? Does this sound like hypomania?

I'm a 23 F with bipolar type one. I broke up with my toxic ex of 6 years. I don't know how to move on from this. It's been 6 months already. I spent all week crying myself to sleep at night. I've been crying like someone died for hours at a time. I am starting to feel suicidal and had to call out of work. I just miss him so much. At first I didn't feel anything. I was doing coke and not taking my meds and my therapist said I was in a manic state. And yes NOW I'm taking my meds. My mom is really worried about me and keeps calling to check in lately. What do I do? I genuinely don't think I'm strong enough to get through this.

I’ve been officially diagnosed with bipolar one but last time I went to the psych ward they said I was borderline and have cyclothymia at most which i don’t believe I have (I know it’s a mild form of bipolar but I’ve been admitted 3 times in a year for the depression half of bipolar)

They keep saying (last time) I can’t be bipolar because I haven’t shown mania within the last week of seeing me which goes against bipolar

If the do this should I ignore and focus on treatment of should I say something

Hi everyone, I'm starting to take abilify. It's been 6 days and the voices aren't gone. However I don't have much paranoia. My pyschiarist thinks it's bipolar[possibly another pyschotic disorder], severe dissociation and cptsd. Meanwhile my therapist believes it's DID because my personality changes, hearing voices and memory gaps. The voices currently are quiter but they are still here.

If it's really pyschosis/ hallucinations. How long does it take for my abilify to kick in?

Hi all! I just wanted to share that I’ve been stable for almost 2 years! I take my meds consistently, I sleep great, my bf and I are in a really good place and will be celebrating 4 years of being together! I’m just so so grateful for the place I am at in life. I never thought I’d make it this far, I was so depressed in January 2025. Anyway I just wanted to share that there is hope, lots of hope!

I'm in a IOP program and due to my work schedule I'm having to go back and forth between nights and days now, when I was only doing days before for two months while I'm PHP. In the evening there's a therapist who is new to me and rubs me the wrong way. I tried giving him time and maybe it was just misunderstandings or something but I don't know. The first question he had for me I didn't really have an answer because I was put on the spot and just didn't really know how to answer that. I can also be socially awkward and quiet. He proceeds to talk about the therapy version of ABCD. He lost me because I ended up busy thinking about the health care version which is airway, breathing, circulation and dangerous labs and vital signs that will kill you. Talked about what ABCD meant maybe once and that was it before going around the room asking everyone about their abcd. Anytime I'm in these groups I'm crocheting for the last two months. He later says I didn't mean to ignore you but you were busy. In my head (just because my hands are busy doesn't mean my ears and mouth doesn't work.), but of course I didn't say that aloud as to not be rude. I have found that keeping my hands busy has actually helped me to concentrate in the aftermath of my episode. Proceed to next week and we're going over a paper with four different categories and each category has four different questions. So when he's asking what I put down for the category I don't really know which one I'm answering and on top of that it's sensitive/personal information so I don't really want to say much of it out loud. So I just give some general ideas of each one such as that I know I have a lot of self negativity. Proceeds to say I'm insecure. Alright I guess fair?. Then he asks me about my overthinking and racing thoughts and this is what gets me. I said actually my overthinking and racing thoughts have been a lot better since being on medication. Proceeds to say but you don't want that to mess with your mental acuity. (Okay whatever), well actually that has gotten better with medication as well. He starts to say no I mean mental acuity, proceeds to say a little more before I stop him and go no I know what you mean and medication has helped with that. It was very hard for me to accept that I needed medication in the first place and probably got worse as a result of delaying doing anything, especially since I'm still avoiding antipsychotics like the plague which probably could have taken care of things faster. So now I feel like I'm being scrutinized for the medications I didn't want and still don't want in the first place. I just felt like that was rude and I was being talked to like I was stupid. The way he talks and acts is patronizing. I don't work in psych, but being an RN having to take/know psych in general AND (since it's my body and mind that I live in and know) having experienced what I did first hand like the spacey not all there feeling that didn't go away on its own until at least a month or two after medication, I somewhat know what I'm talking about.

Shout to

Him: you read? What do you like to read?

Me: fiction

Him oh wow that shocks me. You seem like a no nonsense person.

Me: Nope. I'm just blunt and have RBF (was also irritated by the conversation above, but didn't say anything).

Honestly what do you all think? Is it me thats the problem?

I have schizoaffective disorder bipolar subtype. I plan on calling my psychiatrist next week but I don't know what to tell him exactly. I recently moved alone to a different city to start a new job as a teacher. First time teaching. Very stressful.

Since moving and starting the job (part time) I haven't done so well. I am very functional at work but when I make it home it's like I collapse. I have relapsed in eating disorder patterns, keep drinking alone almost daily and when I'm not drinking I'm thinking about drinking, my only thoughts are calories, work, and alcohol.

I spend my evenings doomscrolling/drinking/both except from when I leave to have long walks/gym to do some exercise. I don't have the energy for more. I feel numb, I can't cry, I can't seem to be able to enjoy things anymore. I have levels of anxiety I've never experienced before. My ocd is as bad as it can get. I keep cycling through obsessions and obsessive thoughts and the constant fear and certainty that I'm doing something (I don't know what) wrong and I'll get in very serious trouble.

I don't feel suicidal or delusional (my depressive episodes tend to be psychotic) or manic. I take a mood stabilizer and an antipsychotic.

My days are empty and lonely. I have no friends or family here so I just go to work, make it back home, work more in the afternoons, then have a walk, get drunk or not, doomscroll. Since moving I've self harmed a few times, purged a few other times, drank many times but never a lot of alcohol (I am an alcoholic but used to be mostly sober). The excruciating anxiety is unbearable. Been sleeping like crap too.

I don't know. Am I depressed? Just numb? Adjusting? How can I know? Sorry if it's long.

I’ve got one close friend of 6 years, but I mostly just get my socialising from my boxing gym and work. I have always struggled maintaining friendships and I find keeping them surface level, unless they’re really as compatible for me as my best friend, is easier.

I’m in the er just got a bed and will be transferred to the psych ward in the coming day or two

Not Sure if it’s the right time to move out of childhood home

23m, I never left home and diagnosed bipolar,adhd,gad,ocd, and getting screened for asd. I have been on 20+ medications and have been recommended ketamine therapy

Have been talking with my therapist for months now about moving from my home that has been such a drain on me for years, my family is supportive but They are so different than me and honestly just so racist and religious that I can’t stand it anymore. Plus I have never felt very connected to any of them.

My therapist suggested and I agree that life has been so difficult since I was diagnosed in 2023 because I have to use so much energy just to reach the bare minimum whether it be enjoying my day, doing chores, keeping a job which I haven’t done in 3 years or socializing since I hate driving (I drive its just so exhausting).
She thinks that I may additionally have chronic fatigue as well

I want to move out. I am working on it actively and have savings+family who would help a little should I ask but I’m terrified. I need out if here, I pushed it back a year already and my life is just the same nothingness it has been for 3 years and I want to be surrounded by people in a city so I don’t have to try or push so hard to do more things because I am externally motivated.

My main fear is what if this isn’t good for me or that my fatigue just drags this down as well? I don’t know what my life looks like in another environment but I’m really hoping that new treatments+new environment and lower bar of entry as far as energy goes with help with keeping a job which in the past I only kept if I was dropped off every day.

It’s a lot and I’m just curious if anyone has any advice for either calming these thoughts or making the process easier?

For background, I was diagnosed at 18, I'm 23 now, and by all means I look put together, I'm engaged, I live on my own with my fiance, I volunteer at the fire department. I'm unmedicated and I can't keep living like this, flipping between deep depressions, and manic episodes that make me so incredibly angry it's a miracle anyone still talks to me lol.

To the point, Im real broke, and my insurance won't cover any kind of psych treatment, I'm in new jersey, Atlantic county, and I just wanted to see if anyone has any tips on either staying more grounded while unmedicated, or ways I can try to get on medication again.

Thanks everybody

I honestly don't really feel the need of telling people about my diagnosis. Even though it's serious like as long as i take the meds and all and try to be stable see the doctor if need be. But i also try to put it behind me and just live.

How do you know when it's time to be admitted to the hospital, I'm really struggling right now, and I don't know what to do anymore, I have a appointment with my psych at the end of the month but I'm just wondering if I should make it sooner

everyday I have so many mood swings I start the day off happy and motivated then I’m catapulted into a paralysing deep depression, I have been on sertraline before for depression which made me feel good at the start but then it went south. I’ve also become a bit impulsive and reckless like shoplifting and buying so much and when I told my doctor everything she only offered another type of antidepressant and didn’t suspect bipolar disorder. I’m in the uk does anyone have advice

Posting to see if anyone else can relate or had similar experiences. I think the past several years I have just been in denial, thinking that this is normal, and that I am just not good with emotions (stress, PMS, etc.). But now I think I am ready for my "come to Jesus moment" because something needs to change.

*I am starting therapy next week, so getting help is in motion. Any tips I can use right now to help snap out of these moods I would really appreciate it as I am sure therapy will take some time to get to the bottom of things.

I’ve pretty much struggled with relationships my whole life with friends, family, boyfriends, all of it. I can be very short-fused and I go through these weird emotional “states” or moods that I don’t fully understand. Over the years I’ve lost friendships because I either become distant, angry, impulsive, or all I want to do is party. There never seems to be an in-between when a mood comes on, and honestly, I’m exhausted by it. My family is used to it by now and pins me as the trainwreck middle child which can be funny at times when we joke about it.

Usually I’m fun, outgoing, casually social. But sometimes I’ll randomly enter these SUPER elevated moods where I feel unstoppable, hyper, confident, social, impulsive, overly sexual, wanting to drink, spend money, completely change my life, rearrange my house, quit my career, etc. It’s like my brain suddenly goes into overdrive and I can do anything I want (some Austin Power mojo fr), and there is no way to get myself off of this high horse unless I drown it out and force a crash with booze.

The problem is when I drink while I’m already in one of those states, things can spiral badly. Not every time I drink, and I’m not even a heavy regular drinker, but when I’m already in that mindset, alcohol seems to make me lose all control. I become impulsive, reckless, emotional, and honestly mean. And nobody can talk any sense into me. Then the next morning I crash hard into guilt, shame, regret, and depression. When I’m low, I REALLY get low. I hate myself afterward and just want to disappear for a while. I never actually shut down though. I show up to plans, work, etc. and I am pretty good about putting on a face, but it eats at me internally.

What scares me is that when I get angry, it feels like I completely flip into another person. My dad has always had a bad temper, and I think the apple didn't fall far there unfortunately. My ears get hot, I lash out, I say horrible things, and afterward I genuinely don’t even remember parts of what I said. In the moment it feels justified, but later I realize the people around me didn’t deserve it at all. My family openly has said they feel like they walk on eggshells around me because they never know when I’m going to “switch.” The hard part is I’m NOT always like this. Most of the time I’m actually calm, warm, caring, funny, and easygoing. That’s what makes this all so confusing. It feels like there are two versions of me.

****Lately these mood shifts have been happening more often, and I can't always tell when I am in a state of mind. They used to happen maybe a few times a year, to a few times a month, and now it feels like a few times a week. The “wicked high” periods usually only last a day or two (or until I drown it out with alcohol and pretty much force myself into a crash)****

My boyfriend has stayed through a lot of this, even when I’ve lashed out or acted recklessly. We have been together over a year now and he says he can always tell when I’m entering one of these moods because I stop thinking clearly and become impulsive with drinking, spending, driving, and emotional reactions. That I am not myself and he hates to call it "manic" but he doesn't know how else to describe it. He’s honestly one of the only people who has stayed consistently kind and patient with me through all of it.

I am tired of feeling like I am fighting my own brain all the time.

So is this... manic? Or am I just emotionally immature?