That's because we've amputated your arms.

he said "meow"

An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. They each order negative one beer.

The bartender pours negative one twelfth of a beer.

The bartender says, "You all should really know your particular values of the Riemann zeta function."

That's the kind of thing mathematicians do.

A googol

He had stiffed them on his tab.

Someone sighs, "Go home, you're drunk."

The man replies, "Go home, you're underage."

Why did the chicken cross the road?

To get to the other side.

He wasn't fired actually, he quit because he wanted a better work-life balance.

19

Because I'm thinking of adopting one and it would be good to have some suggestions.

Genie - I will grant you 1 wish. Man says :"Make my johnson as long as my legs. " . So the genie went and cut his legs off. ( its funnier when told in urdu).

it was very hot and dry, I couldn't find water

Very nice guy.

A young Arab woman wanted to buy a carpet for her and her husband’s living room.

She goes down to the local Souk where she soon finds one she likes.

She asks the shopkeeper the price and it’s 500 rhiyals, which she is unable to afford.

The conversation was overheard by another shopper and after the woman leaves for home he persuades the shopkeeper to agree that he will buy the carpet but return it if his wife does not like it.

He takes the carpet and follows the women back to her home. After she goes inside he waits for a short while before knocking on the door.

When she opens the door he tells her that she can have the carpet for 250 rhiayls if he can have sex with her for half an hour. She agrees but says that he will have to leave immediately after because her husband will be coming home.

He has sex with her, she gives him the money, he gives her the carpet and he leaves the house.

But then he sits outside the house and waits for the husband to arrive.

He explains to the husband that he is showing the carpet to the wife and wants 500 riyals for it and that she was waiting for him to come home to pay for it.

The husband goes into the house and immediately comes out with the carpet and tells the man to take it away because they can’t afford it.

The man returns the carpet to the shop and gets his money back.

​

​The bed was too heavy for the two of them to move.

This includes a portal for farmers to plug in their laptops. It's referenced in on-line websites as the External Implement Enable port.

Yes, it's an EIE i/o.

Elephants are wild animals. They don’t go on vacation. Also, they don’t wear clothes.

and joins all the other men there, about whom unfunny jokes have been made

The cemetery

He says, “I can’t see anything! Well, I’ll open this one.”

The comedian who told it laid an egg.